TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

Just quickly because I have missed enough work today. All looking as it should be. The bean is measuring 10mm and we saw a heartbeat :-) Can't quite believe it but feeling relieved. Still crossing my fingers for you lemons.

Hurrah, mad! Excellent news! And excellent knockers to match, by the sound of it!

Ooh, lemon, you have nerves of steel, I'd have pissed away a fortune by now. It all sounds promising though! Here's hoping SB comes home with great news.

Cos, I've got everything firmly crossed for good news at your scan on Friday.

How are you going, joy? How much longer till your OTD now?

I've got tons to catch up on, but the good news here is that the great fog of depression that descended for the last fortnight or so appears to finally be lifting. It's ever so nice not to be randomly bursting into tears, and to even find myself feeling, dare I say it, happy. Onwards & upwards, I hope today brings all of us some good cheer!

Just quickly, SB just called me, it is positive :)

Yay for good scan, mad! Congrats!!!

And hurrah for lifting of fog!!

Lemon Oh my god! Hurrah! Fantastic news!!!! I have been sneakily checking in all day to see. So so happy for you both.

Mad Great news about the scan! Must be very reassuring!

Lemon - hoorah, fantastic news. Congratulations. I am so excited for you and as always on here a very very well deserved bfp. Just enjoy this moment.

Mad - I am delighted about your happy scan news, bloody fantastic!!!

Oh lemon that is just brilliant . You and SB enjoy a well earned celebration tonight!! What a great way to start a week.

Ten - I totally empathise with wondering how you got to this point. But everything is set and ready now and you have so much reason to be hopeful.

free - great news on the cycles and sounds like your hormones are becoming really balanced. Exciting times ahead for you.

coco - so glad you feel a little better, you have a hell of a lot on your plate there! The balance of staying hopefulbut not feeling consumed by ttc is a difficult one. Good luck honey.

cos - I can only imagine the stress and anxiety you feel during the wait until Friday. I am thinking of you and your dh and sending lots of positive vibes. Wish I could give you a nice decaff tea, slice of rocky road and big hug, I really do.

rabbit - I hope some of the shock has worn off? I am thinking about you.

joy - hoping you are a chilled lady who has exciting dinner, cinema, walks, massages and fun lovely things to do. Sod em joy, sod em!!!!!!!! Xxxx

lemon, hurrah! What bloody brilliant news!

Yey to both Mad and Lemons!! Great news, so glad for you both. Xxx

lemon!!! So bloody happy for you sweet pea! Yippee!

Yay mad for a great scan and a heartbeat.

Tight hand holds to cos and joy, hope you're both hanging in there, let's have some more good news!

Woo! Congrats lemon that's great news. So happy for you

Brilliant that your bean scan went well mad So exciting.

Hope you are doing ok rabbit and joy.

Sending lots of positive vibes your way cos best of luck for your next scan.

free very impressed by you cycle shortening. My mc's seem to have had a positive effect on my cycles length and regularity but I'd like to avoid any more of them so might ply you for chinese doc guidelines.

rum glad to hear the fog is lifting. It's such a battle and these more positive moments are to be cherished.

Waves and hugs to all. Lovely way to start a week.

Hurrah to lemon and mad. Wonderful news!

You are all wonderful! Feeling warm and fuzzy.

Thinking and crossing everything for Joy and Cos later this week!

Handholds for those in the tent!!

Lemon I'm so glad for you, I echo Sar in saying enjoy every second!

Mad, ace news

Joy keeping my fingers crossed for you and cos hope you are ok.

I'm falling behind and thank you to everyone for kind words. I'm really struggling. Cried through my whole acu session today. There is nothing to be done or said and I feel in acute grief. I'm reading but not feeling very eloquent so sorry for not name checking anc catching up. Not really coping at work either so I'm hoping I turn a corner soon.

Rabbit, it will take time, bereavement is what it is. Please know that no one here expects more from you than what you need to share. You've been in my thoughts a lot! The process you're going thru reminds me of the grieving I had to go through after my mc last year. Of course yours is bigger and scarier, but the acuteness and sharp pain of the grief is the same. Face it, live thru it, let it be and come out the other end! This is horrible, but it will pass eventually. Does work know? Any chance of a bit of leeway? Handhold, if it helps a little!

Thanks lemon. I'm sorry if I've put a bit of gloom onto your happy day. Even though I tried hard to brace myself for it, it's no preparation or protection for when it hits. One or two people at work know bits and I've told my mum and acu lady the whole awful truth. But I am in a bit of a mess at work as I'm in no position to talk about abortions/unwanted pregnancy at the moment and that happens quite often. But enough of my sorrows! I was thinking of you a lot today and I'm so glad that you get to feel the sunshine on your face again. Big loves lemon.

lemon congrats, when did SB tell you, did he make you wait until the end of the day :)

mad yay to a great scan :)

joy when is testing day for you, fingers crossed

rabbit it is a loss and you have to grieve but you still have a chance of having your own child, when will your cycle start about 3 weeks ??

rabbit hang in there honey. You are in the darkest place now but you are going to come out of it, back into the sun. You will be a mum, I feel absolutely sure of it. But now it's ok to feel sad and to cry. It is a huge and horrible shock that you've been walloped with, you have been kicked when you were already down, and you don't need to put a brave face on things.

Yay lemons!! Fab news . Am totally chuffed for you. Any symptoms yet??

And mad a great scan result for you too!

So sorry for those in the tent. I wish I could do something to help. Big hugs rabbits. It will get easier, promise and like critter says, I truly do believe you will be a mum. You have even managed to conceive on your own, which we never ever managed. But I know that knowledge doesn't help. Be kind to yourself skive work a bit.

cos hope you are doing ok. I am so so keeping everything crossed for a good result on Fri.

joy thinking of you as OTD gets nearer.

ten and rum are you both starting ivf next cycle?

Waves and luffs to everyone else.

Rumi I am glad to hear that you are feeling more positive, it is horrible when you feel so out of control of your emotions.

Joy when is OTD for you? I hope everything is going ok. Yes I am sure the expectation is worse than the reality and I know how lucky I am that we can cycle so quickly after making the decision, I think removing the anticipation will help.

Cos still thinking of you and wishing the best for Friday.

Free Glad to hear about your cycles becoming more regular, it is a never ending source of mystery as to how and why these things change to me. After by cone biopsy my cycles were shot for a few months, and now seem to be totally regular (they have NEVER been regular before) it is all very strange.

Rabbit I am so so sorry that you feel this way, take time to grieve. Don’t feel that you have to apologies about checking in, the point of the board is to be supportive and you have always offered that to others in the past, we are here to listen as needed.

Gin Yes I am, which I think means around the 9th October……. But I am not sure (I probably should do a bit more research but I am trying not to obsess). I am going for my lesson on stabbing on Thursday, fun times. Did you do the antagonist protocol at Create? If so can I ask how often they scan you? And how long each scan takes? I am trying to figure out how to get around this at work, nightmare new project starting that week…..couldn’t be worse timing.

Waves to everyone else, especially those in the tent.

Have I just lost a message in cyber space? Grrrr

Rabbit - I am so sorry to hear what despair you are in. There is nothing helpful I can say as I know words can't fix what you are going through. I still believe there is hope though. I have read too many stories where people have been given grim news yet they get their miracle. But I guess if you are like me , you believe those miracles happen to other people. You are going through the worst bit right now but as others said this is not a permanent state. You will come out of it and there will be happiness again.

Official blood test day for me is at the end of the week. I don't bother poas as they never work for me anyway. It's only a 9 day wait. I can't see how a poor slow embryo and a very poor one could possibly survive. To be honest, I don't want them to implant if they are going to amount to nothing. I cannot go through that stress again. Because of the quality I have no expectations but I am sure the inevitable bfn will still hurt. I am bad tempered and a bit teary this week but I am tired as I have to take various pills at midnight and then 6am. I had to endure my god daighter's birthday the other day. We were the only childless couple there nd many were expecting their second. When a nosey friend's mother inquired loudly as to what happened at our last ivf, my normally very placid and docile Roy told her in no uncertain terms that a children's party was a wholly inappropriate place to question us. I felt embarrassed how rudely he said it but she apologised. He was fuming all the way home.

I'm annoyed my last message didn't post. It congratulated Lemon and cheered for Mad and hugged the tent dwellers.

The other part was the end of the IVF road for us. I've quietly done our 3rd attempt. We were tricked by what looked like a good scan on day 5. In the end I had one egg collected yesterday. This time, 2 sperm got in so no ET for us. I don't really know what we do now. We have spent so much money that we've no choice but to hold off in any case. LP is maybe a possibility, and then I guess we move onto DE.

Not a happy day in the Nelly house today :(

Oh nelly, I am so sorry to hear this. I was wondering whether you were doing it on the quiet. I am just so sorry it didn't work out. Have they suggested that LP might provide a better outcome? Please look after yourself. This is all so horribly tough especially when it is all so bloody expensive. You didn't have to pay for a full round I hope. Thinking of you.

Thanks Joy. It all sucks doesn't it? Yes we've to pay the full amount but get a small refund as no ET. The last review we had didn't recommend another round at all. We saw this cock of a consultant who was a slimy git and refused to try any of my suggestions such as a natural cycle. Unfortunately he was the surgeon yesterday which really upset me. If we do LP we will do it by doing a privately funded round at the NHS clinic. Where Mad went. It's just a theory we have really as SP didn't work. Might be just as bad, but we sort if feel it's an itch we still need to scratch. But we already know we have to treat the money as thrown away. But as Mr Nelly said today, what's more important that we'd have spent it on? And he kind of has a point a new hobble is what I'm spending it on next

I'm sorry yours has been so stressful as well.