Helloooo back-ack-ack!
It's a particular kind of hell, isn't it KE? I remember feeling it first when I was single and nearing 35 and wanted kids- just having no idea whether it would happen or not. Or whether I would meet someone or not. If only I could have looked back and told myself that I would have a child, and I would meet someone (OK, sadly I met the someone 2 years after having the child, but hey)....
And I feel it again now: "Will I be looking back in a year telling the self of a year ago not to freak out so much? Or should I just work on accepting I'm only ever going to have one birth child?"
I find it really comforting looking through old TTC threads on this and other fertility forums- you can see someone being really down about TTC for ages, then scroll forwards, and see that a couple of months later they have a BFP!
I went to the doctor's yesterday, and she had a nice tale to tell about her friend who had been TTC for years after suffering a late loss- she was booked in to go to that IVF clinic in Athens when she got her natural BFP- at the age of 44!
She reassured me that my blood results are really, really good. No, reallysubtext: stop wasting my time, you paranoid loon FSH low, prolactins low, LH low, plenty of red blood cells (yes, remembered to check that too!). Progesterone was slightly too low last time, but the test was probably mistimed. Still won't refer me for an ultrasound aaargghh. Was as perplexed by my long weird cycle chart as me, although said that yes, it could still possibly be the after effects of the Pill (which I stopped taking about 10 months ago 
).
In other news, we're just back from DS's taster session at his new school, which he starts in September. OMG, I knew it was a small school, but he is the only child due to start at Reception age this year. I am properly freaking out over that now.