TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

x post Devon. TBH I think Roy should say - you already have 2 kids. I mean... they sound like they need a reality check.

Well I guess my attempt at subtly failed . All being well there will be more fluff to care for after this weekend. My current one is frankly a bit special needs (literally) and I put in a lot of work for no little reward. New fluffball is showing signs of being pretty awesome so I'm hoping fun will be restored. MrN thinks the timing is odd, but I need something to take the pressure off Athens.

I think we have to go for 48 hrs the first time (scan and MrN leaves a sample to freeze) but we need a spare day in case they decide on a hysteroscopy. The second trip is just for ET as they will probably use the frozen sample, but we can go for a fresh if we want. The problem is the timing can't be certain until trigger day! Initially we were going to go for a week the second time but that might not be so easy with work at short notice. We are hoping we can sneak away the first time, I just need to remember not to go on FB!

Sorry for no catch-up, at work. Sweet ooh yes please I will PM you

euro - it was a bit strange for me telling everyone too. I'm a bit jealous that you got a bump so early! People only guessed with me because I switched to decaf.

devon - I agree with sea, Roy should have mentioned the two they have. It sounds like your ILs are clued out and even more insensitive than mine.
Because you're curious: labour at first felt like cramps - right before my water broke it felt like bad cramps whilst squeezing a waterballoon in my crotch a very strange feeling. It gets more painful after your water breaks. What no one told me is that the room looks like a murder scene when you finish. Mini-sweets (boy) was born mid-Jan at 9lbs 3 oz. I guess I forgot to post it here, as I had posted a few details on the grads thread.
I still see my child-free friends, I also live vicariously through them I think she will still want to be friends.

sea - I'm glad you have something nice to focus on to try to help you get through the nausea.

That does sound rather surreal sweets. I am at the inbetween (mini-bump) stage, where none of my usual clothes fit properly but I don't have enough of a bump to fill maternity wear. It is gratifying to see my belly grow though, so I am not complaining - I've waited long enough!

joy I agree that your friendship shouldn't suffer.

sea I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow. How is your nausea?

devon Did the inlaws ever find out a reason for their loss? Two second trimester losses after two full term babies seems strange, something must be going on now that wasn't before. Are they much older now?

nelly new hobble sounds like fun and a great distraction.

euro how lovely to have a bump. How did work take the news? Do you know how long maternity leave you'll take? I haven't listened to the radio bit on male infertility yet. I'm sure they won't say anything I don't already know.

I feel sad today. Not for any particular reason but I think because talk of second babies by friends has bothered me and it's four years since we had the discussion about ttc and we're no further forward. Friends who didn't start trying until ages after that are now having second babies. It's like being in one of those nightmares where you can't move forward.

dev she could have only been in early labour, contractions get alot worse than just bad period cramps, Roy is very controlled I would have lost my rag with BIL

sea £200K

nelly They should be able to let you know when it will happen, I had to down reg to get my cycle in line with hers, and they gave me a date for ET weeks in advance so we could book it in advance

euro yay to bumps

ray I understand the feeling of not moving forward. Do you remember when I had hypnotherapy last year to stop me flipping out at the prospect of being sedated? The woman had me envisaging a timeline. I tend to talk with my hands and was gesturing left when I talked about the distant past and right when I talked about the recent past. She looked confused as asked me if I was at the end of my timeline. I wasn't - my subconscious was literally living a bit in the past, probably around the time we started to ttc and our lives stalled.

ray probably not loads as I am the higher earner and work for a US firm where the culture is not to take lots. Plus if I'm honest I am a bit concerned about being forgotten. The current plan is for me to take around 4 months. There are now laws here that mean the father has the right to take the rest of the mat leave, so mr euro will probably take the next 3 or 4 months (which means he gets all the food thrown at him during weaning - mwhahahah [but my god it feels strange to talk about things like that]). I might also try to go back 4 days per week for a while. Nothing is set in stone yet though.

When I told our office manager she said everyone had already guessed. By which I think she means the (female) admin staff. I doubt the male partners have a clue! She was very pleased for me though.

Pout I know it is as if they have never met anyone with a career before, but I know that cannot possibly be true give the ladies on here!

Sweet Polar vortex sounds like something that should be avoided at all costs!

Euro yay good news you have popped and are embracing the bump!

Devon wow well done Roy, I don think I would be that restrained, especially after a few glasses of wine! I think it is a rare horror story when someone changes completely and cant be friends with people who aren’t mums, I have only seen it happen once so I am sure it will all be fine.

Sea I think it is perfectly understandable to be a bit down about how rough you are feeling, long term ttcs should have glowing easy pregnancies and sneeze births all round. Still at least this is a onetime deal. I cant remember what the male issue is, crap sperm of some description.

Nelly I got a puppy as we started our first cycle, she was absolutely the best distraction I could have asked for, I simply didn’t care about anything else! Distractions are the way forward

Ray I sympathise with your feelings, I cant let myself think about the bigger picture otherwise I am worried about my reaction, so I am burying my head in the sand and carrying on. We also have friends who didn’t start trying until well after us and now have little ones.

Waves to everyone else!

Quick hello from me. Just wanted to say that thanks to sweet I had the most bizarre dream last night that I was giving birth It was one of those dreams where you actually feel pain Bizarre as it was it is probably the closest I will get to giving birth!

dev Aw that you are worrying that your BF might drop you when the baby comes along. I am sure that she will be chomping at the bit to have someone as sweet as you in her baby's life

euro wow at the bump already and people guessing. You must be very trim in that area to begin with for it to show already. Ironically I look about 6 months pregnant at the moment.
I have discovered the most amazing museli and can't stop eating itthree bowls at breakfast, lunch and dessert in one day was an all time record even though it seems to make my stomach bloat really badly.

ray I agree about feeling like being in one of those nightmares where time has stood still and you can't move forward. That is exactly it, Groundhog day. There is nothing more depressing than feeling like you are at a standstill & all attempts at progression are like hitting your head against a brick wall. Nothing has changed in my life for four years except the surroundings and me getting flatter and flatter.

I bought some Vit B Complex and have been reading about the SMEP bollocks though I doubt we will do it this month because MrP has another urinary tract infection bizarrely exactly a year to the day that he had the first which was when we were doing our IVF cycle. You have to laugh that after four years and a year after the magic bullet of IVF I am going backwards and pinning all hope on snake oil again.

Love and waves to all. Good luck with your scan tomorrow Ten

pout - I'm so sorry I gave you a horrible dream! I love museli and have vowed to never buy it again, because when I do, DH and I eat it in industrial quantities.

Ray - Big hugs, I'm sorry you are feeling down and stuck in place. That is a really hard place to be.

Ten - good luck with the scan tomorrow. The polar vortex has been here since December and I am starting to dream of spring.

pout I think it is more a testament to my weak stomach muscles than anything! I am very long bodied and have to work my core hard at the gym to maintain any kind of tone there. I haven't been near a gym since November, so it didn't have to fight to escape!

Embrace the snake oil. You just never know. When there are sperm and eggs, you are always in with a chance.

ten I'll have everything crossed tomorrow.

How lovely to have a bump euro. I have weak tummy muscles and I'm quite slim so I suspect I'd probably show quite early. 4 months maternity doesn't sound very long, but that's great that you can split it with mreuro.

Did your best friend have her baby devon? Of course she'll still want to be friends with you. All of my friends have continued to want to speak to me and be around me. More so than with their friends with babies. I think because they know I'm not going to do that competitive baby thing and that they can talk about things other than babies. Also, I'm quite good at showing interest in their babies which they love and people with their own don't seem to like other people's babies very much. It does change the relationship though, I think pregnancy and motherhood do affect people and I've noticed that my very bright friends have sort of become a bit absent and ditzy, like the baby is taking up all of their brain space. I hope this is a temporary state :)

pout woo has it's place. I convinced myself that the reason ivf failed for me was because I continued to drink tea and eat chocolate in the 2ww. As long as you ovulate and there is sperm then you're in with a chance.

Yes Cos, I hope you are ok. I’m sure it has been a very difficult few weeks. Let us know if you hear anything back about the histology.

Sea – i don’t think it matters how long you have been trying, throwing up and being constantly nauseous must be very unpleasant and very draining. It must be very hard to be upbeat. Haven’t heard any more about my ivf cycle. The meeting is in 2.5wks where I expect i will go through the same old stuff again. I really hope i can do it within the next 6 months but i may need to prepare for a year’s wait...or more.

Nelly – that’s really exciting about your hobble. A great distraction!

Sweet – thanks for the labour story. I really am fascinated by it. Sounds perverse but I really wished i was the one going through labour and not my friend.

Pout – Groundhog Day is exactly what it is. I thought i was over the whole nutrition and vitamin thing as it seemed to do bollocks all for me yet i have been madly googling fertility diets again and wondering whether i have too many toxins in my body. I’ve had a good 6 months off all this and now i’m back in panic mode. In many ways, being left behind like this and still 4 years on thinking about nutrition and vitamins makes me feel really stupid and dense. If egg and sperm fertilised in the dish, it seems incredible to me that they can’t be meeting at all so i always thinks it’s worth trying things. I think something like 25% of people go on to get pregnant naturally after failed ivf cycles.

Ten – i hope the scan goes ok.

Ray – sorry you have been a bit down. I don’t think the waves of sadness will ever stop until we have a baby. BF did have her baby a few days ago. She is the closest thing I have to a sister and I have to say I wasn’t prepared for how I would feel. I have been so excited for her throughout her pregnancy even though she wasn’t even bothered about having kids but had unprotected sex once 9 months ago and that was it but when I saw the photo of this perfect little baby and mummy and daddy, I had to leave the office and cry in the loos. I then cried some more yesterday and some more this morning. I am finding it hard to come to terms with her now having a baby. I am genuinely happy for her but just so unbelievably sad and frustrated and worried for us which eclipses any happy thoughts. I know life is unfair and people go through so much worse but you are so right, it is a never ending nightmare of emotions. Which would sound overly dramatic to anyone who hasn’t been through it.

Also off to purchase a 6th present for baby/child in the last week. It get’s quite depressing going in to these kid/baby departments.

Afternoon Ladies

Pout I cannot have those ‘pretend to be good for you but infact contain a whole load of sugar’ cereals in the house as whole boxes magically disappear in between meals (and I have blamed my clothes not fitting on IVF hmm…..). Snake oil has its place. Buseralin seems to make me have quite vivid dreams, last night I was being crawled all over by spiders, weird and gross.

Thanks for the good wishes all, I am all shut down which is good news so stimming starts today, but I have to keep on with the DR drugs as well. This LP business sucks and as someone has said previously it is all just done to fit in with the hospitals timelines (eg they ONLY do EC on a Wednesday or a Friday). I still haven’t seen a doctor, I wonder if I ever will??

Hurrah for being downregged!

That sounds like my experience at King's ten (which is what led to my burserelin meltdown as they wanted me to stay on it for an extra week as they couldn't fit me in). I think I saw a dr for my initial consultation but not after that (although I only got as far as the appointment you had today before walking away).

devon I think when there is no diagnosed reason for why it is not happening it is hard not to believe that a little tweak could be all that is needed to do the trick. Our problem must have been to do with sperm and egg meeting as every time they were put together in the lab, I got some sort of positive test (mc, 2 chem pregs and then this one). I often wonder if it was something like PH balance that was the problem. Do you remember the poster on this thread ages ago who was told to douche with bicarb solution and got upduffed on the first cycle (although it was also her first clomid cycle too)?

You are doing amazingly to go around baby depts. I always struggled hugely with that and bought many gifts online as that was easier.

ray 4 months really isn't very long, and I might feel I need more when the time comes. In any event, I think it would be easier handing over to mr euro than going straight to childcare, although I have friends who have done that at 3-6 months and it has been fine.

Ten - yes well done on being downregged. I plan to tell the docs in a few weeks I won't be downregging on any circumstances. I hope you can choose in the nhs system. They can't make everyone downreg surely. Some people shouldn't be.

Euro - I often wonder what your problem was - bizarre I think about this but as you are unexplained too... But you are convinced you had chemicals many years ago - do I recall correctly? So it was as if something was meeting once so then why did that stop? That's why I always thought immunes with you. But ph balance is intriguing thought. I have thrush again and I can't help but feel something is very odd with my ph balance. But you are spot on, unexplained is probably why I am always tweaking things.

I've wondered about progesterone levels too (particularly since reading about cos's experiences). My level when tested back in 2011 was borderline (dead on 30 so high enough to confirm of but maybe not high enough to sustain a pregnancy). Of course my 4 IVF cycles were all with progesterone support. I was always questioning why. I think it is hard not to with an unexplained "diagnosis". But I'll probably never know.

Hi there. How are you all doing?

I agree the not knowing is one of the hardest things to deal with because if you don't know what's wrong how can you be confident of what the right way forward is? And cue much mentalling back and forth about what to do next.

And the sheer waiting too is just so arduous isn't it. Am thinking of you all.

Good luck Ten, when is your first scan?

Euro am so chuffed for you, we need success stories I think to keep us going. Will be interested to hear your stories of how you find things in your industry.

Dev I'm so sorry about the tears and the best friend scenario. I completely understand. I bumped into a bestie recently who hadn't rang me to meet up when she could've. Very small thing and I might have normally just taken it in my stride but I also was in floods of tears in loos. It's the sheer neverendingness and the surely we've done enough now feelings. Such complex emotions when it involves someone so close to you. When someone knows everything and has been a great support the thought if maybe losing them in quite the same way is really hard. I recently saw another friend with new baby who handled it all brilliantly and we actually had a great time.

Sea holy crap at £200k. On what exactly could you spend that amount I wonder? Hope you are ok.

Pout how odd about the dream? Is your subconscious telling you your future?

Ray I'm so sorry for the low feelings. I sympathise completely. Welcome in to my tent with the quick sand floor if you please. The FET will be hear before you know it. Was there a tweak in treatment plan following your results, I can't quite remember. Beautiful photo of you on t'other place. You are indeed very slim and the belly will be most noticeful.

Fox gorgeous lady hope you are well. Oh how I wanted to be sipping that cocktail with you. Where are you at with things?

Muddy I like the concurrent plans for hobbles and Athens. It could be a wonderful place to start a new life. I love the name Athena for a girl!

Critter my hero, how are you. At all of my lowest points recently thinking of your grace and courage has helped give me strength. I'm glad the doc gave you all clear for some nice activities, plus some more information and reassurance of close monitoring. Loved your full fat coke and bacon sarnie comment. Why is coke so amazing yet so bad for you?

Waves to everyone else. Afm I have still been feeling really not myself. I haven't wanted to be alone which is most unlike me and have been meeting up with people constantly. I feel so agitated. My most comfortable has been in stressful work meetings. When we talked about our top 3 books I never admitted to mine - mine are always jane Austen though the order rotates. Currently top is persuasion. Oh the 8 years of agony and misery, the wretched sadness of feeling your chance of happiness is gone! I have re-read it twice and have been watching it on repeat on lovefilm. I'm sure ill snap out of it before long. Critter thanks for the recommendation of st marys, I've made an appointment next week to see Raj Rai. I think the results of the miscarriage testing will be a couple of months away so at least I can feel like I'm doing something in the meantime by seeing someone else, though am expecting him to say its my eggs. Anyway happy weekends all.

Oh and I thought you might enjoy this one. Fil gave me a recommendation which came out of him discussing our situation with his neighbours. Didn't even bat an eyelid. I guess when you're saturated you just can't get any wetter (bitter)

Cos, I've been thinking about you. You've had such a cruel time recently it's not surprising that you're feeling out of sorts. I'm joining you in the tent, let's hope we're not in there for too long.

What was the recommendation?

My funding has been approved back tomorrow...

Evening everyone. Have had a beautifully sunny day up here which put me in a great mood. Flowers are blooming in the park down the road and I have aired out the flat. I've been trying to read and keep up with you all but have been rubbish at posting.....

fox hurrah for funding!!!!!! It's about time the nhs gave you some positive news. I am so pleased for you. You deserve a shot at this and I just know that it's going to work out in the end . Will be back tomorrow for the update.

pout aren't dreams strange? I hardly ever remember mine but when I do I sometimes wonder if I am a teensy bit unhinged .

cos no wonder you still don't feel yourself. You've had a horrible time of late. I was worried that results might take ages..... Good idea to see someone else in the meantime. I too am curious what your fil recommended. Mine has come up with some corkers!!! He is also appalled that I hadn't stopped work at about 15 weeks though so I am used to taking his advice with a pinch of salt.

critter lovely so glad that your family is still rallying round and that you've had some sun. A Caribbean escape sounds ideal. I was thinking of you today and I hope we still manage a catch up sometime when you come for a visit xx

nelly furry distractions sound like a grand plan. Our house is resolutely animal free but I think if ivf hadn't worked out that I would have talked MrM into a kitten at least. Something to cuddle and spoil. Last minute trips to Athens do sound hard to organise - surely they are used to thus and can give you a window??

devon I can imagine it's tempting to explore all avenues while you wait it out for your nhs round. Better to feel like you're doing something. I can only imagine how frustrating it is to be unexplained. My diagnosis made it all more straightforward I think. Very disappointed in your relatives turning this into a competition. I would not have had Roy's restraint!!

ray I felt for you and your dh with the insensitive friends. MrM had a horrible night down the pub a few years ago with lots of rude jokes about a friend's brother having to go down the ivf route and the sperm analysis etc. one of those men is now doing ivf himself so I'm sure he has seen the error of his ways but it made MrM much more reluctant to go out for quite a while.

ten loads of luck for scanning. I felt so much better once the downregging was done. I am so hopeful for you.

euro I didn't show for ages and was quite anxious for a bump to make it feel real. I am so pleased for you. 4 months does seem short but having MrEuro home afterwards will be a big comfort. MrM is taking our last month because he wants time to establish a relationship without me bring there. Too many of our friends the dads aren't confident and the mums won't let them sort things out for themselves.

sea I hope the sickness passes soon. In the first few weeks I panicked that I didn't have sickness but now I know I was just incredibly lucky.

Okay I am sure I have missed loads but this post is massive. Here's to relaxing weekends and the knowledge that spring is on her way xx

Fox!!!That's great news, fantastic!

It was more the indignity of my fertility ishoos now being standard garden fence conversation fodder and a few years ago I would've been horrified. However you're all obviously even more desensitized than me!

cos I'm not sure we are, just curious as to what FIL could have come out with!

On a more serious note, it is not at all surprising that you are not feeling yourself. The appointment at St Mary's sounds like a good step forward. I think it is the leading NHS mc practice, although I heard they are somewhat sceptical about immunes, although that may have changed.

I love Persuasion too. I have a DVD with a BBC adaptation of it. I must watch it again. I'm overdue a P&P rerun too.

fox that's brilliant news.

mad that is one of the reasons we are planning it that way - we want the baby to be our responsibility, rather than mine. Plus in our case, it makes financial sense. But we will see how we feel about it all when the time comes.