I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

[internationallove985]

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

[tabycat]

isn't op just mad he didn't go down on her?

[valiumredhead]

Queue?

[Writerwannabe83]

I think you have summed that up pretty well tabycat

ps) Great name - my 2 cats are tabbys and I love them to pieces

[tabycat]

can I blame autocorrect .business card anyone??

[valiumredhead]

Actually,a quick 'is this ok?' never goes amiss if you chipping know the person.

[valiumredhead]

Don't not chipping

[runningforthebusinheels]

Withdrawal of consent is irrelevant here. As I've already said, in law, the onus is on the man to ensure consent has been given. To ensure that the woman is enthusiastically consenting.

She was giving him a blowjob, and he then pushed her down on the bed and dtd as she says - she wasn't ready, it hurt her, made her bleed, made her sob. The fact that she wasn't ready for sex straight after the blowjob is the clue that she didn't consent. She didn't want to do it = she was not a consenting partner.

Just because a woman seems up for sex, is naked on the bed and is giving a man blowjob doesn't give him carte blanche to do what the hell he likes to her. "your honour, she was giving me a blowjob, so I thought that meant I could fuck her till she bleeds" would not stand up in a court of law.

He assaulted her - she is obviously minimising this fact for her own reasons, and that's fine - that's her prerogative. But legally and morally what he did was a sexual assault.

[fifi669]

I thought chipping was you politely swearing

I love tabby cats too, but DP is allergic the selfish bugger.

Yeah taby the reason she was upset was her FWB wasn't more considerate to her sexual needs. In fact it seems like he bypassed the F in FWB. It's all blown up now and people are telling OP (which she disagrees with) that she was sexually assaulted in some way and I've been called a rape apologist!

This is a crazy ass thread. I really shouldn't comment anymore as I'm trying to keep my womb calm for potential implantation

[Writerwannabe83]

lol fiif

runningforthebus

So you are saying that the guy knew she wasn't ready for sex but did it anyway? How did he know she wasn't ready? Do you think he should have asked her if they could start having sex? And if OP didn't say no, didn't pull away, or ask him to stop etc, how was he supposed to know she didn't want it?

Also - I haven't seen the OP ever say she didn't want it??
Yet more words, alongside with her being raped, that is being put in her mouth... no oral sex pun intended

[tabycat]

me too fifi I need calm thoughts for implantation too, and I'm not getting them from reading the biggest pile of poo ever written!
running he really really didn't sexually assault her but I think we'll have to agree to disagree.
Why the fuck is this thread in conception anyway when it's just about selfish sex....

[Writerwannabe83]

Because there isn't a Selfish Sex Chat Area???

maybe there should be.....

[tabycat]

yes writer after she willingly sucked him off he was them supposed to ask, just in case he wasn't sure she was up for it, "can we have sex now"? . I will eat my tabbycat if anyone actually has sex like that.

Right now I'm really going.

[runningforthebusinheels]

Do you think he should have asked her if they could start having sex?

Yes I do. He doesn't have to get a consent form signed in triplicate but the onus is on him to ensure she's up for it. If her body language is indicating that she's enthusiastic about it, then that can be taken as consent (as a pp has already said).

But, from what op has written, she quite clearly was not up for it at the point that he entered her. This resulted in her being hurt and bleeding, feeling used and sobbing.

I would guess that her body language indicated that what he was doing was uncomfortable too unless she's an experienced porn actress which should be a decent man's clue to maybe check with a simple "are you ok with this?"

Valium, I agree with your dh. My dh would say the same.

[runningforthebusinheels]

And sorry to disagree, taby, but it was sexual assault because the op didn't want it to happen. She may not want to name it, but then nor do a number of women.

Consent for one sexual act (blow job) absolutely does not mean consent for any sex act (being shoved down on the bed and fucked).

[fifi669]

taby come join us on this thread JSing you sound normal

[tabycat]

Ffs running I want to go to bed! You are talking rubbish. Are you a lawyer?

Thanks for the link fifi. Will look it up when I'm next on. Good luck with the implantation!

[runningforthebusinheels]

Well, it is the law, tabycat. People aren't allowed to push you down and perform a sex act on you that you aren't ready for.

Maybe check out the rape crisis link that JuliaScurr linked to earlier?

That should explain it for you.

[RaRaZ]

How do you know that the OP didn't appear to be consenting? You have no idea what she was doing with her face at the time or whether she was panting or anything else that various people have suggested, but she's said herself that she didn't suggest in any way that he should stop.

Plenty of people bleed during sex. It doesn't mean he did anything wrong. She might have cervical erosion or be on a period or about to start one, for a start. Also, from what the OP said, she bled after - so he probably didn't know anything about it.

[Writerwannabe83]

Of course she wanted sex with him!!!!!

Where on earth has she said she didn't want it??

The ONLY reason she sees him is to have sex with him!
She is trying to conceive his baby behind his back and so of course she wanted sex with him - I'm sure she knows there is only one way to make a baby!!

Nothing she has said indicates she didn't want to have sex - all she has said is that he didn't give her oral sex like she had wanted in return for what she did to him and that the DTD action was quicker/sooner than what she expected..

SHE was the person there running and she says it was NOT rape or assault and has said in many different ways on various posts of hers so why is everyone telling her she was raped????

He pushed her back on the bed and entered her.... - I can quite confidently say that my Hubby has done that to me as have other partners, that does not mean I was raped. I have also pushed my husband back on the bed and mounted him - does this mean I'm a rapist too because I didn't ask his permission to do it first???

Blimey!!

I have also bled after rough sex too - again, that doesn't mean I was raped.

I'm very concerned about the people on here who seem to enjoy labelling this man as a rapist and are trying to convince the OP that she was raped, when even she knows she wasn't. I don't understand?

[fifi669]

writer you're bang on.

[Writerwannabe83]

I can't wait to see what her next one is

[fifi669]

OP is on July bus waiting for BFP

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

As in, she is hoping she got pregnant from the sex she is complaining about?

Fucked up.

[Writerwannabe83]

I wonder if she will still be bothered about feeling so 'used' if she gets her BFP? I bet her tears will soon dry up then...