Anyone got pregnant with no.1 very quickly bit struggling with no.2?

[tattyteddy]

Hello,

Was just wondering whether anybody has had a similar experience?

When trying for first child got pregnant the first month, however that ended in MC. Luckily I got pregnant again with DD after first month of trying again.

DD is now three, we would have started TTC sooner but I went back I Uni and I'm due to finish in November.

We have been trying for 5 months and no luck, worried that I've left it too late as I'm now 37.

[BobsyBoo]

I'm 38 so I worry I've left it to late & I've thought about giving up because I don't know how I can go through this again been worst month ever because I was convinced it was IB because exactly same thing happened that did when I was pg with DD.

You never know tattyteddy it might just be too early to test.

What exactly is IUI? I've not been offered it but I'm going to make an appointment at the docs next week this was 19th try so something must be wrong somewhere. OH's very low sex drive doesn't help & me therefore getting stressed out at having to get him in the mood for DTD. He was so unsupportive when I told him I wasn't pg I was crying & he couldn't put his arms around me, we ended up having a huge row. We've had a talk now & I've said we need to DTD every other day mid-cycle & he's agreed but when it comes to it he'll be 'too tired' or something far better on the TV!

We went to friends for drinks last night & there were other people there we didn't know already & one had a baby bump just no getting away from it! I stupidly went on FB the other day & was faced with a pic of a new born baby, their first baby a couple of years younger than my DD. I have to face my pregnant colleague at work every day who got pg with her second straight after starting trying, another friend is pg with second her first 18 months younger than mine. The wife of a friend of OH's is pg with their fourth which was unplanned. Within a few weeks my cousin & his wife will be announcing the arrival of their second, their first is only just 2. It's not that I'm not happy for others I'm just gutted for myself.

Sorry I've really let of steam but I've had a really rough few days!

Good luck with the results toast

[Shellster52]

Bobsy, I certainly know the feeling of starting to resent DH! My hubby says there's nothing wrong with him even after his semen analysis showed 100% abnormal sperm! Comforting to know that it's not my man in particular but just all men and their macho attitude.

IUI stands for intra uterine insemination. Basically, they wash the sperm, insert a catheter through your cervix, and inject the sperm straight in. Might help if you have hostile CM that is killing the sperm, or if DH has poor swimmers and this procedure gets them a bit closer to the egg so they don't have to swim so far.

Did your hubby used to have a sex drive before this TTC business. My hubby used to always initiate sex and it was me coming up with excuses. But now he never initiates and when we had an argument about this whole thing, he said he feels like it's putting pressure on him as it's all about making a baby. Just can't wait for this to be over and see if things return to normal.

Tatty, it took us a year to conceive our first child which was probably a sign then that things weren't optimal. From an objective viewpoint, getting pregnant the first month of trying - twice, and it's only been 5 months now sounds like you have much better odds than me. But I totally get the age concern and I am glad to hear that you are seeing a GP and getting the ball rolling.

[BobsyBoo]

Shellster52 It's starting problems between us it's like it's ok for there to be something wrong with me but there can't possibly be anything wrong with him! I'm getting to the end of my tether with him. I'm finding it tough & stressful after 19 months & got so upset on Friday but he just can't support me emotionally & says he's just as upset. I suggested him cutting down on drinking coffee & he said "so I can't even have a cup of coffee now"!

Oh right thanks for that information. We don't know yet what the problem is but it is definitely worth thinking about.

We were only together a few months when I got pg with DD & we didn't DTD much while I was pregnant as I felt ill throughout my pregnancy. We didnt for 2 years after I had DD & only started again to TTC. Looking back he did use to instigate sex in the very early days when he'd had a drink but since then it's normally me that instigates it especially since TTC. He says I'm obsessive & I've put us both under pressure but he doesn't get that the pressure is there! There's only 2 days a month you can fall pg & his lack of cooperation is making me feel under more pressure. He's even accused me of only wanting him to have another baby. If I'm honest I blame him for making TTC so difficult & therefore me not getting pg. I know he definitely wants another so I just don't get way he's making it so difficult.

[tattyteddy]

Hello everyone, sorry for not replying sooner - having been writing the dreaded dissertation!

I think AF is definitely on the way today, I've had some spotting.

Bobsy, I was thinking if you were eligible for IUI it may be a way around your partners low sex drive? As it kind takes sex out of the equation. My DH and I sometimes struggle to DTD as often as we should cause we are tired.

I see people on their second baby too and it does make me feel sad. I just think am I never going to get that again? I've had similar experiences of people having two in between me having my DD. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave that would mean BFPs for us all.

[BobsyBoo]

Sorry tattyteddy the dreaded spotting! My body is still messing around after starting AF properly on Friday night (so I thought) there's not been much over the weekend at all just watery brown (sorry if TMI) and nothing through the night but pale blood this morning! Still been thinking IB over the weekend clutching at straws I know. I've been feeling so tired for the past week or so I thought that was a symptom but its probably down to stress.

Yes that thought crossed my mind too but I don't know how he'd react to that. We're tired too, OH is up at 5am for work but I still end up going to bed earlier than him. Never thought TTC could be so difficult.

I know I need to be more positive but when AF arrives it takes all positivity away & I can't help thinking that I'll never have another. I've got a book about trying to get pregnant & it's all about positive thinking which is good but when I feel like this I can't get in the frame of mind to think positive.

I've just ordered a thermometer so I'm going to give temping a go too & hopefully next time we will manage DTD more regularly.

Let's hope for a BFP next time for us.

[Shellster52]

Bobsy, my husband is exactly the same in saying that I only want to have sex to have another baby. I am not enjoying having sex on command either but this situation of us having trouble conceiving is a two partner job so of course he bloody has to co-operate and have sex to have another baby.

Tatty, count me as a third for seeing people on their second baby. My sister is currently 23 weeks pregnant and it's very difficult. I had a really bad experience at the hospital where I gave birth and they took my son away from me so I couldn't breastfeed and my milk supply was really low. I had to supplement with formula and at 3 months it got too much doing both so I stopped breast feeding. I spent a lot of time researching the perfect hospital and my sister is actually booked into that hospital. So it's a real sting knowing she is going where I want to be and it will be even more of a sting if she is breastfeeding as that is the part of mother hood I missed out on and it's hard having it shoved in my face.

She was actually even on the pill and continued to take it until about 7 weeks when she realised she was pregnant. The pill is linked to lower intelligence and even autism. She has no idea of this pill side effect but I know someone who took the morning after pill and it didn't work so she kept the baby but he had autism... so I secretly have some consolation in the thought that something will be wrong. How horrible is that! I am 3 years into TTC and this is what it is doing to me! Sorry for the long rant, but just thought I might feel better if I get it off my chest.

[BobsyBoo]

Shellster Exactly they just can't see it. My OH wants another baby but makes excuses when it comes to TTC & I'm the same I'm already dreading having to try this cycle. My OH said awful things to me that I'm obsessive, all I care about is getting pregnant & I don't care about him & DD. He is so unsupportive & it's been a really tough few days getting my hopes up that I was pg then to find out that I'm not he's not shown one bit of understanding or support.

I understand, it's not easy to be happy for others & found myself feeling upset at all these pregnancy announcements of second babies or even third all had their first similar time or after I had DD. I have to face my pregnant work colleague every day she got pg straight after coming off the pill to try her first is 2 years younger than mine.

[slightlyconfused85]

Hello everyone. We are trying for number 2, but so far it hasn't been as easy as 'surprise' DD who is now coming up for 22 months. I thought I may have hit the jackpot a couple of weeks ago as I had itchy boobs and some other phantom symptoms , but no, AF turned up after a 31 day cycle when we were on holiday :-( I've calculated that with a roughly 30 day cycle it would be Sensible to DTD lots this weekend coming, but DP goes on a business trip for 10 days on Sunday! So maybe Saturday will be the day ;-)

Got two friends from my original baby friends pregnant; delighted for them but becoming a bit stressed that I've got an unknown problem...

[TopC]

Hello ladies, may I join you all.

I have a six (nearly seven) year old son from a previous relationship and got pregnant the first time we had sex - I was that girl!

And now seven years later with a wonderful husband who totally adores my son and I - we cant have a baby. We've been trying for three years. Well, I've been off the pill for three years and we've been actively trying for at least 18 months now - and temping for the past three cycles.

It is gutting that I finally have this wonderful husband and we can't have a baby together. His sperm has 2% normal morphology and slightly suboptimal motility which is probably our main problem. Combine it with cycles of 45-50 days and it's a slow old process.

I am finding it difficult to remain positive that we will manage by ourselves but am loathe to spend £££ on ivf with no guarantee we will have a baby at the end. Also resisting doing it until the husband ups his activity level. I'm doing the acupuncture/herbs/eating well/blood tests etc and feel like he could keep his end of the bargain. It's very hard for everyone.

We have our first app with a private fertility clinic next Tuesday as I want to know our best options. The first clinic (an NHS appointment) said ICSI was our only hope but the andrologist that did my hubby's sperm test was horrified we were told that and stated on his last test that 'statistically' we have enough sperm (even with the dodgy morphology) to get pregnant ourselves. Hmmmm.

Anyway, I feel for you all and wish you all future BFPs very soon.

[tattyteddy]

I totally agree that it's a two person job, so it's not fair putting all the emphasis on the woman. If they want a baby they need to put the work In too!

Hello slightly and topc, welcome to the thread.

I think the TTC when all around you are doing it easily can be annoying and we shouldn't beat ourselves up about being slightly resentful. When I started TTC no.2 I thought it would be as easy as one trying for no.1!

I was saying to DH we should book a sking holiday, to tempt fate!

[toastbuster]

Hello to slightlyconfused and TopC.

Shellster - and that is why anonymous sites like this exist. Support from people you don't really know, but who you can be completely honest with. Weird things come into your head when you are stressed.

And completely agree that it is hard DTD so regularly - hard for anyone, but add in pressures of work, having other children to look after, the emotional stress of wanting it to be successful. I am lucky in that my husband is pretty supportive (so far) but we definitely do not find it easy. I think it's a big step to realise that after years of Hollywood versions of DTD, DTD is sometimes not very romantic AT ALL.

TopC - I might try acupuncture - is it relaxing at least?

I am now in TWW, but very very unoptimistic. Boobs already sore - bad sign. Until about a month after starting TTC they only got sore occasionally, and immediately before AF. Now they get sore ages in advance. All fuel to my theories about hormone imbalance. Have just had the day 21 test though, so may get some actual info on that.

Might book a ski holiday actually - love that idea!

[Shellster52]

Bobsy, our men just don't get it do they. That's hurtful to say you don't care about DD. When I tell people of my troubles, the often heard reply is 'be grateful you have one'. They mean well and are just coming up with something to say, but it makes me feel like wanting number two means I don't love number one enough.

TopC, interesting that you were told you have enough sperm to get pregnant yourselves. My husband had 98% abnormal morph too and I was told this would be the main reason I hadn't conceived. IT has since gone to 100% and won't budge. Four ICSI attempts later and still no success.

Tatt and toast, thanks for the reassurance that it's okay to be slightly resentful and that I can vent here. I felt bad even posting my horrible thoughts here but nice to get it off my chest to those who understand.

Yes, you often hear of people forgetting and taking holidays and voila, pregnant. I have wondered this too, but I would be taking a holiday and planning it with ovulation and planning to have sex... hardly forgetting!

[BobsyBoo]

Shellster he's got worse we've had an awful row he says I'm obsessed with getting pregnant & it is all I care about!

I've had the worst few days ever & I'm so down & don't know how to move forward. I really thought I was pregnant, then thought I wasn't then back to thinking I was all because my stupid body has messed around with AF & I thought it was implantation bleeding! I'm absolutely gutted that AF has now arrived full flow. I've been so upset but OH has been completely unsupportive he still can't put his arms around me & comfort me & just has a go at me. I've no one to talk to & I dread going to work to have to face my pregnant colleague who got pregnant so easily with her second!

I don't know if I can carry on trying & go through this again but I still want another so much but I feel such a failure.

Sorry I've really had to vent I'm just so upset at the moment, OH & me aren't speaking.

[tattyteddy]

Oh Bobsy, I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so low. You know we are here for you to vent away at. Do you think it's time to pause and take stock of things?

[BobsyBoo]

Thanks tatty this month has been the worse by far. I wish I had the time to wait & have a few months off. I think I need to find a way to deal with not having another & accept what I've got my wonderful DD. It's not easy when she starts talking about brothers & sisters & the other night I heard her ask her dad for a brother & a sister, I feel I'm letting her down.

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

Can I join?

DD took 2 months.

Then trying for no.2 took 1 month but ended in a MC at the start of the year. We are now 5 months on and nothing. I had convinced myself that the MC wasn't so terrible because I would be pregnant again soon, certainly thought I would be pregnant again by the due date for the miscarriage so that it wouldn't be too horrible. But now I'm less than a month off the DD and no sign of BFP. It feels as though it's really dragging out getting over the MC.

One of the big things I am struggling with is planning. I feel life is on hold. I started the year expecting a baby in September and every month have been pushing out that expectation but in the meantime thinking there is no point in committing to new job, new projects, doing stuff round the house, holidays etc as I will be pregnant then. But then I'm not.

I guess, given the experiences here it means that I need to let go of these assumptions and just make plans and get on with life. But it's so HARD.

[BobsyBoo]

Hi ThinkAboutItTomorrow

Sorry to here about your MC.

I feel a bit like that, everything feels like 'what if I'm pregnant then' We've been through so many milestones like weddings and holidays and thought 'I'll be pregnant by then' or 'I'll have a baby by then' but nothing. DD's fourth birthday is coming up in a few weeks and still not pregnant, and I'm 38 so age is really not on my side.

I always wanted to have at least 2 children as I never wanted my child to be an only one. We have tried for 19 months now and nothing. Yes it is hard to get on with it.

[Shellster52]

Bobsy, I just feel awful for you. Men just don't seem to be on the same level. I personally try not to talk to my hubby too much about TTC as I don't want him to think I'm obsessed. Sometimes I get resentful that I can't talk about it. I should be able to speak about something that is important to me and have him support me! But now I hear your story and I think I am doing the right thing. I am exactly like you in thinking that I don't have time to 'relax and forget about it and see what happens' as I am not far behind you at 37. I am also right there with you in feeling like I am letting my son down by not providing him with a sibling to be close to. It's nice to have found a thread with someone in the exact situation as me. I post on the infertility forum, but most women don't have any children so I feel bad complaining on there when I have one and they would dream of being in my position.

Welcome Tomorrow. I understand the difficulty, although I am 3 years and 7 IVFs later without a hint of a BFP so to me, 5 months is a walk in the park! I really hope it does happen for you soon.

[BobsyBoo]

Thanks Shellster I'm having a very bad time with it all at the minute. No they're not on the same level at all. I'm thinking it's time to stop mentioning TTC & I have tried but I feel I need to prepare him for when it's time to try or I mention something else I've found that would help. Exactly that is how I feel that I should be able to talk to him he just doesn't feel the urgency that I do and doesn't seem to be bothered that it's been 19 months its like Oh well try again next month! He doesn't understand what he puts me through every month when I know it's the right time and I have to get him in the mood, he would never admit there's a problem with his sex drive. It's awful isn't I just feel so guilty and can't bear the though of my little girl growing up without a sibling. I never expected TTC would be so stressful, heart breaking and cause so many problems in my relationship with OH. Some people who conceive straight away probably don't know how lucky the are. I know I sound a bit resentful but I know so many people who are pregnant with second or already had their second and it happened very easily for them. Yes I'm glad to able to talk to someone in the same position too, it helps to know you're not alone and to talk to someone who understands exactly what you are going through.

[Shellster52]

Oh Bobsy, you don't sound resentful. It's how many women in our situation feel, and it's reassuring to have websites like this where I can hear other women like you freely express that so I know I am not alone and that I am not a total bitch in thinking bad things towards other women's pregnancies but that it's a normal result of this horrible situation we are in.

Did he used to have a problem with his sex drive, or has it gone down hill in the past 19 months? Do you only try to 'get him in the mood' when it's the right time of the month? So then he thinks 'Oh it's baby making time and she only wants me for that'. My husband said that to me and I try to initiate sex randomly throughout the month. I even tried to come up with some new ideas to make it fun again.

Sounds like you and hubby need to sit down and come to some sort of agreement when you are both in the frame of mind to have a conversation and not an argument that ends up in the silent treatment. Personally, at 38, I would really say get some medical assistance to make it happen before time runs out. I am assuming your husband would only think that means you are more obsessed and be more grumpy! Perhaps you could say something along the lines of "Yes, having another baby is important as I love DD so much and feel like I am letting her down (I said this to hubby to make him realize I am doing it for my son, and it's not about me me me). I want us to go back to having a normal relationship, and I feel I could do that if we got a medical opinion so that I can know whats wrong and either fix it or at least know you've given it your best and be able to move on and return to normal family life. Could he give you his support for say one year so that this can be accomplished and you can have the relationship back with him that you both want?"

Sorry if that sounds like pushy advice. I just feel so sorry for you and wish I could come over there and talk to your husband and fix it for you! Men! Meanwhile, I have seen my IVF Dr and am planning to go ahead with IVF again next cycle. I had and endometrial scraping two cycles ago and the Dr said it helps with implantation for 3 cycles so I want to do IVF next cycle before that time runs out. I have been to stalling telling my husband that obsessed me is doing IVF and he has to take another day off work to sprog in a cup again. I need to take my own advice and have a chat with my own husband.

[newbie6]

Hi all,

I've been watching this thread Nd so understand what you are all saying. I'm on TWW again but not overly optimistic. Have used the clearblue fertility monitor this time so hoping that might work! Am so fed up seeing pregnant ladies, I know that's bad cause I've no idea if they struggled to get pregnant but you just want it even more don't you! I think I am obsessing now, I didn't really think about having another as I'm high risk pregnancy but then my DH mentioned it Nd since then I'm determined to make it happen and like so many of you, see what a lovely sibling my DS would make and don't want to let him down. Even the nursery told me to have another as my DS is so good with babies, I could have cried!!!

Hoping we all get what we wish for soon x

[BobsyBoo]

I'm glad that I can talk to someone who understands Shellster OH cannot understand why others getting pregnant so easily with their second upsets me, he thinks I'm silly to get so upset. Its awful going in to work and not wanting to face someone because they are pregnant, I feel awful but it's hard for me knowing she got pregnant again so easily when I've been struggling for so long. Being able to chat to others on here has really helped.

Looking back I don't think he had such a great sex drive in the beginning, it was mostly me that instigated sex in the early days (unless he'd had a drink then he would), but it was better then now it takes ages to get him in the mood and I know that because we're doing it to TTC doesn't help. I would try at other times of the month because I want to be I don't tend to because it's that hard getting him in the mood at the 'right' time (and also stressful) that I don't. That sounds awful but it's not like he ever instigates it with me either. I've thought about trying new things but I don't think he'd be interested and I'm losing my confidence a bit now.

Yes we do, I have tried but he just seems to feel uncomfortable talking about it but I've thought for the last few days that we need to sit together and have a proper talk and both get everything off our chests. I'm going to see the doctor on Monday afternoon and I've also booked a Reflexology treatment for Friday morning as I believe that can be good for fertility. OH is fine with me going docs & for reflexology, I think its when I talk about others getting pregnant so easily & talk about us trying that he says I'm obsessed. My new thermometer arrived today so I'm going to start taking my temperature every day as well. I also got some more OPK's yesterday.

No it doesn't sound pushy at all, really we need to be a team working together to achieve another pregnancy, I'm going to find the right moment to have a proper chat to him. Aww thanks you're so lovely Yeh men eh!!

That sounds good then, so when do you start the next round of IVF? My fingers are well & truly crossed for you for. I hope you're hubby understands and cooperates for you, that is one thing I am dreading if my OH has to take a sample to the docs cannot imagine that happening somehow!

Thanks again for all you kind words

Hi Newbie The TWW wait is so hard, I had so many 'symptoms' last time but AF still showed her ugly head! I find it hard when out and about seeing families with 2 or 3 children never seem to see a couple with just one child unless it is a baby or very young child. That must have been so hard for you. My DD starts pre-school in September and when I went to her taster session all the other mums had other children and I kept getting asked the question 'do you have any more children'.

[tattyteddy]

Hello everyone, and apologies I haven't posted for a couple of days - being on placement is hard going at the moment and making me feel knackered.

I was thinking Bobsy, is there any any medication out there to improve sex drive? Also I think Shellster thoughts on talking to your partner is good advice. You can't do this on your own and he needs to be supportive to how you feel.

Shellster, I know what you mean - I sometimes feel guilty about complaining about it taking a little while for BFP when I have a DD. I do love my DD with all my heart and like an earlier post said I want to give her a sibling and she talks about wanting a sibling quite often at the moment.

As each month progresses I feel that its less likely to happen _ I'm going to be 38 in Feb next year and I don't feel like time is on my side either.

Also I think it's totally normal to be upset by everyone around you being pregnant - I just wish it was us all! I was thinking of trying reflexology too, can't hurt!

[junebaby2011]

Hi do you mind if I join? Have read through some of the beginning of this thread and can relate to so many posts!

I am 37 and have been trying for dc2 for 13 months. I got pregnant fairly quickly with dd after 1mc-in the last year have had 2 further mc's.

[HalleLouja]

Just a quick note to say we went through secondary infertility and it sucked. It was beyond awful.

Ds was conceived third cycle. Dd took about 18 cycles. It was the month we went to the fertility clinic that do was conceived.... I think it was just one of those things. We ended up with a 3 year gap which is good for us. My dh and his sister are 4.5 years apart and were close growing up.