TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

fox you are not menopausal. An odd period now and then is normal.

critter I admire anyone who can knit. Most crafty things defeat me. I hope you are continuing to heal well, in every sense.

There were no special instructions about sending your period to Greece, so no refrigeration or anything. It's quite a surreal thing to do though!

I'm off to BIL/SIL's this weekend for our niece's 4th birthday so I probably won't be around much. We're stopping off at my parents on our way to tell them our news. Hopefully it will cheer them a little bit. They are having the most terrible week. Last weekend the winds blew down trees and a fence in their garden and a tree in the garden of their rental property, so they had that to sort out. Then my 90 yr old gran had a fall and my dad had to take her to A&E (just a sprained ankle, luckily). Then (it goes on) my mum and dad were in the fruit and veg section of the supermarket, and my mum fell over very heavily on a piece of chicken on the floor (who knows how it got there). She broke her wrist (for the 4th time) and an ambulance had to be called as her neck was rebuilt with a load of screws following bone cancer a few years ago and as she went down so hard, they had to put her in a neckbrace to make sure her neck was not damaged (x-rays showed that her neck was ok, thankfully).

Last time we were at BIL/SIL's was just as we got our BFN from cycle 3 and I drove the 3 hrs home choking back tears, because I was so jealous of their family life. It was really hard. Hopefully I will find it a little easier this time round.

Slipping on a bit of chicken is not something you expect to happen, your poor mum! Euro you have waited a long time to do a happy drive home and I'm chuffed for you. Enjoy telling the news

Right on cue af is here. So no fet for me this month :( bloody typical.

Aw ray I'm sorry. March fet for a Christmas baby? The waiting is the pits but you WILL get there and then you won't be able to imagine it any other way. Tis quiet on here this weekend. Hope everyone has been doing lovely things. How was the telling euro?

ray Typical of the bitch to turn up

ray I'm so sorry. You said April would be the date for FET if this month didn't work out date-wise, right? I predict a Christmas/New Year ray baby (a rayby?) a la sar and gin.

euro how did the announcement go? Sounds like your poor parents have had a terrible time recently - I bet this wonderful news has made them really happy.

fox it is quiet on here. I made things for James in neutral styles because I didn't know if I was having a boy or a girl, but there are some really cute boyish things you can make that would look tomboyish but adorable on a little girl but also very sweet and preppy on a little boy. Bright red, navy, grey and camel are all good neutral colours. I've made a grey cardigan with wooden buttons that I am super proud of. You are more of a sewing person, though, aren't you? I loved the things you have on your Pinterest page. You actually introduced me to Purl Bee through Pinterest!

Sister critter is here and we went shopping today… she bought tons of lovely stuff but I have not as am still postpartum of body and nothing fits right. But it will go away eventually. I have some stretch marks but they will no doubt fade, and I think the jelly belly usually hangs around for a few months and then disappears once you start exercising . It's also been beautiful today - really warm and sunny.

Sorry for AF's arrival ray.

I'm glad the weather is turning over there critter. It is slightly here too. It has only been a month- I'm sure you will ping back to shape in no time so you can spoil yourself with some new things.

My parents were really pleased. It was lovely to be able to give them some good news.

I had a lovely weekend at bil and sil's for our niece's 4th birthday. Last time we were there was as ivf cycle 3 failed and I choked back tears throughout the three hour drive home. I was able to actually enjoy this one. It was a very full on weekend as we helped with a party for 15 4 yr olds... The funniest part of the day was getting the balloons to the venue on a very windy day! We lost a few along the way. It was a very tiring weekend though. The party was manic, the drive was knackering and the window in our hotel room rattled and kept me open for most of the night. I was hoping to take it easy today by working from home, but now I need to go in. Grrr.

That's lovely that your parents were pleased euro . Have you told mreuro's family yet?

I'm so sorry about the dog devon it's so sad to lose a family pet, and even worse when it is unexpected and in such a tragic way. I hope you're doing ok.

cos how are you doing?

critter it's still so soon after birth that I don't think it's surprising you still have a little bit to lose. My friends fall into two camps, some seem to be back to pre pregnancy shape within 6 months, others have never lost it but they're still all beautiful. I think pregnancy probably changes your shape forever in some way.

nelly when are you thinking of going to Athens?

fox are you back to work this week?

I like the name rayby, although it does sound a bit like rabies :) If my cycle follows the same pattern and all went ok then I think fet would be the first week of April. I'm not sure what due date that would give me. In my heart of hearts I can't see this one working though, I already have an eye on when I could do the next fresh round.

We had a nice weekend with friends and their little one. In some ways it made me sad though. I've spent the last few months trying to convince myself that I'm not that bothered about having a baby. But this weekend showed me that I really do want my own child. It was difficult hearing my friends talking about having another baby. They have it all planned and there is no if in the equation. It hasn't entered their heads that they can't order a baby on demand. They even have the names planned, and window of when they want the baby to be due. I guess that's the way it happened for their first. DH even said afterwards that he found it hard that they can talk about a second because it looks pretty unlikely we'll have more than one. He also said he was glad we hadn't told them about us because he had a conversation with the guy about a mutual friend who is struggling ttc and he said that it was pretty obvious that he didn't get it at all and was sort of jokey about it and of the view that it would all work out in the end so not worth getting upset about or something like that. I think dh was a bit shocked that people don't understand the gravity of it. I was pleased I didn't hear this conversation.

Cos - How are you doing? Have you had the results back yet? I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. Big squeeze.

Ray - Sorry AF was on time and that it will delay things yet again. I'm v sorry that your friends have no clue about the pain of ivf and sub fertility. I think many are like that if they have never experienced it before. We have been v open about ivf with friends and have been surprised by the reaction. Many have been had treatment or have been close to having treatment. I still think FET chances are good and don't forget you have a v understanding consultant who really seems to know what he's doing. I would take a lot of heart from the fact that he ordered so many tests and really seems to want to get to the bottom of the issue. I am still v hopeful that treatment will work for you.

Euro - Sorry about your mum's accident. Ouch. Glad you were able to give them good news and enjoyed the weekend.

Critters - So happy sister Critters is visiting. Knitting for the twiblings sound v therapeutic. You are doing so well. I am really glad you got some answers from the doc although I know it must be so difficult to relive losing James.

Fox - I am really pissed that the hospital has messed you about. I do find you have to stay right on top of the NHS to move things along. It sounds like DHEA agrees with you. Sorry period is still doing funny things though. Could it be after effects of IVF and it will just take some time to regulate?

Devon - So sad to read about your parents' dog. Furry babies are part of the family. It's terribly sad when they died especially before their time. Have you had any news from UCLH?

Nelly - How's the trip organisation to Greece going? I remember you have to go there twice. No bad thing I think as Greece is a lovely place for a short break as well. I have a really good feeling about this. I have heard such excellent things about Penny.

Ten - How are you? Haven't heard from you in ages. I think the last time you posted you were downregging. How's the cycle going? I really hope it's going well for you.

I am sorry I haven't been posting as much as I would like. I think of you ladies every day but I have been so unwell it's been difficult for me to post. But know that I think of you all often and haven't forgotten the wonderful support I got from all of you on here.

Ray – sorry about af turning up on cue. Every month that goes by is so frustrating. I’ve noticed time does fly though. My ivf appointment is now less than a month away and i’m sure it was 3 months away only last week. I can’t tell you how envious I get of people when they talk about ‘when’ they will have kids or when they’ll have 2nd or 3rd. It must be so nice to have full confidence in it. I use to say ‘when’ but now Roy and I say ‘if by some miracle’. We also spent Saturday with some friends and their kids. One is a newborn. I was quite surprised to learn that my friend was the last one to have a 2nd baby from her NCT class yet her daughter is only just over 2 years old. There were about 8 couples and she is the youngest at 32. Not many people appear to have problems. I have also spent a while wondering whether i really want a baby and trying to convince myself that perhaps i don’t. I have seen some really bratty kids out and about with their parents shouting at them and I kind of think , urrgh I would hate to have a child like that! . Yet my friends this weekend have gorgeous children. The eldest is just adorable and my heart just melted.

Euro – your parents have been through a rough time, I’m pleased you were able to give them some good news. Must be very odd to be back somewhere where your circumstances are so different. That must be lovely.

Critter – how lovely to have your sister out with you. I’m sure she is of great support. How are you doing otherwise?

Sea – sorry you have been so unwell. I have to say everyone i have met expecting twins had a really horrible time with the sickness. Apparently one day you’ll just wake up and it will have gone though. I’m wishing that day soon. anyway very soon you’ll have your family and will never have to go through this again.

Nelly – did af turn up?

Fox – sorry that your period is so different? Is it just much lighter?

Thanks for sympathies over dog. Thankfully however much i love our pets, the sharp sadness and tears don’t last too long. Roy and I got totally plastered this weekend at a party (paid for it yesterday). It’s funny what comes out when you’re drunk. I didn’t know that Roy’s brother had basically told Roy that we couldn’t possibly understand the pain of what they were going through after their 2 m/c’s. Granted they were 2nd trimester m/c’s but really? They have 2 kids already and conceive easily. We had quite a few drunken words to say about them. It kind of makes me cross that they think like that as we would certainly prefer to be in their position. Another example where people have no idea about how relentless and painful infertility is.

Cos lovely, how are you doing?

Hello Ladies, its has been ages....I have occasionally snuck on for a read but have generally been putting ttc out of my mind so I don't get all huffy and woe is me about it especially while on a long cycle of IVF. Time for a long overdue catch up! I love the title of the new thread. I realised we are way past the two years mark now, it still surprises me that I am in this position though! Random, it is almost as though my brain just cant compute that there is something I cant do so basically I think (most of the time)I just assume that this will work out, and I will have a baby in the end

Cos God I’m sorry, I (like everyone else) was hoping this would be it for you. Also sorry MrCos isn’t acting as you would hope, my OH can be truly awful at dealing with emotions (sometimes I am unsure he has any). It’s all crap and made worse by all the horrible hormones that make everything even harder to deal with, I hope you can get some answers soon on why this might have happened.

Critter I am so glad your sister is there with you, if you are lucky enough to have a great relationship with your sibling there is nothing better when you need support. It is also good to hear your Dr is so lovely and you have been able to see friends. Also yay for baths and exercise, two of the things that (for me) make this process bearable!

Nelly Wow – it sounds like things are moving along for you with DE! Where to start with wish lists for donors, that must be tough.

FoxAm angry on your behalf you have to work so hard to get help. Use the PMT to your advantage!

Lemons waves – hope you are feeling well!

Ray Gargh, why does AF always show up at the worst time, and never when you want it to…..I know the frustration of having to wait, I sympathise. The conversations with people about ttc is too much for me, I am lucky most of our friends either have kids, or are single so it is not an issue. As little time spent discussing having babies with anyone (apart from you guys) is preferable.

Seayour nausea still sounds extreme! I hope it subsides soon!!!!

Devon feel you on the pregnant colleague and allowances comments…. And I am SO sorry about your parents dog, I have a 6month old spaniel and I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to her, I just cant even think about it.

Free Sorry that you still feel sadness at mc even where you are now, I guess it is to be expected. It must be a relief to be at 15 weeks now.

Sar I hope baby Sar is ok.

Buzz Your description of your feelings made me well up. I am so glad that you feel that way, not only for you, but from a selfish point of view if this is an option that ends up being for us.

Euro Glad all the tests came back normal and you got to tell your parents the happy news! Shopping is shopping, and to be enjoyed, this has got to be one of the best excuses for some new clothes. Personally I like the good news stories, and keeping up with how you are all doing.

Pout Grr sorry about AF

AFM – Downregging, it’s pretty crap, I have a headache ALL of the time, and it is making my vision blurry. At the gym this morning I nearly had to get off the running machine as every time I put my foot down I thought my head would explode. BUT I am lucky, this is a free cycle so just pottering along. I find it weird I have had no doctors appointments or scans or blood tests in the last 4 weeks and I wont until Friday! Friday if everything is well I start stimming, I am hoping the headache leaves me then, along with the sweating and floaty feeling (anyone else??).

devon do they know?? I'd be inclined to tell them and to remind them that although 2 late miscarriages are painful, they still have two kids, what you and Roy have been through is also tough and painful and you don't have two kids to already be thankful for, to be honest I'd be fucking furious, he sounds like a right entitled knob. Sorry about the dog, they do become part of the family

critter you have such an amazing supportive family, have you chosen where you'll go for your trip, I still knitted after my miscarriages, it kind of gave me hope

euro sorry to hear about your mum and gran, must be lovely and a relief to be able to tell people

nelly Any news

cos i'm thinking of you

sea sorry you have been so unwell, it can be the pits

ray some people really don't understand or don't want to, just because they are planning a second doesn't mean it will all work out like they had thought

Ten - urgh you're back on the treadmill. I am sorry about the headaches but wishing you lots of luck. Did you have to wait long for this free round? Did you have any frosties from before? Yes I think you have the same kind of spaniels. They are lovely pets but hard work and it was just all terribly bad luck.

Buzz - they know everything and that's why I was a bit

Lovelies! I am cross and angry at your ILs, devon and at the system failures, fox and about AF's shitty timing, ray. Sad about our collective waits and losses handhold to critter and others Tired of the rigmarole, recognising the feelings, ten and v impressed you keep going. Happy about good support from sisters and some friends. Thinking of you all, failing to keep up, still struggling with exhaustion and insomnia and work All very well in the lemon-world for the bits that matter most. Incredibly grateful everytime I feel Lembie.

Sorry ten We crossed posts, DRing is miserable stuff, I didn't stim for my IVF round but did for super ovulation, I found it ok but depends on the dose I suppose, if for what ever reason you did use donor, you will love your baby, I think you are so grateful to be handed a baby at the end of the long shitty journey you honestly don't care where they came from just where you are going :)

devon
Seriously they know!!!!!
I would respond with 'I do understand what its like to lose something so wanted and loved BUT what I don't know is whats its like to have to have two children to love a cherish' honestly he sounds like he is few sheep short in the top paddock

lemon glad all is well in the lemon household

Devon ^^ What Buzzy said Times a million. FFS are they for real? Why are their MCs so much more tragic than yours? It's not a ruddy competition anyway; and let's face it, certainly not one we want to be part of.

Buzzy I love your sentence I think you are so grateful to be handed a baby at the end of the long shitty journey you honestly don't care where they came from just where you are going. This really made me smile! I hope all is well with MiniBee

Lemon and Sea sorry both of you are so tired, but also love the way you both appreciate it for what it is. I am so happy for all the preggos :)

Ten ugh the DR sounds awful. I'm really hoping that after 3 own-egg rounds I don't end up having to DR for my DE.

Ray I am glad you enjoyed your weekend but sorry it also made you sad. I used to get angry when people made naive comments like your friend did to your DH, but now I realise - why would they think differently? I'm probably so close to giving up that I am becoming magnanimous in my indifference .

Euro oh I am so pleased you were able to give your parents this news. My Mum would wet herself with excitement I think!

Oh yes, Dev AF turned up the day after I posted. Not much spotting which was unusual. But then I had the pleasure of sending my period to Greece. . I haven't started my list yet as I have been rather focussed on another aspect of my life right now that is very exciting, and a little part of me doesn't want to get pregnant any more as this would be way more fun. I will spill the beans next week if it all works out.

Not sure yet when Athens will be. Depends on infection test results. That will delay us a month if I need to take anti-bs, although I guess I could go over for aquascan whilst in the middle of that regime. Yes it will be lovely to be there twice, but the realities are harder. It means keeping one trip secret - everyone would notice if I was there twice in a short space of time, that would make no sense. And it means trying to arrange it all around work, both being potentially quite late notice. But I've long since given up worrying about that, it will work out one way or another.

I've been a bit better lately at earlier nights so must go to bed now and spend 2 hours on the ipad read a bit of my book. MrN away so I get to sleep star-shaped . Loves to everyone I've missed - Pout, Free, Critter, Cos, Fox and everyone else.

devon they sound very self absorbed. I can't believe they'd try to make it a competition when they know what you've been through and you're still not parents. Why would he say that? Of course you have an idea of what they've been through whereas they clearly have no idea about your pain.

I think people are really ignorant about infertility. DH said that people always seem to think it's going to be alright in the end and that ivf will work so they can't understand why it could be so upsetting.

Radio 5 is currently discussing male infertility, I'm going to try and listen on listen again later.

devon I was so sorry to read about your parents dog. So sad and horrible.
I was also appalled by your BIL's comments but loved buzzy's description of him being a few sheep short in the top paddock I will definitely remember and use that one in the future!

ray I am sorry that AF showed up and spoiled the timing of your FET. Typical of the bitch. Here's hoping though that you are destined for a Xmas baby instead.
I was eye rolling at the person you mentioned at the party finding infertility all a bit funny. What a twat.

ten I am sorry that you are feeling poorly. Downregging gave me appalling headaches too but as soon as I started stimming I felt better. Thinking of you.

nelly so sorry that AF turned up. I was thinking of you and hoping for a 'would you believe it' diffment for you. Your potential news sounds all mysterious and exciting. FX it works out.

Thinking of you critter and happy that you have your sister staying with you.

I am shocked at what a horrible run of bad luck your parents have had euro. Your news must have been a very welcome change of luck. sea wishing you get well vibes.

Waves to everyone lemons, fox , cos & adds name to list of unfinished craft projects offenders

The internet ate my post…..

Devon we were lucky our free round came up much faster than anticipated and we actually had to push it back as we were in the middle of our FET. I cannot believe they knew you position and still said that, people are odd, and get so caught up in themselves sometimes it is shocking.

Lemon Exhaustion and insomnia doesn’t sound very fair!

Buzz your right it is just the end result we are interested in I guess. I am heading back to the asylum on Friday for my first scan of the cycle, I think at the moment they put my feet in stirrups it will truly feel like a horror film!

Nelly I would really hope not, for my IVF and FET I didn’t DR, it has got to be better for you not to. Nothing that has this much of an affect can be good for you! The work thing is an issue isn’t it, I feel your pain. I am project based and on client site, I have already cancelled one scan due to important mtg, then they put another mtg in for new scan time! I have had to just say I cant make it, I have no idea what I am going to do for EC. It sounds like you have the right attitude, sometimes you just have to roll with it.

Must see if I can find radio programme Ray that is apparently our ishoooo, although since I have never really had any tests it could be me as well.

Thanks Pout I am starting to get used to it now…..also making MrT rub my head helps, the dog is a bit jealous of all the attention I am getting though – all of her rubbing is being redirected to me.

Waves to everyone, I am off to awards do this evening for the industry I am currently working in, and I am just not sure how I am meant to get through dinner without wine. Networking is just SO painful without it.

ten at your jealous dog. Big Dog sticks his head between our legs when MrP and I cuddle.

Good luck with the scan on Friday and sorry to hear that the appointments are so difficult to juggle. I was always a bit surprised that the hospital always had the attitude that it was possible to drop anything for appointments.

Dev - I find that very insensitive, particularly because they know your situation. I was really sad to hear about your parents dog, the same happened to my neighbours dog in front of my house the week DH and I moved in, the poor man sat and sobbed in my yard for over an hour, I felt terrible for him.

Ten - Good luck with your scan on Friday.

Nelly - Good luck planning your trip to Greece. I am sitting here trying to come up with a clever reason that you could give to explain going twice in a short time period. The only things I can come up with is that you didn't get to see all you wanted or that you heard about a one-time event that you absolutely wanted to attend.

Critter - I'm so happy that your family has been able to be around and support you. I think of you, MrC and James quite a lot.

Cosmo - I'm thinking of you. I am really sorry.

Waves and tail-feathers to everyone I have missed. I have been trying to do a proper post for ages and have not had the time for a proper name check. So I have given up on it, even though I am trying to follow along and I am quietly cheering everyone on and thinking of you when things don't work out.

Not much new with me, just planned a trans-atlantic trip for the spring to escape what keeps being referred to as a "polar-vortex". Essentially unseasonably freezing weather (-20C instead of -5C) and no sign of spring. If anyone did want to see pictures of mini-sweets, pm me and I would be happy to add you to facebook.

nelly do you have to say it is Athens both times? Couldn't you mention a few days in Prague/Budapest (maybe somewhere you have been before so you are familiar with it) for one of the trips?

devon I'm sorry that you are having to deal with such insensitivity. A second tri loss must be awful, but persistent infertility is a special kind of hell because of its relentlessness. It's not quite the same but I found my mc traumatic but encouraging because it showed my body could do the getting pregnant bit. The not conceiving month after month was harder to deal with. If you have never been there, you can't know how painful it is, but you could at least use your imagination a bit and not be so dismissive!

critter I've been thinking of you too and I'm very happy that it looks like we will get to hang out in the US again on my next work trip. :)

cos I hope you are doing ok.

sweet that sounds bloody cold! I'm not at all good at dealing with extremes of temperature so I don't blame you for jumping on a plane!

ten I found DRing hellish. Stimming was a walk in the park in comparison. So I feel for you.

ray was the male infertility programme useful?

Mr euro told his family last week on the phone as they are abroad, so my parents were pretty much the last to know (not that I told them that!). I told them just in time as a load of people at work have guessed. I'm quite narrow hipped and put all weight on my belly under normal circs so I have developed a bump quite early. It really seems to have "popped" now and there is really no hiding it any more. I formally told work this week. It feels very weird to have it as public knowledge.

I am so glad that this thread hasn't died and actually seems to have been a bit reinvigorated by the new title - well done cos!

Thanks ladies, And at Buzz! i thought it was a bit off but i am extremely prickly about them as they are pretty self involved and a bit they are rich, big house, dogs, 2 kids and get loads of holidays each year most paid for them. And It makes me cross how Roy’s bro tells him how hard it has been when all their friends are having kids. Roy admitted when he was drunk that he just wanted to scream “ you have 2 kids!!!” but he has to nod politely instead.

Euro – a bump already. It must be so surreal.

Sweet – i didn’t realise you had baby sweet – completely missed that. Congratulations!! Boy or girl??

Ray – was the radio5 programme on male infertility any good? I find anything i have ever watched about infertility always boils down to age which makes me switch it off. What’s the point of telling people with infertility that they should have started earlier!

Nelly – sorry about af. Grrr but very intrigued about this other aspect of life. New hobble perhaps? Look forward to hearing! Trying to arrange all this treatment around work is a complete bugger. Have you worked out how long you will have to spend over there each time? Or do you go out there and kind of see where it goes? I agree with Euro and think you should tell a white lie about where you are going the second time round.

My bf is in labour. Never spoken to someone in labour before. She was like “this isn’t very nice, it’s like very bad period cramps”. I thought contractions would be more painful than that but I guess it’s the actually giving birth that is the scary bit. I’m so intrigued as to what it feels like! I’m actually super excited for her. I just hope she doesn’t change and doesn’t suddenly believe she has nothing in common with me anymore because she is a mum.

Cos - How are you? Thinking of you.

Devon - I am really aghast at your BIL's insensitivity. I am sure their losses have been terrible but this is not a competition and as awful as a late lost must be there must get a huge amount from comfort from their children. I really am shocked. I think the day to day treadmill of long term TTC is terrible and one of the most stressful things that one has to endure. Not to mention that when one has a mc, people are v understanding but infertility does seem to attract some silly and thoughtless comments as Ray has experienced. I am not saying one is "better" or "worse" than the other. It just seems silly to say that you and your DH couldn't understand after all you have been through.
Have you heard anything about your NHS round?
You are right. I am v lucky and I am glad I get to have my family all in one go. I tell myself that every day especially when I have had the odd day where I have felt really down about feeling sick. I am really just v v grateful that it all worked.

Euro - How many weeks are you now? Congrats on it all seeming more real and having it all out in the open.

Ten - I am sorry DRing is so awful for you. I was really lucky and didn't have much side effect at all. I drank tons of water which I think can help. I also did a lot of walking. It might not be helpful at all but worth trying. I think you did say before but what exactly is the male issue that has been identified?

Nelly - Really hope you get to enjoy Athens while you are there. Tough trying to hide one trip. Your exciting news sounds exciting!!! Ooohhhhh.

Fox - How are you? Did you get any answers on your donor round from the NHS?

Ray - You are absolutely right about ignorance regarding infertility. I have met people who said ivf is only needed because women all leave it too late and if they didn't go against nature it wouldn't be needed at all. Have also met people who thought ivf was 100% guaranteed. I do think to some extent it is a numbers game having met a couple who spent £200k on treatment and finally got their family but the reality is the majority of people do not have the means to keep going or devote the time needed to treatment. I know 2 couples - close friends who had numerous ivfs and didn't succeed. Both have adopted and have loving families and wouldn't change it for the world so I really believe that we will all have our family one way or another.