TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

[eurochick]

sea that's a lovely story.

I think all they could do is to let the leaders go and hope that the others stay clustered and grow to the right size, but they are going for it with what's there.

gin/sea I haven't spoken to the anaethetist yet, but the gynae I saw today was new there and she saw a note on my file about my reaction to sedation and asked me about it, so I told her that being awake for the 3rd EC worked and I want to do that again. Hopefully the message filters back. I'm feeling quite relaxed about it at the moment.

[seamermaid]

It's awfully quiet on here. You must all be doing your Xmas shopping early

Euro - you sound very relaxed which is great. I really think it will be your turn this time.

[CocoAndNuts]

sea it is quiet.... I've done some Christmas shopping but not getting many this year so not really "feeling" it yet. Quite enjoying the anticipation of two weeks off!!! Two things I love about Christmas, lots of warm food on cold days and .. No one else is working so I don't get any phone calls and actually get some proper time away from work.

euro four healthy sized ones sounds good to me. I hope things go well on Thursday. It all seems to happen so quickly!

fox sending you hugs and hope you're doing ok.

Things are plodding along in the coco house. I did charting before but on the quiet, pouncing on MrC when appropriate. But my cycles were all over the place and I got pissed off at the cost of getting so many sticks to spot the right day.
But since the low carb/no caffeine diet they are almost regular and my second pee this month brought a smiley.
So I guess we'll see if that'll make any difference.
I feel a bit silly with these comments. I've been ttc for two and a half years but for the first 12 months I wasn't really expecting anything to happen cos of the irregular cycles.

Any way I'm waffling.... MrC is making bed eyes at me. Time to go!

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Morning lovelies!

Well done on regulating your cycle by diet coco. Let's see whether it makes a difference... I really hope so.

Enjoy the drug-free day today, euro and good luck for EC tomorrow. I hope they get four perfect egglets at least one of whom will grow into a mini-euro.

Thinking of you fox and you too, mrsd.

How is the progession for you ten? As to the defrosting number, that's a tough call. If they are not willing to give you more than one back, I'd only defrost 2 or max 3. In our FET they didn't really give us the choice (but they were frozen on day4, so already graded). They only defrosted this one, keeping a close eye on it for the first few hours to get the next out if it failed. (Mine was funded and very strict SET only, hence the defrosting one at a time).

It's all starting sea, finally. I am hoping for a good round and a late 2014 baby for you :)

Pleased you got an appointment waiting for you in January, pout. And I wholeheartedly agree with the post-forwarding if necessary!

[Tenmonthsandcounting]

Good morning Ladies

Thank you all so much for your thoughts on this. I think we need to have a bit of a better discussion with the doctor on Thursday, when it is not just me on my own. It is weird that generally I am a very decisive strong personality, but when it comes to this I am a bit of a ditherer. Also yesterday the receptionist tried to charge me for the FET, and instead of just saying no I am not paying you are wrong and then not thinking about it, I said no but then could feel my adrenaline pumping for ages afterwards getting cross about it. Luckily she called me back and apologised as she was wrong but it really threw me and I could still feel myself being all angry.

I think I am all set in my head for the first round to fail, to put all my eggs in this basket feels wrong. I am currently pissing on sticks and have a scan on Thursday (annoying as I am meant to be away with work) as one of my follies is already 15mm so they are concerned about ovulation happening soon.

Euro Good luck tomorrow, I hope that the EC goes smoothly for you without the sedation. I quite liked the sedation, I think I hadn’t been sleeping well for a while and was just so grateful to have a nap medicated or not. Here’s hoping they get 4 lovely healthy eggs at least one of which will become a mini euro for arrival next year please.

Sea That is a lovely story.

Gin Yes I am sure they will let me as we are paying but their strong recommendation to me is that I only put one back, I think though that if there are two we will go for two. As I said I am so convinced this is just the first round of many that will be required, I struggle to think about the dangers of multiple births as a real possibility. How are you doing?

Coco Goodluck with the OPKs etc and well done on regulating your cycle through diet.

Lemon Thanks for your thoughts, I think 2 or 3 is best (that was my initial thought) and will push for a double transfer if necessary. Hope you are feeling well now, how many weeks are you?

MrsD I agree I think three might be the way forward I don’t like the idea of needlessly destrying good embryos (if there are any)

Cos Good to know what you did thank you.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Just a quick check in from me. Ten it's not surprising you aren't sure what to do. No one should have to make all the decisions that we do.

Good luck tomorrow Euro. There is every reason to feel optimistic.

Coco that is great about the diet impact and the smiley face.

Here there is still no AF on 7 weeks and 5 days. To satisfy MrsDs curiosity I did POAS on Sunday but unsurprisingly it was BFN. So my current theory is I did ovulate mega-late. I'm therefore 13 DPO and no spotting, but I had the tell-tale road rage this morning; so I expect AF very soon. Which will be brilliantly timed for my pre DE counselling session tomorrow .

[Poutintrout]

No Christmas shopping yet at this end either. We're cutting back on all that but still need to get some bits but can't face the marauding shoppers yet I get shopping rage at the best of times That Asda Black Friday thing sounded horrible!

Good luck with EC tomorrow euro Four good sized eggs sounds fine, better than lots of crappy small ones.

fox I have been thinking of you loads and hope that you are okay.

ten That is a difficult dilemma to be presented with. We didn't have to deal with that at FET having only the one embryo. The only dilemma we had was with the first cycle and how many to put back in. We opted for just the one in the end and were glad that we did because otherwise we would literally have put all our eggs in one basket & I would have been devastated to have had nothing left for another go. I think that your plan sounds sensible.

coco Did you get the smiley face rush of excitement It is amazing that low carbs and cutting out caffeine can have such an effect on your cycle. Wow and good for you.

at pouncing on MrC. Quite the contrast to last night's conversation with MrP which went something like, I think I ovulated today, shall we DTD?, nah can't be bothered pulls flannelette pyjamas tighter round me and goes to sleep Proof indeed that I really can't be arsed anymore with all this.

Waves to lemons and gin and the babies

[Poutintrout]

Awwww nelly that is crap. I am so disappointed for you and secretly hoped you'd get a magical ending. Bollocks to it.

[eurochick]

ten I have a weird reaction to coming round. It's like I get a massive adrenaline rush or something and the fight or flight instinct kicks in and I try to run away and get very distressed and incooperative if I can't. I had two GAs before IVF and had the same reaction then. The first two ECs were awful for both me and Mr euro. The third one (which is the one where EC went a bit wrong and I ended up with a bleed) was actually the best. I felt perfectly normal afterwards. During the collection, I was awake with my eyes open throughout and fully aware of what was going on, could answer questions and so on but just didn't give a sh1t about anything. I think they probably gave me some valium or something. Whatever it was it worked - so I hope they took a good note of it!

coco it's great that dietary changes have had an effect.

pout I recognise that feeling!

nelly I was really hoping that you had managed a FCFU. Pah to the pesky BFN! I hope the DE counselling goes well.

[foxinorangesocks]

Evening ten plussers. I am not being a good mnetter at the moment as I am in a period of moping in my Scottish Widows black cape. Euro I am sorry that your follies are doing different things and hope that you are OK. I feel so positive for you because you can do this with one egg, I do believe that. It is all so nailbiting though. I didn't fully appreciate that until last month. I thought you would like to hear that I went into full on screaming (true) hysterical angry rage and had to be held down as I came round this time. I knew it had gone wrong because of the nurses face and in my drugged state I really lost the plot, she looked properly scared. She wouldn't tell me what had happened and I was besides myself shouting to know. I feel ashamed every time I think of it and wonder how I will ever set foot in the place again! It was not pretty. So just think, they really have seen all sorts! That is a bit of a sadder story when written down, it was meant to be funny

Ten I am glad you have arrived at a decision. It feels like a good un.

Pathetic unable to keep up loves to everyone else.

I am not really OK. But I will be. I have counselling next week and we are moving to donor egg. It is the right decision for me for a lot of reasons. In the for f**ks sake you couldn't make this up, I discovered a horrible hand lump this week that looks very very much like a condition that my dad and grandad have that started in their late 30s. I need to have this confirmed at the gp but it is not a good thing and will slowly steal my use of fingers and need a lot of operations. My genes can just go and do one.

[CritterPants]

fox I am so sorry you're in this awful pit of despair. Coming round from the op sounds horrific. I really hope the counselling helps a little next week. This is the low, it really must be. I still fully believe that you will be happy again and you will be a mum (and a wonderful one at that). I just wish you didn't have to go through all this.

nelly much much love to you too as you get ready for DE counselling. I really hope it goes well. There are many routes to parenthood and you're going to be a wonderful mother to a very lucky little person. I am sorry about the BFN.

euro wishing you lots and lots of luck tomorrow. I hope it goes really well.

Good luck to ten with the upcoming FET - I have really high hopes for you.

Great news about your cycles regulating coco. I do think if you did decide to go down the IVF path you'd be a great candidate for it, as it sounds like your history was similar to mine.

Waves and love to everyone else.

[Cosmonaut1]

Oh Fox you're so brave to be thinking about next steps already. I just really want to wish away the next couple of weeks and the worst of the pain for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. There will be a way forward and one that's right for you.

Euro will be thinking of you tomorrow, good luck.

Nelly sorry for the ongoing hf*k that's so annoying. Would acupuncture help shake things back to normal? Good luck for counselling appt.

Sea I'm so pleased you'll be getting started finally.

Waves.

[joycep]

Fox - it's deeply upsetting to read what shit you are going through at the moment. You are one strong lady and all this will make you stronger but I just wish you weren't going through it. You will be happy again and in these dark times , it is difficult to see that. The counselling i am sure will be of great benefit. Thinking of you lots.

Euro - totally in awe that you are going for EC awake again. Quite extraordinary ! Wishing you all the best for tomorrow and have got everything crossed that this will be your lucky round.

Nelly - goodness 7weeks , what a long time but it does sound like you were right a few weeks ago when you thought you were ovulating very late. I am sure the next cycle will be back in track.

Mrsd- sorry about the lack if support from friends. I would hope that your friends would be more giving if they knew what you were going through. Fighting it privately must be very hard. I have to say whenever a friend asks me about things, I will drone on and on- to the point where I hear myself sounding like a broken record. I don't actually think anyone wants to hear about it and so I have reigned in my openness.

Ten - it's so tricky to be decisive and I hope you get some good advice tomorrow.

Pout- i remember in the old days on here we always use to go on about SWI but we never mention it now! It kind of feels like we have all given up a bit of it happening naturally.

Waves to everyone.

[seamermaid]

Fox my heart goes out to you. You have been through so much. I hope the hand lump is not what you think it is. I know nothing can be said to make any of the better. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. It doesn't feel like it now but things will get better. Time does and will help. A massive hug and handhold.

Euro - you are so brave to do it without sedation. Good luck for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

It's getting too late so waves to all.

[Mrsden]

Quick post to wish euro lots of luck for today.

Fox, you will be feeling so low just now bit you will pick up. Making plans is a good idea and I hope the counselling is helpful.

Nelly, I'm so sorry I made you test. It's so cruel seeing the white space. Sorry.

[Tenmonthsandcounting]

Nelly grr sorry about the headfuckery, I hope your de councilling is helpful today. The rage is always a tell take sign for me as well.

Pout I have done pretty much all of my Christmas shopping online this year, shoppers (especially the tourists where I am) make me want I punch them in the back of the head for walking too slowly pmt or not. It is safer all round if I don't have to mix with them... I recognise your convo with mrp, we have had several similar ones recently!

Euro I hope ec has/does go well. That sounds horrific the first time, I am sure they have good notes on what was used last time. I am in awe that you could do it awake.

Fox I am so sorry you are having a truly shitty time of it. The clinics have seen all sorts so you have no reason to feel embarrassed, they will have seen worse and it was the drugs and not you that caused that reaction.

Waves to joy cos sea critter Mrsden and everyone else I am sure to have missed.

We are going to defrost all of them as I found out they can re freeze them (just need to speak to the embryologist to confirm first) and then make the decision on a single or double transfer based on what happens. Had a lovely nurse today who understood about my theory that the first one will fail. They think et will likely be Tuesday or Wednesday - yet another big problem workwise. So do I forewarn my team I might not make a board meeting to present or do I just pull a sickie....this cycle has hit every important or non moveable work date so far!

[eurochick]

fox that sounds horrible - very much like the adrenaline rush/panic attack I have but compounded by the bad news. I hope the counselling is helpful. I have been thinking about you loads. You really have had the most awful bad luck, combined with some really shit treatment by the medical profession. I hope that is all in the past now and you can move on to happier times with donor eggs.

nelly I hope your counselling session is helpful.

joy I completely agree on giving up ttc naturally. It just feels pointless at this stage.

ten that sounds like it takes some of the stress away. I know what you mean about work clashes - Mr euro was supposed to be abroad in a big trial today and if I am in any way up to it I need to drag myself to the south coast for a "dawn raid" tomorrow - not ideal at all!

AFM, I am back from EC. I'm not brave at all - I'm terrified of going under and freaking out when I come round. Anyway, it was a different anaesthetist to last time but he used similar drugs, possibly in lighter doses. I could feel more this time and there was some pain, but it was not unbearable. I'm at home with a hot water bottle on my belly now. As expected, they got 4 eggs. He tried lots of other follies but there was nothing doing. I am disappointed that I went through all the injecting for such a low number but we will see what happens. We were talked into trying the embryoscope (we were planning to try it for a high number but not bother for so few, but they persuaded us to give it a go), so I will report back on that in a few days. I'm waiting for a call from the embryologist now to hear if the eggs were mature and how the sperm sample was.

[Poutintrout]

euro good luck today. I will be thinking of you

fox Oh no at your recovery story. Don't be ashamed to think of it. Those rooms are not nice places especially coming round without a loved one & the drugs can cause odd reactions in everyone (my sister becomes massively violent & abusive with a GA). They will have seen it all before.
I am so sad that you now have further worries about these lumps. It isn't fair that you have had so much to contend with and I hope that this is a false alarm.

nelly I missed that you were having DE counselling. Good luck with that, I hope it is helpful.

ten I did the rolling eyes and head nod when I read your words about this cycle hitting every date you hoped it wouldn't. That is always the bloody way.
I laughed at your urges to punch people in the back of the head when shopping. Thank God it's not just me!
How amazing that the embies can be refrozen.

joy I think you are right that most of us have gone beyond the thought that regular shagging might do the trick. BTW I think that you are spot on about what you said to MrsD about if people knew what this whole thing was like they would be more sympathetic. I really do think that people are utterly oblivious to the reality of IVF and think that a babybee gets magically popped in your tummy with a 100% success rate. I am sure they have no idea of all the appointments, the injecting, the difficulties in even getting treatment or the fact that it is a multiple cycle process with no cast iron guarantees.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Euro I hope 4 turns out to be way more than enough. I feel like it will

Fox cannot believe you have more to worry about. This is too unfair.

MrsD actually the white stick made me more prepared. Don't feel bad!!

In car so just to say counselling was ok, not as soul searching as I expected but to be honest I think that's cos we've done that already. Looks like DE is a go though not sure of the route yet.

[Ginestas]

Just popping in quickly to say well done for surviving EC euro. I am sure that four good quality eggs will be more than enough (I think you had some issues around spares, so maybe it's meant to be...), particularly with your usual excellent fertilisation rate. But I do understand it must be disappointing when you could see the other follies. I hope you aren't in too much pain and receive good news tomorrow about fertilisation.

nelly pleased to hear the counselling went well, even if it wasn't as soul searching as expected. It sounds like you have already made the decision and hopefully the sessions will just confirm your thinking.

Oh rabbits, I wish I could give you a big hug in RL. As others have said, you have had a shitfest with what you have been through with the big op and then this cycle. You are very brave to be thinking about future treatment already. I am convinced you will become a mother and be a wonderful one.

Waves and luffs to everyone else.

[Cosmonaut1]

Euro good work, 4 is great news. Did you opt to just have a wooden stick to bite down on or was some level of pain relief available? (sorry if too soon for jokes). Come on the Euro quatro. Don't forget the drugs can mess with the mind

Big squeeze Fox.

Nelly I'm glad session was semi useful. What are your thoughts about where to go from here?

[eurochick]

cos I had some kind of very light sedation and some sort of pain relief, but it wasn't as effective as last time (plus there were many more follies to stab so this one was always going to be painful - although he only got 4 eggs, he tried a bunch of the smaller follies, so there was quite a lot of stabbing). Near the end I asked for a top up of he pain relief as I'd kind of reached my tolerance limit, but it was ok. Last time (with a different anaesthetist) the drug mix was a bit better. I really didn't have any pain at all then.

I like the quattro moniker. Well, it works for swanky audis...

I'm still a little sore but at least managing to stand upright now. My bestie came round with cake, and cake always helps. :)

gin you might be right. I do have issues re: spares, so perhaps a small number of eggs is a blessing. Thanks for pointing that out. I hadn't thought of it that way.

nelly I'm pleased to hear the counselling was ok. It sounds like you have done pretty well at getting your head round DE by yourself anyway.

[Cosmonaut1]

Euro so true cake always helps. Any news today? Have everything crossed for the quattro.

[seamermaid]

Euro – Well done on EC. 4 is plenty! I am sorry the drug mix wasn’t as good as last time. I really don’t know how you do it without being put under! Glad you had bestie to spend time with and cake ALWAYS helps!
Nelly – I am ever so sorry about the BFN test. I guess we always hope there is a chance that we get an irondiff somehow. Horrible when those hopes are dashed. I am glad you are exploring plans. Glad DE session was okay and you managed to think through all of it yourself before hand.

Joy/Pout – You are both so right about people not really understanding IVF. People have no idea what it entails at all. I have met people who didn’t realise it wasn’t guaranteed (unbelievable I know!)

Joy – No need to reign yourself in on here! It must be your appointment soon. I hope it goes well.

Fox – How are you my lovely? I am thinking of you lots.

Ten – It’s amazing they can re-freeze embryos. Makes it easily to take decisions doesn’t it?

AFM, I went to pick up DR nasal spray yesterday. It’s all starting to feel real. Will be going away for a long weekend somewhere warm ish. I am hoping this will make me feel more relaxed. My stomach feels like it’s in knots at the moment.

Very odd couple of days where a number of people I don’t know well have asked me if I want to have children. I find myself misleading them and saying I am not sure I want any yet and maybe one day. I don’t know why I do that. I know it doesn’t matter because these are not close friends. But it feels odd that that’s the default position when I am asked that question by acquaintances. Weird!

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Just popping in to drop a huge supply of cake and wine for you all!

Good luck with the round and with relaxing before, sea! That answer has always been my default position too!

Thinking of you fox and Nelly, too!

Fingers crossed for fertilisations and good development, euro!

Hurrah for the option of refreezing! That makes life easier!!

Waves and hugs for you all!