Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

Welcome and congratulations, JaneLouise! Wishing you an uneventful and boring pregnancy.
I had my DS at 39, and there is no reason why it should not be an uncomplicated, normal pregnancy, as jass so rightly said. A lot of women are having children at that age, it's not a big deal anymore. You won't really get any more care because of your age, sorry .

There is a greater risk due to age, but there is nothing you can do about that, so you will just have to accept this - at some point, you will have to decide if/what tests you want to do, usually at the time of your 12-week scan. You might want to look into the Harmony test, if you are worried about the risk for Downs/Edwards/Patau's - a non-invasive test, where they can check for chromosomal abnormalities with almost 100% certainty. But you'll have to do this privately, and it's not cheap.
If there are no complications, then tbh, I don't see what a private scan would do to help... Sorry, I'm a bit pragmatic when it comes to scans - they are no guarantee for a good outcome and can often cause more worry than help. If there are complications, you will be offered extra scans on the NHS.

So for now, try to relax and enjoy! There are a lot of pregnancy forums here - the 40+ pregnant one has been very very quiet, but maybe you want to revive it?!

Oh, and here I am directly contradicting the lovely jass (but I know she won't mind ) - stop testing. There is no point. A line is a line is a line... No test can tell you more than that. Right here, right now, you are pregnant

Hello, everyone else! I've not been feeling great in the last few days, emotionally, and my mum visiting did not help... I'm struggling with the thought that I would have been about to start mat leave now I'm also struggling to communicate with DH about how I feel - I want him to be more involved with the whole ttc, but at the same time, don't want to put too much pressure on him either - it's bad enough me obsessing about it all the time. But I'm getting increasingly angry and frustrated with/at him... Sigh. I'm not good at starting 'difficult' conversations, never have been. I think that, deep down, I'm worried that he will turn around and say that he doesn't want to ttc anymore, and that thought scares me more than anything else.

Cloud, i do not mind being contradicted at all. of course your advice is absolutely right - do not overtest. But if someone seeks reassurance then darkening test lines are OK as far as the fifth week goes, later they are not really informative anymore anyway! Also, an early scan at 7 weeks is great for reassurance on viability, but of course it is expensive as Imunderstand you do not get them routinely in NHS system. Truth is, nothing can be done if something is wrong, in this sense of course they are pointless!

Hi all

Grizzer hope you don't have thrush and can get on with TTC. I don't think I ovulated because I only got 'high' readings on my CBFM's and never the 'peak' reading. Also, I didn't get any ovulation pains. At least my PMT wasn't so dire this month, but maybe I shopped that out. I need to get on Fertility Friend and start charting and start taking Agnus Castus.

DH and I have lapsed on the alcohol front recently which probably hasn't helped. Lots of bdays, DS, mine. Plus quite a lot was consumed after DFIL passed away. DH has been caning the caffeine too and absolutely won't knock off sweetners. I don't suppose singly they can be blamed, but I think it all adds up and booze.

Welcome Louise. I think I will be echoing what the others have said - being preggers in your early 40s isn't regarded as being a massive deal these days by health care providers. I pushed to get an earlier appointment and was pretty much told to 'calm down dear', 41 is young these days!! It can be worth knowing however that they are more vigilant with testing, and I believe Downs is less common in our age group than 20 somethings.

Jass hope you're doing ok. Loving your great advice generally and wealth of knowledge.

Cloud have a big unmumsnetty hug. Sounds like you could do with a bit of TLC. I wish we had a real life snug to cocoon ourselves in sometimes.

Gum how are you? How's everyone else? Time to get the munchkin's lunch. Laters.

Hello elderly shaggers.

I've lurked on these threads a bit, and even popped into one once (I think I had a different name). However, I'm now introducing myself properly.

I'm 43-and-a-half, DD is 4. Not been using contraception since conceiving her, although hardly going at it like rabbits. Considered IVF but thought it wasn't for us due the cost:success rate ratio.

Tests show that I've got good ovarian reserves and other figures are within normal tolerances apparently. SA shows decent numbers, but with 18% antibodies.

I'm fed up. AF here today and feeling down about it.

Hi welcome to coupleof new people, pretty new myself. I have booked a scan for next weekend earlliest I could get. So just biding timeuntil then, no more bleeding sofingers crossed, feelsickbutnot vomiting, which as still worrying me, wait a dsee

Welcome Awomb. I am with you on the feeling down when AF turns up. Come and moan away with us. Where did you get your tests done? I know what you mean about the IVF cost vs success. I had been thinking about doing some more (DS conceived naturally after two failed rounds), but the success rates are poor at my age (just 45). Keep willing/praying we'll get lucky.

If you are keeping an eye on your cycle then you can give yourself much of the month off from shagging. I now email DH projected fertile days for his diary!! However (and please note this, Grizzer), I have no idea if he's read it. I had better put a read receipt on it next time.

Anyone fancy nipping to the pub for a pint of prosecco? Maybe with a splash of Aperol? I am having a crap day too. DS such a lovely, happy boy and people are so complimentary about him, but with his peers he is going through an awful phase of biting, pushing and pinching. I can't turn my back for a second when I take him places. Today he made a bee-line for one of my ante-natal group's kids and pushed him over the minute we arrived. House an utter tip. I'm exhausted, and quite frankly really peed off. DS 'working' from home a lot at the moment, so contributes greatly to mess, messes up our routine, shirks sharing childcare, does minimal housework. Apparently all the mess is mine. Oh, and I have a crappy head/neckache and sore collarbone from where DS jumped on me when I way lying down the other night.

Fingers crossed for you Kiwi.

OK, I take it back about DH a little. He is trying to get the little lovely off to sleep while I sit on my arse and surf the net. (Part of the reason why I'm so knackered is DS takes ages to go to sleep at night, though generally sleeps through these days. I think the continued BF is also pretty knackering.)

Whinge over. Going to the offie. Think some may be in order.

BTW, has anyone seen this: www.thestorkconception.co.uk/ ? Just remembered seeing it in Superdrug the other day.

Been good and haven't bought alcohol. No cake either, just a yog and blueberries. Off to bed now. Night all. x

We got the tests done on the NHS, but they're a year old now, it took 7 months between tests and us getting the results thanks to endless cancellations, and then 5 months of dithering.

I've just started having acupuncture, and the practitioner has asked for my test results, is anyone able to clarify exactly what results I should have? Is it called AHM or something? Need to ask for a new print out and want to check I have everything.

That Stork thing appears to be a cap, for £99!!!!! It's got me thinking, though, if it increases conception rates by getting the fellas right in there, would a normal cap work?

FF count me in on that pint of prosecco (each obviously). I think a lot of kids go through the pushing/biting phase. I might be naive but I don't think they realise it hurts until someone does it back. I guess, as we generally don't behave that way as adults, we grow out of it.... I'm doing a 'marble in a jar' thingy for dd at the moment as she wakes me up about 3 times a night to tell me her covers aren't right or she's got a bogey! She has to collect marbles for not calling out for no real reason & then can have a treat. Maybe something like that might work with your ds? Perhaps a marble for every 10 minutes he plays nicely without hurting anyone. Keep it achievable at first - maybe he only needs 3 marbles & then can have a small toy or something & gradually increase them. If all else fails just double the prosecco intake
Hope you're feeling better Awomb, the first day of AF is always gutting. I can't help with tests I'm afraid. I went to gp & was told to go private, went private & was told to ask my gp! Really useful.
As for me, some of you may remember dh wanted to give up TTC at the end of the summer as he was concerned about my age (we've already had a downs pregnancy that ended at 18 weeks). However, he hasn't mentioned it for a while & tonight talked about next months TTC so hopefully we have a bit longer in us! Crazy I know but I went to see a psychic a month or so ago & she was very accurate about a lot of stuff, including random stuff about a new carpet in dd's room (I'd had someone measure up the day before) & the 3 white shelves with toys on in her room where the toys keep falling over (it's true & very annoying but she said my dad is doing it because he thinks it's funny!) weird I know but I found it very nice. Anyhoo she said how did I feel about another baby because she thinks I'm going to conceive in oct or nov. Haven't told dh because he thinks it's all rubbish but was hoping to squeeze those few extra months out of him!! I'm not pinning my hopes on it but I think it will give me a natural deadline of Christmas because I will have gone 18 months with no pregnancy at all by then & I think that is a definite sign to appreciate my gorgeous dd & leave it at that!
Well, that was a bit of a rambling essay! Time for bed I think. Everything ok Gum? haven't heard from you for a while xx

Sorry me again! Just read back a bit & just sending you an unmumsnetty hug too cloud. It's hard to talk to our dh's because, even after all this time, I don't think they realise how much TTC/pregnancy/loss takes it out of us as they don't really feel anything until the baby comes. He has lost your babies too though & he may really love to talk to you about it but maybe doesn't want to raise the subject either. They don't like to see us hurting so just avoid talking about it. Hope you're feeling ok x

It's painful trying to get stuff done on the NHS at our age, isn't it? We tried to get IVF on the NHS. We were willing to pay, but it took us a year to find out that it would cost exactly the same as going privately. Shortly after that they raised the age limit so we would have qualified for free treatment... (The price of IVF is way over and above what it costs clinics and it seems the NHS feels justified in charging the market price.)

I can't remember what tests I had before doing the IVF Awomb, sorry. AMH is one of them though. I could do with knowing what they are again as I think I probably ought to have them repeated. This might help a bit: www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/uploaded/Fact%20Sheets/Investigations%20into%20Infertility.pdf

That Stork thingie seems to have some kind of syringe type insemination device, doesn't it? I haven't really studied it. If you look upthread though you'll find some elated chat about successful conceiving using a mooncup.

Grizzer how old is your DD? She wakes you up because she's got a bogey?! OMG, that is hilarious. I hope you are noting that to tell her BFs when she brings them home??! Thanks for the marble tip. I will see if it helps. I know it's only a phase, but it's going to be a tough one to get out of as he seems well set on this type of behaviour, and I am surprised by how worse it's got over the summer. One theory is this form of aggression is related to the child establishing its' place in a hierarchy. It makes sense with what DS is doing. Initially he was only biting when he wanted a toy another child had. He starts the minute we arrive too. I think he was also doing it the other day because he didn't want to be at the music class I'd taken him too. I have a neighbour who's DDs have monumental meltdowny tantrums that the whole street can hear (even at age 5), so I am trying to tell myself I am lucky not to have that to deal with.

Freaky stuff from your psychic, Grizzer. I am tempted to pay her a visit so long as she tells me something similar. I would pay good money to hear the same!! [grin} I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that she is right.

I was good on Friday and didn't go to the pub, but went to bed early instead. Felt pretty depressed yest too, with all the same stuff as I mentioned before, and was being bothered by neighbours too. DH went and got me some Prosecco which was nice of him. I just managed to stop myself quaffing too much so only have a mild hangover. The sun is shining today so feeling a bit better. Currently sticking my head in the sand though, as when looking for stuff on tests to post came across chart which clearly shows conception rates for women aged 45 is only 5%. Must get DS weaned then we can have a go with that frostie.

Another essay from me today too!! Time for brekkie and a trip to the pool. Hugs to all.

Oh god, my DD used to wake us up if she had a bogey too.

Thanks for the link, Fireflies, will see what the cost of up to date testing is. My acupuncturist is rather tenacious and I think she'll insist on them.

Agreed that the DH/DP angle is a tricky one, I want a baby much more than DP, so getting him to agree to acupuncture is going to be a delicately trodden path. Can't imagine his reaction to me suggesting he wanks into a mooncup.

Hi girls, I'm new to this thread but not TTC I'm afraid. I'm trying to try but not try as I have a beautiful two year old son and two miscarriages behind me this year and as you can imagine, my head is well and truly fried. So I have got rid of the opks and clearblue monitor and we are just having sex.

I'm trying to gauge my fertile window using EWCM and cervix position. I think in the last year I have plunged into peri-menopause as I used to ovulate day 12/13 and have a 12/13 day LP. Now I seem to ovulate day 10/11 and have a 13/14 day LP. I assume because my FSH levels have risen. I haven't had any FSH testing done but it makes sense to me as I get shiny cm on the toilet tissue a lot through the month, particularly the second week of the 2ww, so I think my oestrogen is already kicking in before my cycle even ends.

I am trying to stay positive but it's really difficult.

Hello! I have been lurking for ever, but thought I might as well pop my head up and be counted now- I have been 40 for about 6 months, and TTC for 8. I've been spending a lot of time on the "Old birds" thread.....

I've had some tests- day 3 came back all normal- day 21 (progesterone), however, a bit too low- 28.5 on the first test, 23.9 on the repeat. I've been temping, so know I'm ovulating, but perhaps not ovulating well enough, IYSWIM. DP's all normal- super sperm, yadda yadda, so now I'm waiting on an ultrasound, and trying to wear my GP down into giving me a referral to a ferility clinic.

Just thought I'd try to answer newera. Sorry you've been having an awful time.....I found the Taking Charge of Your Fertility website useful: www.tcoyf.com ;-it's linked to the book, and has loads and loads of useful info for cycle obsessives on its forums. Certainly, they say that some creamy (shiny?) CM is normal in the 2ww- apparently you can get a mini oestrogen surge in the luteal phase. I thought a longer LP was good, no? (Mine has been 11, 9 and 10 days over the last 3 cycles ). Perhaps time to go and get some blood tests?

Thanks stubborn, I remember you from the clucking birds thread, I posted occasionally.

Amazingly the nurse at my doctors surgery actually said she would do the 21 day test for me after two doctors saying no. The only thing is I don't really want it now lol.

I don't see how it's going to help to know my Progesterone is bad - which I'm sure it is. My understanding is every road leads back to IVF and I would need to fund that myself. Clomid isn't recommended for women in peri- menopause at it can bring the menopause on quicker, so to my mind there is little a fertility clinic is going to offer when infertility is linked to age.

I am happy to be told different though!

I kind of had the 3 day test in mind- for your FSH levels.

Oh dear, I was hoping that the next step for me would be Clomid, I didn't know that about bringing menopause on.......Mind you, despite having misgivings about my cycle, I'm not officially in perimenopause. And you might not be either! There are plenty of women in their 20s/30s on other TTC threads whose cycles are weirding out, too.....

I could be wrong stubborn, don't let me bring you down. I just remember reading something about it being a bad plan as it can speed up the peri/full menopause.

I'm wondering if there are any vitamins if supplements that can help bring down FSH. I have yet to google that!! surprising since i google everything else

Hangggggg onnnnn! You don't know if you have a problem with any hormone levels yet!! Deep breaths! You need to get your bloods done and THEN you can start freaking out!

(FWIW I just knew that mine would be fine, and that if there was a problem it would be something physical like polyps- ha bloody ha ).

I think I can guess your old user name- were you having problems with a v. uncooperative GP?

Ha ha oh yes, that would be me. I was sick of seeing my old username as it just had such sad connections with mc and TTC failure.

I was using the clearblue monitor but it started to give me some really weird readings where I would go straight to peak from low, or it would miss my peak altogether and stay at high. I now know that once your hormones start depleting opks and monitors struggle to be accurate so I thought fuck it, let's just go back to basics. Lots of shagging when I have EWCM and see what happens. I was SO sick of pissing on things and feeling broken.

Hi I have scan booked for weekend,so nervous told no one as just need to know if its evenviable. Scared myself from internet with those molar pregnancies.
Been very nauseous and vomited a couple of times, read somewhere best to eatthrough it and that does seem to help.anyway day at a time.

Step away from Mr Google Kiwi, it'll only freak you out! Glad you've organised a scan to hopefully put your mind at rest but try to 'relax' til then.
I went back to work today. A girl who is starting in my class lost her mum to cancer on Saturday. So sad, she is 10 & her sister is 8. We were given some advice from a bereavement counsellor so I feel a bit more prepared on what to do & say but I feel so heartbroken for those poor girls.

Wise words for you there, kiwi! Keep snacking! Have you got into the skinny popcorn around at the mo? I have! Though it's not making me any thinner

Hope work is ok grizzer. That is so sad about the little girls. Stories like that make me count my blessings. Life seems so shitty at times, but plenty others have it much worse.

Nice weather today. Had an early swim with DS and he wanted to be in outdoor pool which was lovely. And now he has gone down for a super-early nap! Long may it last!

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been AWOL.

Welcome to the newbies.

I have been really busy with work/family and have been trying to keep ttc at the back of my mind. I haven't been taking sups or temperatures anymore. Trying to take a more relaxed approach. I will also skip the OPK's this month, though I will probably regret it later on when I am waiting for AF and don't know when I ovulated.

I just had a weekend away with my knitting group. It was lovely - lots of chatting, long walks in the forrest by the river, sitting by the fire and knitting, great food and wine. It was just what the doctor ordered, but now I am finding it hard to get back into the swing of work/appointments/family/busyness.... anyway, that's what I've been up to.

jass, how are you feeling? Will you try again this month? Is the bleeding finished? I hope you are ok.

Kiwi, it is good news that you are feeling sick, sounds like the pregnancy is progressing. I can't wait to hear your scan news.

Grizzer, how sad for your little student. I have a lovely girl in my year 11 class who lost her mum to cancer last year. Sometimes it is very hard to discuss certain things whilst trying to be sensitive. It does make you think about what is important, and I know I hold my children close and count my blessings.

Is anyone coming up to testing time?

It's funny, I had a dream this morning (I think I may be getting close to ovulating as I have been checking out men and weighing up if they'd make a good baby daddy - despite the fact that I'd never do anything like cheat on hubby, and only want him to be the baby daddy! ), anyway, the dream: for some reason I was talking to someone about my age and having a baby and was told that until age 56, it wasn't too late. Clearly it was a "wishful thinking" type of dream!

Welcome, all the new ones!
Gum, i can not really try until i at least test negative on hpt. I have been weakly positive for 5 days now. Had a really weak pos on a not so sensitive test on Sunday and hoped for a neg today. Still a pos, though less than 100 units of hcg certainly. So I sit in the limboland, no idea what my body will do now, next doc appt next wednesday, but as i have already had a cleaning out, i guess I will be told to just wait. Which is OK, I do not put a lot of hope on doing it soon again, rather see a positive in 4-6 months but with a better chance of a sticky one.

Hi Everyone

Been off on my holidays in Florida for a couple of weeks where I became very worried as my nausea lessened considerably and my breast tenderness improved, I also had another bleed. Given where we were there wasn’t a lot I could do about it. We did consider finding an OBGYN and getting a scan but I thought if it’s bad news I am stuck in Florida and that wouldn’t be fair on anyone especially the SK’s. So I stuck it out as I had my 12 week scan booked for today. We were going to have the harmony test but we were in the US at week 10 so missed the window.

So there is good news and bad news. The good news is that one baby is in fine shape – wriggling around, waving their arms and legs and rolling over. The bad news is that we have lost the second twin – it didn’t grow much after 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat detected this morning so classified as a(nother) MMC (or fetal demise ) notched up. Now I am very happy one of them has made it but I am so, so sad about the other one. The sonongrapher was all very practical about it – saying it was very common in twin pregnancies and given my age, history of miscarriages, it was actually a blessing as it had reduced the risk of complications later on. This was the view echoed by the nurse who then took my blood and then the midwife who did my booking appointment. Well excuse me for being upset ladies even if it is true . It was if there was something wrong with me being upset - they couldn't seem to understand why I couldn’t just focus on the good news (including the nuchal measurements which look very promising) and move on . Even DP started at it until he saw how upset I was becoming – he thought it would help

So I have some lovely photos of my little bouncy one and I am praying that they stick around but I refuse to apologise for being upset about number 2 and I know you kind ladies will understand. As for resolution they are just leaving the bean where it is and hope that it will be absorbed by my body and have no impact on the live one. Fertility in your forties is not for the faint hearted is it?

Ps. Sorry for not name checking – just had to get that off my chest – hope you are all OK

Pps. for you jass. I am so sorry.