Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

[missalexandra]

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

madem sorry you're feeling low at the moment

AFM well i've just about survived the 6 month mark, although i did have a proper wobble at Ben's grave, poor DH had to deal with me. He commented that i'd not got upset at the grave like that in a while, and when i told him why he confessed that it'd slipped his mind that today was 6 months (i'd already assumed that seeing as he's rubbish with dates at the best of times). I bought a new blue candle for the wave of light, and it's still burning strong, for some reason i'm not wanting to blow it out

Love to all you lovely ladies xx

Just a quickie to say I lit my candle and am thinking of you all.

Am still feeling crappy and anxiety is creeping back! will check in properly when I'm not so fuzzy headed.

Big hugs to everyone x

Kayleigh, I have a special candle for F and I always find it difficult to blow it out. Hugs to you x

Earth F's candle sounds lovely, i got Ben's from the florist's we get his grave flowers from, it's a lovely bright blue. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and blow it out soon, as need to go to bed so i'm with it enough to get Jessie and Brian ready for school in the morning.

Sending all the mummies a hug and i hope you all have a gentle night xx

Lit my candle here too. Thinking of all our little ones and holding them in my heart.

Hi everyone

Sorry for the late reply!

Missa, glad the echo went well, wht was your final decision on the wc vaccine? I had decided firmly against it but am now swaying again!

Critter, how is doug doing?

Betty, from the sounds of it I am different to everyone else on here, I couldn't seem to escape all the councillers etc from the hospital to the point it was upsetting me, they were always ringing asking if I needed to go in. I am a very private person and don't like talking about things in person so really didn't want counselling. Once I had managed to get them to stop contacting me mil was on my back trying to get me to see a private one . I did have accupuncture and found it amazing but I did a lot of research before I chose the person to do it. I also believe that the accupuncture contributed to me getting pg again, probably nonsense I know but I like to think that

Blue hope your mom is ok and your settling in nicely

Kayleigh, how is Brian doing? Hope your feeling ok now, I found the 6 month mark very difficult too

Madem, hope your ok too x

ATM how have you been? Did you find out the sex or are you having a surprise?

I have now finished work, I sat there most the day obsessing over movements (were having work done on the house ATM so there's nothing for me to do to keep occupied ) but as someone suggested on here before I got myself a little notepad and jot down each time I feel him moving, it really has been a massive help so thank you to who that was! Am still battling with a cold!

Waves and hugs to everyone x

ducky Brian is doing ok, thanks, we've got another meeting at school with all his doctors on Tuesday. I'm doing ok i think, i keep having little wobbles and my mind wouldn't shut down last night but i'm ok. I'm glad jotting down the movements has been helping, and i hope your cold soon goes

Waves to all xx

Ducky I'm glad jotting down the movements helps! How many weeks are you now? Not long to go, surely?
MissA I'm thinking of you lots, so glad the last scan was good...

Kayleigh fingers crossed for both of us this cycle... I am glad Brian is doing well at school and you're getting more meetings and adjusted care. Sorry you had a tough night last night.

I'm in bed now, trying to end today. I met up with a friend who is due the same week I should be. It was ok, she was very sensitive about it and didn't mention it at all, but I totally collapsed when I got home. Thankfully dd still naps so she didn't witness it and I managed to keep it together from when she woke up, but DH is away tonight and I'm alone with my thoughts and my very empty belly.... At least it's all warm and cosy and I'm tucked up in bed with lots of magazines and a lovely scented candle burning.
I bought a lovely babygro and hat from jojomamanbebe the other day; it's white with lots of embroidered rainbows.... It's in my wardrobe so I can see it every morning and it gives me hope for a rainbow baby. This shall be his/her 'coming home' outfit! I'm trying to project positive thoughts into the world and visualising happy days ahead for us. Mostly I am managing but I do find that I am constantly exhausted at the moment and that everything is harder than normal. I guess it's what people call the 'new normal'... Getting used to loving life with grief.

I hope everyone is doing as ok as can be and I'm sending love to the two recent additions to this world, as well as to all the soon to be here rainbow babies and all the mamas x

• getting used to LIVING life with grief. I'm not sure I'll ever get as far as loving it whilst grieving!

Glad Brian is doing well Kayleigh

Madem, so sorry you've had a difficult time that is a lovely idea about the rainbow outfit

I'm 30 weeks now! Felt like forever to get here but looking back it's flown by!

X

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you this cycle madem as i'm certain i'm out of the running so to speak. I love the babygro with the rainbows on- it sounds lovely, and if it give you hope that can only be a good thing. Although i'm sorry you had a difficult time after meeting your friend.

xx

I allowed myself to wallow, which j hadn't done in a while. Dangerous! Feeling much stronger today and DH is being fantastic.
What is everyone up to? I've started Xmas shopping to spread the cost. I know it just means I'll get three times as much!
Xx

Ohhh m I started last month! Everyone moans at me but they complain come December when they're all running round in a panic and I'm relaxing! I'm almost done now!

My due date is actually Xmas day but il be induced before

Oh, a Christmas baby

Kayleigh my DH is absolutely rubbish at remembering dates too, in the end I made him sit down one day and we put all the important ones into his phone with a reminder. Hope your meeting with Brians school goes well on Tuesday

Earth its lovely to hear M has brought back happiness into your life, its so hard to imagine how we can be ever happy again after what we've been through and great to hear from those that have weathered the storm and are now enjoying the rainbow

Ducky really glad the notebook thing works for you, it certainly does for me and I think a few others too. We finally decided not to have the vaccine, the midwife suggeted that both DH and I both have it a few days after the birth so we cant catch it and pass it to him. Not sure whether we'll do that, but for the time being I'm going to have to stop obsessing about having made the wrong decision. Cant believe youve got all your Xmas shopping done already!

Madem so sorry youve been having a rubbish time lately, I actually think a few days wallowing can sometimes be good, sort of get it out of your system (not that we'll ever get this nightmare out of our systmes but ykwim). Love the sound of your rainbow babygro.

Giraffes dont know if you have recently lost your little one, but we'd love to hear about him/her if you feel like posting

AFM had the latest growth scan and NST yesterday, and the baby is still growing too big too fast. Now she says they are also worried about the amount of amniotic fluid, apparently what with the XXL baby and so much fluid she says that could cause my waters to break too early which could lead to cord probs...and if they do go I have to get to the hospital ASAP and not even hang around for DH to get home. This coming week is when everything went wrong with A so its going to be a tough one. Wish I could just hibernate till its all over one way or another.

Waves to everyone x

missa i'd try your suggestion with DH's phone, but he takes no notice of his phone most of the time, i often wonder why he bothers having one . Sorry the latest scan has given you more worries, i'm sending hugs

xx

Oh gosh missA, there's no such thing as an easy ride fur you here, is there? I'm so sorry that everything seems to be so scary and querying and the opposite of straightforward. What's their plan for you then? Will you be monitored this week? Do you work? I ask because of you don't, you actually could hibernate, kind of? I'm sending you good vibes and strength, I hope the next few weeks fly by for you xxx

*worrying, not querying!

MissA, I'm so sorry you have more to worry about. If you can hibernate, I would. Cancel all non essential things and lie in bed and hide under the covers if you can. I really hope the next scan/appointment brings better news. Are you far from the hospital?

Oh no missa! It most certainly hasn't been easy for you look after yourself this coming week, I will be thinking of you.

I have passed the week somethig 'went wrong' as they said but next week for me will mark the week where we found out we had lost dd

X

Oh good luck with that,Ducky. I am sure the memories are flowing back. Please be kind and gentle on yourself and take it as easy as you can. We are all here to listen if necessary x

ducky i hope the coming week isn't too awful for you, i'll be thinking of you xx

Thinking of all of you guys, especially ducky and missa. You have both been so strong with these pregnancies, you are doing so well.

madem sorry you are having a sad time. The little baby gro sounds lovely, something to focus on. Really hope your bfp is coming soon.

Thinking of you Ducky and MissA, sending you virtual strength and support x

Thanks guys x

For those of you with rainbows/carrying rainbows, how do you react when someone starts telling you about what to expect in labor and tips for labor? Or things like that. If it has happened to you of course. When out the other day we saw someone we know (only know them in passing so they didn't know about dd) they noticed I was pg and started telling me all about what I can expect. I started to panic and didn't know how to react so just smiled then walked off. I felt like screaming that I have already done it once so am well aware