Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

Kiwi, all the worries are normal. Apart one - the one that you may be taken for a grandmother or you are treated as too old by people. This worry is nonsense. If your body holds on to the pregnancy and you have a baby you were not too old, it is for the nature only to decide that,not some nosy people!

I started to miscarry yesterday. Theee hours of bleeding, incl one soaking-the-pants episode (rather public,but was wearingblack trousers luckily). Thennothing for 20h, and today again clots for 2-3 hours and now it looks likeit has settled into normal period. Have decided not to see any doc before my scan as planned, because this is at least a good opportunity to mc without prodding and interventions... Funnily i ammentally totally Ok - having clear closure must be important. Physically am drained and feel weak.....

JassS I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

Jass I am so so sorry, I really hoped it was going to work out for you this time. Life just isn't fair sometimes. Thinking of you, look after yourself xxx

So sorry Jass, thinking of you x

Jass, I am so sorry to hear this news. I hope you have lots of support and a chance to rest. I understand you not wanting to see any doctor yet.

Hello ladies. How is everyone?

I have woken up feeling rather dreadful after a rough night. I felt very hot last night, and woke feeling nauseous at around 3 am. I've gotten up with a sinus headache and still feeling a bit ordinary.

I don't know if it means anything. According to Fertility Friend I am 10 dpo, but I think it's more likely that I am 9 dpo. My temperature is steadily rising, which is good. Breast tenderness is very bad and nipples are dark.

However, I am trying not to read anything into it because I know better and I know that nothing is conclusive unless I have a + test.

Deige, you've already gone on holiday, but if you are reading on your phone: have a lovely break - as much as is possible with 6 DK's. It's still nice to get away. Where are you going? I'll look forward to hearing all about it.

I feel a bit like I have had a mini break, despite having to care for DS. It feels a bit weird going back to work today, but I must. DS is very clingy and only wants mummy to do everything for him. I suppose that's just as I've been caring for him so much while he was sick. I cannot believe he will turn 6 this Saturday. It's exciting for him, and of course I want him to grow and be happy, but I can't help feeling a pang of sadness for myself: my baby is a baby no more and despite trying and trying, I can't seem to bring another into the world.

At least, after a ginger,lemon and honey tea, I no longer feel nauseous. Now I am just craving carbs for breakfast. Trouble is, I don't have any I may have to bake something

I hope your Monday goes well. Drop in and give us your news (I mean all of you )

Kiwi, did you test???

Oh jass, I am so so sorry It is cruel and unfair that you have to go through this again, after everything was looking so promising! Does your DH know?! Please look after yourself!

Thanks everybosy. Weirdly, I am mentally totally OK. I am among friends whom I trust and can tell that this is going on. Friends have a 4 month old daughter (achieved after several mc). i am very OK around the baby and quite like taking care of her as well. And I am grateful that probably no interventions will be needed. I guess right now this is important, when it is all over I will maybe be more sad. I was worried about how I will feel when it does not work out, but I was mentally scared of sitting in hospital, taking drugs and waiting to miscarry. It did nor come to that, and it helps a lot.

You are amazingly strong Jass. I hope you continue to feel ok through this difficult time xx
Is DS ok now Gum? It's so hard when they're sick & we have to go to work. Hope you're ok through all the stress.
Glad the funeral went ok FF. How is your DH coping?
Have you tested yet Kiwi? You are keeping us all in suspense!
How are things Cloud? I think most of us are the same when it comes to holding back from Dh. I don't tell mine much because if I talk about babies or conceiving too much he thinks I'm obsessed & maybe we should stop TTC. It's crazy - they have no idea!! Have you had a counselling session together? We did that after losing dd & that really helped us see things from each other's point of view.
I'm on cd 10 so just having relaxed sex at the moment although started peeing on ov sticks today. We'll see what this month brings.....
Happy holidays Diege.
Hello everyone else xx

Hello ladies,
trying to see if this thread is still active. looking for support / advice, I am not new to this but having second time round issues.
I am 42 and, thank god, have a 2 year old son. It took me a good few years to have him, I miscarried a good few times beforehand. We have started trying again about 7-8 months ago and I am using the clearblue fertility monitor (older model) but it seems that I am not always ovulating. in fact it seems I haven't for about 2 months. Is there something more reliable than that? I have also started some acupuncture. I don't smoke or drink and are pretty healthy, but had a stressful time moving house and jobs recently ...Is it time to visit a fertility clinic? Any other recommendation ?
Thanks ! Mia

Jass, I am glad to hear you are feeling mentally ok. Especially as you are with friends with a baby. I hope you get plenty of rest.

Hi Grizzer. Nice to hear you are feeling relaxed.Thanks for asking after DS. He is much better and went to school yesterday. He wasn't keen, but he went along and at the end of the day was very happy that he did.And my day at work wasn't too bad. I also had my hair done after work, which felt pretty relaxing.

Hi mia. Stress can definitely cause delayed ovulation. I think the clearblue monitor should be fairly reliable, other than that there's just opk's. I think Frecklefacedgirls used a different monitor, which was linked to fertility specialists or the like.I think it was "Duo-fertility". Hopefully she'll come along and explain.

I suppose if you are open to going to a clinic, it might be worth a visit - at least to get some blood tests and see where your hormones are at - there's alot that they can tell you.

Did you ever find out what caused your miscarriages? Most of the time we never find out, but if you've had a few, perhaps you have had them investigated?

I only had one of my miscarriages tested and it was a chromosomal issue, which I think is the case for all of mine, but I also wouldn't be surprised if there may have been some scarring after the second erpc I had, as I had trouble with AF returning, but had cramps and pain and a very small amount of blood for a few months (at the time of expected AF). I now look back and think I was probably wasting my time ttc then. It seems to have resolved itself - I have AF now without pain and the flow is fine - but who knows how much damage was done and whether that is why I've miscarried again twice.

Still feeling a bit hopeful though. I had a familiar funny taste in my mouth last evening. Breast tenderness is worse than ever.

However a test this morning was negative. But I think I am only 10 dpo, so that's ok. Temps still reasonably high, though not as high as yesterday. Time will tell. I figure I will know either way by Saturday. And life will go on....

Hi Mia, hope you will be successful in ttc rather soon! Where your mcs before your first child analysed, do you know why you miscarried? If you went through no tests at all, I would check thyroid and clotting before becoming pg, as these things are easy to check and treatable.
On OV, I have always only used cheap internet OV strips and never the fancy monitor. But I have noted that some people who get no results on CB monitor, get fine positives on the cheapie sticks. I am one of those who ovulates on rather low hormone levels, my sticks when positive are rather weak positives, the control line only barely as strong as test, but I do ovulate with these levels. Probably CB monitor would not notice it.
But it was good to read that some people carry to term even after numerous mc!

My main prob with this mc is i need to face timed sex again in the future, beurk!

Hi Jass, I know what you mean about timed sex! Every failed month, the thought of it has me wondering whether to continue...that and the constant disappointment.

I am pretty sure AF will show up in the next couple of days. Gone is the happy optimism I felt.Instead I have that awful "I just want to cry/punch someone" feeling and waking up far too early, so feeling extra tired. It's shite,to be honest, feeling like this month after month. If I wasn't ttc, I would still feel like this, but it is made all the worse,knowing that my efforts, as small as they were, they were efforts all the same, and hopes, have come to nil again. (Oh, and temperature dropped this morning, so a sure sign for me).

So, tonight I feel sad and annoyed. Not a good combo.

When I feel like this I really do feel like there is no point in pursuing this anymore. I will probably feel quite differently once Af is here.

Maybe a good night's sleep will help.

Poor Gum! I hope you are happier now! The disappointment every month is sometimes worse, sometimes not too bad.... I think I am now done with bfp obsessing, knowing they never go anywhere. Not going to prevent, but also not going to ttc actively anymore. Am just so tired of it all:-)

Ohh, jass, I certainly understand your being tired of it all. I am feeling much the same, though I've not had to endure as much heartbreak as you have.

Another low temperature this morning and annoyed at waking at 4:30 am and not able to go back to sleep. So another day of feeling tired and disappointed. Grr! At least I am meeting a friend for a drink after work today which should be nice.

Sorry to be a "Debbie Downer". This too shall pass...

I'm with you Jass, giving it a couple more months & then going to stop actively trying but won't be using any contraception after having a dvt so will allow fate to decide. Sorry you're feeling down Gum hope you get that good nights sleep.
Quick question from me (before the obsessing stops). I have used ov sticks for 3 days so far this month. After I used today's I went to put it in to drawer (I hide them all away & then have a clear out once ovulation is over) & saw Monday's had a stronger 2nd line on it than today's. It wasn't positive & hadn't shown as strong within the time frame but when compared with today's outside the time frame too it is definitely stronger. I went downstairs while looking at yesterday's so threw it in the kitchen bin which I have no desire to start rooting around in so can't compare to that one. Is it just a case of anything over 10 mins is irrelevant or did I have a small surge & that could be it this month?
Guess I just have to test for the next few days & wait & see......

Grizzer, I don't think it is because you left it longer than 10 minutes. It is possible the surge is yet to come, the body sometimes gives it more than one go, or, that you didn't quite catch the surge sometime between when you took the opk on Monday, and today's.

I am no expert. But there were times when I did opk's in the morning which were positive and I know we are not supposed to do them in the morning. But if I hadn't I most likely would have missed the surge by testing in the afternoon/evening. I confirmed it was the surge through charting. That's why I continue to chart - it really helps me know when I have ovulated, combined with using opk's.

Do you have any other signs of ovulation? I get the O pain most months, which also helps me know when it happened.

BTW, I always do the opk's, stick them in my underwear drawer and check on them in 5-10 minutes - like you I keep a little collection until I know I've ovulated. I am glad I am not the only one who does it

No spotting for me yet. Now I am doing the "irrational talk" to myself: 'Maybe I won't get AF. Usually I have spotted by now. Maybe I am pregnant but it is a late implanter". "Boobs not as sore, but it is the morning, and they always hurt more in the evenings", "As for the low temperature, it isn't really the death Nell. I mean, it is still above coverline"...

OMG! I have TTC madness!

You would think, wouldn't you, after 5 years of ttc, I would have a modicom of good sense to know when it is doomed. Hope springs eternal! Which is probably just as well.

Thank goodness I have this thread to unburden myself on - trouble is, I am afraid I might be burdening my online friends instead

Ignore me!

Grizzer I reckon there might be 2 explanations for the appearance of that line on your OPK - 1) it's positive - with my OPKs, a second line means positive, it never gets as strong as the test line. or 2) Evaporation line. Personally, I would not trust a stick that's been lying around for a couple of days, who knows what chemical reaction drying urine is capable of...

And I have to admit that I am a bit at keeping peed-on sticks in your drawers The thought had never occurred to me, and I am proper ttc-mad!

gum Sorry to hear that you are feeling down about it all - but I think you are doing the right thing, trying to distract yourself. Life does go on, in spite of everything, and as hard as it is, ttc should not dominate every single aspect of everyday life. We still need to have fun and enjoy it!

Having said that, I'm CD8 now and dreading the run up to ov - I am so fed up of swi!

Ha ha, glad you're on my side Gum. I only keep them until I can sneak them all in to the bin without dh seeing. He goes through 3 phases around ovulation time:

1. 'let's just chill & not use sticks,' to which my reply is always 'of course dear, what a good idea that is, let's leave our 24 hr window each month to complete chance.' NOT!!
2. 'feeling a bit tired tonight. Let's only do it if you have your 2 lines.'
3. 'you've got 2 lines? It's too much pressure to do it on demand!' Whatever the mood may be, I keep my ovulation secret......

Hi sorry for not posting sooner, jass thankyou for your comments and hope you are doing ok, glad you are withfriends. Well my update is I didnt test this week even though it was about 5 or6 weeks and I really felt pregnant,I was waiting until this weekend because my ds startedschool this week and I didnt want thatforever linked with this if you knowwhat I mean,anyway I started having some bleeding today and feel like it will turn into a period, so no point testing, if ihave a normal bleed iit shoul be ok shouldnt it no need to do anything.So next stepvisit to doc for contraception, if this had happened would have been delighted but at 45, i have to accept i need tomove on, i amblessed with one ds, can exain in years to come siblings were wanted butnot possible, wishing you all success or at leasrt peace of mind to move on, not easy but i know i have to.
Timing is bad with all young mums with babies but life doesnt always go how you plan it, many thanks for all support i have had here when needed.

Sorry kiwi that it was not to be. if you are not interested to continue ttc then it is probably for the best not to test indeed. Otherwise, for information, if tou really were at least 5w, you should still have a line, even if faint. If you planned to continue, would be good to know whether your cycle is playong tricks or it was indeed an early mc.

Gum, i hope you are crawling out of the hole with the help of this nice chat with your friend tou had planned!

grizzer, the strongest opk signals imminent ovulation within 24-48 hours. if you do them only daily, you may well miss the surge, i.e. not get the strong positive opk, but if next day the line is weaker, the surge has been there, a bit before or after your strongest test. catching the surge is not so much necessary, because it anyway means ov will be in next day or two, go by the darkest you get. i always keep mine as well until i clearly see s weakening line, then I know ov is there. we only dtd every other day, so starting to cover when line appears, and continue until it starts to get weaker. has worked many times.....

kiwi, sorry to hear it wasn't the outcome you were hoping for. However it sounds like you are at a place of acceptance, which is good. I hope all goes well for you.

I am hoping to find myself in that place one day soon.

But not yet.

Grizzer, I too sneak them away so DH doesn't see. In my case he'd probably have performance anxiety and we can do without that. I am also a control-freak, so doing the opk's and keeping a record (so to speak) helps me feel I have a modicum of control. Besides, I really enjoy seeing two lines

I am feeling better, thanks, Jass, but AF still hasn't turned up. Not that it is unusual. I do usually have a bit of an indication with a bit of brown discharge, but so far, nothing. I am 14 dpo by FF, but I think I am 13 dpo, so not late at this stage. With a super low temp this morning, AF should show today or tomorrow. I would have much rather'd a BFP on my DS's 6th birthday (tomorrow). But I do have him and he was like winning the lottery

I had an enjoyable drink with some friends last night. They are all women in their early 50's and all in a very different place in their life to me. One of my friends never had kids, and is having a year off work. She is doing loads of travelling with her DH, has a B&B and has just bought a new place to let as a holiday home. The other ladies have children, but they are all grown and moved away. They are planning travels and other fun things.I guess there will come a time where I am at that stage of my life. And if I hadn't decided to take the plunge and have my DS at age 41, I'd be much closer to that stage. But I have no regrets and I think I would have had regrets had I not had DS.

Which leads me to being here, at the end of another cycle, still ttc at the old age of 47, inching closer to 48. It may not seem a sensible path to many (in fact I'll bet I'd be called "crazy" by many people) but at least I will not regret not trying.

2 lovely strong lines for me today.

Hi Grizzer, I know what you'll be up to today/tonight!

My darling boy is 6 today. I cannot believe how fast this time has flown (though, on the other hand, the ttc time seems to have dragged, weird

I feel so,so blessed to have had this time with my adorable, funny, affectionate, entertaining, loving boy.

I will try to attach a couple of pics.