TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

raydown nuchal test was not covered by my KK. Amnio would have free as I am over 35 but as I said to my dr I wouldn't terminate for T21 and am not prepared to take any risk, she recommended NT scan. Amnio miscarriage risk, I have heard different stats but my gynae dr said 2 in 1000 and the NT scan doctor said 1 in 200. "Harmony" was referred to as "cf DNA" test by NT scan dr. and he said we can talk about it when the blood results are back. If the blood results show a lower abnormality risk than my statistic age risk - 35yrs old = 1 in 200 chance of T21, he would recommend not to bother.

Critter sweets, crying is all part of the grieving process. I hope physically you are getting much better too.

Cos – how are you bearing up today? Sending you a massive hug. I hope you manage to do something nice this weekend.

Pout – I hear you on the mother telling everyone front. Whilst in some respect, it has helped me that she has told people because that means they don’t question me but I hate to think I have this barren label too. I feel like a complete failure as it is but to know that is a public failure too. Urgh.

Ray – i don’t have a problem with mother’s day because I never recognise it. Bad daughter! However, I still have bad memories of Valentines Day going back to my school days. By my mid-20s I loathed the day because it made me feel utterly crap about being single (not helped by people always questioning why I didn’t have a boyfriends) and so for that reason I don’t recognise this day either. I still am very in touch with those single days where I desperately wanted to be coupled up and I feel very sorry for people in that same position. And it is a bit like history repeating itself where I want to be a mum but can’t!

Does Harmony test just test for Downs or are there other things it looks for? I remember before I started ttc, I was talking to a pregnant woman and I was shocked that she hadn’t had any tests. I found it really peculiar. Funny how experience changes attitudes, because I don’t think I would get any tests done now either. I don’t know whether that’s irresponsible but I honestly don’t think I could face making some horrible decision, knowing how long we had waited and how difficult it was to conceive. Ok, I’m way way ahead of myself here but I guess we all think about these things. I would just ride it out and hope for the best.

I wish I had the guts to go back on to FB so I can see photos of the mini 10 plussers. Just wish I didn’t find it such a depressing place! If any of you do have instagram and have uploaded there, do pm me as then I can see baby photos there!

Oh and Nelly - I am curious about what buzz has to say too

It makes sense free only to have further tests if there is a high risk result from the nt.

devon I've got so used to tests that I think I'm happy to accept any testing now provided it didn't put baby in danger. That's why I feel uncomfortable about amnio. It's not that I'd necessarily terminate but just that I'd need to time to prepare, do research etc. Totally academic discussion of course seeing as pregnancy still feels unobtainable.

I hated valentines at school too. All my friends would get cards or roses or those stupid teddies and sometimes if I was lucky my mum would send me a card and would even try to disguise her handwriting. I was the very unfanciable teen at school and it affects my self confidence to this day. I've always thought that I must have been very ugly but looking back at old school photos, I wasn't it was just I was thin and flat chested and teen boys liked boobs and girls who they thought were easy

Just popping in quickly to say cos I'm so so sorry that this pregnancy didn't work out. It must be utterly gruelling to be going through this again. I can't believe you managed a day at work and boo to Mr C. I had so hoped this was it for you. I hope the tests will give you some answers. Did they ever explain the bleeding you had?

critter it sounds like you are doing really well. Grieving will be a very long process and you are very much allowed to cry. Lots of love.

Waves to everyone else. I had the normal NHS screening and we decided we wouldn't have an amnio, due to risk and also the fact that we'd have kept a downs baby.

ray you've just described me at school! I also don't think teenage boys like girls that are clever than them I didn't get my first boyf until the 6th form.

oh yes gin I was definitely cleverer than all the boys

lemons I do feel upbeat, not about ttc stuff because I don't think I will ever feel ok about that. But the sun is shining today and there is actually warmth in it and I have the day off so all is good :)

ray, devon and gin I was a very late bloomer too - didn't have a boyfriend until I was 21. MrC was my second boyfriend. But as sister Critter used to say to me, you only need one! Something that applies to men and to conception.

cos I am thinking of you loads and think you're a total hero. I'm glad the EPU were good - it makes such a huge difference when one gets good medical care. Do you know when you'll get the results back? Hang in there sweet pea. It is fluffy and snowy here and today there is even blue sky so I might go for a constitutional walk round the park.

lemon I am so touched by the blanket. What a lovely, kind thing to do. Can't believe you're over half way there with lembie - it's been such a long journey for you.

devon I have been considering leaving FB, and the main thing stopping me is being able to see 10 plusser pics! I've unfollowed pretty much everyone else who has a newborn or who is pregnant. I love seeing beautiful ten plusser babies but don't like hearing the perky updates of MrC's uberfertile and much younger cousins… guess it's self-protection.

free still sending positive thoughts to your bean.

pout I totally agree with you re Winter vs Summer Olympics - I love the figure skating and the skiing and snowboarding. Less of a fan of the speed skating which is more like running round a track. I do not understand how luge got invented - it is madness!

fox packing… are you going somewhere sunny? I hope so! It's sunny here today and I'm thinking of you and sending you some.

Waves to everyone else. I don't think this thread will close for a while - I plan to be here for some time yet. And we all chat so much that it fills up quickly. I know we're an established group, but I also think we do make space for long-term ttcers who might want to join (pats chair encouragingly for any lurkers) and pass the time with us.

I got a lovely, kind email back from the IVF doc saying he had our frosties, but agreed with the obstetrician that we should wait 6 months, and we should just call him when we were ready. I'm thinking that if my cycles return before mid-July, we will try for one cycle naturally and then go straight to an FET. I realise how lucky I am that IVF worked so easily for me last time (although it may not this time). I feel like I've had the worst luck, surrounded by the best luck, if you see what I mean.

This is ridiculous but a small part of me was scared pre-IVF that my baby would look different if that was how he/she was conceived. Now, having seen James and other IVF conceived babies, and seen how incredibly cute they are and that they are just lovely ordinary, perfect, little old man babies - like any other baby - I don't worry about that any more. My appointment with the obstetrician is next Wednesday - I'm looking forward to it as he is so reassuring.

that doesn't sound strange at all critter. It's something that I had been worried about but I can categorically state that all 10 plussers ivf babies are truly beautiful. I think you've got every reason to feel optimistic about your frosties. They were good quality too I think? And you have a few of them? The summer isn't so far away, I know it feels it now but 6 months isn't so long in the scheme of things. I still think of you every day.

I find fb a little bit more bearable now. I think because everyone I know has had their first baby and people don't seem to post so much about second or third ones. I quite like seeing the baby photos. Bumps and scans and pregnancy related status updates I find hard. devon you could always join and just make friends with the 10 plussers. buzz has posted the cutest photos today.

cos I have been thinking of you and hoping that you are okay. Hope that MrC has been looking after you

critter I am glad that the e-mail from your IVF doctor gave you some comfort and a little ray of light to work towards. Good luck with your appointment next week.

Devon I get so depressed every time I log into FB but still find myself reading all the updates and getting more and more woe is me!

Happy Valentines day to you all. We don't really bother with it in this house either though I did get a card which isn't always a given with MrP!
Just adding my name to the list of late starters I didn't have a boyfriend until I started university. Like you ray feeling so ugly at school & being told by my mum aged 19 that "at least I had brains" has affected my confidence too and I still feel like that ugly duckling.

Ohhh I will check out the new photos of BabyBee. She is so cute and has the loveliest little nose

Interesting talkabout whether you would do any tests for abnormalities. I have always thought that I would but maybe that opinion would be different if I ever was pregnant.

Pout, I once overhead a conversation between two relatives which went like this "you'd never know ray and sisterray are sisters. Sister ray is stunning, just like her mum." Lots more examples like that. Hmmm, a few of us on this thread were late bloomers. I wonder whether teen boys could sense out non fertile vibes.

Critter - FB must be so painful for you now. I admire that you are still on there. I wonder whether your cycles will now kick back into action having had a pregnancy. That can often be the case for people who didn't have periods. In which case there will be no reason why you won't be able to get pregnant naturally next time. I also don't think that sounds ridiculous. I think there is much negativity about ivf and it is seen as 'unnatural' that there is always bound to be that fear. Roy and I are adamant that if we ever do have a baby, it won't be human amd we will produce some new species. I think that just comes from things always going wrong in making babies. Yes we have a weird sense of humour!

Well Critter lovely, hopefully we will both be trying around the same time so we can hold hands.

Ray - oh no one was interested in me at school or uni. I lived with 6 others at uni and I was the only single one at one point. I always fell in love with / obsessed over the really good looking ones and well out of my league. But Roy was worth the wait. Very late bloomer here. In fact, I've always developed much slower than other people and have always felt at least 6 years younger than I am. I sometimes hope that this just is the case with the baby thing to and patience will pay off.

Just popping in to say: late bloomer - check. First boyfriend at 21, married number 3... And I am sure it is at least partly cos I was cleverer than most some of them.

Re: the tests, I would happily have skipped them all, but SB really wanted to know, to prepare if things were looking like Down's. We agreed on NT and bloods, and Harmony if it was high risk. No amnio near my precious pregnancy. Luckily we got really low odds. Before I got pregnant I always thought I'd test and possibly abort. I simply couldn't do it, after all it'd taken...

I am glad you frosties are waiting for you critter and that once summer is here you can go to collect them. I am hoping for swift twibling making. Meanwhile, cry, walk in the fluffy snow, talk to us, rant when you feel like it. Be your wonderful positive self when you can. I am hoping the obst will be as good as he sounds next time you see them.

Hurrah for upbeatness by any means, ray. A bit of bright light can really help. I am getting quite ready for spring. This grey and dismal weather has lasted long enough.

A card, well pout you're doing much better than me . As to fb, I still haven't unhidden any of the preggos and young mums. So it's very much okay.

Still thinking of you, cos. I am so cross with the universe. On lots of 10+ers behalves!

X-posts with ray and devon. I am so aghast with that comment ray. And from the bit I've seen elsewhere, ridiculous too.

Devon so happy roy was worth the wait. SB definitely is too. I am sure your baby will be just as alien as all babies are. They are often odd looking but in an adorable way.

Quick catch up from me as I'm supposed to be paying attention to the seminar I am in. Which is incidentally in Paris. On valentine's day. Mr euro is on his way out- the first time he has ever managed to join me on a work trip.

I just want to send hugs to all, but particularly cos and critter.

I also wanted to answer ray's question about the Harmony test. I'm paying 400 pounds for a package which includes a viability scan, the test and a full 12 week scan. This is at the fetal medical centre in London which is a real leader in the field but bizarrely seems to be about the cheapest place to have it done and includes the scans as well. I've heard of it being priced 700-900 pounds elsewhere. I don't have my result yet. I get it Monday along with my 12 week scan. I'm quite nervous as I can't believe that after so much bad luck things might finally go our way. I keep waiting for something to go wrong. In the last few days the nausea has eased and so have the stretchy feelings. The men killing never ends.

We decided to have the test because I know that by taking so long to conceive I am in the few percent who don't manage it in two years. So being told I have a 1 in 200 chance (which is the kind of result you get with the combined test) of a problem would just leave me thinking that I will be the 1. The test covers not only Down's but also Edwards and patau. We've decided that we wouldn't terminate for down's but might for something that is incompatible with life. I hope this helps.

Pout/ray - god people are rude. My mother has always referred to my legs as tree stumps which I found bad enough for confidence. It only takes one comment when you are a kid.
Ray - weirdly I always felt very fertile and big hips and I always felt like I was born to have kids and stupidly use to say it. Talk about tempting fate, I couldn't have been more wrong!
I

I is in the sunshine! I feel 100% happier. One day I will live in perpetual sunshine. I am parceling up some vitamin d good feeling for critter and cos with hearts on it for v day. My room has a bath overlooking the sea and h has bought some v expensive bath oils which I am impressed with! Introducing h to space nk was a Very Good Move

There are no babies or children allowed in my hotel. Result! Sending a big wish you were here to all you lovely beyonders. Oh and I was an ugly duckling at school. I got my braces off and it all got better. It stays with you.

Busy day on here! Very jealous of the sunny hold fox. I made the mistake of venturing out this afternoon in a duffel coat just before the heavens opened. i now smell like wet dog on the bus home.

critter enjoy the snowy sunshine. I love the fresh feeling of dry cold days - perhaps moving to Scotland was ill advised on that front....

Another late bloomer. A few dates in high school but first boyfriend at uni. Met boyfriend number 2 after grad school and married him. Quality over quantity most definitely.

Apologies for rubbish name checking but approaching stop.

Valentines Day and Mothers Day are just made up and commercial aren't they

Also if any of you want to unfollow/friend me I won't be upset by it. I shall try to curb the photos

fox it looks lovely where you are, I'm sure I could count the dry days we have had here for winter on one hand

cos men do say stupid things, I'm sure he really didn't mean anything by it, I hope you get some answers from the testing

pout and ray I am always amazed at how rude people can be, my mother had a thing about weight, I was never fat until I was 28, but she would pass comment if I did put on a couple of kilos, I wouldn't have minded but she was fat herself, people tend to project their own insecurities onto others, I found the life coaching made such a difference to my self esteem

critter you are a truly amazing person, you'll know when its time, I hope the next few months pass quickly for you

euro I do hope the men killing eases after Monday, didn't for a nut job myself enjoy gay Paris :)

devon We had the NHS tests, did consider Harmony but my donor was 25 so the risks were lower, for me I just wanted to know the risk so I would be prepared before the baby arrived, again if it was something that would end the pregnancy anyway then I suppose we would have the choice as to when that would happn, I wouldn't want the baby to suffer, but no amnio, no matter how low the risk of miscarriage I wouldn't have done it. I used to think it crazy that women didn't have them but can understand why some don't want to know.

sea lemon free and mad Hello ladies hope you are all ok :)

nelly No I don't find your questions insensitive at all :) the only time I have really questioned my choice was after Shehata said I should have tried with my own eggs at his clinic, I sat in my car and cried, it took me time to realise that he was only interested in taking my money and not so much on the outcome, that if he really gave a shit he would have supported me no matter what.

I know I made the right decision for me, it was about becoming a mum at the end of the day whether it be my own or donor egg or adoption. It does feel surreal reaching the end of the TTC journey and actually having that much wanted baby, but from the moment I finally pushed her out and she lay between my legs all covered in crap, she was MY BABY. Although her DNA belongs to some very kind hard up student who happened to be reasonably good looking she is mine in every other sense, its my blood that flows through her veins and it will be my mannerisms and beliefs and ideas that will be passed onto her, as well as Barrys of course :)

The donor has only been on my mind as I am so eternally grateful to her, because without her I wouldn't have my baby, I don't think of the donor as her mum or as being part of my baby although biologically she is other than the egg. The donor has played a small but very crucial part in my baby, the rest has and will be down to me, you have over 9 months just you and your baby and you do bond, especially when you can feel them move inside you.

I feel nothing but absolute love for her, how she came to be doesn't matter, I have found myself telling every man and his dog about how she came to be, its something I feel not proud of but i don't feel it should be a dirty secret, I want people to know how I got my beautiful baby, not sure if they all want to know :) donor egg is more common than people realise,

I do remember asking on FF about how they felt about it and they all told me once you have your baby you don't care, its true, but I like you did wonder if I ould feel differently, like you have nothing to compare it to but honestly once this little thing is expelled from your body you can only feel love for it, at the end of the day it is part of your partner and I love Barry to death

sorry that is quite waffly but in short babybee is the most precious thing in the world to me and how she got here is not important :)

if you have any other questions do ask, I don't mind

quietly sobs at Buzzy's beautiful explanation of motherhood

Buzz, that's made me well up. I love your photos, 10 plus babies are gorgeous.

I'm feeling all loved up and emotional, just read the blanket thread and that's made me cry. How lovely people are.

Buzzy massive squeeze, that was so lovely to read that.

Valentines day slobby kisses to you all.

Slobby? Or sloppy? Not sure of my slang. I guess slobby lazy teenage kisses are appropriate in a late-bloomer kind of way?

Buzzy what a lovely heartfelt emotional post, thank you so much for opening up so honestly, and also for finding the time! I'm sorry I've only just seen it - my app seems to have decided I'm no longer "on" this thread . I'm so glad to hear how happy minibee makes you, and please don't stop posting pics on the other place. 10plussers make extra specially lovely babies and we want to see them .

Critter and Cos, special love to you both. Fox, the hols look amazing. Enjoy enjoy enjoy! Late bloomer, yes me too. Weird.

Saw some sun today. Well, blue sky. It was a forgotten relic of a time long ago.

Loves to Everyone; and no Fox I don't think the thread will close down any time soon! I will be here for a while for sure...

Sorry for not keeping up. Two very very close family members are very ill in hospital and baby sar has been having some (not very serious) investigations of the kidney. But I am always thinking of you and we are ok.

cos- honey I am dreadfully sorry about this miscarriage, how unfair. I am pleased you have had the testing and im really sure you will get some helpful information. Hang on in there.

critter- so glad you feel a little easier. Your drs sound sensible and sensitive and in time you will ge pregnant again, big big hugs.

euro - good luck for tomorrow. The reduction in cramping and pulling at this stage is normal but I know the scan will be the only thing that can reassure you. Tight hand holds.

Devon and Ray and Pout -sorry about the unhelpful and mean family comments. Everyone of you is truely beautiful.

Have a lovely jolly Fox

lovely post buzz -she is gorgeous.

Got to dash. Sending hugs to everyone, hello to lemon, nelly, gin, free and mad.

Sar so sorry about all the illness stresses, particularly mini-Sar, do hope she is ok.

Euro very best of luck for tomorrow, will be thinking of you.