All that she wants is A baby! The Berries searching for the 'sign' but never symptom spotting (honest), possibly using a vagina jack and trying to get a FUFC before boarding the IVF train (thread 18)

[Bunnygirlie]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

Merk, Sid and happy, thanks for your very kind words and supportive messages.
DP has talked about being referred to the hospital for a proper SA but he said he would prefer to go private with this as he is worried that results will be mixed up. I know, he has a very vivid but unfortunately bleak imagination. At the same time, friends of ours have mentioned they spent £11k on IvF without success and now DP is totalling up and wondering whether it is worth it. I guess, my question is not just how to be supportive but also how to keep him going because he does not seem to show the same urgency as I do. I've given him the vits but saw your list, Sid, in an earlier post and might stock up. Thanks again for welcoming me. You all seem such nice people. Fingers crossed for all our DtD efforts.

Kamikaze if he's worried about costs, you might point out that SA is offered first thing on the NHS when investigations are started (as opposed to, say, an HSG) and often need repeating as the process plays itself out. Having it done on the NHS is a no brainer if costs are a factor - save your money for things that tend to take longer to get approved, like HSG/hycosy, polyp removal, etc (speaking from experience). Also, about the vitamins recommended to us, they were for somethg called "sperm DNA fragmentation" a opposed to sperm count. Fragmentation can be an issue if conception occurs but the development of an embryo ends, due to chromosomal issues. Our clinic thought we might opt to be tested for it, but we decided to just take the recommended vitamins in lieu of paying for the test. Ultimately we only took them for about 2 weeks before we conceived, so I'm not sure they had time to do any good, but you never know!

Also, if it helps, our estimate from our private clinic (which wasn't the cheapest we'd researched) was about 5k pounds. Comparing costs is tricky as each couple has a different set of issues needing to be addressed, so don't lose heart at the idea of spending 11k and not having anything to show for it. Seeing a specialist (or at least a competent GP to get the NHS ball rolling) will help you come up with a realistic plan. Taking the first step is the scariest bit, I promise . As for how to impress him about the urgency - the process takes long enough once you've started; delaying things til the last minute isn't going to make it any less stressful. Since you're 35 and have been trying for over 6 months, it's time to get tests underway. Tell him that the NHS wouldn't fund it if there weren't plenty of evidence showing that 35 is the age at which things really need to get popping!

Hey lovely berries! Just popping in to say hi to all!

Welcome kami sorry you have found the need to find us but the berries are awesome and will be great support.
It must be tough for a bloke to find out their swimmers don't work, its such a blokey masculine thing.
Me and DH were told it was very very unlikely that we'd get pg naturally as I have PCO and hubby has low sperm count.We had our first go at ivf/ICSI in January and were very lucky that it worked. It can happen! Good luck!

Welcome Kami Have you had your tubes checked?
I have a perfect 28 day cycle and ovulate with great egg reserves, DH has brilliant sperm, but I have blocked tubes. So thats that all fucked then.

Yes lots of people do have male factors but unless he has zero sperm you are in with a chance. It only takes one remember.

Time to remind us of the Elderberry Scripture:
In the beginning Mumsnet created the TTC forum and saw that is was good. But many of the threads were full of women complaining that they had not been blessed with their 4th baby. And Lo many women who were evil and greedy for having delayed having babies so they could live fabulous lives and have holidays (and nothing to be with being financially stable and being with the right partner) and they were made sad by the women who already had babies.
And they went into the wilderness and walked for 40 days and 40 nights until they came to the promised land of elderberries and sausages. And they saw that it was good.

And Lo those women did pee upon the stick of OPK and saw that there were two lines and held it to the light and did say unto their fellow elderberries 'tell me oh wise women, is the test line darker than the control line?' And the wise women said that it was and they must make haste to their bed and the elderberries did call unto their husbands and ask for him to lay with her and he said, 'but I have been busy at work and I'm too tired.' And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And the elderberries did go to the wise GP and speak to him but he didn't understand but sent the woman to have tests on the wrong day. And the woman did say unto her husband 'you must spill your seed into this pot and a man will look at it and see if it is good' and the man said that he was too busy and tired. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And the woman looked at her fellow women and they all doth say 'but I laid with a man but once and I have had many babies' and another said 'I think thou doth triest too much. If thou stop trying it will happen'. And the women were evil and they thought not for the feelings of the elderberries and they doth call upon their friends to bring them gifts as they were very pleased with themselves for having a baby and could not understand why the elderberries find it so difficult.

And lo the elderberry did find herself reading the scripture of the internet and did do everything asked of her by the soothsayers therein. She did eat manuka honey, she did pee on sticks, she did put a pillow under her bottom, she did not partake of the caffeine or the alcohol, she did put the legs into the air after she had lain with her husband but each month she was visited by an evil spirit. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Our peestick
Who art in the bathroom cupboard
Clearblue is thy name,
Thy peeing on done,
Thy one line only come,
This month as every other,
Give us every other day strength to DTD
Forgive us complaining
As we forgive those who give us advice,
And lead us not to read the internet
And deliver us of a baby (eventually)
For thine is the CBFM
The opk and the conceive plus,
Until we get two lines
Amen.

Well done Pip. Always good to revisit the Berry Prayer! Feeling über positive just in time for the wait from hell

Welcome Kami
Where abouts are you? You might find that some NHS trusts are more generous than others. I'm in SW London, and they are pretty good. My GP can order up seemingly endless LH and FSH blood tests, and the FC got me in for a HyCoSy and pelvic scan within weeks. SA was the same.

In the end, we made the switch to private to explore treatment options, but even if we hadn't, they will offer up to 3 cycles of IVF on the NHS. So please don't rule it out. The final nail in the coffin for me was that the infertility investigations bit was in the same part of the hospital as the early pregnancy unit, and it was just too much to sit there with happy women stroking their bellies, or cross looking women yelling at feral kids…

Thank you pip for that. It has cheered me right up after sitting in the pub with some friends, and the puppy asleep on my lap. One of them said 'Aw, don't you think you'd like to have a baby asleep on your lap one day? Although I can't imagine you with one really. Maybe stick to dogs'
Oh, ok then

Pip each and every time I read that I want to marry you

and at insensitive comments spare! How are you otherwise? Where are you with the FC at the moment?
For me the worst thing about going to the NHS FC is having to walk past the pregnant women smoking outside . DP isn't one to hold his tongue so I'm amazed he hasn't said anything yet. Think it's only a matter of time!

Hiya, really quick question to boodle or anyone else that's done Ivf, sorry to post and run!! My drugs finally arrived, what a flipping nightmare that was, case of third time lucky with non delivery! I'm due to start sniffing on sat, my info says twice a day,am and pm. Sounds stupid but does a sniff in each nostril count as one or two? If I am meant to do two does that mean two in each nostril, so sniff, sniff, sniff sniff? I might ring clinic tom to double check Thanks!!!x x

Hi everyone, and hi and welcome to Kami Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. I would echo the other berries who have said that male factor issues are as common as female. Also home tests are definitely not as reliable and an SA tests for a number of different things and gives a range of results, which means you can identify where the problem is, if there is one, and then address it if you can. Maybe try the if you know for sure you can try and fix it angle? In any event, I hope you get your bpf soon

Gil happy birthday for yesterday!! I hope you had a lovely day.

Pip that's great! Can I ask when the Berry thread began? I hope you get sorted with your thrush soon, its an absolute bitch

Sid you've given me a lift there thanks.

Parsley your catching rainbows plan sounds really interesting and thorough, Im very curious now! Barking has yours arrived yet?

Happy my vits seemed to delay ov for me, I used to ov really early and now am more around day 14, although saying that the fc think im probably not actually ov'ing

I had my fc appointment yesterday and basically she said that my cyst was probably just a follicle and that I have adenomyosis.....?!? WTF. Apparently its where the endometrial fibers grow into your womb wall. It's treated by contraceptives, so no go there, clearly! She said that it shouldn't stop conception. Anyway, the bit where I fell off my chair was that she said that was the end of my tests and I was unexplained, and she would refer me for IVF now. I was really really surprised cause I thought they were going to make me try clomid and send off me for another 3-6 mths and I just wasn't prepared for diving straight in.

She also said I could try IUI first as this was less invasive and we basically had to decide then and there, so I just said IUI. You get 3 free rounds then you can move on to IVF also the waiting list is much shorter (although she didn't know how long). I just wasn't really prepared for making that decision. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for the speed of things and not having to mess about indefinitely but I just wasn't expecting this quite yet.

So sorry for the really long post, am just struggling to get my head round everything and have blabbed on!

Anyway, hope everyone else is ok, and hooray for friday tomorrow.

Bloody hell spare what an awful insensitive thing to say hope you're ok . What kind of puppy do you have? I have a westie, love her to bits

Woo hoo to the drugs arriving Bushy! I did short protocol though so can't help with your sniffing query I'm afraid.

Welcome Kamikaze! As the others have said, get rolling with some tests, particularly your DH. Knowledge is power.

I finally had the follow up appointment after my fibroid removal op in December. This appointment should have been in Jan! Turns out they removed a polyp and not a fibroid. It's a shame another polyp has grown in the time it took to get the appointment. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if another polyp had grown in the time it took to see the doctor this morning - 2.5 hours!!! I even had a Homer Simpson esq response when they finally shouted my name, couldn't resist shouting "Woo hoo!"

Thank The Lord I remembered to bring my kindle, would have been a different story otherwise. I think the doctor was glad that I didn't complain about the waiting.

One woman was moaning that it had taken her 3 and a half weeks to get her appointment. It took all my strength not to respond to her!

Hi all,

I'm abroad for work so have only had time to skim the messages, but hugs and flowers and cuppas to everyone and welcome to Kamikaze. I received my Catching Rainbows email with goodie tracks earlier this week but have been working 14 hours day and not really had time to review it until now.

It is very good. She caught on the big issues immediately, so accurately that I had a bit of a weep while I read her email. Big emotional release! I now have a few relaxation/hypnosis tracks to play with. I have listened to a couple of them and they are a rather good. I am quite suggestionable to hypnosis, so this is right up my alley. Plus she is really good at answering questions. So all in all, I say it is really good value for money, not the least because she has given me hope that one day it will happen for me.

OTOH, AF has just got me, of course it would happen when I have to catch a long haul flight the next day! But I might still get home in time for a CD4 blood test.

Great that you have a plan Beaky even if it all seems a bit overwhelming at the moment. Bunny started the original over 30s thread back in September 2012 yes I really have been here that long. It wasn't christened the Elderberry Pavlovas (now commonly known as the Berries) until thread 2.
Sorry to here about your polyp problems Gil. Have they said what's causing them or is it just one of those things?
Because others have also been impressed with the Catching Rainbows report, let us know how you get on. I may give it a go myself.

Beaky, I can imagine that it was quite a surprise to be put on the spot but great that things are moving forward. How does it feel today having slept on it?

Pip, thanks for the manifesto. That's a great piece of writing.

Spare, I hope you are ok after the comment. That was a horrible thing to say.

Because, fingers crossed for you getting back in time for your test.

Gil, have they suggested a plan on how to deal with the polyp situation?

Thank you for all the lovely replies. You have definitely given me some hope and much needed motivation to keep on going. Having read the thread, I at least have a pretty good idea what to ask for at the GP now (tubes top of the list now, Pip). I am in Wales and from what I've read here, waiting times on the NHS can be quite long. Right, happy? But I will get the ball rolling.

And yes, hooray for Friday!

Woohoo another Welshie at last . Yes kamikaze definitely get the ball rolling as its a shockingly slow process here. Are you North or South? I'm South and it's been 10 months since we were referred to the FC and I've seen the consultant just once, with our second appointment in 2 weeks. Once you get on the IVF list (if you need to get that far) its an 18 month wait . We've decided that we can't wait that long and are planning on starting privately in September. In hindsight I probably would have paid for a private 'fertility MOT' at the outset. At least then we could have got some of the main tests done fairly quick and cut out the 3-4 month wait between NHS appointments. Good luck.

beaky how soon will you get IUI? I was told within 18 weeks. We might be IUI ing at the same time! Quite jealous you didn't have to jump through the 6 months of clomid first, I'm on my first none clomid cycle since last June!

Welcome kazi, I'll join in the bullying, just get yourselves to the gp and get all the tests done.

I've not got my catching rainbows yet, should be arriving in my inbox today.

I only joined the berries in feb 2013 after using a cbfm and realising that I had an LP of 8 days. I'd already been trying over a year by then though.

Much belated birthday felicitations Gil!

On my phone so sorry if I miss anyone but just wanted to call by!
beaky wow, that is fast work from your FC, how are you feeling today?
pip thanks for posting that and thank god for the berries!
kami belated welcome from me too - you've been given lots f top advice already. I hope you and your DH get lucky soon!
because I had a mega weep while reading my catching rainbows plan too - she just 'got' everything. I've had the craziest week at work so no time to action anything yet or listen to the mp3s but I'm off to H&B this weekend!

I have decided I'm going to make an appt to see my GP again. I'd originally said post MC that we'd wait 6 cycles before going back but I just want to clarify where we stand with regards to nhs assistance since the miscarriage as our BFP was au naturelle. If, as I suspect, we're back to 12 months wait again then we'll probably go for some private MOT tests later this spring.

Feeling really moody today. 10dpo and fully expecting AF on Monday but I had to go for an emergency wee at the station this am (despite having been just before we left the house) and (woo alert) my evil eye charm bracelet broke as we left the house as I was thinking about getting AF (I have Turkish family, evil eyes protect you from bad stuff so if one breaks it means it's caught something bad and stopped it reaching you). Someone please wang me with something big and heavy.

Beardy I had injections rather than sniffing but 2 sniffs sounds like just 2 sniffs, pick a nostril or do one in each! I think Sid might have been sniffing?
Welcome, Kamikaze
No wanging from me, Parsley, will keep fingers crossed for you. I only used to get superstitious around exam result time, now I'm forever counting magpies!

Barking yep they told me within 18 weeks as well, she said IVF would also be in that time but iui would be quicker as the list is shorter. We may well be doing iui at the same time!! I don't know if I should have opted for IVF straight away rather than iui first, any advice anyone?

Happy sorry about that really long waiting list, that's rubbish.

Parsely I think it wouldn't hurt to go back earlier just to see what they can do and when. Fx you don't need to wait the full 12mths again.

I think I'm going to get a catching rainbows plan, everyone's sounds so good. Hope everyone is having a lovely Friday

Bushy yes sniffing 2x a day should be one sniff in each nostril, morning and night. But double check with your dr though! Mine wrote everything out so it was foolproof, otherwise I know is have had the same panic!!

I found it didn't really make me feel any different until a couple of days had passed. It tastes awful, so be prepared. Has your FC told you to stop DTD? Ours didn't, so we just treated it as a normal cycle with the added excitement of drugs...and it was our lucky cycle although I have to remind myself of that when vomiting 4x a day (thankfully I think I'm past the worst part)

Good luck!!

beaky we only get one cycle of IVF here so when they offered IUI first, and up to 3 cycles of it, I could have ripped their hands off! We're getting stimulated IUI so all the drugs are similar to the IVF, and the sperm is still washed and selected, the only difference is that they don't collect the eggs and put them back in again so it's far less invasive. I know the sperm can meet the egg with me, it's all my cycle problems I'm convinced are our issue, so I'm pretty confident with all the drugs and monitoring that IUI could will be our golden ticket .

Just popping in to let you know how my 12w scan went, it appears I'm having a baby!

Thank you all for the berry support x

Wishing that you all join us in the copter soon!

Ooh lots to catch up on! I should be working but who cares - it's Friday!!

Welcome kami I'm a relative newbie to the berries, joined in Jan once I'd hit the one year mark ttc. I've found it very supportive and a relief to share experiences with people going through the same thing, especially as all my close friends have had babies or are pg. I'd echo everyone's suggestions and get your GP to sort the SA and also the day 3/21 bloods. I have faith that the nhs testing will be done properly - it's the waiting and the lack of personalization of care that is the issue for me.

happy I have to walk past the maternity hospital on a daily basis and the smoking mothers certainly make me too. Glad to hear you are feeling positive for the 2ww. I'm also feeling chirpy as I'm back in the game having had a cycle off due to the hsg!

Happy birthday gil hope you had a lovely day!

beaky exciting stuff that you are on to the next phase! Clomid isn't appropriate in most cases of unexplained so good that they didn't waste any time!

bushy hope all is going well with the start of the sniffing.

pip thanks for sharing the berry prayer - it's ace.

parsley here's hoping this is your month! But good idea to go back to the GP and talk about next steps.

Hello to everyone else - am typing this diatribe on the phone so apologies for missing people out or typos!

Will be interesting to see how people get on with the catching rainbows plans. Am starting with a new acupuncture person so will wait and see what she has to offer first but tempted to try it too.