Anyone got pregnant with no.1 very quickly bit struggling with no.2?

[tattyteddy]

Hello,

Was just wondering whether anybody has had a similar experience?

When trying for first child got pregnant the first month, however that ended in MC. Luckily I got pregnant again with DD after first month of trying again.

DD is now three, we would have started TTC sooner but I went back I Uni and I'm due to finish in November.

We have been trying for 5 months and no luck, worried that I've left it too late as I'm now 37.

how do you feel metal? are you relieved to have a reason as to why it hasn't been working? Like Hazle said, it is good news, if a bit of a shock, it is a problem that can be treated and you should be able to easily conceive afterwards. 5k seems a bit steep though! Is there no way you can get it done on the NHS? Is it the NHS' fault that it happened, after they treated you for your mc?

Oh metal no wonder you are in shock. It does show that we know our bodies best!!

It is treatable that is something to focus on - what does your DH say about it all?

ginger yes, it is a result of the erpc after the mc, though I'm not sure it's anyone's fault, just one of those things that happens sometimes. I've spoken to Bupa and they might cover it, but it's all really complicated - I've now got to try and get a referral from my GP, but it can't mention the problems conceiving as they don't cover fertility treatment, it can only be for lighter periods as a result of the erpc. Just lots of added stress that I don't really need!

I haven't managed to speak to DH yet as he's at work, will tell him tonight. I don't really know how I feel tbh, I thought I'd be relieved but I'm just a bit numb and it all seems slightly surreal, a bit like when I discovered I'd had the mmc...

Metal I'm pleased you have got some answers and a way forward. Can you be candid with your GP and tell them what you need them to say on the referral?

I just went for my first accupuncture appointment with a Chinese lady who does herbs too. She said some interesting things so thought I'd share. She basically said that a birth with DC1 which results in anaemia (treated or untreated) can cause secondary infertility! Especially if it's not managed long term. She said to start taking iron ASAP! She also said that temping is the number 1 best way to confirm ovulation and help you to conceive. Bobsy - I said I'd given up temping as I have erratic wake up time and she said it didn't matter as long as you take it after at least 2 hours sleep and before you get up. She also put me on a concoction of herbs. At least it's something 'new' to try this month!

Metal - im glad you got some answers and hopefully they can correct it gor you. Im sorry you have had to go through all that. It makes me realise that I need to relax as some people are in worse situations.
X

Bobsy- I agree with LOVES. Everyone is different. Keep smiling hun. X

Lovemyboy Thanks for you positive stories and sorry to hear about your mum. The worry about my age and age gap should be the least of my worries now as I'm now convinced I'm dealing with secondary infertility, this was my second cycle of Soy too.

lovesmycake Thanks, I'm really struggling with it at the moment, I want to accept that I can't have anymore and just get on with things but I still want a baby. OH doesn't understand, he just says 'you will get pregnant', he just likes to bury his head in the sand. What DPO are you on?

Trees How long have you been trying for? (sorry I forget who's been trying for how long) I hope you get your scan date through soon. I was surprised my docs got me in for a scan so quickly earlier this year. Good luck with the blood tests. How often do you go for acupuncture? I do fancy giving it a go but it's the cost that's putting me off. That's interesting about the anaemia causing secondary infertility. I haven't had anaemia but I'm pretty certain I have secondary infertility. Also good to know about the temperature taking.

Metal it's good that they think you'll be able to conceive after the procedure but understandably it's a shock. I hope you can claim for it through Bupa.

Bobsy this is my 9th cycle. By no means that long but I've got a kidney condition so on 'borrowed time' to get pregnant soon which adds to the pressure!! It was my first session today. Agree it is expensive but I'm getting desperate and it's satisfying my controllingness!

Just a quick check in to offer Metal some sorry it was what you thought, good that it is treatable and fingers crossed you can get it covered somehow.

Bobsy as far as I know secondary infertility just means failing to get pregnant after 12 months of trying if you already have a child, so many people on this thread have technically had secondary infertility for quite a while (including me until 4 weeks ago). The GP even wrote it on my notes when she did my referral. There is nothing final about it, clearly it doesn't mean you will never get pregnant, I don't think it is ever as clear-cut as that's it, no chance (though it might sometimes feel that would be easier) - unless you can't ovulate / have to have things removed entirely or something. There are plenty of people who get pregnant 2/3/4 years along the line for no obvious reason, no reason why that can't be you especially as you haven't even had any fertility treatments so far to help things along. I can see why some people feel they have to give up to preserve their sanity, but as long as you don't want to do that get to your GP and get a referral, you still have every chance of getting your second baby. Sorry that was longer than I intended...

Trees I remember now about your kidney condition, 9 cycles still feels a while. I've put myself under so much pressure about the age gap & my age. Would you go for the Acupuncture again? If anything I could do with it to help me relax because since just after ov I've so down feeling upset depressed, I don't know how many times I've burst in to tears today, I know irrational because others are going through much worse. I wouldn't mind so much but before ov I felt so positive that this would be the cycle I get pregnant. I might look in to acupuncture. Good luck I hope it works for you.

Mister I didn't realise that, so yes I'm not the only one suffering from it on here. I know it doesn't but I feel at my age every cycle is getting that less likely. I don't know how much longer I can keep putting myself through this, 2 cycles of Soy haven't worked & I'm kicking myself for taking them too early in my cycle. I'm going to try next cycle but take them later (thats if i try next cycle) Thanks for your words of support.

Bobsy I know my journey has been a lot shorter than yours but I completely empathise with the emotional roller coaster that TTC puts us through. It's horrible and draining. I have actually been having reflexology once a month for a year but she recommended I try acupuncture instead for awhile. I had a chat with DH last night and we have agreed to commit to trying acupuncture properly for a few months. It is expensive so a bit of a financial commitment (especially around Christmas)! I wouldnt say its particularly relaxing but there is lots of positive research about it helping fertility issues but it isn't always a quick fix so if you go for it then commit to a few months worth. I would also try to find a Chinese doctor who does both acupuncture and herbs so you can get both together. Otherwise if you are after relaxation I would definitely recommend reflexology as I'm nearly in a coma by the end of the sessions! And it's cheaper. Have you been back to the GP yet? Can't help feel you need some more support and a referral? I don't think they've got to the bottom of why you haven't got pregnant yet have they? It's difficult to make a decision on giving up/carrying on without that answer?

Trees I'm sure when I'd been trying for 9 months it felt like a long time. I have so many regrets now for not DTD enough & for not checking fertile times whereas these last few months I have but I'm older so with the best will in the world my age is against, which is why I'm a bit worried about going to the doctors because I felt a bit of an idiot because she might as well of said what do you expect at your age. I know I'm bring silly & should just make an appointment and go. This rollercoaster is affecting me so badly I'm so emotional. I really wish I could bring myself to give up & just accept my infertility but no instead I put myself through this every month. Oh right I had read people say they found it relaxing but good that its good for fertilty. I looked on Internet last night & it is quite expensive & were not really in position to commit to it with Christmas on the way and OH not doing as much over time. I did try Reflexology but the lady doing it just didnt stop talking so couldn't really relax.

Thanks for all your support ladies, I got a GP referral yesterday so just waiting to hear back from Bupa now.

bobsy stop saying you're too old, like you said yourself you were only 36 when you started ttc so this is clearly not the only issue here. You should at least be referred to an NHS fertility clinic, even if they can't offer you any treatments like IVF they might still be able to run some more tests. I know how emotionally draining it all is, maybe give yourself a month off over Xmas and then
start afresh in the new year?

Hello you lovely lot. Sorry for the long silence. I've been lurking in the background but everything round here is so manic I've not had time to put together a proper post! And there's such a lot going on here that I didn't think a quick 'me' post would cut it.

Metal -crazy news for you then? Your head must be buzzing. You were so sure that would be your problem, but I was still really surprised it really was. I know it must not feel like it to you, but I think it's actually potentially good news - treatable and afterwards you will hopefully be pregnant in no time. Hope bupa will save you a big bill. Can I ask how they diagnosed it? I'm thinking entirely selfishly of course, wanting to be sure my hsg would have picked up adhesions from my c section.

And can I add my positive encouragement to you bobsy -you are finding all the bleak things to focus on at the moment and sound so unhappy. But in all honesty, your biggest problem is lack of frequency of dtd, and given your dh hasn't had any tests, it could all be down to crappy sperm. You're nowhere near too old to get pregnant, but the basic fact is that sperm have to be there ready to meet egg. If you could up the frequency and not try and time your one shot relying on dodgy thermometers and not being sure if you're temping right then your chances would be massively increased. Easier said than done love, I know. But not insurmountable and not time to give up.

Really interested to hear about the acupuncture trees-am thinking that might be my next port of call. I definitely need to relax. Work is a real stress for me these days. Will look it up.

How many more sticks do we reckon hazle's peed on?! Hope all's going well with you and you start to get some reassuring symptoms soon. And you other graduates.

Gosh, this is getting long! Lovemyboy -how are you getting on? I'm guessing it wasn't a bfp for you this month. Boo if that's the case. I'm on about cd6 after my hsg and using preseed for the first time and emperors post about phantom symptoms rings very true! Since starting ttc June 2013, I've had the full range of "pregnancy" symptoms so I'm trying not to think too hard this month although these mild cramps must be implantation, surely

Sorry for mammoth post and hello to everyone else new and old.

You do sound so unhappy bobsy and I think it's entirely down to your DH. I suspect it's the stress of trying to get him to dtd around ovulation that's getting you down more than anything. For most of us giving up actively ttc would be a case of giving up opk testing etc and just seeing what happens so there would still be a reasonable chance of getting pregnant.

I think you do need to ask him if he's prepared to come see the GP with you, maybe hearing a few home truths from a professional is the kick he needs? He also needs a sperm test - you have had all the initial tests in the past haven't you that came back ok?

How about giving him an ultimatum/calling his bluff? You've put in nearly two years of hard work so it's his turn. Can you try telling him you're not prepared to do it anymore and if he still wants a second baby he has to come to a GP appointment with you and he has to start approaching you to DTD?

Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, I know I'm more of a lurker than poster but I think every single person who reads this thread is desperate to shake some sense into your DH

Thanks for your support ladies I appreciate it I've no one to talk to in RL. No I don't think you're speaking our of turn Emperor

I have been on such a downer since just after ov, I think I'm borderline depressed tbh. Since yesterday evening I've felt quite a bit better & more positive but I'm worried that's be ause I'm still hoping this spotting & mild cramping is implantation! Yes it started at 9dpo but it usually does now as a sign AF is on way. I think it'll hit me again when the proper AF starts, oh well I'll enjoy feeling like this while it lasts.

Had an unfortunate (for me) conversation with another mum at school she's got 4 children, they were only going to have one more after their first but ends up having 3, one after the other! She was going on about them & how much easier it was to have her 4 children rather than just one as they all play together & keep each other occupied. Then she asked if I was having anymore & I basically told her we wanted to but it wasn't that easy.

I do get quite a lot of EWCM so know when I'm in my fertile window & we managed to DTD every other night from first day of EWCM, totalling 3 times. So I think I was covered, although I would have preferred to do every day after +OPK but OH was tired!

He said he'd come to the doctors with me but I'm being pathetic & can't pluck up the courage to go in case I'm made to feel an idiot like last time. OH has already said there is nothing wrong with him & he doesn't think there's anything wrong with me. I can't imagine he'd do a sample even if doc asked him too. It's the logistics of it as well because of our work shifts we split childcare so not much opportunity for him to provide a sample & take to docs when he's looking after DD, so if there is a problem with his sperm then were snookered.

LittlePoot I get that many 'symptoms' & I think these so-called symptoms happen whether pg or not. When pg with DD I had sore boobs before AF due & then the usual pre-AF spotting but never got actual AF, I was 6 weeks gone before I tested. My best 'symptom' is my sense of smell 'oh that smells strong I must be pregnant'!! I've noticed that many different smells these past few days, I probably don't notice these smells at other times in my cycle. Every small symptom I've ever heard that someone has had in pregnancy is stored in my brain!

Sorry for such a long winded post, it does help to write it all down though.

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend

Hi glad your all ok. Sorry bot been on here much this week. My little one has been illvall week and my husband wouldnt like it if I was posting stuff on here. You know what they are like and at weekend its hard to post.
Little- im not due af till mon or tues. I counted my cycle wrong by two days. I really just had s feeling I was pregnant but now im not so sure but with evrry day that passes now and no af I not give up hope. I did a test tues and wed but now realise that was wsy to early so im not gonna test till at leadt tues. Last time I got pregnant I didnt realise till I was over week late although I was not testing. Got to go now sonill catch up with uou all in next day or so. Enjoy rest of weekend ladies although its pissing down with rain here. X

Af arrived today bit early so bit of a surprise. I have bypassed sad this month and I'm just really angry. This was supposed to be my month, new monitor and on soy. It's really bloody unfair.

This week I will be mostly wallowing :(

Oh loves - I'm sorry. How early was it? Rubbish in any case. I think you should aid your wallowing by smugly enjoying all the treats these pregnant people aren't allowed - seafood, stinky cheese, runny eggs and most definitely the wine. Or maybe even some cocktails. I'm likely to be in your position by the end of the week - I've got a weird crampy/burny feeling in my lower tummy, but have had that before over the last few months. So much as I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's a symptom, more likely it's my hsg irritated uterus gearing up for the period from hell. It's just crap all of this isn't it? x

Thanks poot its CD26 which is still in normal range for me guess I was just doing a good job of not thinking about it for a change.

It really is crap I feel like a child I just want to fling myself on the floor bang my fists and wail 'it's my fucking turn you bastard universe' On the plus side this anger is turning me into dynamite at work.

FX for you

Sorry loves that is utterly crap. I think you should let yourself have a good ole' tantrum and then gorge on all the delicious things Little suggested. I can picture you in a swishing cape sweeping and stomping through the halls of your office now though, don't get in the way of SuperLoves!!!! for you x Are you going to try soy again?

lovemy hope your little one is ok now.

bobsy I'm sorry you're feeling so down about it all. I can understand the borderline depression, I have been wanting to hide from the world the past year and just bury my head under my pillow. Hope you start to feel a bit brighter soon, do try and go back to see the Dr. make an appointment with a different one, see all of them at your surgery if you have to until you find one that takes you seriously. And certainly drag DH along. Just make that phone call Bobsy,that will be the first step, don't worry about what they are going to say or what is going to come after it.

metal I have been getting angry for you just thinking about your situation. I can't believe what a mess the NHS have caused for you. Good luck at your appointment today, I hope you get some sympathy and some help/answers from them. When do you expect to hear back from BUPA?

Hi to everyone else, have to take DHs car to the garage now so no time to reply to all!

Loves- sorry af has come and like Little said I think I will be joining you in the tantrum too soon. Im on cd34 of 35 but i can only go on 2 cosecutive cycles as im irregular. Hate all the waiting.
Little- im feeling all those af signs too although weirdly gone very dry down below and keep getting cramp in lefy calf prob just another af sign. X
Ginger- yhank you he is still full of cold but much better than je was and at present time is having a nap so I have took opporyunity to csych up with thread and have coffee. Its just not fair you spend sll your teens trying not to get pregnant and when you are ttc it doesnt bloody happen. Xxx

lovemyboy sorry your DC has been poorly. My OH doesn't like me coming on mumsnet at all.

lovesmycake. I can totally relate to how you feel, I'm so angry right now too.

I feel the same it should be my turn now but someone out there doesn't think so though!

Ginger I feel like I want to hide away in my bed its just awful. I'm not sure my GP will do anything & maybe it's time to accept I can't get pregnant again. I'm thinking about adoption again but I know OH isn't really up for the idea & will just tell me for about the 1,000 time you will get pregnant!!!

Good luck Little and lovemyboy

Urgh, sitting in the hospital waiting room is bringing back lots of awful memories from my mmc, and there's pregnant women around clearly waiting for scans. Just what I need!

Sorry about AF loves and bobsy, wish I had something cheerful to say but right now can't think of anything.

ouch metal-I remember how horrible that is, sitting amongst happily pregnant people while you're enduring a shitty situation. Hope you get seen quickly so you can get out of there.