It is a fact universally acknowledged that a woman in her thirties in possession of a ticking biological clock MUST be in want of a baybee.

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

The former thread proved full of sadness and most vexatious disappointments, wherefore we know not :(. Therefore the BESH will be donning their empire dresses and enlisting the assistance of Captain Wentworth and his admirable breeches and Mr Darcy smouldering damply in his transparent white shirt both of whom with their pleasing countenances and sound judgements and enormous fortunes, in short both of whom are everything a young man ought to be in the expectation that happier times may be ahead for the BESH.

newbies!! (((((WAVES)))))) hi!

Ladies, it is fair to say, I am not a sexy person. I had my photo shoot pics back and to be honest, I just look pissed off. Also to be even more fair, by the time she finally got to doing me (I was part of a group) I was actually quite pissed off. Some of the pole ones are good though but am a little bit disappointed. Don't think I'll get any more done.

Droid is gone, I am ridiculously horny. MATV is going to get abused this weekend so I'll see you on the other side :D

Hi B-Wo and Kim!
I'd say a pet llama totally trumps my boat..

Or is it my boat?

Rie! I didn't know you had a boat too! How exciting.. What kind of boat? Do you frequently throw mr darcy overboard so that you might see him all wet-shirted?
I have taken to my bed - I am suffering from a tiresome ague. Not sure i'll have the necessary vim to get jiggy tonight : (

Tina came to be in my possession when a debtor had been avoiding me for several months. I finally caught up with him at a farm belonging to his traveller friend. I saw this raggedy llama tied up to a trough full of stagnant water and a gaggle of filthy kids trying to mount her and pull her tail. When I tried to pat her she spat at me and began to do a frenzied pirouette in excitement. It was love at first grunt and she knew I had come to save her. I demanded she come home with me and told the scrote his debt was no more. She's wonderful with children, despite her ill-treatment at the hands of the gyppos, and honks with excitement when she sees me coming over the fields. The only problem I have is that she refuses to eat anything other than Spam (a favourite with gypsies, apparently) and I am utterly ashamed when I have a mountain of the stuff in my trolley at the supermarket.

Raspberry, are you a pole dancer? How terribly exciting!

Buggerlugs, crikey! No I am not Zara, I couldn't possibly try to procreate with a creature like Mike Tindall. He resembles that poor deformed thing in the cellar on The Goonies.

That is a luffly story. I feel my cockles distinctly warmed. though I am a little disappointed you're not a famous

Loving the llama story BoWo.

Greetings to all newbies.

Raspberry I did a "sechsy" photoshoot as a pressie for HWHNN before we got married. Twas rather liberating and I actually looked alright.

Certainly am bored, although not a real live paid one as my friends 12 year old daughter was at pains to clarify a few weeks ago. Bless her. My friend would absolutely adore you, she loves llamas!

frankelly I fancied doing one of those shoots but to be honest, I really can't do 'sexy', I honestly just look grumpy. In fact the two best 'sexy' ones are both of my bum and you can't see my face - they are ace. I have one other pole pic which I like but my tummy fat has gone really weird. I might put it up, see what people think! It went all wrinkly!

Awesome llama story, noobs.

Rasp you can definitely do sechsy, laydee!

I am now replete with steak. KFZK is trying to build me up. :) He's luffly.

what? But Euro you've missed SteakandaBlowJob day?

We missed S&BJ day too, what with me having a cold sore :( no matter, we did both on Valentine's anyway

Just got back from friends' - nice to see people, but I Could Not Cope with HOTB looking gorgeous cuddling 5-week old baybee and had to run to the loo for a cry. Coupled with the horrific droid pain that woke me at 1am and then knocked me out for three hours this afternoon, it's been a shitty day. I ended up using the droid pain as the excuse to leave friends' house nownownow, but still sobbed on HOTB for a few mins before we actually managed to get in the car. FFS.

Still, we're now at home, and have done our guesses for quali tomorrow. Is anyone else an F1 fan? We'll be up at stupid o'clock and cheering on Lewis Hamilton

Bowo was she called Tina before you got her? Or did she remind you of someone?

Draff I've got a massive cold sore too. I hate them. They make me feel rubbish. Tea tree oil is good for them. Works quicker than Ziviorax.

Am a little bit in awe of Frank & Rasp for doing sexy photo shoot. I can't do sexy. My massive feet & hands would get in the way.

I generally use the compeed plasters, jeff - HOTB calls me "condom face", but they work!

Rain in Melbourne has delayed qualifying. Thus, we will be up 12am-1am to watch Q2 and Q3, then up again at 5.30am to watch the race! I suspect we will be like the walking dead by tomorrow afternoon...

I've never done a sexy photoshoot, though I wouldn't mind giving it a go. I'm hardly of a model-like physique, but I've got gorgeous hair, pretty eyes, and big (ish) boobs. So long as they avoided the jelly belly, tree trunk legs and cankles, it wouldn't be too bad

I'm with you giraffe, dragged myself out of bed for f1 and contemplating going back again!

I was a bit surprised during the interviews - I've suddenly realised that Mercedes is Team Gorgeous this year, with Nico and Lewis together

I wouldn't go within 10 miles of a sexy photoshoot :(

Me neither rie. I'm not even keen on myself in my wedding photos.

I'm very rarely keen on photos of me. Occasionally one will catch me in a good light, but it's rare!

I life model for an artist pal of mine. It's not sexy though. He likes weird grotesque bulges and unflattering twisty bendy poses.

I don't think I could do deliberately sexy at all. I am just not sexy.

Sorry giraffe I'm quite strongly anti Lewis

When I found a breast lump when I was 30, I was going to ask an ex of mine who is a good photographer to do a topless shoot of me if I was going to end up with surgery. As it was, it was found to be benign under ultrasound, so he missed out on a recap of my bumpy bits.

I feel vile at the mo. I am 2lbs under my max weight ever (and that was when my body was fucked up from the IVF drucks). I put on a few pounds in the early weeks of pregnancy and then a couple more since it all went wrong from comfort eating+being in too much pain to exercise. The hotel I am staying in next week has a whizzy gym though, so hopefully I can start turning the tide, although I am a complete sucker for huge hotel breakfasts....

It's because it's freeeeee, euro, and all laid out so temptingly. Not like at home where you dash out the door in 5 mins flat and buy something on the way because your bread was mouldy (well, that's how it is for me).

The weight will come off again. Summer will help.

It's because it's freeeeee, euro, and all laid out so temptingly. Not like at home where you dash out the door in 5 mins flat and buy something on the way because your bread was mouldy (well, that's how it is for me).

The weight will come off again. Summer will help.