TRC 10+ months. Part 15...

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers. 14 was awesome so another like that please!

[GinSoaked]

Just popping in super quickly via dodgy interweb connection to say I'm really bloody sorry euro. It must be so frustrating, but I am convinced you will get your baybee, it's just a case of getting the right embryo. I think it's positive and bodes well that every time you have done an ivf cycle, something has happened, although understand how that could just be more frustrating. Take care of yourself and hope you have a lovely, boozy holiday.

Sunny waves and luffs to everyone else

[seaviewasia]

Euro I am sorry for the bad news and the messing around on the sticks... it's so unfair. [hand-hold]. As they say, it is a numbers game. It will work. Luv to you and MrE.

Welcome back critter. Good on you for talking about ivf openly.

Thank you ladies for all your kind words. Really means a lot and it has helped me enormously.

Sorry for the lack of name check post but totally exhausted and bed beckons. Love to all.

[Cosmos1]

Sea and Pout I'm so sorry for your losses. That's so unfair and I hope you get through the next little while ok. It's hard enough dealing with everyday stuff alongside this ttc shitfest, let alone something else tragic. Sea why is it people say the most hurtful things regarding ttc? Im sorry you had to deal with that on top.

Missm sorry you've had another loss, hope you are holding up ok.

Euro I'm so sorry this round didn't work out - sounds like one or both had a really good go at implanting but didn't quite get there. It's so tough to keep going but sounds like you've got a plan which is good. When I went back to see the consultant recently he brought up immune things again and asked whether I'd ever tried ivig which I haven't, and it got me thinking about mr S and his approach we tried last year. I'm so confused whether our issue is embryo quality, immune issues, both, something else, or just luck. I wondered what your thoughts were about immune things now? Hope that's not a badly timed question.

To the updiffed nice to read your comments and that things are going well, continues to give me hope things can work out eventually. Afm just waiting for af to get started properly and then will call clinic to do FET. I have to start meds on day 20 to transfer next month. Don't think the frozen ones have moved very far yet. I'm assuming this round won't work and if not thinking hard about whether to try ARGC but it would mean not going to work for 2/3 months. Do you think that's a bit extreme?

[eurozammo]

Thanks for the kind words, all.

That's not badly timed at all, cosmos. In fact, I brought up with mr euro last night whether we should try some non-pred immune stuff. The mister is very anti. I think he was really shocked by the cervical issue and we are both sure that it is linked to taking the pred for so long. I'd be willing to give intralipids or something some consideration but he just isn't interested.

I'm not sure (and can't be) whether immunes has any impact on us. When I was tested one marker was sky high but the activation was only borderline. And there is the whole question of how relevant blood NK cells are to what is going on in the womb anyway.

My latest thinking is that our problem is actually mild male factor, possibly combined with something minor on my end (like PH balance or not enough CM or something). All of Mr euro's SAs have been right at the bottom end of normal, or below it. And yet every dr we have seen has waved those results aside and gone on with prodding and poking me. We've agreed that if IVF#3 doesn't work out, he will go for further tests (DNA frag for a start). He has a pretty low libido and very low count and volume on every test (although the quality of what is there seems fine - no probs with motility or morphology). There are just not many swimmers.

We could end up cycling around the same time cosmos. I am also waiting for AF to start, then we will have the cycle off (and go on holiday - yay) and then start another natural cycle when the next AF arrives, around a month from now.

Hugs to all our lucky mascots preggos and sympathies to those dealine with bereavements or otherwise having a tough time of it.

[sarlat]

Euro - so sorry, I let out a heavy sigh of dissapointment when I read about your cp /bfn. How unfair. But I think you have strong instincts and a rational brain and I know you wil crack this. I don't know loads about immunes but I wonder if your mc shows pregnancy is possible as mc is most likely to be a genetic one off problem. But do keep thinking and asking questions. And at the end of the day if ec was too early, you never stood a chance. It could be that simple to correct. Enjoyyour holidays.

Cosmos - really pleased to hear fet is around the corner. Try to imagine that this could work. Because it absolutely could. But your plan b sounds good and will help you to feel secure. I understand that bewildered feeling of not knowing why pregnancy isn't occurring. I can recommend reading up on prof t. C. Li. Both his research and a potential second opinion. 2-3 months off work sounds great if that is practically possible. Women with babies have time off work. Why shouldnt women requiring this type of treatment take time away if it would help.

Still thinking of pout and sea.

Critter - how are you? Are you blooming. I still have no bump. Not long until the next scan.

[sweetgrouch]

Hi everyone, this is a quick post from me. I have been swamped with work and have had very little time to post.
Pout and Sea - Once again I am so sorry about the PILs.

Critter- your course sounds like it was great. I am really impressed that you are able to be so open about IVF. I can't believe that poor lady has been going through the ttc rollercoaster for 2 years to discover they have a sperm count of zero, how devastating.

Euro- I am sorry for the headfuck cycle. You will get your baby, I know it.

AFM - I got some nice news from a childhood friend today. He and his wife are expecting after ttc for years.

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Morning lovelies!

Have some hugs, cake, and general comfort all round. Sorry I've been crap. Work is quite busy and stabbing makes me knackered. But I've just returned from first IVF scannage (after 7 days of stimming). I seem to be growing a grand total of 20 follies (9 right, 11 left), but all still

[eurozammo]

Nice growing drizz!

[eurozammo]

Oops, posted too soon.

Thanks for all your kind words once again. I really do love how supportive and kind folks are on this thread.

I have some cramps so I hope AF is on the way. I want it to be over and done with before we head off on hols. I am wearing a beige dress in an attempt to tempt fate!

I actually feel quite optimistic about our next cycle. Third time lucky and all that. I figure that after 5 eggs and 3 "bad" embryos, we are in line for a good'un!

[Buzzybee123]

cccooooooooooeeeeeeeeeee pout over here

euro Yes third time lucky, enjoy your hols, I really am sorry it didn't work this time for you


lemon well done on the egg laying :)

sweet I hope everything else is ok with you

critter I was going to say good luck for your scan but you don't need it :)

all my crafty bits have arrived so quite excited, I have also made two banana loafs and licked out the bowls by myself

[Poutintrout]

Panic over, found you! Thanks buzzy Two banana loaves. I think that you're my kind of cook! Happy crafting.

euro I am sure that it will be third time lucky for you. You have been close and next time you will get the cigar Hope that you can get AF over before you go away. That's the least the bloody old witch can do!

sweet I hope that you and MrS are okay and starting to feel a little like your old selves.

cosmos Hoping that you don't need to have a plan B and that your FET is a success. I don't actually know what ARGC is so can't offer an opinion on it I'm afraid.

lemons Not long now. What a brilliant crop of follies you are growing. Grow eggies grow.

How are you Sarlat. Hope you are feeling a little less rough and enjoying things. Thinking of you too gin and hoping that you too are having that pregnancy glow.

sweet Nice news about your friends. Gives us all a bit of hope.

[Buzzybee123]

pout While FIL was running around yelling 'i'm panicking, i'm panicking' MIL managed to give us stuff like over ripe bananas so needed to use them up

cosmos hoping the FET is the winner for you, ARGC does have a good reputation but it is hard for people to carry on with a normal life

[rabbitonthemoon]

It is so quiet on here these days. I am implicit in this as I'm not posting half as often as I used to. I'm hoping that the new thread might bring some new 10 plussers on board. I read the grads thread and miss them ever such a lot, just hearing about their general goings on and how things panned out. I really wish we could all live on the same thread but understand how it ends up the way it is. I don't feel like I can post there in case there is then a sensitivity about what can be written. Does that make sense?

I have been thinking of both sea and pout and hope that things are as OK as they can be in the sea and pout households. These things take so long to stop feeling raw but grief does slowly get a little gentler. I suppose it is like a scar healing in a lot of ways.

euro I am thinking third time lucky for you. For now it is time for holidays and rests. I am so sorry you had the head messing around - it is a total bastard. I have had some of that myself this week, but more of that later.

lemon an enviable egg harvest looks imminent! That sounds like you have responded brilliantly and I have a good feeling about this for you.

buzzy is it nearly another scan time?

nelly what is happening next with you?

critter I can't believe that someone tried with no sperm for so long. Agreed pout about how futile it all must have felt. I am glad you feel able to be open about ivf. I really hope I could be (if it bloody works) and suspect I will given that I blab about things relatively freely. But, in recent months/years (!) I have not been remotely as forthcoming. I am not telling anyone I am having ivf except my parents, though some friends know it will be on the cards at some point. I think I live in constant regret that so many people know as I often feel defined by my infertility. I am sure that isn't entirely how other people see me, but it is how I inhabit other people's perceptions. It suddenly feels intensely private.

gin jealous of holidays! When is your 20 week scan?

sar the bump will come! I hope I get to see it

cosmos bestest luck with the fet. No reason to think this might not be the lucky one. I know I couldn't take 2-3 months off work unless I was signed off sick, which after last year wouldn't be my preference. However, if I could and I had the finances, I would do it.

OUTPOURING ALERT.

Also - there is no good ending to the following story!

Things have gone to shit for me. I was feeling top banana as recently my cycles have been clockwork, minimal spotting and ov cd14. My cycles are a bit hit and miss and can range from 27-31 days with ov cd15-18 and pre period spotting which at worst can last 5 days. In october I had a 35 day cycle and faint positive test which felt crap. Well this month I ovd day 14 with pos opk cd13, all good signs, ewcm etc, temp shot up the next day and I stopped temping. My period was maybe a day later than I thought but arrived and was heavy for me and required re-thinking of tampon colour! It stopped nicely on cd5. Yay me, I thought, what good cycles I'm having. Cue cd8 in my floaty pale blue skirt, me having a random bright red bleed. I foolishly thought it was ewcm which starts around then for me but then realised to my horror that it wasn't. Thank god for thick skirt linings and always carrying a spare pare of pants (don't ask). I was a bit as this is a new one for me. I had also been having ovary pains but again, I do get that sometimes a week before I ov. So I did an opk - dark positive. I then stupidly poas and lo and behold a very pale pink line came up quite quickly. I stood in the bathroom with a green stick and a blue stick and thought wtf? I had had a heavy period and another bleed and had not remotely felt different At All. Perhaps very tired which I put down to antihistamines and I had been napping after work which is unheard of. I've also been very headachy which is not usual. But nothing to alert me that there might have been a bfp in the pipeline. I have pissed on 8 sticks since. They have got rapidly lighter and today there is nothing there at all (and Hare said he couldn't see anything yesterday but there was a grey line when held up to the window).

How has this happened? I should never have poas. But I will admit that I have spent a lot of time in the bathroom staring at sticks and PRAYING that there will be a stronger pink line. How was it still pink on what should have been cd8? And how didn't I know what was going on? I am still spotting and still getting quite strong lines on opks and I still have a headache. I do not feel like I should for cd11. Irritatingly I haven't temped and whilst my morning temps are in the high zone for me, only just and it has been bloody hot.

So now I feel as if my cycle is shot to crap and I am supposed be having tests in the next few weeks. I am also mentalling that is was just a crappy test and this is some kind of peri menopausal hormonal blip. Google will confirm this if I look in the right places. If it was a cp it does not feel positive it just feels like a reminder that we make bobbins embryos or I reject them. In which case IVF feels like a fat waste of time. Cheerings up much appreciated, sorry for length of this post!

[eurozammo]

Oh bloody hell, rabbit what a headf**k! I'm sorry the lines got lighter. It does sound like a chem preg.

I don't know if you will find it at all comforting, but everyone makes some crappy embryos. It 's normal. The difficulty is that it takes most people a matter of months or even less to get sperm and egg together, whereas we wait ages and ages for that to happen. Even my instadiffer friend had a chem preg (but in her case, she got pg with a sticky one the very next month). It doesn't mean there is something wrong. It is normal. But I know that doesn't make it easy, particularly when a second faint line is so hard fought for us.

AFM, I had a bit of a blip yesterday due to a bad day at the office and a FB A+ scan pic announcement. Plus mr euro is ill. He should have had his wisdom teeth out years ago, but always puts it off. Once a year or so he gets an awful infection under the tooth. This one is the worst in the 10 years I have known him. He's in loads of pain. :( It means I'm having to pick up all the pre-holiday washing and sorting out because he just isn't up to it, despite my own minging period pains. We are not in great shape at the moment!

[roomyenoughforacritter]

I am so sorry rabbit what a total nightmare. I know it's no comfort but it sounds like a chemical pregnancy and that an embryo did try to implant. Don't worry about it affecting the IVF - they will handpick your embryo and you just don't know how it will go - which is obviously the stressful thing - but there is every reason to think that an embryo, lovingly kept a close eye on by the embryologists and chauffeur-driven to the exact spot for it to implant, will take. I wish I could just magic all this away for you. Remember sar's mantra, open heart, open heart. You are going to get there and you are going to be a mum. You are, you are, you are. Incidentally I totally get what you say about inhabiting people's perceptions. But other people's perceptions are theirs - there isn't much you can do to control them - you can only focus on yourself, if you see what I mean. Big tail feather wash and blow dry with a big round brush.

euro I am so sorry about the period pains and poor MrE's tooth. That sounds totally crap. I hope you can have a nice calm holiday together - I can imagine that it can't come soon enough. As far as me - I'm actually going to be in London for work next week (randomly) but I think things are going to be pretty mental otherwise if you weren't going away I would suggest a 10 plusser meet up for the London ladies. Drink lots of lovely wine, soak up some sun, and let's get ready for lucky number 3.

lemon yay, you are nearly there! I'm rooting for the little egglets, grow grow grow!

cosmos thinking of you and wishing you lots of love and luck for your FET. Remember gin's fab result.

pout hope the sunburn is brown now - much love to you and MrP, hope he's holding up as well as can be expected.

sea huge hugs to you my love. Hope you and MrS are recovering.

sar and buzz I have a gut, rather than a bump.

Waves to everyone else and apols for short name check. I am not blooming, unless porking up on disgusting American snacks a la Cheetos is what you'd call 'blooming'. Going back today to see my midwife of the 'roomy ha ha' comment fame for my 12 week scan. I'm a bit nervous, to be honest. I can't imagine there's something still in there. But I'm sure it'll be ok.

[rabbitonthemoon]

Thanks euro I've found that quite comforting. I'm still amazed I got a line that long after my period started. I'm glad I didn't early test. I've never felt that this could be anything other than a wrong 'un. I just hope it's something that can be rectified in some way. My worst fear is immunes. I can make peace with my genes not making it further I think. But I do want a womb that functions

Wisdom teeth pain is EVIL poor mr euro. Hope it all gets sorted pre holiday. Bummer you have to do running around with period pain. Period pain is the ultimate insult.

[rabbitonthemoon]

Aw critter you're so lovely. Your scan will be a lovely thing too, do let us know how you got on

[seaviewasia]

Rabbit - My goodness! So sorry you are going through this headfuckery! I don't know much I am afraid about positive tests that disappear like that as it's never ever happen to me but from what I know and have read I agree with the others, it sounds like a chemical pregnancy. Have you ever had your immunes done? Maybe it's worth it??

Euro - Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it. It's natural after what you have been through. A+ announcements def don't help. You go on hols soon no? Hopefully that will help put you in better spirits. Hugs!

Pout - How are you? MrP doing okay?

Critter - I hope the scan goes well. I am so excited for you - 12 week scan! Yippee. Natural to be nervous but I have a really good feeling. It's all going to go well. You really deserve it!

Cosmos - Hopefully this FET will be the one for you. You asked about ARGC. I am under their care at the moment but to be honest it's all at a bit of a standstill because of the positive TB test. Have you had your immunes done? Is it something you believe in/will consider? Apologies but I don't know your TTC history. I don't think you need to take 2 months off work to cycle there but you will need some flexibility. My understanding is you need to be there quite intensively (every day morning and afternoon) for about 2 weeks only. There are quite a few tests leading up to IVF but you don't need to go every day. I only got to the day 3 bloods, day 21, mid cycle scans and immunes tests before it was stalled. But I know a few people who have cycled there so fairly familiar with the drill if you have questions.

AFM - things are improving at home... MrS doing better and the sunny weather is helping but there does appear to be a tinge of sadness everywhere. On fertility front, I have been on TB antibiotics for 1 and a half months and doc just gave me the all clear to start Humira (to lower my cytokine levels so I can cycle) but ARGC is being v unresponsive about giving me the prescription (Cosmos - don't let that put you off - they are okay in general just a bit crappy sometimes at call-backs esp when you are not actually stimming or in the key bit of IVF, I suppose they have to be the priority).

Sorry I haven't managed to name check everyone. Hope to catch up soon. x

[eurozammo]

Oh wow critter you're at 12 bloody weeks already! I'm so excited for you. In six months' time you will have one of those baybee thingummies!

It's a shame I will miss you on your trip to London. What rubbish timing!

[rabbitonthemoon]

sea I'm glad things are a little better. It's great news that you can start your humira. Remind me, did you do the Chicago tests?

euro I forgot to say bums about the A plus. As if you needed that. Hope it isn't too stingy

[Cosmos1]

Euro, sounds like mr euro is more concerned about you than a pg outcome which is really sweet to hear. I also have a good feeling for 3rd time lucky for you. Sounds like your holiday is well timed, hope you've got something relaxing lined up. This process is so draining. Sorry about mr e's toothache on top. What IS it with putting scan pics on fb? Surely an unnecessary over share?

Rabbit, you poor love, what an absolute head fuck. When I had a (low hcg) cp after previous FET I had a load of blood come out about day 14 of the next period. It must have been a pretty strong cp to still be giving a positive test - it was obviously trying hard to hang on, maybe it was just a bit too late implanting to stop the period? A great positive sign that you nearly made it on your own though I say, and the Ivf may just give the final push to help things happen. I wouldn't worry about you not realising. I know of a midwife mother of 3 who didn't realise she was pg until 17 wks.

Critter you lovely thing, so sweet of you still to pop in and give some lovely reassurance. I hope you manage to relax and enjoy the scan in excitement like the normal you now are.

Sea that's really helpful info about the ARGC thanks. That sounds much more doable and am now thinking will def at least make an appt there if this round doesn't work. I don't work or live in London (am an hour outside) so working alongside would be really hard if I had to go for 2 months everyday. - I think I really need to have a next stage in my mind so that this next round doesn't feel like our last chance saloon if that makes sense. We've done 2 fresh and this will be 2nd frozen rounds, ttc nearly 6 yrs. I had very high nk cells diagnosed last year at the new life centre but I don't think they do the same tests or give the same treatments there for immunes. They don't do ivig for example, just intrallipids, clexane and pred, which I've tried before but thinking of also doing alongside this next FET. Did you have immune tests, and what did they say?

Go lemons, great growing! Lots of follies sounds great news.

People have had some really tough things to deal with on here recently, and this is very petty but am just in an AIBU funk about how brother and sil and expecting me to be fawning over them and their 2 perfect children - I thought I'd done my bit recently but apparently there is no end to the amount of attention they want from me - can't they piss off and stop rubbing my nose in it for a while?!! grrrr

[seaviewasia]

Rabbit - Thanks Rabbit. Yes I did have chicago immunes. Have you had some kind of immune testing?

Cosmos - I did have their chicago immunes test. My actual NK cells were normal or only v slightly elevated but my Cytokine levels were quite high. I think normal is 13 - 30. Mine are 37 hence why they recommended Humira. Re time you spend in London - actually if you pay for the monitoring once you become pregnant with them it might mean spending more than 2 weeks in a row in London. It's worth having a consultation at least but I have to admit I found my initial consultation a little underwhelming. I just kind of followed the advice of Joy and others who have cycled there and let the docs lead the treatment plan. The wait can be long sometimes but getting there early and bring something to read helps. I did that when I popped in for my bloods and scans (worked on ipad). It's hard being around a lot of kids isn't it when you are going through all this. I think people just don't realise when they have never been through what we have. I am sorry for you. Let's hope this last FET works and you won't need to come to ARGC.

[seaviewasia]

Lemons - well done on your egg laying! Impressive! x

[sarlat]

Gosh, what a day.

Euro - I am sorry about the stabgy a+, the poorly boy and preholiday madness. I 100% agree with your third time lucky vibe.

Sea- glad the sunny weather is taking the edge off and horrah for the antibiotics working. But do push to get your treatment started. You two are going to get luck and joy from now in.

Critter- I am excited to hear that your 12 week scan is coming up. I am with you on the junk food but just recently have been able to add a bit of salad and fruit.

Rabbit -oh my goodness, where to start. Ok, lets look at the facts, you have been having really good cycles. You HAVE had a cp. There is no other reason for a bfp. When you had a period 8 days a go, it must have been aheavy implantation bleed known as subchorionic haematoma ( what I had without a bleed), or a twin mc. Then fast forward to now, you have been bleeding and possibly this is the mc based on the decreasing poas. What a head spinner.

The positives are you can get pregnant when everything is in perfect balance. And ivf does help with getting things in to perfect balance. I completley agree with euro that everyone makes some crap embryos. Maybe you have had 2 cps because during other cycles the balance wasn't right due to post op etc, so your chances have been reduced. Ivf will take a good few months worth of cycles and allow them to be coordinated in to one perfect one. This could be the answer for you. Dont lose hope, this is possibly a good sign. Sending hugs and minstrels.