TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Hi all

So quiet on here. Euro I am so sorry you're going through this. I know it is terrifying. I can imagine you must feel an overwhelming mix of emotions right now. Keep talking to us. Did you decide to go with the second private consultant in the end? Hold tight - the limbo will at least be over soon although I know this is bloody scary.

Nelly day five?? Good heavens. I am angry at the fertility universe for dicking you around like this. So sorry honey that your cycles continue to be infuriatingly whacko. How are you feeling? Are you still thinking of Serum-ing in a few months?

Joy any news on your next cycle?

Fox hope you're doing ok.

Sar thanks so much for all your kindness. I don't think the trauma of what you've experienced is fixed by a baby - I think it must take a long time to get over the experience of long term ttc. That is something all the graduating ten plussers have said, I think. It's deeply unfair that we haven't had the joyful relaxed experience most women have with their conception and pregnant journeys. Never feel like you can't talk about it here. What you went through was bloody awful and you're more than entitled to still feel sad about it.

AFM I've had a rough weekend but starting to feel better. I think stopping the progesterone and oestrogen, combined with the hormonal change of the HCG tanking in my body, sent me into a supernova orbit of grief. And then we have been at a friends' wedding weekend with lots of pregnant friends and friends with babies, many of whom hadn't seen me since last summer, so I felt really exposed and like people were looking at me . I kind of want to be quarantined from normal people for a bit. But it seems to be easing off now as my hormones start balancing again. It's amazing how much of this is chemical. Feeling a bit better now.

critter I can't believe you made it through a wedding. I have a tendency to want to withdraw from the world when I am dealing with difficult stuff and I am not sure I could have managed it. I'm glad you are starting to feel a little better. I know what you mean about so much of our moods being chemical-controlled. That was so obvious to me during downregging.

We did decide to go with the second private consultant . He's away this weekend, so we need to meet with him when he's back to discuss the delivery. My stomach lurches every time I think about it.

Euro I think that was a great decision although I know it must be still very very frightening. Anything you can do to make this less of an unknown experience has got to be good. I'm so sorry this is so panic-inducing.

Just met a lady at post wedding brunch who had her first baby naturally at 47 after trying for years with no success. She said she prayed to the Virgin Mary the month he was conceived. Her son is now 19 and charming. I was . Like meeting a unicorn.

Sunday evening greetings!

Some testing times on here, as always and part of the long term ttc territory sadly I think.

Euro, I can't really begin to imagine the stress of this situation for you. I'm glad you are with a cons you trust. This will pass soon, you will get through it. And we are all rooting for you x

Critter ugh to a wedding right now! I identify with the feeling of being exposed and 'viewed'. This journey makes us feel stamped out as different and I hate that. But, we are different. And actually the longer I talk on here and get to know everyone here, I kind of value our difference? I would far far rather none of us have had to suffer any of the things we have, of course. But we are a pretty special bunch and you lovely Critter have been such a lot this year but remain so - well so very you. I want all of this to make a rapid u turn to good times for you and remain confident that this will happen ever so soon. Hang on in there.

Nelly god damn to uber short cycles and early ov. This has happened to me and you just think what?! and it feels like bang goes another month and therefore it is immensely depressing. I know you have birthday plans afoot soon I think so hope you can focus on those and have fun.

I am now on day 30 of downregging. I would like to say it has given me no symptoms and that I'm breezing through it but that would not be strictly true. Though I have adjusted I think. I am now having hot flushes and boy are they delightful. Mostly I hate them because it is like a peek into the future. Sign me up for HRT already. Imminent heatwave would normally make me mega excited but now I am frankly scared! I stopped the stupid drug two days ago so should have a bleed anytime soon (prays). Then I get to be scanned again and, if all is good AND the other recipient is ready the donor starts stimming. This whole process is feeling like years. I have moments of fret that I could have gone through all of this for nothing and that feels bad. But I generally feel quite calm. It is quite liberating not being egg responsible. And also bloody weird.

fox I'm glad that the downregging hasn't been too horrific. I can't believe how long they had you doing it. I hope all goes smoothly for you now.

critter the unicorn line made me smile. What a lovely story, although she must have endured years of heartache along the way.

Thanks euro. Alas I'm still downregging and will be for a good while yet. It was noristertone I stopped. I've not had the promised bleed. I feel Doomful

Fox you've just got to keep putting one paw in front of the other. I bet time is dragging but it WILL pass and soon you'll be through with this horrid process. Just a few more weeks. Totally understand why you feel doom full given what you've been through and the horrible hormones swishing around in your body. Some of it is chemical and some of it is because every experience you've had with this has been rotten. But this may well all work out in the end, it's a new cycle, new start, new everything.

Euro hope you are managing to cope with the anxiety.

quick phone post to say fox you have my full downregging hot flush sympathies. They are rubbish. I found hot weather not too bad though as wearing light clothes was normal and everyone was sweating. Stripping off coat and jumper outside in the winter was a bit more conspicuous! You will catch your break soon xx

critter surviving a wedding was very brave. I have been thinking of you.

euro you must be so scared but the birth won't matter once centime is here. I know hardly anyone who got the birth they had hoped for. you are a very strong lady and you will come out of this even stronger.

must go but waves to all I haven't managed to name check.

Euro - my god this is so difficult for you. The great centime will be here soon and all this limbo will be behind you.

Critter lovely, coming down from pregnancy hormones is just horrible and you have had a whole heap of shit to deal with this year that just compounds everything. But you are right a lot of it is chemical. I was incredibly surprised how cheerful I felt for weeks after my erpc and then as soon as the hormones went I went into a big black hole for a long time. It was very strange. Are you back at work?

Fox - 30 days - that is horrid. Poor you. Fear of failure is very natural but not nice. It is hard to believe how we, our individual selves, could be that lucky especially when everything to date has gone wrong but I think there have been a lot of people on these boards who have thought that and got lucky. So it does happen. But nothing ventured, nothing gained as I was once told. You are giving yourself a very excellent chance and that's the best you, any of us can do when things are not within out power.

Sar - I remember all too well the hell you went through those years ago and how scared you were. That of course will stay a while but hopefully one day it will be a distant memory.

I am taking noristerone and i now recall this is what I took on my honeymoon to stop my period coming. Fox, is this downregging? I have no idea what I do next. They just said take for 14 days, not sure if I get called. I wouldn't say I was a control freak but kind of want to know the plan. Got a free appointment with a bigwig doctor this week as he has looked through my notes and has some suggestions. Intrigued. He just better not say PGD testing on our embryos. I've got counselling next week.

Waves to everyone.

Hi joy. I took the nori drug to induce a bleed. I had to take 3 pills a day for 8 weeks and stopped on Friday. They said a bleed would come 2-3 days later. It hasn't! I feel, because I started downregging on cd1 that my cycle ticked over, I ovulated and actually would have had a period anyway if they'd left me be. This is what the serum help sheet for people who start downregging on cd1 and not 23 says will happen and that this is normal for a cd1 start. I'm pissed off with my clinic who seem very knee jerk and I wish id refused the noristertone. I now feel all messed up. Ironic to be hoping to see a period, forgot what that feels like! I'm not sure it counts as downregging, more of a drug to orchestrate when you get a bleed? But my body isn't one to be told what to do. I have to call tomorrow if no period and have a scan and possibly more druggage. I hate them! But useful to have object to focus rage upon

Oh and intriguing about the doc -really hope you get some answers joy.

Days not weeks. Dense brain.

fox grrrrr. How infuriating, what a huge pain and it sounds like your instincts are right and you would have had a period anyway if they'd let you be.

By the way I saw your award on the other place - can't say I'm surprised that you're such a superstar but huge congratulations anyway.

Totally get what you mean that we are different. We've been through a whole boatload of crap but come out with kindness intact. That is a big deal and all the 10 plussers should be proud of ourselves!

joy exciting that you've started on the road and that sounds great that you're meeting with a big cheese cons. I will be eagerly waiting to hear what he has to say! Maybe worth writing down some questions in advance?

mad it is lovely lovely lovely to see you, as always. You have such a big heart. Hope all going ok with baby.

euro how are you doing?

Oh Fox what a pack of shite. One day this will all be a surreal memory when your toddler is tantrum-ing in Tesco, but it could have been made so much easier. Focus on the "free" aspect maybe?!

Critter an so sorry about hormone come-down and the outpouring of emotion it triggered. I'm really hoping we can arrange out meet so I can give you a real life hug. I think of you often, always with awe at how caring and generous of spirit you are, despite your hellish year.

Hello Mad, hope you can be part of our northern meet too

Joy that's interesting about the doctor, I agree pre-prepared questions would be a good idea. Norithisterone is a progesterone pill I think, so BCP rather than DR. Though in all honesty I'm not sure I understand the difference. Sigh

Mr N in midst of a health scare. He's always has high platelet count and hence donates. He went this week and they stopped it because his WBC count had plummeted by 80%. He went to the GP today who said it may have been the Greece drugs but that should have recovered by now. It's most likely a virus but he's going in for blood tests and is worried it might be sinister. Just currently thankful that due to his regular donations he has found out. If it is serious he will know early. But obviously we are hoping it's just the flu.

Euro thinking of you x

Oh nelly that is a bit scary. The antibiotics could well be to blame though, my acu has seen a few women who do the serum ab regime and reckons it wipes the system of both good and bad bits for a few months. Really good it's been found - does he feel ok in himself?

Was there a northern meet up date ever set. I'll probably still be waiting for my period by then

Hi ladies. I'll be in south-west Scotland during the last week of August. Will hopefully have rented a car so I can meet you all somewhere between the 24th-28th? We can maybe arrange on t'other place?

Oh no at poor MrNelly. I will be crossing every finger and toe that it's just the antibiotics and that things right themselves. What's the timeline for your Serum run nelly? Does he have to stay on the antibs for a bit?

Nelly - goodness that is scary. Is MrN not feeling well? Those antibiotics are a phenomenal dosage so hopefully that and nothing sinister. Are you ok?

Fox -, for gods sake. Seriously you really have been through it. I am not surprised your body doesn't want to be told what to do. How will they induce a bleed? I am kind of ridiculously hoping this extra progesterone would get me pregnant and my period will never come when I stop them. Ha ha. Have you thought about that, mad as it sounds?! The drug gage is awful and I hope you can stop everything soon enough. It all sounds haphazard for you and chaotic. Is there any indication when you might be getting to transfer?.

Critter - how are you doing , are you still feeling hormonal?

Met with the doc who ploughed through my notes which are as thick as the bible now! . The suggestions are growth hormone when I stim. A scratch. Embryo scope pictures. Intrallipids and pred although he doesn't believe in immunes but thought best considering my history. Also he was aghast that we had ICsi considering Roy's excellent sperm analysis. As we have a quality issue anyway, this would have just made things worse. Interesting no one had mentioned this before. So ivf this time round and only if there is a problem with his SA we will do half and half. He was very confident that their lab is the best in the country - funny that because I was told that at the last clinic! I just need to stay positive now and think this is going to work.

I hope all is well with Mr N and it's just the antibiotics attacking things.

joy I think that's a good point about ICSI. Create always said they only use it when necessary, not as a matter of course, because in the lab they can only pick the best looking sperm, not necessarily the best sperm. The scratch might have been what helped me along, so there's no harm chucking things like that and the embryoscope into the mix. I hope this will be your lucky cycle. :)

critter I'm a bit far south to make that one, but have a great time.

fox I am sure your pesky AWOL period will turn up soon.

Wow Joy at the ICSI thing. What a farce. So many of these doctors seem to withhold important facts and information like it's some kind of kryptonite, and if they share they'd lose all their power. I too think scratch is good, I'm still annoyed that my last IVF cycle didn't get to et stage to test if it worked.

Euro you still being here is good, I think? Hoping for, well, whatever current best case scenario is!

Fox you did make me chuckle at still waiting for your period by August, which isn't entirely lovely of me. Did you DtD around the time of the wasn't-supposed-to-happen ovulation? Cos that would be the best 2 fingers up ever.

Critter yes let's talk over on the darker blue page.

Still planning on being down South for the other date so will need to see who is free around then too.

Thanks for concern on Mr N. I'm sure it's just a bug, fingers crossed. Joy we both only took them for the 25 days, which is why the GP thinks any effect would have worn off by now. He's not obviously unwell, but has been thrashing both the bike and the running and is lighter than he has been for a long long time, which might also have an impact. So lots of logical explanations that are more likely than the scary ones. Let's hope.

Oh also I may have been hasty thinking I was ov on cd5. I them had more cm on day 8 and again today on day 10. I guess I'll know when my period arrives!

So sorry for the endless waiting for periods when you want them. Very annoying fox! I really hope that despite the cockups and one size fits all approach this will work. Also massive well done for the other thing!

What a worry Nelly! I really hope there is an innocent explanation for mrN's blood concerns.

How are you, critter? Thinking of you loads. About now and about critter-son.

That sounds like a throw it all at it round, joy! It might just be what swings it. I liked the scope, we have a movie of our top embie (which didn't work)...

Handhold here too for euro!

joy that sounds awesome - really comprehensive and helpful. Fascinating about ICSI - didn't know that. It sounds like you are getting good care at least if he is on the case - despite the various scheduling mess ups. Very encouraging stuff I reckon.

euro hope you're ok. 34 weeks tomorrow, right? That's great news.

fox any sign of AF yet?

lemon you are such a lovely person. Hope Lembie isn't keeping you up all night!

nelly I'll have fingers crossed that you work out what's up with MrN soon and that it resolves itself. Horrible when your DH is ill. Mine is terrible at being ill and just suffers away miserably.

AFM all ok, bleeding seems to have stopped and my HCG is now at 63 (it was around 700 last week). They want me to come back in next week for another test, I think the next cycle will be once it gets down to zero.

Also my lovely consultant called me this morning to check in (I texted him the day before I miscarried to tell him I was pregnant - then texted him the next day after I started miscarrying to tell him what happened). I asked him about trying naturally and he said to not bother and just do another cycle. I told him I was probably overthinking things and he said that was natural after a tragedy but that when I did get pregnant again he would make sure I had all the tests etc and we could deliver at 38 weeks. I am so lucky to have such a kind and wonderful doctor looking out for me.

Was also going to ask - those of you who've done frozen rounds, did you do assisted hatching?

He sounds lovely Critter. I'm glad you have him on your side. How are you feeling in yourself?

That sounds good, critter! I am in favour of more frozen rounds when you can cope psychologically! The twibling is round the corner. Lembie was an early blast, no assisted hatching.

and yes, he's keeping us up and completely knackering, but lovely and doing his first actual smiles, but that is for elsewhere

Critter, though I've never been close to a frozen round so not sure if there would be a difference, we were told assisted hatching was not without risks. We asked about it and were told because the zona medulla showed no signs of being abnormally thick, it could be detrimental as it was not always a precise science. But gut feel would be implantation has occurred in both Embies and therefore hatching isn't an issue for you. Is it being suggested?