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Original poster

Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

998 replies

Star0909 · 29/10/2013 09:27

New thread ladies. Come in here for support.

OP posts:
missalexandra · 03/09/2014 18:37

Blue and Ducky I've found that one way of almost always getting some definite movement is by really slouching over while sat at the computer desk. I pull my knees up (sort of go on tiptoe while sitting) and slouch my back right over so my bump is a bit "squashed"... I stop doing it as soon as I get a good kick/punch which is usually quite quickly. Just tried it while typing and yep he kicked. Worth a try?

Ducky23 · 03/09/2014 18:45

Thanks guys, I know I wind myself up and kind of know in the back of my mind it's normal but I can't help it!

Grin
OwlinaTree · 03/09/2014 23:16

Hi ladies, sorry I've not been on for ages. Have been reading tonight, only got to p 32 tho, will read more tomorrow.

Just wanted to post to say that my daughter was born 2 years ago tomorrow. It's been a funny couple of days, thinking back to the labour and her birth. Her short little life. My rainbow son is 6 months old on Saturday, and is such a delight. I feel so lucky to have him, but I also realise even more now what we have missed with our daughter, and it makes me sad.

Thinking of all of you mums, your angels and your rainbows.

Ducky23 · 04/09/2014 06:45

Owl ThanksThanksThanksThanks x

Rubyshoe · 04/09/2014 07:24

Thinking of you, DH and your angel today Owl. Time doesn't diminish grief it just takes the sharp edges off I think. She will always be with you x Flowers

missalexandra · 04/09/2014 09:01

Thinking of the Owl family today, and wishing that both their little owlets were with them. Big hugs to you all xx

EarthWindAnd9 · 04/09/2014 11:03

Thinking of you today Owl xx

OwlinaTree · 04/09/2014 15:36

Thanks guys for your kind thoughts and words. I'm at the memorial garden now but having to do a quick breastfeed before going in. I've bought a balloon with 2 on it and a candle to light for her birthday.

It's just never something you imagine doing is it?

kayleighferrie1985 · 04/09/2014 16:10

Sending hugs owl to you, and your family today xx

CritterPants · 04/09/2014 17:47

Happy birthday to your sweet little girl Owl. Thanks

MademoiselleG · 04/09/2014 18:27

Definitely not at all as we all imagine our sweet children's birthdays. But what you have done for her sounds just perfect...

Ducky how has today been?

Kayleigh was today back to school?

AFM: nothing it report. No AF, still bfns, but positive opk (2nd time since I've stopped bleeding and pg tests have been coming back negative - I guess this is why it's nicknamed the wtf cycle??) - work is ok. I'm struggling to concentrate but at least when I do, I stop thinking...

Hope you're all well xx

SpanielFace · 04/09/2014 18:31

So sorry Owl xx

I'm feeling emotional today - my NCT friend from my pregnancy with DS1 has just announced the arrival of her 2nd baby. We were due 4 weeks apart and were excited about being on mat leave together again. I want to be happy for her as I know they struggled to conceive their 1st and had some medical assistance, whereas this baby is a totally unexpected and happy surprise. But it's just so bloody hard. I just want to block her photos on FB and never see her again, but I hate myself for thinking that way.

Had a vivid dream last night about breastfeeding a newborn. I've no idea if I'm mentally ready to start TTC but I so badly want to be pregnant. Sad

kayleighferrie1985 · 04/09/2014 18:35

Mademoiselle yes the kids were back to school today. DD (Jessie) had a good day despite being nervous as she's now in the juniors, and DS1 (Brian) had a fab afternoon in reception, and looked lovely in his uniform. Thank you for asking. I'm glad work is ok, and hope your cycle regulates soon x

AFM, i've got a throat infection :( got to pick up my antibiotics tomorrow. I did, however have a conversation with the nurse about TTC (apparently it says on my medical records i'm TTC) and we got onto cycle lengths. Am i right in thinking that cycle day 1 is actually the first day of AF?

Waves to all xx

Ducky23 · 04/09/2014 18:55

M I found keeping busy helped too, hope things are going ok at work

Spaniel, sorry your finding it difficult at the mo with your friend. TTC is never easy and it's especially hard after what we have all been through

K, glad dc had a good day back Grin and hope your throat gets better soon. Cd1 is first day of full AF (not jut spotting) or so I thought Wink

He has been moving around lots today which definitely makes me feel better Smile think he just wore himself out yesterday! Grin But it doesn't stop me panicking every time he goes silent! I hardly felt any movement with dd so it all seems so new!

Waves to everyone else

kayleighferrie1985 · 04/09/2014 19:34

Thanks ducky, that's what i thought, but then thought "well i might be wrong". Glad you've had lots of movements today, and it's made you feel better Flowers

OwlinaTree · 04/09/2014 22:41

Thanks for all your kind message, I've caught up with the thread now.

missa sorry to her about the gd, hope you are ok. Glad you are feeling lots of movements now.

ruby not long to go now. Are you ready?

blue and ducky glad you are feeling movements and everything is progressing well.

critter hope the ivf is progressing as it should, fx for you. You too tulip.

earth hope you are OK, outs such a difficult time the run up to the loss isn't it? In a way our date being so close to the start of the month is a blessing, the month starts and then I'm constantly thinking of her. Sunday is the day she died, so it's kind of a weird limbo sort of week. I'll be thinking of you over the next days.

madem been reading your posts with a lump in my throat. You've been through such a lot in a short space of time. Well done on going back to work, I'm a teacher too so I know how busy the start of term can be. I found work a great distraction tbh. Fx TTC goes well.

spaniel so sorry you are on here, how devastating. I understand the need to be pg again, it took us 9 months which was quick compared to the first time, so hopefully it will happen soon for you too.

kayleigh glad the af is settling down. Fx for bfp very soon and glad your other children are settling into school OK.

Waves to everyone, I'll try to keep up from now on!

MademoiselleG · 04/09/2014 23:31

Thank you Owl for your kind words. Weirdly, I feel bad but good in equal measures that you felt lumps in your throat reading baby G's journey - of course I don't want to make you feel sad, but equally, when someone is touched by our stories, as I have been by each and every single one of yours, it validates our pain and our baby.
Lots of love and tender thoughts for all of you and our babies tonight x (will respond properly tomorrow!)

OwlinaTree · 05/09/2014 06:41

This thread is so helpful for that madem, I always feel you can say things on her that you just can't say to many people in RL.

kayleighferrie1985 · 05/09/2014 10:44

owl i couldn't agree more with your comment about feeling able to say things on here that some people in RL wouldn't understand.

EarthWindAnd9 · 05/09/2014 19:13

I thought the second year would be easier, especially now that I have my rainbow, but it's still just totally and utterly heartbreaking. I feel physically sick and have no appetite.

OwlinaTree · 05/09/2014 22:51

I think it was harder in lots of ways this year earth. I felt more like I knew what I had missed when I thought about her growing up. Also, now I have my son I am not worrying that I'll never have a family, this year I was grieving just for her as a person, rather than for her and also for our loss of family life.

Can't believe it's been 2 years. Still am thinking ' this time 2 years ago....' Made sure I planned things to do too so I wasn't stuck at home on my own all day. DH home for the weekend now, we've no plans with anyone else so will spend time as a family and visit the grave on Sunday, the anniversary of her death.

Lots of supportive messages from friends, strangely neither set of parents have contacted us. My dad phoned, but mum and pil are away from home, so I'm guessing it's just slipped their minds.

AllTerrainMammy · 06/09/2014 18:34

Hi all. Sorry for being AWOL for such a long time. Sorry not to name check but having not posted in over a month there's been so much to catch up on and it's difficult on my phone.

Things are ok at the moment. DD started pre-school nursery last week which was an emotional rollercoaster (for me - she was fine!). Our 12 week scan showed all was ok so far and I sobbed and sobbed as soon as the sonographer said she could see a heartbeat, I think I'd convinced myself that it would be bad news again and the relief just was too much. Been feeling really unwell today (I will be 15 weeks tomorrow) and spent all afternoon in bed feeling sick and have stomach cramps. Desperately hoping its a gastro thing but think I might call the midwife on Monday and see if she'll have a listen for the heartbeat. I have my 16 week appointment next week but don't think I can hold on until then, I'm having my first (of many to come I'm sure) really negative 'wobble' where I feel like lightening maybe will strike twice and all won't be ok.

Sorry for the pessimistic post. Hope all of you are as well as can be expected. Will try much harder to check in regularly and keep up to date with everyone and all your news but I just seem to have a crazy busy lifestyle and when I do get a minute to sit down I usually fall asleep!

Waves and happy thoughts to all x

kayleighferrie1985 · 06/09/2014 18:59

ATM glad your DD enjoyed pre-school. Sounds like a good idea to call the midwife, especially if it helps to put your mind at ease for a little while. I imagine the "wobbles" are perfectly normal and i'm sure i'll be much the same with my rainbow (when it happens) Flowers

missalexandra · 06/09/2014 20:09

Owl will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow, these past few days must have been so tough for you all. I imagine every single year that passes all of us on this thread we will be thinking "he/she would have been so many years old today"...whether we have gone on to have rainbows or not Sad Its pretty sad that neither set of parents have remembered. It seems we humans have selective memories and can just skip the ones that are too painful to recall ((hugs))

Earth how are you doing? Sorry to hear you too are having such sad days leading up to Fs anniversary. I think only we (on here) can understand how having a rainbow does nothing to alleviate the pain of our lost children, they are two totally seperate things however much joy a new baby can add to our lives. Have your family/friends remembered? ((hugs))

Flowers to all

missalexandra · 06/09/2014 20:15

ATM you posted while I was typing. Great to hear from you and that all is ok, and no youre not being pessimistic youre just being realistic. It wouldnt be normal for us NOT to have these wobbles taking into account our past losses. It definitely sounds more gastric than anything else though! Hope you feel better soon and all's well at the scan next week x