Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

[Little9]

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

Fan, I hope everything is well at the scan today. X

Fan, another one hoping all is well, (I had my dates mixed and thought it was later in week.)

Everything was fine saw a wriggly little baby but it was a little too small for the measurements to be taken so I have to go back next week.

Oh that's good and lovely that baby wriggled for you xx

Good news Fan!

Hi to all x

fan lovely news!!

fan so lovely to hear about the wriggly baby!

Bad news in this corner I'm afraid, as the IVF didn't work. So we are pretty , obviously. Glad we tried though. And hoping our luck might change at SOME stage...

Love to all xxxx

Ah fan I was just checking in to see if you had your scan - yay for a wriggly bean - double hurray you get to see him/her next week again too Sorry to hear you and dp are having a few rows - you are both so tense and anxious though it is so understandable. I know what you mean that we spoke about before - pm me if you want to lovely. I might be able to help you with DH perspective - catholic upbringing can be hard to shake sometimes!!

Kleine my lovely lovely friend I am so sorry the ivf didn't work. You must be crushed. Just hugs, handholding and hugs from me xxxx

How is everyone else doing? Green Viv Razz Cheese Fioled how are you all feeling?

Thinking of you and A lots Elly hope you are having lots of lovely cuddles xx

Haven't seen angel on here in a while - if you are reading angel I think of you often and hope you and Ant are doing okay? xxx

Lots of love to everyone xx

Kleine big hugs from me xxxxxxxxx

I'm so sorry kleine what a blow. I will keep hoping for you. Do try again if you can face it.

[kleine] I'm so very sorry that the IVF was not a success and my thoughts are with you x
[fan] fantastic news about your scan, so very pleased and happy for you and how lovely that you get to do it again next week.

I am no too bad at the moment, sickness has eased off a bit. Have my diagnostic scan at Oxford on Monday so feeling quite anxious about that. Big hello to all, takes ages to post from my phone!!

KLEINE, I'm really sorry it's not happened for you this time, it's just crap. I can't think of the right thing to say, probably because there is nothing I can say that will help, but I am here, and if you need a chat or a cry or a rant then please do. X

Fan, I'm glad it went well at scan.

I can't sleep. Tonight last year I was on a sofa bed at GOSH, I just couldn't stay awake all night like DP. Merryn had had an awful day and they had just transferred her from NICU to PICU so they could put her on dialysis. This didn't work, but for a few hours all was calm. Then the nurse ran to wake me at 6am, as they had had to restart Merryn's heart again. We ran down the corridor together and within two hours we were saying goodbye to our girl. I remember every detail of it tonight like its happening. I miss her so much.its so strange being pregnant with a baby that isn't her. I'm so sorry we couldn't make you better Merryn. Mummy loves you. Xx

Green you poor thing, I am so sad for you that your gorgeous girl isn't here with you. The last week must have been tough. I went to a Sands meeting last week and the lady running it said that the week between the birth of her baby and his death is just like a twilight zone every year (although she is better at coping with it as each year passes). Merryn is so loved and will always be cherished. I will be thinking of her today and I send my love to you and your family xxxxx

green thinking of you and your family and little Merryn.

Hello ladies. I have just been hovering over your posts. I am new to this and really wish I didn't have to be looking at things like this. Here is my story. On march 27th 2013 I went to my local maternity unit after having reduced movements. Following the scan we were told the devastating news that our dd has no heartbeat at 32 weeks gestation. I went completely numb. I am a healthcare professional and work occasionally within the maternity unit that I was booked at. I wanted the ground to swallow me up as I felt like. Freak. What had I done to deserve this. I very quickly left after having my bloods taken and having the dreaded tablet. Returning two days later (good friday) was awful. It was the day of my best friends wedding and I really did not want my daughter to be born on her special day. Due to having a previous EMCS (for fetal distress before labour - i want to get my notes from previous hospital now to find out why?) I had to have a slower induction which they said could take 2-3 days. Panic set in again, Sunday was my mother in laws birthday and Monday was April fools day.i wish someone would turn round an tell me it was all a joke. To stop rambling my angel daughter Olivia was born on the Friday night weighing 4lb. She was perfect in every way but with her over long cord round her neck and a true knot that had cut off her blood supply.

I have been up and down on this rollercoaster of emotions. Me and DH have already said we would like to try for another baby. Not to replace Olivia, of course.
Reading some of your stories gives me the hope that there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel and hopefully one day I too will find my rainbow.
Vicki

snowy welcome and thankyou for sharing Olivias story with us. My daughter Ophelia was stillborn 27 april 2011, she died from a true knot in her cord aswell. I was already in labour when I went to the hospital and there found out she had died, I was 36 weeks.
You can ramble as much as you like on this thread we all totally understand the emotions, the feelings the utter despair.
I had that urge to try again a few hours after Fi was born, its like a void isn't it? We have been through labour, pregnancy and all we have is emptyiness.
I have been unlucky and had two miscarriages before this pregnancy, I'm 12 weeks. I'm so scared it will end the same way.
I hope you find this thread a life line as I have.

greengoose thinking of you and your precious Merryn today, much love xxxx

fan thank you for your kind reply. I really hope your pregnancy goes well this time round and I will be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you. I will keep hovering over posts and will hopefully not rant too much and will hopefully be able to offer support to others as I get to know you all a little bit more. Thanks again. X x

Hi Snowy a very sad welcome to you. Thank you for telling us about Olivia, she sounds perfect. My son was stillborn in September, like you I went in with reduced movement to be told he had died. I kept thinking they had got it wrong, I even held on to a small glimmer of hope that he would be alive once I had given birth. I am relatively new to the thread but the ladies here are so kind and supportive, any emotion is ok.

My DH and I are trying for another baby, but no luck for us (in fact AF has arrived today). I am struggling with the fact that there will be no baby for me in 2013. I think I have an unusual cycle but don't know if this is a post birth issue or if I have always had it. I'm considering giving acupuncture a try as I'm not sure the GP will refer me for tests after only 5 months.

I understand the need to be pregnant and have another baby. I hope you find this thread a helpful place to be.

X

Green, thinking of your family and little Merryn today. It is utterly heartbreaking that she can't be here with you. X

Snowy, a warm but sad welcome to this thread. I am sorry to her you lost your little Olivia. My dd Zoe was stillborn at 41 weeks on feb 2011 due to placental insufficiency. I have been ttc since May 2011, with no luck so far.

Kleine, I am so sorry it hasn't happened for you. Actually, im so bloody angry for you. It is just totally shit! We are here for you anytime my lovely. X

Hi to fa, little, 5madthings, wtw, razz,pogol, jules, Mia's and anyone I have missed- sorry!

Angel, I hope you are ok? X

Just a quick one. I was just wondering how long it took for your af to come after you gave birth to your little angels. I know it will still be a good few weeks yet and I know my body needs to get back to normal before ttc again. We have the advice of my consultant that we can try again ASAP and are currently not being careful. I know my body will not let anything happen until it is ready.
X x

Snowy I bled for 11.5 weeks (which I think is unusual) but AF returned just 26 days later.

I've just been on a work call with the most patronising and rude woman, she has actually made me cry. I know I am being overly sensitive but just AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hi snowy sorry that you find yourself on this board. My son was born in May 2011. I went for a routine appointment and they could not find his heartbeat. They then sent me for an emergency scan that showed he had passed away. They could not find a reason for why he died despite a full post mortem.Your daughter sounds beautiful. In answer to your question I think it was about 10 weeks before my AF returned. I remember the time dragging.I think I may of been one of the longer ones for it to return though. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with my rainbow but have had a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy in between.

Kleine so sorry that the IVF did not work. Life is so unfair and if you want to rant then please do so.

fan am glad the scan went well, think there is a lot of virtual handholding.

I ended up in the maternity unit today. Been unwell all week with the flu and then had not felt any movements most of the morning so they did a CTG obviously when I was there he decided to wake up and move about. The midwife I saw seemed to think I was low risk! Which is a bit strange because from the number of antenatal appointments I have had have always assumed I was high risk now.

Sorry not to name check hope everyone else is doing OK

Snowy, my first af arrived exactly 3 months after giving birth. I bled for around 2.5 weeks after birth.

Little, try not to let people upset you, I have found that I am a stronger person since Zoe died, I'm not afraid to speak up for myself any longer. Before I was a complete wall flower and wouldn't say "boo" to anyone.

Green been trying to get on all day to send gentle hugs and love to you and all your lovely family. Floaty kisses to beautiful Merryn - how I wish she was here with you xxx

Snowy a warm but sad welcome to this wonderful thread. I lost my dd2 Erin in August 2011 after she was unexpectedly born with a cancerous tumour. I went on to have her baby sister in August 2012 and I am lucky enough to have a gorgeous 6yr old girl as well xxx

Lots of positive thoughts please ladies - a dear friend who I met through my local sands group had her rainbow boy today but he was born early at 32 weeks after my friend realised her womb was rupturing again - she lost her 2nd son due to a placental abruption in 2011. He's quite poorly in nicu so lots of healing thoughts please xx