Aim your Sheewee, put on your stylish piss hat, grab a Pringles tube and avoid phlegm when DTD, but make full use of your DP's awesome penis! It's Just Shagging part 26

[ZylaB]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 25 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2106014-Dont-risk-sending-piss-by-post-Get-your-BFP-the-JS-way-Slip-on-your-disco-pants-pet-the-full-moon-unicorn-and-get-jizzy-in-all-the-right-places-just-not-the-carpet-Its-Just-Shaggin-Part-25?msgid=48206192" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2100803-Just-Shagging-Grads-Thread-9-Roll-Up-Roll-Up-all-you-graduated-Viroids?msgid=48205977" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Wilma - it hurt at first and made me feel guilty but I now realise they are ignorant twats... My kids will have a higher chance of having my condition and other conditions (autism, spina bifida, heart defects...) but in the past few years I've met a lot of other families who live with these conditions and they have GREAT lives and the kids are really happy, so although I'd obviously prefer my kids to be totally healthy, I'll know it's not the end of the world if I have a kid born with one of these conditions - my child's life will still be great. I'm also now more confident that I'd be a great parent to a disabled child, and any child I have will surely have a better attitude than the idiots who judged me in the first place!

Bertie - have you spoken to him about how he feels about it? Difficult subject to approach really, you don't want him to think you think he should feel that way, and if he doesn't at all feel that way you don't want to start him off thinking that way IYSWIM? (hope that made sense)

Also think we need mention of al fresco sex in new Fred. Now at that point in the month when I REALLY NEED TO JS (looking at clock to see how long til DH due home). Probs too early for Jsing with intent but no idea really because tomorrow will be my first experience with contraband!

Patiently - I can also sympathise, just spent the last few days babysitting my nephew and niece, even though they are 9 and 6 I just want to squish them and still feel so frickin broody every minute I spend with them! Doesn't help that my niece looks like me. So it's been both a fantastic and horrendously broody few days for me... Cape all ready and very raring to go - poor DH won't know what's hit him.

Haha get the cape on Callipy. I have disabled family members and the attitudes that you sometimes come up against really astound me. Like someone shouldn't be alive if they're not completely able-bodied. How can they possibly enjoy life?! The other week we were sitting in the part of the train for wheelchairs and buggies. Pulled up to a busy platform and saw a mum and 2 daughters, one of whom was in a wheelchair. Every single person just pushed past them onto the train meaning they then had to squeeze through people. And a group sat down in the flip down seats so there was nowhere for the chair. I had to ask them to move. Like the girl was invisible or something. Really pisses me off.

I think people forget as well that children may be born with a condition without any prior family history also. I have a number of friends with autoimmune diseases and one friend whose son has a rare condition that means he uses a wheelchair. She said it was as result of a rare mutation and no one could have predicted it. He was diagnosed at 2 years old.

Yes I've already given my sil the rundown of how to look for ovulation and suggested she start paying attention to pant snot etc. I've said don't buy monitor just yet as you may get pg without the need for it. She is incredibly supportive of us and our ttc efforts, it would be very unfair of me not to be the same in return.

Day 1 of being the picture of health! Going to walk to work too.

Dulcet she is being lovely and trying to understand, but tbh she doesn't because of course she can't and I am pleased that she will never understand the pain of not being able to conceive and I'm hoping desperately that she won't have a mc like me but it's really hard. Trying to think of the long term when her little one will be the big cousin to mine and all this will be a distant memory!

Get that cape on callipy! I seem to have turned into a teenager again with all the jsing. My husband is loving it!

Viroids, it would be a privilege to start the next Fred but I would need a reminder - so we have don't come knockin if the tent's a-rockin, al fresco sex, pee on a snake, buck rogers sex kit (think I missed that, it sounds like something my dh would be interested in) - what else?

lil sorry about the bitch witch.

Oh dear, I've only been away a week and the thread is nearly full! I've got a lot of back reading to do.

I'm currently only on cd19 so nothing much to report, managed to dtd only once while camping :( hopefully it was near to icing though!

Ooh not long til we need a new Fred!

I've never had the pink discharge before so I panicked a bit but it was just a one off. Clearly DPs penis is sooooo awesome it hurts!

Warning tmi alert

So..I might have some ewcm. ..before I go getting excited because I've already done a little wiggle dance round the bathroom singing 'sexy time tonight' what is the possibility this could be the real thing and what if it's just ahem deposits. Last dtd Saturday afternoon. ..

tabby don't forget wanker badgers!

patiently to the tube of missy Elliott:

Get your cape on!
Get your cape on!
Get your cape, cape, cape, cape cape on!

patiently defo ewcm! Deposits shouldn't still be hanging round since Saturday so get that cape on!

patiently if you really want to know you can google image search for ewcm. I warn you now though, it's pretty horrifying. I liked Lil's tip that the cm won't soak into the toilet paper like the other stuff. It should be clear (like raw egg white) and very stretchy.

Tabby, only other thing I can think of is some covert reference to the we-vibe.

Oh yes! Love a vibrator reference or two!

Hi Patiently and for you. Thinking ahead to 3, 5 or even 10 years time always gives me some room to be hopeful about the things that aren't going as I want them to now.

I'm wondering about trying a slightly alternative type of "contraband" - nothing to do with tracking the cycle but may be classed as cheating. With DS I would swear that it was the acupuncture that made the difference. This time I'm considering hypnotherapy. I like hypnotherapy and have had some success with it in other areas of my life. If nothing else, the relaxation that comes with it is just lovely.

I found this hypnotherapy CD - does anyone have any experience of doing anything similar?

Morning Viroids!

Well AF came as predicted on Saturday Morning, and I was so prepared I had my piss pot hidden in the bathroom ready, and am now the proud owner of three full pots of piss!

Had a wonderfully indulgent 15 minute sobfest last night, hormones, disappointment and the fact my PFB DS is starting school on Thursday. Think I earned it?

callipy yes he is quite worried about it I think which is why he's reluctant to get tests. We've got to a point where he decided (I didn't badger him but he decided) that he would get the test because it was unfair on me to put me through all of the worry especially when I was carrying the child and he sees it would put my mind at rest. But I wanted to speak to someone to see if there was any other option as well, like for example if we could have CVS in pregnancy and see any problems that way. I would prefer to have the karyotype done, but if we could find out any problems without necessarily knowing the source of those problems I think DH would find it easier to deal with. And really I don't lose anything doing it that way, I'm just curious! This is what I need to spell out to the doctors and see what they can tell me.

Before My mum does Reiki which is supposedly healing, I don't know if it works or not, but it is definitely very relaxing and tranquil when you have it, a bit like meditation. I had some in pregnancy with DS and it was during a treatment that I felt him move for the first time, he used to go mad for it.

bertie that's great you've got to that point. I'm sorry I don't have any experience with the tests - it's a total cross your fingers and wait for the symptoms scenario for me. I hope you find a way to get those tests soon.

before interesting about the reiki, my gran's a big fan.

Cape was begrudgingly on last night. Was totally on until my DH told me I USED to have great legs. WTF?! This was followed by the most functional js ever, and that happened only because I don't know when I ice. Committedtothecause.com

Just pondering the contents of a JS Buck Rodgers kit: Tent, snake, WeVibe, stylish piss hat, cape and disco pants...anything else?

Request for "toey as a roman sandal" to make it in too?

I'm unpacking boxes. The bastard removal men had hidden my biscuit barrel in a box marked "paperwork - office". Who bloody knows where my bubble bath collection is!

Excellent preparedness, Kato. Forgive my ignorance, but what in the world do the DO with it now you've supplied it?

I hope it's ok for me to join Fred so late on!

Name: Jellypi3
Age: 24
DC's: None (although I have 2 cats, 3 guinea pigs and a fish tank!)
TTC: Technically not started yet!

I've recently stopped my Depo injections, and have been waiting for 3 months for Af to return (I must be the only person on here desperate for the witch to return!) But DP and I are starting the planning stage which is exciting! We have simulating having a baby for a month in terms of financials etc. ie cutting out all takeaways, eating out, making pack lunches, etc etc. We thought we might have had an accident a few months ago (ended with a BFN but no AF) which made us realise we would like children sooner rather than later!

FX for all of you TTC currently, I'll be lurking!

sorry about the witch Kato, welcome Jelly.
So i'm starting the twot after rubbishly only DTD three times this month. Ah well better than nowt I suppose. Realize that AF is due when i'll be at a festival too - great, I'll either be dealing with horrid period in a tent with grim portaloos or wondering if i'm upduffed & stressing over whether or not I can get drunk!! Bad timing.

Welcome, but don't you dare lurk jelly! Joining so late probably ensures you can't do a kitten :) May I ask why the fish tank -what about the fish...?

I would eat out more - we have more takeaways now we have a child than we ever did before!

Thank you for the warm welcome :)

Chat, I do have fishes in there! It's a marine tank with two nemo's (clownfish), a firefish (google them, they are gorgeous), and a couple of other fish, corals, crabs, starfish etc :) I'm actually quite passionate about my fish!

I don't think we will be doing a kitten, we haven't started TTC yet but I just have a feeling it's going to be a long drag for us! This experiment we are doing is mainly to prove we are mature enough to cope with having to cut back if we need to for a baby, we both still feel quite young and get people telling us we are too young (none of their bloody business imo) but we want to prove to ourselves we can make the sacrifices necessary.

Although, DH has already started spouting baby names at me and keeps referring to it as my "not-real pregnancy"...

Woohoo! ERTD has finally made an appearance! Boo for not being pregnant, obviously, but yay for cycle getting back to normal.

Big hugs to kato and hello to jelly :)

Ah, makes more sense then. An empty fish tank would make an odd ornament...but an even stranger pet DD loves fish, thinking of getting her a little tank for her birthday.

Welcome jelly I love the idea of an empty fish tank in your pets list!

I think my clutch has gone on my car just dropped it off with my mechanic for him to have a look and to pick it up later.

This is the longest two weeks I've ever had in my life!