Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

[NewEraNewMindset]

Sorry I went AWOL. Had a TTC breakdown of sorts but am calmer again now. Totally agree re. just getting on with life whilst hoping for the best. I have put my life on hold for over a year now and that has to stop, for my sanity sakes more than anything.

After my doctors surgery being wholly uninterested in my fertility status for some reason the practice nurse now gives a shit - right around the time when I care much much less.

Anyway went to see her a couple of days ago and she is doing my 21 day progesterone test on day 18 due to my short cycles. My thyroid was tested last November and was very good, so she isn't retesting that. I had my smear done too and whilst the results were normal they are asking me into the coloscopy clinic as there is evidence of High Risk HPV, so that's not brilliant even though I knew I had it ages ago due to having to have treatment for abnormal cells. Least the smear was clear though so I'm hoping the magnifying glass will say the same.

I decided to give up on the clearblue monitor as it was making me miserable. Instead I've bought an Ovusense monitor which I'm hoping will pinpoint if ovulation is actually happening and when as it works on temperature and not LH.

I'm also thinking again about acupuncture. A year ago I went for an initial appointment but fell pregnant a month later so didn't go back. It's just pretty expensive for a treatment a week on one wage, so I've got to really believe in the therapist.

That was an essay lol

[Puppydogstails1]

Hello - I'm new to this thread - just about to try for our 4th at a much older age than when we had our first 11 years ago at 29. There'll be a 6.5 year gap between 3 and 4 if we can manage to get a BFP. Been talking about it for 4 years and bolt of lightning hit and just have to go for it now. Nervous/excited and can't quite believe we have no baby things left but hopefully our friends and family will give stuff back!

[Gumblossom]

Welcome Puppydogs, hope your stay is short and sweet. You are at the young end of the 40+ ttc, so I'll bet you will get your bfp soon. Good luck

Cloud, sorry to hear about the elephant in the room. I know what you mean. I found it helpful to write things down. I wrote poetry, posts in my blog about loss, a short story about the miscarriage,and I emailed links to my DH. I also wrote him an email telling him how I felt because I just couldn't talk it over with him without getting too upset. It helped a bit, but in the end I realised he just didn't feel it the same way as I did. Sadly, for me, I've had to do the grieving mostly alone. Are you still seeing a counsellor? That must help?

FF, sorry to hear that AF got you. Bloody bitch! Why can't she just FO and let the little babies grow?? As for getting the DH interested? Well, my DH is gagging for it because I am almost never interested, so he takes it when it is offered... I remember one lady on this thread years ago would start wearing vests a lot around the time leading to ovulation and that seemed to help

You are all so right about putting plans on hold whilst ttc. I don't think I really do that, as I've been ttc for so long now (5 years FFS), what I meant was that if I keep ttc and I am successful it will mean those plans will have to be set aside for a few more years. Honestly, that doesn't bother me too much, but my DH feels differently, especially as his dad is very unwell, and I suppose that means DH is faced with his own mortality.

I pretty well go about my life as if I'm not ttc. I drink alcohol, but very moderately. I gave up coffee when I got pregnant with DS, and have only just started having Mochas again (can't handle a proper coffee - too strong for my tastebuds and tummy), I try to eat well, mainly for health, though I suppose I have been trying low carb because it is good for fertility. I sometimes take supplements, but that too is for my health. I have acupuncture, which started out as a fertility thing, now it is a sanity thing.

Newera, I have acupuncture every 3 or 4 weeks, so that it isn't too expensive. If I was wealthy, I'd do it weekly, because it really helps my stress levels. But going regularly, even if not often, does seem to help me, and I wonder if that is why, at 47 I still have regular periods and seem to ovulate month after month? I was a bit concerned about the 12 day LP because it is shorter than it used to be. When I was young and fertile it was 14 days. I seem to sometimes be ovulating earlier or later too, and I think these things are indicators of getting close to closing time in Gum's womb. I feel pretty lucky to still be having regular periods, because by this age I think my mum was well into peri-menopause, though we haven't really talked about it.

I have had good news about my dad, which is a relief. The cancer is confined to the prostate and he'll have surgery, but we don't know when yet. My parents are clearly relieved, but still doom and gloom about having an Op. I wish they could be more glass half full, but they just aren't. My sister says they are like Victor whatshisname in One Foot in the Grave! And I agree. If I wasn't related I'd find it funny. Sigh...

Well, I have awoken this morning feeling happy as I've started my term break a week early! Hurray. I was feeling very burnt out and decided to take a week on my long service leave (I have 53 days I can use any time). It means I'll have a week before the 2 weeks school holiday break. I'm not going anywhere, it will just be a chance to get a few things done: spring clean my house which is awful at he moment, catch up on appointments with the accountant and get my eyes checked - things I've been putting off for months, take long walks on the beach and relax...I do have a bit of marking to do too, but I figure if I just spend a little bit of time, every day, I will get through the mountain.

If you wrote an essay, Newera, then I've written a novella!!

[greenlizard]

Hi ladies

Been staying off mumsnet trying to limit my ridiculous anxiety about the viability of the remaining baby. My update is that having just had another scan this morning (14 weeks) all is going well. There s/he was sucking its thumb, twirling around and had the hiccups – cute! as a first timer I am amazed what you can see on a scan this early - ribs, eyes, bladder, brain!

I looked into getting the harmony test again (can't remember who pointed out you can get it later - thank you!) but they won’t test me because of my “vanishing” twin – they would not be able to accurately pin-point where the DNA came from apparently, which seems a bit odd given its demise? It is still there and looks like to it will remain there for a while diminishing slowly. It feels a bit weird for it to still in there but it doesn’t seem to be causing a problem so I will just have to get my head round it! I was wondering if my body won't absorb it because it is not if my DNA but no-one seems to know the answer to that.

I had my nuchal fold scan and bloods done along with my 12 week scan – apparently I am at the lower risk of 1/220 (which doesn’t sound that low to me!) so I have not need for an amnio or CVS - which relieves me. What will be, will be now I guess - I am going to try and relax. They want to scan me at 16 weeks as well (I know they are doing it to make me feel getter and I am grateful for it)

I am also getting a bit bigger now and will have to invest in some new clothes which I have been avoiding in case in jinxed things obviously but I can no longer do my jeans up so will have to get on with it

Good luck to all of you and congrats to the BFP’s.

Ps. gum so sorry about your dad but it sounds like positive news. My uncle had prostrate cancer and is now right as rain - sounds like they caught it nice and early - fingers crossed the op goes well.
Pps. calibee rooting for you

[greenlizard]

Ps. Apologies for the appalling typos - simply can't type on an iPad!

[Frecklefacedgirls]

So glad to hear everything is going well Green ! The scans can be amazing, do you think you'll have a 3D one later on? I never did with my earlier pregnancies but we did with DD3 and it was definitely worth it. It will be reassuring to have another scan at 16 weeks, will you find out the gender? Your odds for chromosomal abnormalities sound fine, and especially if there aren't any soft markers showing up on your scan there's every chance your baby will be fine xxx
Great that you've had good news about your dad gum and I hope you can relax and enjoy your time off,you deserve it!
Cloud I think men react to pregnancy loss in a very different way to women. My DH was devastated at the time but seemed to be able to put it behind him and move on.We don't talk about the miscarriages. I still feel I'll never be quite the same again , even though I'm so happy and grateful to have had my littlest DD, it doesn't completely erase the pain of losing the ones I did . Certainly the grief is not as raw, whether it's with time or because I have had a baby since, I don't know.I also have to acknowledge that if I hadn't miscarried I couldn't have gone on to have DD3 and I wouldn't be without her for anything so it's all very mixed up.It's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been through miscarriages, even my mum seemed to think having this pregnancy would fix everything that went before.Anyway sorry for the ramble!
Hello again puppy,glad you found the thread! I still pop back to check how my "virtual" friends are doing even though I'm not ttc. I think you'll find the ladies here are very supportive and give lots of good advice too!
Good luck with your treatment CaliBee!
Hi jass ,Diege and everyone else x

[calibee]

Thanks all for your good luck wishes. I am patiently awaiting day 1 of cycle to begin injections. I know chances are slim but any chance has to be considered a good one at this stage.
I do catch up with the thread every few days but do find that now DH is away in Afghanistan I am far less obsessed with ttc. To have had a whole 2 months with no temping, timing and peeing on sticks has been almost blissful......however the downside of that is not knowing quite when af will appear.
green lovely to hear your pregnancy is progressing well, it must have been terrible to find twin 2 didn't make it :(. I watch your story with interest as donor egg ivf would be my next (and final) step. love and luck to all of you x

[AWombWithoutAFoof]

AF is here, not full on bleeding but definitely something. I'm gutted and have cried a lot, DP doesn't really know what to say or do.

I'm also freaking out a bit because I'm only on day 25, so now I'm worried I'm premenopausal.

DP has suggested I talk to someone about managing my feelings on a day to day basis, it was news to him that I think about being pregnant many times a day. I can't do that, it would feel like admitting it's over.

Fuck it, crying again now.

[Tassel]

Awomb I know exactly how you feel. I'm 41 one dd followed by 3 years of miscarriages. I've done iui, ivf and and got pregnant with both but still miscarried. I've been to see specialists but Basically I'm old and that's that. I'm convinced I'm perimenopasal as I have started to wake up and my heart is pounding at night. Since my last misaccariges my periods have been erratic. I obsess all day about pregnancy. My husband too wants me to go to see someone for counselling so I can start to 'accept' my situation but I can't. I just can't accept that I won't have another child and I feel so utterly helpless. My best friend who has 3 children got pregnant with ivf the same month I did with ivf . I miscarried she is still pregnant and I am finding it so hard. I just avoid her cause although I am so happy for her I am so sad for me. I know it is destructive but don't know how to say' that's it'

[AWombWithoutAFoof]

We decided not to do ICSI, the cost for a 10% chance wasn't something we could reconcile. Money's tight for us at the moment, and, when my period arrived I did think how much worse I would have felt had we gone into debt and had our hopes raised further.

I think I feel extra miserable because I've really thrown everything at it this month: acupuncture, Chinese herbs, a positive OPK, shagging at the right time. And it still hasn't worked, somehow my period is early.

[Gumblossom]

Oh, Awomb, I am sorry to hear you are feeling low. It is very understandable. TTC, after 40 is just so hard. I don't think you are necessarily peri-menopausal, sometimes cycles are shorter. As for throwing everything at it, I know what you mean. Seems to me that sometimes these things work, and then sometimes, when you do nothing, bingo, you get pregnant. It is such a bloody mystery.

Tassel, I am so sorry about your miscarriages. It is heartbreaking to keep trying, to get bfp's and then to have loss after loss. I wish I had a magic wand. It is so unfair that so many women have this heartache to contend with.

Hang in there ladies, it might be just around the corner.

Have you considered donor eggs? I know it isn't for everyone. It's not something I can do, but for some couples it is the answer.

I am enjoying my time off work. It's just what I needed - to slow down and just to be able to do what I want without time constraints is nice.

calibee - I hope the injections aren't too ouchy, and really hope it works for you. I will have everything crossed.

[ICallHimGerald]

After a year of lurking and reading all the ups and downs on this thread, I think I am about to join you. A brief history, I am 42, had ds when I was 35 after a mmc and 3 years ttc. Dh and I agreed we only wanted 1 but had a change of heart about 3 years ago. We tried for a year but no luck so gave up. My cycles are now becoming more irregular and my clock is ticking so loudly that we have decided to give it one last go. This thread has really been quite inspirational to hear that it can happen over 40. So I am going to give it my best shot!

[AWombWithoutAFoof]

Nice to meet you, Gerald. Glad you are feeling inspired!

Well, the weird Period That Is A Whole Week Early has now stopped, after a couple of bouts of staining. So I'm going to be tortured afresh I suspect when AF arrives on the proper date in a few days time.

Thanks for your sympathies, will slap self about the face and Get On With Things.

[ICallHimGerald]

Awomb thanks for the welcome. Are you ruling out implantation bleeding? Or is thinking that just going to get your hopes up too much?

[cloudjumper]

Welcome Gerald may your stay here be short and sweet! It can definitely happen over forty

cali Good luck with the injections and everything else! Do let us know how you get on.

Awomb Don't let it all get you down - you are doing everything possible, and sometimes our bodies just throw us curve balls. Very annoying.

Speaking of which, I'm a bit about my ovulation... Had two days with super-faint lines on the OPKs, which I would normally class as -ve, but my Cbfm has given me a 'low' reading all week, even though I should have ovulated by now. My temp spiked yesterday, too. So I'm a bit confused as what to think - I'm tempted to say that the Cbfm is wrong, since all the other test methods have indicated that I ovulated, however, the monitor has been really good and reliable so far, always matching with the not-so technical methods. Sigh. Why can't it never be easy...

[cloudjumper]

We are about to run out of space on this thread, so I have created a new one here

[AWombWithoutAFoof]

Good stuff, will join you over there.

I have considered implantation bleeding Gerald, but I don't think I can get my hopes up. Isn't it just a cruel hoax played by nature anyway? Plus every thing I've read about it suggests it's only brown blood and I definitely had one bright red wipe. Sorry about the TMI.

Have ordered some POAS tests online and am not allowing myself to test before they arrive.

Have no words of wisdom on the OPK, cloud, I only use Internet cheapie strips so have nothing to compare them to.