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Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

999 replies

Little9 · 31/01/2013 20:17

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

OP posts:
greengoose · 11/04/2013 20:01

I just wrote a really long post, and my iPad swallowed it whole... In summery...
Fan, thanks for sharing about Elly, I was worrying! It's great she's got her little girl safely with her!

Little, it's lovely that KLEINE shared Merryns picture with you, I don't get to show her off much! She was a jem. It really made me happy that you have 'met' her! X

My scan went well, the boys were amazing, and sat on their own for the duration so DP could come in too. And I had a lovely consultant who has booked me for section on the 27th Aug, first on the list that day, very understanding and kind, which was a blessing.
After this we went to beach and the sun came out, I couldn't find any heart stones for Merryn, but I felt at peace with things for a while, which was needed this week.
Tomorrow we are going to Cornwall to Trebah gardens, and will try to fill the day with joy and love, as we would if she was here, tears will flow too I'm sure, but that's ok.

Thankyou you lot for the support today, you are bloody lovely, it warmed my heart. Xxx

poglol · 11/04/2013 20:22

So glad it went well today green. Your boys sound like gems! Good news about the section booking too.

I can't quite phrase it right about tomorrow, but i will be thinking of you and Merryn. I hope it feels peaceful for you and your family.

KleinePoppet · 11/04/2013 21:30

green I'm so glad to know that today went so well.
Hope you get at least a bit of sleep tonight xx

blizy · 11/04/2013 21:43

Green, I'm glad today went well. As wtw said, I wish I lived closer to have helped you out with the boys.
Your day tomorrow sounds lovely, I will be thinking of you and your family, especially your precious, beautiful little Merryn.

Kleine, I don't think. Said anything earlier, really have everything crossed that the embryo sticks. How are you feeling?

I'm due to ov, but I am Ill! Bloomin' typical.

I hope everyone is well, I'm heading off to bed now. Goodnight all. X

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 11/04/2013 22:48

green so happy to hear that today's scan passed well. Sending love and light to Merryn, and the whole family tomorrow. xx

fanjodisfunction · 12/04/2013 06:15

green thinking of you and your family on Merryns day, I hope the day is as gentle as it can be.

KleinePoppet · 12/04/2013 07:18

Sending love to Merryn and all her family today. green, I hope you manage to carry out your plan of filling the day with joy and love, as well as tears, in honour of your beautiful birthday girl. xxx

blizy · 12/04/2013 08:07

Green, I hope you can smile amongst the tears, today is the day you met your gorgeous girl. Happy birthday little Merryn. Xx

Thinking of you all today. X

RainboxFX · 12/04/2013 09:21

Green so pleased to hear about the scan. I hope it has taken some of the weight off your shoulders.

Happy Birthday Merryn, you are loved and missed. xx

greengoose · 12/04/2013 09:30

We are almost out, but Thankyou everyone, it helps to know Merryn is 'known' by you all on her birthday. I'm swinging between tears and hugs and smiles just now.... But the sun is shining and there will be flowers everywhere and I'm looking forward to our day.

Merryn, I love you. Xx

LittleStar0909 · 12/04/2013 09:33

Happy birthday Merryn, a beautiful little girl who has only ever known love in her life. Thinking of you today and sending lots of love to your mummy, daddy and big brothers xxx

Whatevertheweather · 12/04/2013 20:01

Have been thinking of you, Merryn and all your boys today green lots of love and floaty kisses xxx

Razzdazz · 12/04/2013 22:31

Special thoughts sent to green and her family today. Happy birthday angel Merryn and god bless xx

blizy · 13/04/2013 13:34

Green, how are you? I have been thinking about you and Merryn so much over the past few days, I,had a walk around the loch yesterday and took a few moments to reflect, I even found a little heart shaped stone to throw into the water. X

Fan, how are you doing?
Thinking of you all big waves to everyone on here. X

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 13/04/2013 17:42

Happy birthday Merryn for yesterday. Love to Green. Xx

greengoose · 13/04/2013 19:21

Hi to you all, thanks for the lovely wishes for Merryn's birthday, it really helped me through. We had a lovely day full of sun and the boys even went in the sea. I didn't find any heart stones, but we each found a beautiful shell, all the same type in different colours and I'm going to frame them together to remember our special day. I also bought some sunflower seeds to plant with the boys.

Today has been rainy and dull, and harder, but we have tried. I think it's going to be a long week! Today last year is the day Merryn was awake and relatively ok before her op, although I wasn't with her. I'm struggling a bit with the what ifs, while trying not to think about it all too much (there lies madness I think)!

Anyway, enough of me me me, how are you lot?

BLIZY, are you still feeling rough? It's not fair when it happens at ov time is it? It's lovely that you found a heart stone and thought of my girl. I do like that we all sort of 'know' each others children, at least a little. It's lovely that they are remembered in this way. X

KLEINE, how are you holding up? Two week wait is bad enough without the extra Ivf stress. I hope it is passing quickly for you and you are filling the days.

POGLOG, thanks for your kind words, it means a lot! How are you? It's difficult when people are putting on extra pressure, even if they mean well, they just don't get how hard all this is do they? X

MIASMUMMY, thanks for holding my hand on scan day, I was in a bit of a state! How are you and the lovely Finn? Is he letting you sleep at all? Are the buds breaking yet in Mia's wood? Everything is a bit late down here, but spring is squeezing through a little...

FAN, how are you? I'm glad your scan is booked, although the time drags before them, for me at least! Are you managing ok with work?(daft comments aside)? I have been tired this time around, but I might just be feeling my age!

LITTLESTAR, I'm still smiling when I think about you seeing Merryn's photo, it was such a lift for me to have that surprise! How are you? Is working from home going ok? How are you sleeping? I have bad dreams quite often, and don't have any answers, but just wanted to sympathise, it horrible.

ELLY, you are never far from my thoughts just now, I hope you and your gorgeous girl are ok. X

I best go and help settle the boys, DPs doing much more than his fair share just now. But I do appreciate him! Sorry I've not got to everyone, but I am thinking about us all. Xxx

fanjodisfunction · 14/04/2013 09:44

green still thinking of you lovely. The what if's are hard aren't they?

I had a tough day yesterday, DH and I had an arguement over something very trivial, and it opened up everything else that is stressing us at the moment. DH is struggling with his catholic ideals, that he doesn't believe in anymore but they haunt him (wtw very similar to what you have mentioned to me before) I'm still feeling very tearful today, I'm not sure about the scan, I'm scared there's going to be no heartbeat.

greengoose · 14/04/2013 12:44

FAN, you and DH must be stressed to bits, no wonder you bounce of each other a little. Religion is a tough one. My DP is lapsed catholic too, it has a lot to answer for at times in this house. (no insult to anyone's beliefs intended). It's hard enough finding a way through all this without that too, I feel for your DH, and you watching him struggle.
As for your scan, I'll be here to hold your hand as needed, but I know that the Fear is awful. For me, I get about two days after a scan or hearing a heartbeat before I think the worst again. I can say though, now that LO has decided to start booting me, it is a little easier to believe he's actually still with me.

Crap day being had here, DP is cooking roast, which is lovely, but then he and boys out to friends little girls birthday party, and boys are making cards etc. I can't help think it should have been Merryn they are making cards for and thinking about, having a little party for this WE. I need to find some generosity of spirit, it has abandoned me today!

Jules829 · 14/04/2013 13:08

I just wanted to post and say I'm thinking of everyone. Sorry not to name check.

Green - I hope Friday passed gently for you and you remembered your precious little one with love. It can't have been easy to say the least, but you were in my thoughts.

Elly - congratulations! I hope all is well with you and your little girl. How fabulous and so precious.

Hope pregnancies for others are going ok despite the obvious emotion and turmoil; for the ttc-ers - I hope you're staying strong and believing. For the two week waiters - keep the faith! An for anyone I've missed or not included I hope lives are gently passing by.

For me: still waiting post miscarriage AF. It been 5 weeks now. Have tested and its negative. I don't know what to think or do! My cycles pre Ben being born were 35 days so technically I should be about to have / having AF? We are trying (well not preventing) so who knows? It's difficult to get hopes up for them to be dashed again but I don't know where I am in this cycle. So many friends of mine are announcing pregnancies and I can't help but think it should be me giving them advice with my gorgeous 5month old here in my arms. It's so hard and at times I'm so jealous. And I've never been one to be jealous.

Anyhow.... Any advice much appreciated on any aspect of my situation... Sorry for moaning - I'm just not that positive today xx

fanjodisfunction · 14/04/2013 13:36

green thank you.

jules when are you counting from? How long did you bleed for?

LittleStar0909 · 14/04/2013 16:16

Hi Green I'm glad Friday was ok for you. Must be very hard today though watching the boys make cards, of course it should be for Merryn. Don't be hard on yourself re generosity, you are doing your best and that is all anyone can ask of you. You are doing amazingly well to even be out of bed.

Fan I think argument are normal when you are both stressed and with emotions running high. I know this doesn't make it any easier and it is still rubbish, but you will not be the first or last couple to snap over little things and then bring up bigger issues (I'm guilty of that one myself!). I totally understand your fears re the scan. I was worried enough with Finn so imagine that a subsequent pregnancy is even harder (even without having had mc). Holding your hand and hoping that Tues reassures you, even for a little while x

Jules I know what you mean about offering advice. We should "know it all" by now and delight in friends pregnancies, but it is just so hard. Sending you love today.

Elly if you are reading this congratulations. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying cuddles.

Blizy hope you are feeling a bit better (and managed to catch ov).

I'm doing ok, DH had been saving to buy me a bit of jewelley when Finn was born so we went and chose it together yesterday. I have got a ring (which I don't ever intend to take off) so it was nice to remember him in that way yesterday. Having a bit of a lazy day today as ill be in the office tomorrow (working from home is going quite well though, thank you for asking Green.

Waves and hugs to everyone I haven't mentioned xxx
P.S-sorry if any typos-posting from my phone x

poglol · 14/04/2013 18:14

Jules and little star totally know what you mean re being happy for other's pregnancies. One thing i find hard is when I'm out with mates and their babies and random people say ' oooh he's lovely, how old is he?' etc. Makes me wish i had my little one to be answering these questions too. Hopefully it will be us again soon.

fan i will be thinking of you having this scan. I remember how stressed and nervous i was with my baby, and that was before. I can't imagine how you must be feeling at the moment. Hand holding here!
As for the rows, as little star says, it is inevitable when under such pressure. Know that it will pass, and going through so much together will make you stronger.

Me n DH have an exciting week ahead, managed to get last minute tickets to see meatloaf(!) plus going to London to watch a friend run the marathon in aid of SANDS. My AF due end of next week too so at least that takes my mind off that. Hate the waiting every month, can't it just happen already! Grrrr. Thinking of you still kliene hope it's happening Smile

Jules829 · 14/04/2013 19:07

Fan - I had d&c 11th march and spotted until 25th. So I'm counting from the day of d&c.... Hpt went negative on the 28th?

Sorry not to respond to others - just checking in quickly .... Thanks for thinking of me everyone, hope you are all ok xx

fanjodisfunction · 15/04/2013 17:26

jules I was just wondering if you bled for a while then would it take longer for your cycles to come back. I guess everyone is different. Fx AF appears very soon so you know where you are in your cycle.

LittleStar0909 · 16/04/2013 11:24

Just checking in quickly to wish Fan all the best for the scan today. Holding your hand and with you in spirit xxxx