All that she wants is A baby! The Berries searching for the 'sign' but never symptom spotting (honest), possibly using a vagina jack and trying to get a FUFC before boarding the IVF train (thread 18)

[Bunnygirlie]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

RP sorry to hear you have more waiting.

Welcome to all the new Berries; it's been busy in here recently! Hugs to all Berries having a rough time.

Sorry it has been a while, been struggling a little recently. One too many bumps for me to cope with! No FUFC for me; am CD3 and start down regging in 18 days and quite frankly am bricking it! Still at least DH has agreed to this cycle so am hoping that I may be pg before my mates start popping them out!

Apologies to those I've missed; am on the phone but will get on the PC tomorrow and have a proper catch up.

Good evening all, just back from weekend away.
Sorry to hear that you have been feeling down barking and you feel you're heading that way happy. I have, of course, a lot less experience with ttc but I do have lots of experience of feeling down (about ttc, feeling a failure by not having DCs etc, feeling left behind). I've tried pretty much everything: CBT, psychotherapy (the 'lie-on-the-couch-and-tell-me-about-your-dreams' kind), counselling, mindfulness. The last one was the most constructive. I learnt that I spend a lot of energy beating myself up about being sad/ angry/ down when just accepting the feeling for the moment and accepting it as temporary has been a lot more helpful to me. So I think it is ok to feel sad/ frustrated/ angry/ disappointed now and then; this is a very sad/ frustrating/ nerve-wrecking situation. But the sadness will not last, it is temporary. Compassion for ourselves is more useful and more positive - at least it has been for me.

RP, I am so sorry that the news from the doctor have not been good and I can understand that you're scared and especially of more delays. I keep my fingers crossed that it will be good/ better than expected news on the 31st. Can you pin your doctor down a bit more? Or get another opinion?

Barking, re the exercise: I play volleyball, so some impact, I guess but I would stop immediately if there was a BFP. I just did not want to stop before a BFP because exercise, similar to you, is what keeps me sane. The indoor season is over now, anyway, impact is not as bad on the beach and I really hope that this will not interfere with conception (especially if we have to sort out the swimmers first). I will think about taking up yoga though, seems like a good idea. I hope your injury gets better and the weather stays good for cycling. Really looking forward to the long evenings. More cycling for me, too :)

So Berries, be kind to yourselves, you deserve it. You are wonderfully kind and loving women and I am very glad to have found you. xx

Arr kamikaze that's such a lovely post and welcome too!

Hb don't worry the down regging so far isn't too bad. However I only started sniffing yesterday!! I phoned up the fc and my lovely nurse eventually got back to me and said it's 1 sniff in each nostril. I said I'd read the schedule and she jokingly said no one else ever reads it!! I said it's the teacher in me! Anyhow at first I thought the nasal spray was fine and thought what's the fuss about it tasting bad... Until it trickled down my throat! Eurgh!! But it's easy enough, just like hay fever sufferers with beconnaise!

We're really just taking it in our stride and trying not to overthink things. We've been a bit naughty this w/e, pub on Friday, afternoon drinking in pub on Saturday, although I drove so not that bad, then out for drinks in eve with friends!! We had previously said that once we started Ivf we wouldn't tell anyone but dh was rather tiddly and it all came out to our dear friends! he got really upset about the whole thing bless him.this is the thing with our men folk, they keep it all in!!

Rp- what a worrying thing for you to have to deal with. I really hope it gets sorted out in the best possible way for you. I second your advice to barking- just focus on your honeymoon, we hopefully only have one so need to really enjoy it. Perhaps you're on a bit of a come down from all the wedding excitement, it can make you feel like a bit of purpose has gone. Maybe try to relive the nice memories by making a photo book/ wedding memory book? You're also probably really ready for a holiday from school and the honeymoon will be just what you need, don't beat yourself up with thoughts about spoiling it.

Love, love loving the fur baby pics!! Also loved the mumsnet scripture- very, very funny!!

Hi everyone, had a hectic weekend for dh's birthday so not been around much.

Barking I hope you are feeling a bit better today, hugs to you anyway though. Keep focusing on the future and remember, we will be IUI'ing soon we are getting there, gradually!

Happy, I am not surprised you were struggling a bit, the delays you have are ridiculous. Not too long til your next FC appointment is it? Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

RP so sorry to hear about your kidney problems, I hope you hear better news than expected at your appointment. I do feel for you with the delay to ttc as any delay is shit, but for health reasons too is so rubbish.

Kami and Parsley I like both your advice, do you know where can I read up on mindfulness a bit more? I have managed to improve from being quite negative to quite positive and am so much better for it.

Feather hope you are ok, that was so sweet of your dh re the puppets but I totally understand how hard that was for you. Hugs.

Hope everyone else is ok and sorry to those I've missed as am on my phone and can't scroll back.

Good afternoon, berries,

I finally got over myself and started the medical investigations (I know, I know, I should have done this ages ago but I have an illogical fear of doctors and hospitals). I'm doing the blood tests on CD2 and CD24 (or something like that) and have also been booked for a smear, which I was due for anyway, and a dildocam. Ugh . At least, my GP is really lovely and she is making things as easy/tolerable as possible.

I have two mindfulness mp3 from LucyRainbows that I started listening today. Unfortunately, I'm terribly jet lagged so I fell deeply asleep for both of them!

Beaky no reading up advice I'm afraid, I can't even remember where the concept sprung up from. It's a coping technique I've been using since about 1 year in to this nonsense tho and it definitely helps me process stuff quicker. It's not about repressing or denying the feelings of sadness/anger etc. it's more a case of recognising them and making a conscious decision about whether I want to feel them or not.

Because well done. I find I can suffer from a bit of a mental block when it comes to taking action on medical stuff, I get a bit Ostrichy but you will hopefully feel better for the proactivity (and also hopefully get some good info from your GP).

So, I am officially out. AF rocked up bang on schedule this AM so back to CD1. Seeing GP tomorrow so will give him a good grilling on what can happen now. Pg colleague made her announcement today (via email) and thankfully it's been a very low key reaction (at least visibly, I think people are probably avoiding discussing it in front of me!)

Parsley we must have sync-ed up, AF got me this morning too.

Beaky, I read The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert and Overcoming Depression, also by him. At least bits of it were helpful. The Compassionate Mind has both the theory and the practice, whereas the Overcoming book is more CBT. I read it at a time when I was very anxious and it made me feel better and more kind to myself. Oh wish, I/ we all would manage that every day

Because, well done on getting started. I get the ostrich thing, I do that, too. I finally got a GP appointment, too. Another two week wait until that, though, just before our holiday.

Bushy, hope you can be an inspiration for me in not overthinking things.
And Happy, thanks for mentioning CRGW, hadn't checked them out yet but success rates seem lower than LWC Wales. Do any of you pay any attention to the success rates FCs publish? Also, I couldn't find an up-to-date HFEA inspection report for CRGW. Do you check these reports to decide which FC to use (NHS or private)?

Hope everyone is well, been rather quiet this afternoon/ evening. More sausages in the sky necessary, Feather? So sorry you felt sad at your DH's remark, he was being sweet. Hope you are feeling better.

I won't go into yesterday or this morning, life is throwing shit at me right now - you know when one thing after another goes wrong?! . Nothing major, just lots of little bits of shit....

Anyway, my birthday is also very much mid June parsley!

Berry opinions please! Honeymoon. DH has just booked us both a skydive. I said we should not try this month as I wouldn't jump out of a plane knowing I was pg. DH thinks I'm being silly, nothing would affect it that early. In theory I should be Oving anytime in the next few days. We haven't dtd yet for various reasons. Jump is in 3.5 weeks. Am I being completely ridiculous?

barking are you a 15th??
You're not being ridiculous at all in being concerned, but I do sort of agree with your DH that there's probably no risk at that potential early stage anyway, but I'm certainly no expert! I have however done a skydive myself and it was absolutely fecking AMAZING and I would 500% recommend it, such an amazing experience.
Anyway, sorry you're having a bad few days and I hope you're out the other side of it soon.

because damn that witch. I hope you're also enjoying a cheeky as completely ineffectual compensation.

bushy good luck with the dower egging (I still prefer that to down regging ) and good luck to hampshire for later in April too.

feather golly that would've set me off too. Sounds like something MrP would say - he's such a good, kind and loving man and so amazing with our nieces and nephews. I want to give him his own baby to be the best Dad ever to so much, it breaks my heart.

kami hope you're off somewhere nice on hols, and good luck with the GP visit.

Ours is tomorrow. I want to know if we can do any more investigative tests after last years doomed BFP, and if not if we can do any privately without impacting our nhs eligibility etc in future. I am specifically potentially interested in Prof Quenby's implantation clinic as implantation has been my personal concern and was also raised in my Catching Rainbows plan. Has anyone in Berryland seen Prof Q??

Barking I do think you're being a touch ridiculous if I'm honest. If you find out you're pregnant before the jump then don't jump. So what if you don't get a refund, you'll be so happy you won't care. I imaging this jump will be pretty close to your EDD. I think you should use it to try and clear out the grief and make a new start without dwelling too much in the past. You'll probably find the whole process quite cathartic. You need to make the most of this once in a lifetime trip. X

Glad you got started on the sniffing Bushy and think you are approaching this with the right frame of mind.

So sorry that you're having major health issues RP. I hope everything is positive on the 31st and if not we'll all be here for support.

Sorry if I've missed anyone but on phone so hard to scroll back so far.

Kamikaze as far as I can see the success rates on the website for CRGW are an average for all their treatments whereas LWC publish separate success rates for individual treatments. We were given the success rates for IVF when we went to the open evening at CRGW. I can't remember exacly what it was (maybe 48% for my age group?) but higher than what Ive just seen on the website I think. LWC looks good too. I think we'll probably go to an open evening there too but will wait to see what the NHS says next week. Let me know how you get on with your research.
Sorry you're having a shitty day Barking . Would it be possible to cancel the skydive if you were pg by then? Not sure I'd want to risk it tbh as if something did go wrong you'd always wonder what if I hadn't one the dive? How would you feel about taking a month off? I'm sure that would fly by especially as you'll be having such an amazing time on your honeymoon.

That's why I think skipping this month is the best plan gillster, I want to make the most of this holiday and DH is really keen to jump together. The chances of a natural bfp after over 2 years of trying are remote anyway so it seems best to just leave it so I know I definitely will be able to jump and make the most of the holiday.

Hmm barking you know what, ever since I started TTC, my life has become smaller and smaller because I've been so obsessed worried about it that I've been thinking "better ease off in my yoga practice, it might harm a possible zygot", "better take it easy running", "better not drink too much" (ok that one is a reasonable one but 'much' for me is a small glass of wine!) and then I realized that I was putting my life on hold for something that could (can) take a long time to happen!

So I'm with Gillster in that you should just do it, make the most of your honeymoon, and you know what, if you happen to get pregnant and jump, then you could tell your kid that he was the youngest skydiver ever .

Catching up on the rest...big hugs to Peasant, I don't think you are being self indulgent at all. Hugs hugs hugs.

I'd know if I was pg because, and after one mc that I've really not handled very well there is no way I would ever jump after a bfp. I think I'd actually enjoy the holiday more if I knew I wasn't pg. It's only one cycle to skip and I remember the morning sickness when we were travelling last summer - it wasn't much fun and I'll be in a camper van for two weeks. I want to enjoy the honeymoon as much as possible - and the next shag week will be while we're away so all lines up well . The jump is before the next potential ovulation .

Ah well, then why not? I skipped a month in January because I was kind of fed up and depressed. No regrets

barking that sounds like a plan!! I think we can all relate to those feelings because describes of putting your life on hold and that, when you think about it in the cold light of day, is just crazy.

Had my GP appt today, thankfully MrP came too as I was a blubbery mess for the first few minutes, so he did the talking. Basically the GP (as expected) couldn't confirm or deny much about where we stand NHS treatment wise, but he has decided to refer us back to the fertility clinic and has re-ordered a new SA for MrP and Day 21 bloods for me to hopefully speed up process if/when FC do see us. I'm going to wait for that to ask about the implantation clinic and then if they're not keen I might see about self referring anyway.

Yoo hoo!

Right some news today. Not brilliant, but actual cold facts. I went to see the GP re: my blood tests and my AMH is 20 ('satisfactory') and the DC21 progesterone is 30 ('on the cusp of having ovulated'). However given that I normally OV on CD16 rather than 14ish I am guessing that that number would have been higher had they tested a few days later, and the GP agreed.

So, in her words.......'You are not on a hiding to nothing.'

She avoided any discussion of luteal phase defects but I didn't push as not totally sure I have one (???).

So I will see the urologist on Monday and then I'll know more definitely about the kidneys. Thanks so much for all the kind words. 99% of the time I am fine with it but then just sometimes I'll read about somebody dying of kidney failure or something and get all melodramatic

barking I think that is the right attitude. This is your life, and your honeymoon, and you want to enjoy it!

Parsley at least things are moving, eh.

rp advanced best wishes for Monday. I am also wondering about my next Day 21 test - as I now have a 31 day cycle (I could set my watch by it!) rather than 28 days, should I go in for the blood test on Day 22 or 23?

RP glad you have some answers. Your AMH is a lot better than mine - mine was 6.2 (although I'm old )
Parsley the cd21 test must be done 7 days before AF is due. It's only called cd21 as its assumed that most women have a 28 day cycle (which they obviously don't!). I had mine on cd19 as my cycle is 26 days but yours should be done on cd24.

barking I would take a month off if it were me. I have just done so because of the hsg and although I was initially naffed off about it, it was liberating not thinking about ttc. Enjoy your honeymoon and the hear and now!

because what you said about life getting smaller and smaller is so true. It is exactly how I feel although that is probably also in part attributable to moving out of London to a city where I don't really know anyone. I thought I'd have a child and my focus would change and I'd make friends locally but instead I'm living in lonely limbo.

parsley sounds as though the gp appointment was progress of sorts.

rp at least you have the facts now and your results sound as though they are within normal ranges. Reminds me that I must email my GP and ask for my actual results.

feather sending you a big hug. Any update on the wedding dress choice btw?!

Hi to everyone else! Not much to report here...hideously bored at work at the moment but loads on so have to work late. Sigh. Off on Friday though so hoping the week goes quickly!

Bushy hope the sniffing is going well & like your not overthinking things!

Because good for you getting to the GP & getting booked in for your tests etc, also you sound like you have a really exciting job!

Parsley sounds like it went well at drs and at least he is getting things underway again for you. Are your waiting lists very long where you are? Sorry you got AF this month.

Barking maybe a month off is what you need to get some head space and also really enjoy your honeymoon! A skydive would be amazing - I don't think I could ever do that! Too scared! Sorry you've had a shit time lately too.

RP sounds like your results are quite promising, and fx the urologist appointment goes as well as it can next week.

Tiger my work is a bit like that at the moment, so so busy but dull as. I really need something else to do. I know what you mean about making changes to accommodate having a baby & then being in limbo waiting. I feel a bit in limbo as it's as if I am waiting to catch up with friends and family in the family department. I don't get invited to things as I don't have kids so I generally end up missing out on catching up with adults too!

I haven't really had the chance to chat to dh since our FC appointment last week and feel like I need to. I know there's no point in worrying and I'm lucky to have been referred for iui/IVF so quickly but I'm still thinking why can't my body do it itself and I am so so worried about having more time off work and, if it is successful, telling them. I also worry that I'm not getting any underlying problems resolved which could still cause problems. Anyway, enough whinging! I just need to get on with it.

Hope everyone else is ok today

Also Boodle how are you? Hoping things are going well and quickly for you.

beaky god no! my job is not exciting - it is downright stressful. It has nice perks like travel, which I love, but tbh it always ends up being an exercise in plane-hotel-office-hotel-plane. There is a big reorg going on at the moment so I'm half considering putting my hand up for redundancy and chilling out for six months to see if that would help with TTC.

tiger I know very well that feeling of loneliness in a new town. Maybe join a gym? That's how I always made friends.