TRC 10+ months. Part 15...

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers. 14 was awesome so another like that please!

MrsD I didn't notice your message to me earlier. I'm sorry you are in the tent with me. You can crack open this box of wine I've left; I will be responsible and wait until tomorrow. We can get drunk and sob our hearts out together. Eating pâté and cheese and all other contraband. I'll wear my skinny jeans. With maybe my vertiginous red-soled shoes . We can bitch about instadiffers and plan our next holiday without worrying about the crèche....

yes lovely nelly 3am is my new waking time, 'twas 5am back and home for months now, the stateside location has just knocked it out another couple of hours. Just super. Bugger this bullshit you are dealing with. Extra hugs.

hello ladies this is a bit of a me me me post for now, so clinic say that on day 3 one is at 10 cells, 2 are 8 cells and 2 are 7 cells, I have no ideas what that means as I have a bit of a head in the sand attitude

will be back later

Doll that is pants. Is that a preggo symptom?

nelly it's a triple layer - started with anxiety about the whole moving countries and jobs stuff, was then compounded by, yes, early preggo symptom (that didn't go) now a time difference. Arriving in the States has always killed me, I don't have a problem with going back the other way.

buzzy that sounds really excellent. You can't get better than that actually.

Buzzy they expect 2-4 cells on day 2 (that's all I know!) so I think it sounds like 5 are doing well and continuing to divide. Fingers crossed for some good blasts

sar symptoms do come and go but can understand the worry, I lied and told epau I had had bleeding so they would scan me again

Buzzy's technique may be worth a shot Sar. I hope it all works out, I'm not having any more crap on my thread, there's been too much already.

Anyone got views on a faint line on an opk. Just hypothetically of course.

I have nelly it's not great news I'm afraid and in my opinion, hypothetically of course. I would be wanting to see a strong line. More hugs.

Thanks Doll. I need to stop dreaming now. It was nice while it lasted.

I logged on especially to catch up with you nelly and am so sorry to read that you haven't got a second line this morning. I am hoping that it is because the FRER is less sensitive and that your blood work tomorrow yields a different result but of course I don't want to fuel your headfuckery and can understand completely how you are feeling today. Your words really resonated actually. It is utterly crap and I would love us all to be free of this pain and struggle. I am thinking of you.
As for the OPK, I had no line whatsoever but my reading on the subject implies that if using it as an HPT it needs to be a positive (ie a dark, positive OPK line). I did also read that they are far less sensitive than HPTs at picking up a pregnancy and in many cases won't show a positive before an HPT will.

buzzy your embies sound like they are doing well. I didn't understand all the cell jargon either (& was too busy trying not to cry on the phone when I was told about mine that I kind of wasn't listening) but I think anything at the 8 cell and over at this stage is very good.

sarlat Sorry that you are so worried. Like joy says, symptoms do come and go. Back in the day when I used to read threads about preggo symptoms on the pregnancy board a common theme did seem to be symptoms coming and going. Might you be able to call and get an early scan?

euro Your alarm system sounds awesome. I know what you mean about the fight or flight thing. I can be a bit aggro in extreme situations too. I suppose you never know how you will react though.

joy You did make me laugh about your rape alarm bus fiasco.

Thinking of you today mrsd I know you must feel pretty awful too but it will pass I promise.

Doll I hope that your sleep pattern settles down soon. You must be knackered especially looking after Little Doll too. You have my sympathies. My bladder has been all over the place since the EC and I am getting up about 6 times a night to wee and I am bloody shattered. Sleep deprivation is not nice!

Oh Nelly, I'm so sorry. Big hugs from me.

Sar - Buzzy's advice might work. My understanding is that the symptoms come and go. Big squeezes.

Doll - 3AM!?! That is awfully early.

Hellos, waves and squeezes to anyone else who needs them.

Oh no nelly I am so sorry. I'm still hoping for good news for you tomorrow but I can completely understand you'd be utterly devastated right now. It's totally emotionally exhausting and draining and just so incredibly unfair.

mrsd an massive hug to you too. I am pushing lovely unpasteurised runny cheese and crackers to you under the tent flap.

joy at the rape alarm, that would be my nightmare!

buzzy that is excellent for day 3. My clinic said they like embies to be 6-8 cells on day 3. So that's a brilliant result. I reckon you can hope for some lovely blastos for the freezer.

euro scary about the burglaries.. I'm glad you have such a great alarm system!

sar I agree with the others - can you go ask for a scan? Given what you've been through, I don't think they would begrudge you one.

pout I loved the stories about Big Dog and the leftovers!

doll sorry about the insomnia. I wish you were closer and we could hang out!

madness hope you're managing the wait ok.

MrsD - I wanted to give you an extra squeeze today. I am so very sorry for the disappointment.

xpost sweet did you get an OBGYN appointment yet?

Critter - I called the secretary on my Drs advice of the OBGYN that had been recommended. She snapped at me and said she would call back by the end of the day - that was two days ago . Dealing with a witchy secretary at a clinic that is a 2 hour drive away in traffic is not for me, so I just called the local public medical clinic and they referred me to a small clinic 5 minutes away from my house. The only caveat of being treated here is that all my medical care will be in French, which is not my mother tongue.

Wow I just looked at the length of my response, I think I am overwhelmed and being a bit melodramatic right now.

How are you feeling?

Sweet you are allowed to be melodramatic! Remind me, do you have an ectopic concern? As if there wasn't enough shit in this journey.

Critter thanks for the lovely words

Thanks for checking on me pout. I'm sad that my words resonated because I hate to think others feel this pain, but I know you all do. it sucks.

So I will ignore the mid-afternoon dilute pee opk as inconclusive either way. I will do a final IC in the morning before I go to the clinic, so that I've put any doubt out of my head, and can steel myself for the inevitable. And then I will drink 3 bottles of some wine.

Sorry Sweet I meant you aren't being melodramatic; you don't need a clinic that can't even be arsed to call back. And think how enriched your language skills will become

Just popped in to say Nelly and Mrsden I am gutted for you. It is so shit and unfair. I'd like to get hold of the fertility gods and wring their necks. Nelly don't beat yourself up for being hopeful, the waiting is torture and you have to cope somehow. I'm still hoping against the odds for a surprise beta but i understand the need to face up to it not working. The ultra-skinny jeans, wine and vertiginous shoes sound like good therapy, along with a bit of ranting. Hugs to both of you.

Sar it's true that the symptoms come and go but it's terrifying. Symptoms IMHO are just another way of nature fucking with your head. I lived in fear of the worst and frequently still do - it is weird going from the AC world of constant interventions to suddenly being on your own with no reassurance. PM me if you need to offload on someone in RL, I'm not far away for a coffee delectable decaffeinated beverage or chat on the phone.

Must get on with work now, but hugs to everyone else. Thinking of you all.

Nelly - The nurse called from the local french clinic and she booked my appointments. My language skills are ok in french, I just prefer to have my medical care in english I fear that if I prove myself competent in french I will lose the right to be treated in english, damned language laws. Regardless, the nurse was sweet and said she would ask the Dr tomorrow if I need to be seen ASAP because of the progesterone issues.

Drink an extra bottle of red for me. When I was in Europe I found I rather liked one of the Italian frizzante reds. I would send one over if I could.

Nelly, the tent sounds like a good place to be right now. I'm so flippin down about this whole shitty process, pout I'm glad you say it will get better. I felt like this round was doomed from the start with the dose mix up then the immature eggs. I think if I had something frozen I might feel better but right now I can only see black ahead. We will do two more rounds and the give up. I'll never say never to donation or adoption but right now it's not part of the plan. I don't think we can put ourselves through numerous rounds of ivf either, the emotional turmoil is too hard. Frustratingly we won't be able to do the second round until October. That seems like such a long way away and I don't want to wish away the summer. This will be the fourth summer of trying. I can't bear the thought of a fourth Xmas. I know noone is more deserving than another but ive served my time surely?

Sorry, this is a very self indulgent post, I know you all understand in the way others can't. It's the no light at the end of the tunnel that's so upsetting. The sadness I can cope with, the tears have stopped now but I feel the rage that you talked about joy I wish I had a punch bag.

Nelly, I so hope you get good news tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you.

MrsD - Huge hug. I am crying reading your post. None of this is fair. I think you deserve your baby as much as everyone else. I am so sorry it has been so rough.

mrsd I recognise that feeling. Surely it must be our turn soon?

sweet I quite like a drop of red fizz too. You never see it over here.

I hope your appointment goes ok, and that you can switch back to your mother tongue later.

mrsd You have most definitely served your time and you really don't deserve to be in this position at all. I am so sad that you feel so floored right now. If it helps to know I felt hugely angry when my cycle failed. Like you, I felt a massive sense of it being my time now & a sense of injustice. I guess it is because the IVF process consists of so many hoops to jump through & so much effort, for want of a better word, that you almost feel like you are owed a positive result for putting in all that investment.
IME the anger subsides, then I felt very despondent and depressed and now there is a kind of peace with it all. I hope that you find a peace soon.

I can understand how October feels like a long way off. I feel frustrated waiting a couple of months for a follow up appointment before even getting a timeline for the FET but I try and take comfort from the fact that our bodies need a bit of time to recover from the IVF process and to get back to normal. I took a lot of comfort from the fact that my body will have time to get over the stress and upset of the failed cycle and be a more appealing place for a bean to nest if I wait a bit.

I hope that I don't sound patronising and all me, me, me, but I really feel for you right now and want you to know that you will bounce back (mostly!).

Not at all patronising, pout. I'm sad that you know the pain too. I really wish none of us had to feel this. I think you've been here since thread one too? I can see me being here for thread 1000. I think the rage could be pmt too. Dh is taking the brunt of it, poor thing and he feels sad and frustrated too but is mcuh better at hiding it. You're right that it feels like because we've put all the work in then we deserve to get something back. I've been so patient, two years from male factor being diagnosed to ivf that more waiting feels like torture. The wait can't be helped, life is in the way and things that can't be moved but I wanted to throw the calendar out the window.

Euro, I'm sorry about the burglaries, I hope the police are on to it. Your weekend away sounded lovely.

Grouch, do you think the doctor might speak English even if they're officially not supposed to?

Mad and critter, how are you both?

Buzzy tha sounds great. We were told 4 at day two is good and they're supposed to double every day so 8 or above sounds perfect.