TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

I would agree that if something isn't working, it's worth trying a different protocol. Even trying different drugs could help. I think it's important to listen to that itch and if the means can be raised to try it, it's worth the effort. Sorry to hear about the cock of a consultant, there are far too many around sadly.

Oh Nelly, I am so sorry to hear your news. Not much to add except take your time to grieve, regroup and come up w a plan! Your message made me teary. Do know I too believe that the lovely ladies on here will find a way to be the mother hiding in us all.

Waves to the others! Unbelief in the sour household still, I reckon that will stay for a while.

I think that's why the consultant upset me so much, he just refused to entertain the idea that their way was maybe not the only way.

Lemon thank you. Perhaps your hormones are the real cause of the teary-ness . The cheerleading support means so much to me. I have no idea where my head would be at on this journey without you all

Oh Nelly, I'm so sorry, massive hugs and hand holding. That seems unbelievably unfair bad luck for that to happen to your egg, fertility fuckers messing with us once again. I agree with Joy, if there's an itch that can be scratched at some point then why not follow your instincts. Consultants vary so much, and so think they are god it annoys me.

Joy I'm sorry you had such an awkward moment at the party, but I did do an inward cheer at Roy's response, good for him, stupid woman. Hope you are ok and fingers crossed for Friday if everything's ok.

Rabbit massive squeeze. Do enough people know at work? I found the relief and work adjustments outweighs the embarrassment for me but we're all different.

I can't believe I've made it through 5 days so far since the scan, only 3 to go. Time has stood still. Thanks for the good wishes.

Another cheer for lemons and Mad.

Oh nelly I'm so sorry that you're going through this. What rotten luck that MrN's sperm were so blooming enthusiastic that two of them managed to get in there together. I think one shot at lp makes sense. Sometimes scratches really do need to be itched. I found the clinic not bad really. I know that being health board funded makes my experience a lot different but I would say come back and try if you think you want to. When it comes to it, money really is just money. MrM and I had a good chunk set aside if we needed it and both agreed that it was the most worthwhile thing we could possibly spend it on.

cos time must be crawling for you but you are getting there. I have every faith in your little bean to beat the odds.

joy not long to go. There are so many of those stories. I looked at another thread about single embryo and double embryo transfer and one of those women said that they put back one ok embryo and one really poor one. She now has healthy non identical twins. I will carry on hoping for the best for you. You so deserve it xx.

lemon disbelief still well and truly in attendance in the mad household. I think it may stay for the duration....

Thanks everyone for your support. It really does mean the world to me [soppy emoticon].

nelly honey I am so sorry the bastard consultant upset you on top of everything else. For what it's worth, I'd say an LP round, if you can manage it, would be worth a shot. They did LP for me and it was totally fine - also I do think there's a lot that doctors just don't know about fertility stuff, so it's worth trying a different protocol. A massive hug though, this is so bloody unfair.

joy I am still hoping for you sweetheart. I hope you're ok, thinking of you lots. Everything I have read online suggests that it's hard to tell why some embies stick and some don't, and that we still don't really know what makes a 'poor quality' embie - they often go on to create perfect babies. I am sorry you're going through this, it's totally shit.

cos Thinking of you too lovely. I am sure the next three days will drag. Will be sending you and bean huge good luck vibes across the Atlantic.

rabbit a special tail fluff your way.

ten huge good luck for your upcoming cycle.

Oh Nelly, I'm so sorry. What rotten luck. I'm obviously just at the start of this whole nightmare rollercoaster in a sense, but I think if the itch is really there... it's not the sort of thing you want to be regretting with what ifs in 10 years time. At least then you'll know you've done all you can and it might be easier to accept whatever outcome? Anyway, thinking of you and MrN.

rabbit I'm so sorry. What you describe sounds like how I was feeling for the last few weeks. I really hope it lifts soon for you, but it sure is a fucker, bearing all this. Like cosmos, I found finally being really honest with my bosses at work and starting the process of making adjustments to my hours & workload to be a huge relief, even it felt initially quite humiliating to admit I wasn't coping. I do hope you're going easy on yourself, though I know that's much easier said than done.

joy good on Roy! People can be so rude. And I still have everything crossed for you. And for you too, Cosmos.

Gin, yes I should be starting with my next period, but only if the ruddy cyst that delayed me this month has gone away! It better had...

So ten I might be following you quite closely, as I'm due Oct 12th. Will you be doing a long protocol? It'll be nice to have a cycle buddy.

Anyone else following GBBO? I've got a mad suet pudding craving now... Oh my arteries!

at the disbelievers.

joy honestly you have to take this medication at 12am and 6am seriously take it at a more convenient time for you, an hour here or there is not going to be the end of a BFP for you, the ARGC seem to be losing the plot and good on Roy for telling that nosy old bag with no life to mind her own business stupid old cow, anyway my fingers are crossed for a good outcome :) I agree with critter

nelly I am so sorry, it seems that some consultants and clinics seem to think that they are god and that they know best they forget that you are a paying customer.With DE I think you have to grieve and make peace with the fact that your child won't have your DNA, perhaps LP is your next step, you want to know that you tried everything first.

rabbit big paw squeeze

pout thinking of you my lovely

cos my fingers are crossed for your scan this week, the wait is always horrendous, I always felt useless and out of control as I couldn't do anything to change the outcome and I couldn't stop myself from worrying either

rum I think its sensible to tell your bosses as it is a stressful process, I told mine so they would understand my drug induced mood swings as opposed to my normal ones its about priorities and you are your No: 1 priority:)

I've been quietly applauding roy as well from here. I am holding things quietly crossed here joy.

I am still so sad for your doubly fertilised embie nelly. I do think the tears were for you. I haven't cried except when SB called to tell me the news which incidentally was at 5pm because he couldn't keep it to himself. I am sorry. And completely ready to cheer you thru LP, or I've heard of something called the flare protocol, that might be worth a try as well?

Impressed with those telling bosses. But I agree rum it might be time. I heard yesterday our office is facing a budget cut of 20% in the next two years. So I am keeping my diffedness secret as long as I can, and worrying about jobs a little... But my contract runs til next August, so I have some breathing space!

Thank you all, wonderful ladies. We are both very flat just now, I've not really had the wailing I expected. It will come I'm sure.

Buzzy grief is right. But Mr Nelly and I were sat watching tv last night and I had a sort of "premonition" I sometimes have. I imagine a child of about 4 coming into the room and saying Mummy, my tummy hurts and then climbing onto the sofa for a cuddle. Weirdly whenever I get this, I feel better. I think because it makes me realise that the hypothetical child in our life is a little person who we love and who loves us; and I don't really care about biology. I do still care about pregnancy and babies though, so I'm not sure about adoption. But if DE also fails, maybe that will change.

Lemon it was flare protocol I did. Though weirdly my best response was when I took ages to stim, and got 3 eggs. The other two cycles I stimmed much more quickly and only got one. This time I only did 8 days and still have drugs left . The other thing that occurs to me is I did acu my first cycle. So if I do a LP I will add that back to the list. I didn't go back for the final all important ET support appointment so maybe there is something in it. Oh I don't know.

Anyway, nothing happens until the new year at least. I better go and call the clinic and sort my refund .

Cos I am thinking of you so much and hoping for better news on Friday. And Joy too. Well done Roy! It made me very sad to read the bit you posted about not wanting implantation if you were going to have to go through the same trauma again. That really was awful for you. Sometimes I get so angry on all our behalfs. You couldn't get a nicer bunch of ladies, none of us deserve such cruel torture. Life can be such a bitch sometimes.

lemons wonderful, wonderful news. I'm so happy for you. You must be grinning from ear to ear. Can you remind us of your story again (I love reading them and getting to the BFP bit!)

mad how lovely, a heartbeat!

nelly I'm so sorry that it hasn't worked again. Frustrating is an understatement. Did the clinic not recommend ICSI then? Is the double sperm thing an indication of a faulty egg because the egg should lock down after one sperm gets in to stop this happening. I agree that trying another protocol might be worth a try. My ovaries and eggs are supposedly good and yet I didn't get on at all well with short protocol. I wish I could wave a wand for all of us. I totally agree that we're all lovely people and deserve this so much.

rabbit news like you had will take time to process. I really do think that sp ivf may well be the answer for you. It has to be positive (although frustrating) that you think you've had chemical pregnancies because it shows your body is trying. I went through what I can only describe as a bereavement when we were told about DH's sperm. The bottom of my world fell out, and I was crying myself to sleep and barely able to function. Every time I thought about it I would get a huge shiver and feelings of dread and despair. 3 years on it's much easier even though I'm no closer to having a baby.

joy Well done Roy for putting that stupid woman in her place. How rude can some people be? It really amazes me how insensitive people are. I felt sad when you said that you would rather not get a BFP if it's going to end up like last time. I totally understand that. I've not given up hope for you. Embryo quality is odd, I had two good ones and they did nothing so I'm not sure you can ever know what the outcome will be. I'm thinking of you.

I had my pre ivf scan today. I was dreading it and felt so nervous because it was one of these scans that showed my cyst and led to the lap. Thankfully all was good this time. Ovaries and uterus looked good, clearly have ovulated from left ovary and the lining looks nice. I will have the injection on Friday to shut everything down. I know this is highly unlikely bit I'm now scared that this was the one month we managed it and I'm going to kill a tiny embryo on Friday. Here's to IVF no.2, I'm trying to be positive but it's difficult when at every other stage things haven't worked out.

Waves to everyone.

Joy Way to go Roy, very glad to hear she wont be asking stupid questions like that again. Some people. Pills at midnight and 6am you say? Urgh, could they make your life any harder?! Surely there is a way around that? Not too long now then until OTD, fingers crossed for you.

Nelly God I’m sorry, nothing more I can say really. Personally I think if you can afford it it is worth trying all of the different options so as the other ladies say you have no regrets. Why is that so many doctors actually think they god.

Lemon Any symptoms yet? Still in a state of disbelief?!

Cos Can only imagine you are counting down the days, thinking of you.

Rumi Oh yes it would be nice to have a cycle buddy. I think I am doing a short protocol as I don’t down reg at all…. So as far as I understand I will inject a small amount of hormones everyday for 10 days then trigger at some point soon after that…I have polycystic ovaries (not the syndrome though) so I am risk of OHSS as I have about 12 follies on each side every month. They called it the antagonist protocol, but I don’t know if this is different to short, I don’t think so. Are you doing the long protocol? When do you start down regging?

Den Good luck with this round, here’s hoping this is the one for you! It is natural that you find it hard to be positive, but there is everything to be hopeful for again this cycle. Good news that everything was clear and ready to go. When do they start you up again? Are you on LP?

Italic fail....

Total disbelief still, I got insomnia though, after most loo trips, so I guess that is a symptom.

Especially for mrsd the story: TTC from June 2010, first batch of investigations summer 2011: "unexplained" try naturally for another 6 months. End 2011, hospital switch, March-May 2012 3x natural IUI, June 2012 lap&dye: never seen such a normal womble, August 2012 BFP after SO+IUI, mc at 7+4, another 4 SO+IUI, IVF LP June-July 2013: chem diffment + 6 frosties, Sept 2012 FET BFP. Pff, I get tired when I read it. Just praying Lembie will stick. Scary weeks ahead...

Keeping everything crossed for the lovely ladies, lots of positive thoughts and luffs. Better do some work...

Cos – i hope you are bearing up ok. The wait for a scan is always horrible. But as you know we are all routing for you.

Mrsd – brilliant news that all looked good today. I have heard of people finding out they were pregnant when they were down regging but it didn’t kill off their pregnancy. Did you have a day 3 transfer last time? Embryo quality is strange actually. I have spent countless hours researching it over the past week. probably not the wisest way to spend my time! But clearly the better the embryos, the better the chances but it doesn’t always work like that.

Lemon – not surprised you are in disbelief. Of course the next weeks will be scary but you have crossed one big hurdle. Mini lemon will be just fine.

Nelly – i love your premonition. I get these as well. I can definitely see roy and I with a baby girl – i don’t know where she has come from and how far in the future it is but i do see her every now again. Like you it makes me feel better. But actually other days, the future seems bleak and a bit lonely so goodness knows what the final outcome will be.

Buzz – i have to say, i’ve been a bit lax with these pills. I don’t know anyone else who has to take them. they are suppose to stop the womb contracting or something . I have basically been doing everything wrong this past week. I have been lifting really heavy things and eating shit food and lots of sugar. Roy and I were so pissed that after our diligent nutrition regime resulted in a couple of crap embryos , we have literally said sod it. i must have piled on half a stone this week!

Rum – i love the GBBO. Mary Berry is fab as are Mel and Sue. I just sit there all dreamily watching their creations and wishing I had just an ounce of talent in the baking department. I’m so pleased your bosses have been good to you.

Mad – i love to hear stories about crap embryos surviving. The question is, are Roy and I that lucky? I’m doubtful! So thrilled that everything is all well with you. Do you have any symptoms yet?

Popping back in for a bit

We've just passed the year mark, which was odd. In some ways it doesn't feel like it's been that long (it's gone so quickly) but it still sucks. I think DH and I now need to discuss what we need to do. I have PCOS (but not sufficiently serious for the Obgyn to recommend hormone treatments) and DH had a test which showed there were issues with sperm heads (?) which can be reversed through staying away from hot water, sitting around the flat in his underpants (whch is has been, er, interesting). Just got my period again today (after stupidly doing a test on "do you have implantation bleeding?" and the answer being "yes", so I got my hopes up), which I think ends attempt 13/14. Beyond getting DH to go for a follow up test, I don't know what to do now.

Any advice? Should I call up the Obgyn again and have a follow up appointment? Apparently there's one more test that he could do for me (hormone tests were in normal range) but it's more invasive.

It doesn't help that I'm being chased about a potential new job (I mean, I'm very grateful and its flattering but it's putting me in a difficult position). My old boss moved somewhere else, and wants me to follow him (I wasn't looking to move), but his newer employer has a really rubbish maternity policy - doesn't pay above SMP unless you've been there more than 2 years (my current employer has excellent Mat cover, I'm eligible and you get full pay the first 6 months). I've told him about thsi, and why I'm saying no, but he's insisting.

Oh nelly, I'm so bloody sorry. How frustrating to go through all that and then to end up with nothing to transfer. I really do feel for you. Did the knob consultant just refuse to discuss LP? Would the new clinic be able to give an indication as to whether it might improve egg no.s? Also have you considers s natural ivf? It's a lot cheaper and less injecting, so might be worth a go? Hope you are ok lovely.

ten the scans take no more than 10-20 mins, but they do quite often run late. They do offer early morning appointments though (around 8am i think) so we went for those and then made it into work afterwards. And if you are first, there's less chance of them running late. It depends on how quickly your eggs cook as to number of scans. I had at least 4 each cycle, but I'm a slow grower/late ovulator. As I had so many, some fell at the weekend and if you really can't do a particular day, they can scan you the next. I did do the antagonist (short) protocol. Good luck and do ask if you have any other questions.

mrsd so pleased all was well at the scan.

Waves and luffs to everyone else (gotta shoot). Hang in there lemons! Have you got a scan booked? joy and cos thinking of you both this week.

joy I am still furious about that woman, how stupid was she, if it ahd worked you'd be preggo/ have a baby I hate little shit stirrers like that, to be honest I don't really know how much all these things 'help' or make a difference, the only thing I didn't do was have a bath, I did shower though it won't be down to anything you did/didn't do in the last few days

absy it can't hurt to ask for more investigations, its best to cover all bases, the job front is tough, you don't want to put your life on hold but then you want a good mat pay

mrsd there is a woman who fell pregnant just before starting IVF, I am pretty sure she DRed on another board, mt fingers are crossed for you this cycle

Buzz - oh I know. She has done it before and last time I was very fragile because it was close to my lap and I was so scared about it. She was bouncing my god daughter in my face and saying how hard it must be with all these cute kids around and nosing in to what we were going to do. She does mean well but most my friends will always say "if you don't want to talk about it"...and give me the op to say I don't want to talk. She doesn't ever do that. Sigh. Some people.

Watching 3 day nanny on c4 which pregnant people should avoid but good for those of us struggling. Def dont want kids like that!

Joy that woman sounds unbelievable. How you haven't slapped her by now I have no idea. You have way more restraint than me.

Absy I've turned down a job in the early stages of TTC. Clearly 3 years down the line that was a waste of time, but I don't regret my decision. It's very personal though.

Gin my clinic (well, cock consultant) said it'd be a waste of time. As would LP he said. As in fact would another cycle, and I think the most irritating thing is that he was the surgeon and was proved right.mi bet he didn't even look for any more follies. Still, it's nice to have someone to direct my anger at.

Ladies something amazing and weird happened tonight. With prescient timing, a very good friend was here today and, not having known I'd just done another round (she knew about the other two) has offered to be an egg donor. I don't even know where to begin with processing this! One thing that's key is she is 36 so it might not even be possible. I think a clinic need an exception to accept someone over 35 and obviously there would have to be tests. But she would be the one person that I know I'd be happy to do this with. Her children are lovely, she is similar in build etc to me, and she and her husband are both on board. How on earth do we decide if a known donor is a good idea or not???? She is a scientist and very matter of fact, I don't think at all she would want to be "involved" but you never really know do you. Does anyone have any thoughts or can point me towards other forums? Google isn't bringing up much about close donors. Mr Nelly and I are not adverse but it's so much to take in.

Aaaahhhh

Wow nelly that's amazing. I believe the rules about age are different for a known donor. I think it's a wonderful situation and admit to being influenced by a weird piece of good fortune that occurred for me today, involving a friend (no way near as exciting as yours though).

Ladies, if I get to MN, this is always where I come first, still. I think about you all often. Trying times for so many these past weeks which pains me. Congrats to lovely lemon sorry nelly about the crap experience with these doctors. joy I'm still hoping for you. Glad the scan looked good mrsden special loves to rabbit and hoping you are managing in your wait cos. I'm missing a lot of people in the middle on the night on my phone, thinking of you all though. X

Doll how lovely to hear from you! Life must be frantic right now, and are you not due any minute? Your news sounds curious and interesting! I miss having you around here. Are you settled in your new place?

Mainly I am feeling buoyed by the simple fact someone was lovely enough to even suggest this. I was blown away.

Totally nelly I get that to was a lovely offer but the way you describe it's more too. I'm not really one for the stars aligning and all that but sometimes things do feel like they were meant to be.

You are right, I'm officially full term (but likely some weeks off actually doing this thing). I was settling in to the new place shouting at Ken about finding a different house mainly but now I have relocated again (by myself initially) as I was not able to give birth where I was (chicken shit doctors, crazy foreign lady go away). I'm in Bangkok now. My story of bizarre good fortune sounds very dull compared to yours but my main aim with the idea of staying put was being more capable of taking care of Little Doll, there are lots of issues with relocating again but one of them is what the hell to do with him during the labour itself in a city I've never been too before now? Yesterday I decovered, in this huge city, that I know a lovely family with two kids Little Doll's age who live next door to the hospital who will take care of him for me. Just too good to be true Also a bit boring I know but it takes away images of him wandering hospital hallways with a hired babysitter that he has never met thinking 'I'm coming to the conclusion that this brother business is a very poor deal for me, let me prepare to ruin my parents future'

Nelly - that's amazing and what an amazing friend. It is a lot to get your head around and perhaps you should start by looking here: www.dcnetwork.org/
I was shocked the other day when Roy said out of the blue that he thinks we should donor eggs and to be honest I have been tossing and turning about it ever since. Whilst I think I would like to have my kids be able to trace their routes at 18, I am not sure how I would feel if I was to use a friend's eggs. Would i get jealous of them etc? You have to consider it from all angles and especially the potential feelings that could arise with you knowing that it is mr nelly and your friend's egg. It is such a sensitive area and I guess you would all need counselling to explore all the possible feelings and outcomes before going down that route. Lots to think about Nelly!

Doll - so close now. Yippee !! And lovely to hear about that bit of luck too.