Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   
   
2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   
   
3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
   
   
4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.
   
   
5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.
   
   
6. Number of pets?
   
   
7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   
   
8. Lesbian crush?
   
   
9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
   
10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above
    
11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!
    
    If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

[CuntyChops]

The embryoscope sounds quite cool Cherry, and although it's fairly pricey that extra 10% chance is worth it I reckon.

EricaJ - I just caught up with the GoT episode with the trial by combat. Bloody hell!! I've not read the books so every episode is a surprise, but that was particularly horrific!

I'm 5 weeks today and POAS with a CB digi just for a bit of reassurance. Mr Chops thinks I'm completely mental, but I had one left over from a twin-pack. It said 2-3 weeks, which is spot on, so I feel a bit better today. I am however poking my boobs every 5 minutes or so just to check that they're still sore. Definitely mental!

What's everyone got planned for this weekend?

[FizzyFeet]

Hurrah for reassuring pish sticks, cunty. And for embryo scope action, chezz. Did I miss something? Do you have fertilised cells? Or is this in preparation for when you get the go-ahead?

This weekend I am mostly looking out of the window at the rain Such a contrast to yesterday's glorious sunshine! I worked from my "home office" ie the garden and it was lovely. Off to the opticians for further headache investigations. Got an insight today into how distorting of reality googling is. I'm able to read info on headaches without automatically assuming I've got a brain tumour. So why is it so hard to get the same level of perspective on all matters ttc?

[Fabuluce]

I'm totes out of the ivf/pregnancy loop at the moment so am struggling to join in. Will mostly sit on the sidelines and lurk a bit instead. Can't believe it's been almost a year since we did our last round. I should have had a baby by now for fuck's sake. Grrr. Someone slap me with a skate or shower me with shrimp please.

Busy day today - I'm finishing off painting our office/3rd bedroom and putting up a curtain rail and curtains this morning then moving all the shite back in again so that we have somewhere to sleep our friends tonight - pity it doesn't have a door at the moment but it's nothing a sari can't fix right?? Then it's time to clean and tidy the house, bake a cake and maybe some biscuits and prepare our chums imminent arrival - looking forward to food, gin and laughs

New fred needed as we are nearing the end of this one. Any themes spring to mind?

[EricaJ]

Cunty I know!!! I can't wait for tomorrow to see what happens next!

Just back from seeing my gyno. He recommended that we postpone testing for causes for recurrent mc until we come back from our home leave - we leave on Friday and will be away until August (Topshop!!!! Boots!!!! Here I come!!!). He said we won't have to time to have it all done in less than a week and we may as well go on holiday, TTC and see if we are lucky.

In the meantime, I have to keep taking aspirin, cyclogest from ovulation and he's added Prednsone to the mix, if I get a BFP. Apparently it's some sort of steroid that would prevent abortion should the problem be that my body is rejecting the foetus (now that's a nice thought).

He seemed very optimistic that we'll get there in the end which really cheered us up.

My friend is moving back to Europe and she's having barbecue. So my day will be spent eating really rare meat and drinking wine.

[barkingtreefrog]

fizzy that's a very good point! I also have a total lack of perspective when googling all things ttc and mc but am not prone to believing I'm about to die when googling non-ttc medical stuff!

cherry I agree, chuck everything at it. Eliminate all possible 'what ifs'.

cunty I have found that if I poke my boobs really hard they hurt. Definitely a symptom.

fab I'm not touching the shrimps as I can't handle them, but I'll harang you with haddock if you think it will help? I'm on here avoiding lesson planning and report writing. Going to acupuncture later and trying to believe it will help, and that her 'I think so' when I asked if it was safe to still be putting needles in my abdomen if pregnant was just a language barrier....

erica glad you had a good appointment, all sounds positive.

[cherrycoconut]

Bugs I think they must just pluck costs from the sky for some of these things! I feel like we're getting a good deal though so thanks

Just planning Fiz, while we wait - pseudo action to make me feel like we're in the loop. I know how you feel Fab

Yay for optimistic gynaes Erica, enjoy the BBQ fest. It's raining so hard here that our roof is leaking. Sigh.

Oh hags, I nearly forgot to tell you about my yoga induced buttock injury I sustained yesterday - I'm stiff as a board and probably most definitely went a little too enthusiastically into hip openers and pigeon pose yesterday morning while trying to remedy this sichooation. Cue feeling like my leg was about to detach from said buttock. Clutching at straws for something that might stop it stiffening up I slapped a lot of deep heat on my left cheek and jumped in the car, only to feel the warmth working its way inwards between le crack. Uh-oh. Too late for work to turn back I pressed on, hoping it would ease. Not a bit of it, the strange chemical reaction was raging down below and walking into work every new stride brought new depths of intensity. My bits were eyewateringly on fire and curiously tingly. The feeling didn't ease until waaay after my first morning meeting with (male) CEO - who probably found me a little distracted and on hyper alert. Not to mention pervaded by that distinctive lingering smell of deep heat that will forever more remind me of this incident! So, a warning to all my friends...

[CuntyChops]

Barking - my acupuncturist won't do any needles in the lower abdomen/pelvic area of pregnant women. I went on Wednesday and he just did points in my head for recurring headaches, inside wrist to prevent nausea and lower leg and ankle points (not sure what those were for). I did wonder about the inside ankle point, but I trust that he knows what he's doing. Might be worth double checking with her?

Cherry - I'm sorry but your arse injury had me chuckling! Particularly the phrase 'curiously tingly.' I'll be extra careful when using deep heat from now on!

[barkingtreefrog]

cunty she said no needles in belly after 4 months, but right now she needed to boost my progesterone to support it. She said it was safe at this time. For my sanity I have to believe her. She has treated other women through IVF & IUI as well as supported women with a history of recurrent mc. She has loads of photos of babies and thank you cards on her wall, she must know something.....

cherry thanks for the laugh, I needed that! reminds me of a story DCW tells of his student days when, being 'bored' one day and for a dare he tried immacing his arse crack (as you do).... only it was the wax not the cream he tried and I'll leave you to imagine the rest.

[FizzyFeet]

Halloooooo?

[FrankelandFilly]

I think everyone is hiding so that they don't have to be the one to start the new fred!

[Fabuluce]

I get a pass on starting a new fred as I did this one .

Did all hags have a lovely weekend? I spent Saturday night drinking gin with friends. Bliss

[cherrycoconut]

How are you doing today Barking? How did you play it with work in the end?

How 'bout a summer sport feemed fred? I hate football but we have the common wealth games and stuff

Ooooor a festival feem... just anything with a smidgen of innuendo and we'll all be well pleased.

In other news I'm sure you'll all be glad to know my arse cheek is mending

[CuntyChops]

Normally a bit of innuendo is right up my alley (!) but I'm all out of inspiration at the moment.

[FizzyFeet]

Glad you had a gin-filled Saturday, fab! I discovered the delights of Pimms with extra gin in the other day. Was marvellous!

cherry glad to hear your arse is healing. Reading your story made my eyes water!

[FizzyFeet]

I can do the new Fred tomorrow when I'm on a laptop rather than my phone. I'm sure it is possible to do copying and pasting of the beshtionnaire, and links and ting on a phone but I'm buggered if I can work out how!

[cherrycoconut]

Ooh, crack on Fizz, well volunteered!

Can I make a request that the beshtionnare is posted in the second post after the pipe opener just to save RSI inducing scrolling pls!

[barkingtreefrog]

Hey, you missed Le Tour in your summer sports musings cherry!
I slept most of the morning sleeping, watched tv (turned on at the end of 'This Morning' and bloody Holly Willoughby is duffed again apparently by accident ), attempted to do some work but failed miserably then picked up some knitting .

[FrankelandFilly]

Don't forget Royal Ascot next week cherry, then it's July Week, Glorious Goodwood, and the Ebor Meeting

[Fabuluce]

How many has Holly Willoughbooby actually sprogged? Is she always pregnant? Beeatch.

I like the festival theme as we can throw in innuendo, wellies, flowers and still bring along twat cushions for comfort
Glad your arse is returning to normal Cherry

[TheRainDrops]

The World Cup Cunt?

Sorry I've been MIA hags. Work is tearing me a new one at the mo plus I had my EDD to get through so I've not had much time for interwhizzing. I promise normal service will resume shortly!

Hope all are well (inc soon to be BESHlets)

[EricaJ]

Didn't Scarlett Johansson also get pregnant recently and said it had been a 'pleasant surprise'? Good luck to her and all that but jesus I'm jealous...

I am getting that stressy feeling in my stomach... Yup, potential ovulation time approaches. Obviously, it could be completely off this month because of mc but I am going to give it a go anyway. And tell my husband exactly which days we are having sex in the next fortnight and 'don't event think of saying you are tired or going for drinks with your mates'. Sexy, uh?

[Fankletastic]

Morning Hags

I have been MIA for a few days too but mainly because I was away all weekend then had a v busy day and evening yesterday.

A sporting feme for the new fred sounds good. Wimbledon, commonwealf games, World Cup and le tour! MG is beyond excited by the prospect of all this sport..and beer no doubt.

Hope you ladies are all ok? Fab a weekend of gin sounds amazing right now.

The arse crack deep heat story made me chuckle on the train to Liverpool

Eek-- best jump on the new fred!!

[FizzyFeet]

Phew! New fred is up. I can't link but it's got the words CUNT and BESH in the title so I think you'll find it!