Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

I really don't know bugs, just 4 days ago I was crying on poor DCW, saying I didn't think I could go through it all again. He said if we needed to we'd have to. I pointedly said we didn't have to. I'd also already said if it didn't work I would wait until September to try again. Now we're facing the possibility I really don't have a clue how I feel. We get another 2 rounds on the nhs unless they find reason not to try. We get 1 IVF round as well. Part of me wants to fuck it all off, spend three months drinking, training hard and doing everything else I haven't done while ttc, then try again in Sept. The other part of me is aware that we're fast becoming a small minority amongst our friends, despite the fact that we started trying before they did and they're largely all diffed or babied already. I don't want to have a kid who's two years younger than the kids of our friends. Time is also running out if we get desperate and want to pay for a private round - the only affordable option is donor egg so the cost is reduced, but there's only one clinic for miles around that will do it for my age, and I'll be too old by next year.

It's a total headfuck. The only positive I can take from this if indeed the likely outcome is confirmed is that I didn't get to 12 weeks and then discover I'd lost it at 11 weeks. That would have been far harder to deal with.

barking I'm so sorry. This limbo is the worst. It shouldn't be happening to you. bugs is right; now isn't the time for big decisions. Give yourself a bit of space until everything is known and then see how you feel. Hope those kids behave themselves tomorrow and that the time between now and weds passes quickly.

Well, the kids are doing a sterling job of not letting me go back to my room and sob on my own. Currently sat on the floor outside rooms 8, 9 and 10 alternating between mn, knitting and whispering threats as menacingly as possible to those still talking/reading/getting out of bed.

Barking I can't believe you are having to go through this whilst on a school trip. It's good that you can leave early for your tests though.

When we were discussing iui- only a month ago- my FC was telling me that people usually do them back to back if it doesn't work. But in your case it did work so I think it's quite understandable to want to take a break. I'm sure they would be fine with that. My trust also offers 3 iui and 1 IVF. I saw the list for other trusts- if I lived in the next town I'd get 3 chances at IVF. Amazing!

Really feeling for you at the moment. Have a giant cod of comfort...and a big strong gin. You'll reach your decision about what to do next in your own time. No need to rush. And don't worry about your future child(ren) being lots younger than your friends' kids. I did that...many of my friends' kids are already 3 now so I reckon it will mean less of those annoyingly competitive boasting conversations or those utterly boring ones about schools.

fankle I suppose most of them will be on their second by the time I have my first anyway...
I'm on another residential next week, 5 days this time, so I knew if this hadn't worked I wouldn't be able to start another anyway as I wouldn't be around for the scans. Then we're away end of July/start of Aug so that will potentially screw up another round. I persuaded myself that a break was a good thing as I don't think I'll have another option!
Anyway, I'll see what they say tomorrow. I'm definitely going to go for the counselling they offer as my friend did when their round failed and said it was really helpful.

Bloody hell barking. Life is really putting you through right now isn't it. Just focus on getting through the next week for now and you can start to think about what you want to do next in a little while. Look after yourself and don't rule anything in or out right now. The limbo is the worst. Just hang in there and glad you can get back for a test on Wednesday to make things a bit clearer at least.

And by the way thanks hags for all the jizz protocol stories for TT

Hi ladies,

The lovely Fankle and Evilgiraffe told me about this thread.

My name is EricaJ, I’m 33 and I have been TTC #1 for nearly 3 years. In this time I’ve had mmc (Dec 2011) a CP (November 2012) and, after an agonising week of bleeding and bed rest, another mc at 7 weeks (last Friday)

After 3 medicated cycles and 2 failed IUIs at the beginning of the year, my gyno recommended a laparoscopy and found (and removed) endometriosis (that so for had been symptomatic on gone undetected (hi Fankle!) I got pregnant straight away after the operation but then lost the baby a few days ago.

I am about to start the tests to find out the reason behind the recurrent miscarriages. Life is so fucking fun, isn’t it?

I think I’m going a bit crazy, everything feels a bit Groundhog Day ('I’ve been in this crap situation before') and I am livid at life for putting me through this. I really need to talk to people that understand and won’t tell me ‘u’ll be ok hunny’.

Sorry that was a bit long, here is my BESHtionnaire.

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   By the bucket, please

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Cradle snatcher cougar, all the way!

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

e) I always thought it was my vagina but it doesn't seem to be working??? Earth calling fanny?? What the fuck is going on over there??

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

Absolutely a)

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

c) The trigger to my worst red wine and gin binges.

6. Number of pets?

Two cats. I love them and call them 'baby' and I am not even joking and don't care what you think.

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Malcolm Tucker

8. Lesbian crush?

Glenn Close and Meryl Streep in any of their 80s/early 90s movies

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. b) Over 100 quid c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

d) You may need my bank manager to answer that one.

10. Which of these sentences is appalling: a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!! b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx c) both of the above

Obviously c)

11. How barren are you? a) childless and TTC for at least one year b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

d) Childless, TTC for 3 years and having deep thoughts about giving up, growing a beard and moving to India to become a goat shepherd (baby goats!)

Am I in?

Barking counselling sounds like a good idea. I had a session through my FC following my 2nd round of OI which resulted in a chemical pregnancy, I was a proper mess. Just talking to a third party really helped.

Erica sounds like you've been through the mill too, sorry for your recent loss I'd say you're in, but as I'm not a regular in here these days it's not up to me

Hi Erica I know that you are more BESH than baby dust and I recommended this thread to you so obviously I say you are in.

I love that Malcolm Tucker is your crush!! Foul mouthed, sarcastic and Scottish...can't beat it.

Barking hope you're coping today. Honk counselling is a good idea but make sure it's with someone your clinic recommends. I went off and found someone on my own last year, who was apparently experienced in infertility. It was an utter waste of my time and money. I did 2 sessions with her and then quit.

Thanks Fankel & Fankle

Barking I am not even sure I am in yet but I've read through what you've been going through, I am so sorry. I did have counselling after my first mc (it wasn't my only issue but one of the main ones and it also triggered others) and it helped a lot.

I love Malcolm Tucker. A joint swearing session with him would do me so much good right now!

And Fankle - good luck for tomorrow!!!!!

Thanks erica, so sorry about what you're going through, the last shovel of shit that life unfairly dealt you sounds very similar to my first mc, scan at 7 weeks showed no heartbeat and a 6 week sized blob, second scan after a week of bleeding showed it had gone. I hope you get some answers and a plan soon.

The counsellor is actually at the clinic so totally dealing with couples going through infertility. I asked about counselling after my first mc as I didn't handle it well but it was a clomid bfp so I was still under the hospital not the assisted conception unit, and they'd had the funding removed so none was available. I asked the gp and was told that it was normal to be upset and by the time I'd got up the waiting list for counselling I'd be fine .

Sorry, that last paragraph was a reply to fankle.

Ah, the smell of fresh meat! Welcome erica, I reckon you're in.

barking thinking of you. Have the cod of comfort and the sturgeon of solace. Good idea about seeing the counsellor who has some experience. My one and only counselling session left me wanting to punch the guy, but I wouldn't rule it out in future. (with a different person, obv)

Great news bugs!! Big landmark passed .

I feel late to the party on this but Barking, shit me! Cockles of comfort by the bucket load I'm so sorry you have to go through this - especially with the added delights and complications of a school trip.

Counselling and some time to get your head sorted accompanied by copious gin and some hard training sounds like a good plan. Three months will whizz by - I am also telling myself this as realistically September will be the soonest we can go now too thanks to effing work commitments!

Erica sounds like you've had a rough time of it too. So sorry for your losses. Luckily you 've washed up in the right place, welcome to the fold, sounds like you'll fit right in.

Nearly forgot to toast the good news of the day, made up for you Bugs! You and the other PESH are inspiration for us all that it can and does work. Made up for you :)

barking you know I'm right behind you with cockles of comfort, hakes of hope and all the rest from t'other place but regardless I just wanted to repeat it here. can only imagine how much you're hoping for/dreading the news tomorrow. We're all with you - I hope you can find at least some comfort in that.

Erica definitely in. What a steamy pile of crap you've endured so far. Well, what doesn't kill you makes you BESH, so welcome aboard!
Did your endo have no symptoms at all? I confess I didn't realise that was possible (makes a note to obsessively Google later).

I survived my flying lesson and actually rather enjoyed it. If all this ttc bollocks ends up for nowt I can try to steal a plane and run away to a tropical island (less than 5 hours away as I only learnt in a teeny tiny plane).