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Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

995 replies

missalexandra · 09/09/2014 18:16

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

OP posts:
BettyFriedansLoveChild · 08/10/2014 18:21

Wow, Blue, congratulations! Am very, very happy for you. Will raise a glass to you, your rainbow and your angel this evening x

EarthWindAnd9 · 08/10/2014 19:02

Blue that's amazing! Enjoy the gazing and cuddles and snuggles. I'm very very happy for you. Sending love to the Blue family tonight x

LittleTulip · 08/10/2014 19:02

Congratulations Blue!

EarthWindAnd9 · 08/10/2014 19:03

Critter, I'm glad the dog is helping you to smile, like Ruby I think they can be very therapeutic (and they force you out of the house for fresh air!)

OwlinaTree · 08/10/2014 19:24

Congratulations blue! Love to you and the new baby and your family.

CritterPants · 08/10/2014 19:26

Oh blue what lovely news, welcome to the world little L. Flowers I love hearing that your little one has arrived safely. Hope you enjoy lots and lots of magical newborn snuggles and gazing and marvelling.

ruby that story about the rainbow made me feel a bit teary, how beautiful. When I see rainbows I think of my little guy out there in the universe somewhere, I feel that must have been a sign of H's love wrapping you and her little sister up. Great news that E is chubbing up.

littletulip how are you doing sweetheart? Are you about to do another cycle?

Love to everyone else.

LakeOfDreams · 08/10/2014 20:13

Congratulations blue what fabulous news!!

missalexandra · 08/10/2014 21:57

So very happy for the Blue family !!! Enjoy every single moment and snuggle, you so deserve them Flowers Flowers Flowers

OP posts:
MademoiselleG · 08/10/2014 22:26

Blue, what fabulous news. Congratulations and cheers to a healthy and beautiful rainbow!!

Ruby, I can't remember if I congratulated you already so just in case: congratulations again and I'll raise another glass for you and baby Elise.

Critter, I'm thinking of you and sending all sorts of positive vibes your way. You're so strong.

Sorry I've gone awol. Not too sure why really, just seem to need some time off at the moment. I'm kind of 10dpo I think, if I can trust FF. I'm just feeling a little flat. I kind of know we will end up having another baby at some point in our lives, but currently I just can't deal with all the stress of ttc and worrying and temping and testing. I mean, I do it ALL, of course, but I just really wish I could be numbed until all is well. Or know when that will be. I'm being patient and tired of being patient at the same time. So very garbled - apologies. Thank you all for just being such wonderful support ThanksThanks

OwlinaTree · 09/10/2014 11:35

Hi guys, i've finally done a synopsis of the panorama for those who want to know what it was about.

Hopefully this link will work... here it is

EarthWindAnd9 · 09/10/2014 16:09

Thanks so much Owl, that's really useful. What did you think of it? I watched snippets and just felt really sad/heavy hearted/angry. I know your little girl died during labour so it was perhaps not strictly relevant-could any pregnancy screening have predicted it and saved her?
I'm gobsmacked that this research isn't prioritised, we have one of the worst rates in the developed world. Why do we have to lose a baby before we get additional care? Sorry, just general ramblings from me!

Blue-continuing to think of you and L x

kayleighferrie1985 · 09/10/2014 17:34

mademoiselle i can relate to how you're feeling. This month will be 6 months since Ben, and i was hoping against hope that i'd be pregnant again by now, and while i know you can't rush these things i'm getting more and more disheartened with each cycle passing. I came to a decision the other day- i'm now not actively ttc, if it happens this month then that's great, if not, there's always next month. I appreciate it's nowhere near that straightforward for some people, but for me something has to give before i lose my marbles.

earth i know what you mean regarding the panorama programme, i too was baffled why women have to lose a baby before extra care is even offered. And the extra care that was mentioned during the programme doesn't cost that much extra. When i was telling one of my friends about it she went as far as to say she'd happily pay out of her own pocket for the extra doppler scans even though both her babies were fine. I did have an interesting discussion with my mum about it all though as i'd mentioned that you can get count the kicks app on your phone, but that i'm not sure they'd be any use to me as Ben was still very active the night before he was born, so unsure whether it would be a reassurrance to me.

Waves to all

OwlinaTree · 09/10/2014 19:26

I remember the frustration of trying to her pregnant again kayleigh it's so tough. It's so easy to let it rule everything, you are doing so well to try to keep it low key. I really hope it happens for you soon, and you madem.

critter I'm thinking of you, hope the little frosties bring you your little one soon. Sounds like the dog is keeping you busy in the meantime!

missa hope you are OK, any decision on your care yet?

earth I think it was 'easier' for me to watch because my daughter was not still born. I actually had the measurement chart monitoring as I live in the west mids. One thing my consultant said this time was that it was possible she had stopped growing, she was around 6lb at 38 weeks. This is not very small though. I'm with you though, why does the worst have to happen for women to get this level of monitoring? It's not exactly asking for masses more really, the Doppler scan as an extra at the two scans seems like an obvious step forward. Let's hope this research moves it forward.

EarthWindAnd9 · 09/10/2014 19:41

Sorry owl, I was getting confused, I meant it was the labour that caused her to die rather than died during labour, I know you had a couple of precious days with her.

Kayleigh, you sound more sane than me. You're doing well, your rainbow will come.

Thinking of everyone else xx

CritterPants · 09/10/2014 19:52

Owlina thanks so much for summarising that. I can't watch those programmes so I really appreciate you summing it up.
Is a doppler scan an internal scan with the wand thing? I've had so many of those with IVF, I wouldnt have batted an eyelid at it.

Ugh at the growth chart thing - my belly measurements stopped around 38 weeks but they told me it was probably because he was dropping lower. It's so hard because for the vast majority of women it's fine - and I felt my son move two hours before he was born. It's just that on the rare occasions when it's not fine it's such a disaster, completely life-changingly awful.

There are so many what ifs with all this - I knew about the count the kicks thing, my mum had a stillbirth, but still I never dreamt in a million years that my son would die. I look at other people's babies and literally cannot believe that almost all of them arrive safely with no problems. How can it be that most children come into the world living, healthy, totally fine? It genuinely amazes me.

kayleigh Longterm TTC is awful, it really is, and when grief is added to the mix it's a proper turd sandwich. I feel your pain. I'm trying to deal with it by filling my life with other distractions (and a beautiful beagle mix with soulful eyes and a soft tummy). I think you're dealing with all the stresses in your life brilliantly, by the way - I know how difficult it is and what a lot you have on your plate.

madem I am so sorry to hear you've had a painful time of things recently. I wish I could wish away this awful time for you.

OwlinaTree · 09/10/2014 20:08

The Doppler scan was looking at the blood flow through the cord and the placenta. It was done externally.

OwlinaTree · 09/10/2014 20:17

I think that's one of the problems critter, for the vast majority of women it is fine. I too look at other women with babies and can't believe that it is usually so straight forward. I'm glad it is, of course.

BettyFriedansLoveChild · 09/10/2014 20:32

Thanks for summarising that owl, it was interesting reading. At the enquiry into my daughter's death we actually asked if third trimester scanning would have made any difference to the outcome (I had a sudden placental abruption at 35 weeks), but were told that it almost certainly wouldn't have. Even though it may not have made a difference in my case, it does seem mad that 3rd trimester doppler scans aren't routinely used, given that they seem to have had such an impact on reducing the stillbirth rate in that one hospital. I think that in many other European countries a third scan is routinely done (going on what Spanish and French friends have said).

I handed my thesis in today, and have suddenly crashed emotionally. Finishing had been so tied up with the idea of 'O' being born - earlier this year I was stressing myself out trying to get it done before she came, then she came a month early and died. Realistically I know that if she had lived it would still be lying on my desk unfinished, so finishing is really tinged with sadness. DP away with work, so am alone with my thoughts this evening. Just so exhausted with everything, its been an awful year - as well as losing 'O', DP's dad is really ill and has just started chemo, so we have been worried about him as well. Miss 'O' so much, its almost palpable how much I miss her at the moment. DD1 keeps talking about her too, trying to include her in her games, is always picking flowers for her, pretending to carry her round, etc. It's almost as if we have a ghost-baby in our lives; it reminds me of the novel Beloved.

Anyway, enough of the self-indulgent post. Blue's news made us very happy in our household last night, and I'm looking forward to reading about all the other rainbows over the next few months. MissA - 32 weeks already - that seems to have gone quickly (probably not for you though), and Ducky - sorry that the anxiety levels are still so high, I hope that your caregivers are being good about giving you extra reassurance scans etc.

Hugs to all x

OwlinaTree · 09/10/2014 20:59

Well done for completing the thesis Betty, how you have managed to do so is beyond me, you've done so well. I'm so sorry you are feeling emotionally low, it sounds like you are having a terrible time, I'm so sorry to hear about your fil. It does hit you all over again at times I find. Sending you good wishes and Thanks.

BettyFriedansLoveChild · 09/10/2014 21:14

Thanks owl, it's nice to know that someone is listening on a bad night like tonight x

Ducky23 · 09/10/2014 22:11

Betty well done on getting your thesis done, sorry about fil. Thanks

I have been having a low day today and had a little panic, I was quite positive up until the other week, now I'm panicking that the same will happen ConfusedConfusedConfused had a bad experience at the hospital today too whilst having my ctg (everything appears fine at the moment) but these things just set me back a bit Confused

Hope your recovering blue and enjoying your beautiful rainbow Grin x

Waves to everyone x

OwlinaTree · 09/10/2014 22:20

Try to keep positive ducky, it's so easy to say, so hard to do. You are being so strong for your little one. Glad everything is fine with the baby.

CritterPants · 09/10/2014 22:43

betty I'm here too, it's not late here yet. Flowers I am so sorry your father in law is suffering too, and I can imagine that finishing your thesis has brought up a lot of painful physical emotions. I know that feeling, where you can feel the sadness like a physical weight in your throat and chest. I'm so sorry my love, and you're not being self indulgent at all.

ducky sorry you had a stressful day at the hospital, I can imagine how scary it must be at this stage. Thinking of you.

CritterPants · 09/10/2014 22:45

[owl] ah, thanks for explaining... I don't know if I had that scan. I stupidly wanted everything to be super low key and low intervention Hmm even though I'm in a country where I could have gone mega-conservative with my antenatal care. Won't be doing that again.

EarthWindAnd9 · 09/10/2014 23:25

Betty, well done on your thesis, I know I couldn't have done anything intellectually challenging in the months after F died so you have my admiration. I'm not surprised it is tinged with sadness too, my DH was in a similar position with an exam for his job. I'm sorry your DH is away tonight. We are here though x

Ducky, sorry the anxiety seems to taking a tighter grip on you and that things were difficult at the hospital today. Keep going, you can do it, one hour at a time, you will get there. My DH used to say to me that worrying wouldn't change anything, I don't know if that might help you? Personally it made me want to clobber him round the head with a frying pan, so it didn't work for me!

Critter, I've come across a few ladies who've had IVF and then wanted a non interventional birth, and I can understand why.
When I was pg with F I wanted the midwife led unit and water birth etc etc and now I shudder at the thought of being more than 5ft away from a consultant and an operating room. Perspectives change don't they, neither is wrong, or right for that matter, our choices are products of our experiences.