Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I'm ready for a flaming but just spent the last few hours sobbing and I need to talk.

386 replies

internationallove985 · 18/07/2013 00:10

I have decided not to name change here for the simple reason you will know it's me by my post and if you're going to flame me or say "Well I told you so", it may as well be the real me. I have posted here rather chat because I have opened up to more people on the conceptions threads.

Most of you know my situation for those that don't I have been sleeping with a guy for the past 2 months in the hopes of getting pregnant. I usual see him on Wednesday day time and Fri evening but I couldn't see him today so we arranged to see each other tonight... Anyway he got to mine for about 9.30.
We went straight upstairs. Sorry if what I say next is T.M.I but I gave him oral and yes rightly or wrongly expected it back but just as he was about to cum he pushed me down on the bed and dtd (with no foreplay) and came in less than a minute got up got dressed and said "I'm going now". I feel so used. I might as well be honest it felt a bit uncomfortable and I bled a little. The only time I've ever bled after sex is when I lsot my virginity.
I know I've been allowing myself to get used. I have never felt emotive after sex but I have just spent the past few hours sobbing. I'm in no way trying to cry rape as that was not the case at all, not once did I struggle or say no, but a little consideration would not have gone a miss. I just couldn't believe the change in him.
He is going away tommorow for a few weeks which now I am glad about as it will give me time to think. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew how he'd made me feel, do I tell him I feel used or do I just put it down to a quickie and rough sex. xx

OP posts:
MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 24/07/2013 20:23

International, you know what I want to say!! put the phone down!!!!

Secretswitch · 24/07/2013 20:27

International, this is your thread. Please continue to post as long as you feel necessary. Nobody is allowed to legislate your feelings about what happened to you. It would seem to me, if other person's are that upset by what you write, they would hide the thread.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 20:32

We aren't upset, we are frustrated that she can't see how potentially destructive her situation is. She seems vulnerable and seems to be happy to accept whatever this FWB does to her due to her desperation for a child. It just sounds worrying.

Secretswitch · 24/07/2013 20:40

I can see how her choices are outside of the norm. I just hate seeing anyone bullied for lifestyle choices out of the mainstream.
I may not agree with what she is doing, but I bow to her decisions as an adult woman.
The sexual incident is troubling to me, as I suspect it may be for some of us with a history of abuse. Any time a sex partner is made to feel uncomfortable or hurt to the point of bleeding is an assault to me.
Anyway, International knows I support her. I am open to pm's if that makes things more comfortable for her.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 24/07/2013 20:42

Exactly writer!

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 20:44

To be fair, sometimes I bleed after rough sex with my husband, doesn't make it assault though.

Only International knows what happened and whether she was assaulted - she says she wasn't so all we can do is accept that.

Dackyduddles · 24/07/2013 20:51

Op, I'm going to ask a few questions. Don't feel you need to answer here. Just do so internally.

Have you, would you consider counselling via GP?

Have you been abused as a child?

Have you been abused as a teen or adult?

Do you read your op back to yourself after a few days? Do you see what others see or see and ignore?

For me it doesn't sound like rape just that he has no respect for you. He did what he wanted and left, no thought. Tbh it might have been more above board if he left money. Doesn't that sound weird to read/write?!?! Look, you are plainly intelligent but for some reason wish to be dominated, intimidated and degraded. That is what happened isn't it?

A baby will not fill your void. It will create new voids. You need to request counselling. Might not be many sessions. This presently does not do you justice International. And you deserve so much more.

Wishing you strength.

Secretswitch · 24/07/2013 20:51

What she said was her lover pushed her down on the bed and entered her. She said in her OP she felt uncomfortable and bled. You can sugar coat it all you wish, but this man entered her body without her consent.
I will not debate with you. MNHQ has made their views on the subject clear as well.
This is an adult woman. She is not in need of your guidance.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 21:03

Isn't that why we all post on here? For guidance?

Like I said, only she knows what went on in that bedroom and she says she wasn't raped or assaulted and she is willing to see him again when her gets back from wherever he is.

I know I wouldn't want to see a guy who did that to me if it was rape/assault.

My worry was that if he was only a FWB she would probably tell him to bugger off after having treated her like that (rightly so) but I fear she won't, purely because she wants a baby.

That's what is worrying - what is she willing to put up with and accept as 'ok behaviour' just so she can get her desired baby?

runningforthebusinheels · 24/07/2013 21:21

OP, I'm sorry for what he did to you. No matter what you want to call it, he did abuse you, and you didn't deserve it. xx

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 24/07/2013 21:25

Writer- I feel we seem to be getting sounded out almost. The views we have for the long term future seem to be being put on the back burner and the concerns for the op we have ignored due to the recent event and the word rape continually being put in internationals mouth. International I know you never said that.
We are just concerned for you and any child that might arise from this situation

fifi669 · 24/07/2013 21:38

She wasn't raped or assaulted, why is everyone trying to dramatise it? He's a fck buddy. He came over for a fck. she's nothing to him so he didn't bother making time to see if she was suitably aroused, he got what he wanted. She did not at any time say or signal that she didn't consent. The guy may not be an angel but give him a break, he's not psychic. OP says she wasn't assaulted and that he's not violent. You say she's a grown woman so her backhanded way of getting pregnant is up to her. In that case allow her to at least state it wasn't rape and accept it.

The whole thing is messed up, but lets not throw around serious accusations when women out there have really suffered.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 21:43

I may be shot down for this but I can't help but worry International relishes the attention and drama.

This thread had hushed down, disappeared down the ranks and then suddenly she appears and it starts up again - and then she has disappeared once she has got everyone talking/arguing about her and her situation again - much like how she has been on some other threads.

She says herself that she wasn't raped and reading between the lines of what she says happened, I accept that.

It doesn't matter what any of us on here say, she will continue to let herself be used, maybe roughly, because she is so desperate for baby. Very sad, but true.

runningforthebusinheels · 24/07/2013 21:44

"he's not psychic" is an appallingly bad excuse for what he did to her. He made her bleed. She is upset. She didn't want it or consent. The fact that he is her fuck buddy and came over for a sex does not equal consent for hurting her.

Thank you, MN btw, for making the guidelines for WBY clear. It is obviously still needed.

Zynzong · 24/07/2013 21:47

he sounds horrible. you poor thing.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 21:48

So was he supposed to say to her, "Can I penetrate you?"

My husband pushes me down on the bed all the time in the heights of passion and enters me. I do it to him too, push him back and mount him - I drag him around and can be quite forceful at times too, does that mean I assault him because I don't stop and ask for his consent every time I want to do something or change position?

The way I see it is if we are engaging in sexual activity then unless one of us says stop we just get on with it....

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 21:49

Zynzong - he does sound horrible!!! But she will carry on having sex with him regardless purely in the hope of getting pregnant. I can't see it doing much for her self worth and self esteem, or safety, but as everyone keeps saying, she is a grown woman and can make her own choices.

Secretswitch · 24/07/2013 21:50

Exactly runningforbusiness. The "asking for it" attitude by some poster's is shocking. Perhaps it is time for MNHQ to take a peek at the comments popping up again.

Original poster
internationallove985 · 24/07/2013 21:51

Writerwannabe. I'll have to go easy on you due to you being pregnant. Not sure if I've said but congratulations. I'm very pleased for you.
However this is my thread and I am entitled to post on it when/if I so choose to. Do I dictate to you when you can comment on your own thread, no. x
Also I came back on here to thank people for their support and indeed thank you to everyone else who has since been supportive. x

OP posts:
runningforthebusinheels · 24/07/2013 21:51

I would hope that your husband knows that you are ready for that. If not, then...

A man is not allowed, legally or morally, to push a woman into penetration before she's ready, regardless of the situation. The fact that what she is doing is very dubious (and I wouldn't do it or agree with it) is neither here nor there. A woman wanting to get pregnant is not carte blanche for a man to enter her in that way. I'm shocked that people think it's ok or justified in any way.

She feel used. She has been used and abused. Full stop.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 21:53

We are jut worried that you are putting yourself in danger - that's all.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 21:54

Why is everyone ignoring International when she says she wasn't raped or assaulted???

ps) they are using each other.

runningforthebusinheels · 24/07/2013 21:56

Because she didn't consent to it. She is hurt and confused. She may not want to name it, but she was abused. And she has my sympathy for that, not condemnation.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 22:00

I'm going to ask a question - and I ask this genuinely because I don't understand Smile I can't work out if I'm just confused or stupid Smile

They were engaging in sexual activity and he entered her - she expected oral sex in return but didn't get it and instead he penetrated her.

In what way was she supposed to give consent?
I don't understand, what was he supposed to have asked her and when?
And at point did she say no to him?

If someone can clearly explain it to me I would really appreciate it, lol.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/07/2013 22:03

Nobody is condemning her at all - people are worried about her!!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread