Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

[Little9]

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

OK, I'm late for the school run again. So busy this week......I need to get packing and think of something other than being pregnant.....Its not in a good way either.......I keep thinking something bads going to happen and I'm just waiting for any glimmer of hope for the future to be snatched away again. I know I shouldn't be so negative and I am trying to adopt ANGELS mantra but its easier said than done!

Bye for now xxx

So thrilled for you Babyh!! I know it is early days and you are worried about being away, but I send you all the luck and hope in the world. I know it is a worry but Florida might help a couple of weeks of the pregnancy to go by quickly, as we know it will be a challenging 8 months ahead for you.

Green You are not selfish, but a wonderful mother. It is completely understandable how you feel and completely natural. There will be many women out there who haven't even been what you've been through who would be a little disappointed when a third child is the same sex. Doesn't mean they or you will love the precious little one any less. It is natural that this will bring some grief of its own. I worry incessantly about only having boys in the future and missing the opportunity of mothering a girl, and it isn't even happening to me yet. Be kind to yourself this next few months. xxx

Bilzy hope hope hope hope this is your month my dear.

Shakey Happy Birthday to beautiful Grace for Sunday.

Littlestar Hope you are having a better week and that this is your month too. Thanks for your wishes around my birthday - I luckily escaped any inappropriate comments. You poor thing having to cope with that so soon afterwards. Although the 'merry christmases' I got 10 days after Isla, was hard to take, as was the New Year message wishing me the 'best year ever' - unlikely to be a good year when it starts with your baby's funeral, but I guess some people don't think when they hit 'send all'! Still, so far I think I have had it easy in regards to others being sensitive.

Thinking of you today Fan - everything crossed. xxxx

Looks like I picked a good week to be away last week - I am not enjoying being back in this weather!

Wave and love to everyone else XXxx

Babyh,wow huge congratulations! I'm sure you will enjoy florida, when are you going?

Fan, I'm thinking of you today. X

Hi everyone, I haven't posted for ages.But I have been lurking. I wondered if anyone has had problems with choosing a headstone? Apparently there are strict guidelines in a churchyard. The vicar refused my first suggestion. I don't know where to start? I feel awful posting this, but knew you Ladies would be the ones who would know.

Thanks everyone.

mumulah does the churchyard have a regular stone mason? If it does they will help you to pick a stone right for you and right for the churchyard. Ask the vicar if they have one that thay geneally work with or has done a few for them. Sorry your going through this.

Hi everyone,

Babyh that is really wonderful news. Congratulations. Thank you for thinking of me and that your news might make me feel sad, but I am pleased to say that it hasn't! It makes me feel like I'm not a very nice person but I am unable to be really happy for anyone who is pregnant and hasn't been through what we have. I obviously wouldn't wish this on anyone but it s a bit of a "why did this have to happen to me and not anyone else" kind of moment and resenting them for having what will probably be a smooth and easy pregnancy. Like I said, doesn't paint me in a particularly good light but I am hoping it will get easier with time. I don't feel like that at all with Rainbow baby pregnancies though, it actually gives me hope and I am so genuinely pleased for you. Keeping everything crossed that the next 8 months or so are easy on you. I also TOTALLY understand about not wanting to go away, on the plus side though it is USA so you can speak the language, the food should be hassle free and healthcare is good should you need anything, it is probably one of the better places to go if you are going away!

Green I'm so glad everything looked ok yesterday. I understand why you feel the way you do about this one being a little boy. I have been having conversations with DH about how I might feel if we have a boy or a girl Rainbow and it would probably be difficult either way. it is ok to feel the way you do and I think it is normal. Like you say, just one more thing to work through.

Fan wishing you all the best for your scan today, I'm thinking of you.

Cheese thinking of you too, it must be so hard not knowing and I can imagine it is difficult to know what to feel as well. I hope this week is uneventful for you and you get some answers at your next scan.

Blizy I've been thinking of you lots xxx

Shakey I hope Sunday was ok, I've still been thinking of your angel Grace.

fan thinking of you for your scan this afternoon. I hope the spotting has stopped and that it will be a very positive outcome.

green, it must have been very scary for you at your scan yesterday, great news that the consultant didn't see anything though, do you have another one before 20 weeks? I totally understand about the gender thing - it was one of the reasons I was tempted to find out what we are having, but DH really doesn't understand my feelings about it - I am building myself up for it to be a boy, just in case! That sounds awful, but I know you know exactly what I mean. It doesn't mean that you will love this little boy any less, just that you have other feelings to work through as well. Ultimately, all we really want are healthy babies in our arms, the rest is just a side issue, but an issue that we have to work through nontheless.

cheese, well that's very good news that the sac and yolk is in the right place so not ectopic, and I hope the other one was just hiding or is developing a little slower.

babyh congratulations! That is such lovely news, great that you have had a scan and that all is as it should be too. I hope your holiday will be a nice distraction, to help take your mind off the worry etc xxx

mumalah I am sorry that you are having to deal with this as well, it really doesn't seem fair. Our cemetary is owned/run by the council although it is behind the church, so there weren't any guidelines that we were aware of. Can you ask the vicar what is allowed? Is it up to his discretion or is it set down in a covenant or something? fan's idea is a great suggestion, it makes sense to speak to a stonemason that is familiar with the cemetary. The headstones that are there are likely to have their name stamped on them at the side or on the back.

blizy, thinking of you this month xxx

kleine, I'm so pleased that you are less tired now xxx

shakey happy birthday to your beautiful G for Sunday xx I'm so sorry that your Mum & DH didn't mention her xxx

Thinking of you all, sorry I haven't mentioned everyone xxx

I'm popping out, but FAN you are in my thoughts today, I have everything tightly crossed for you and your little bean. X

I'm still ok here, felt very sick this morning and thought I was going to actually be sick a few times but managed to hold it off. Unlike me though as I'm never sick. My next scan is next Wednesday and I'm already stressing over it and googling everything...

Fan thinking of you today, hoping your scan goes well

babyh that's great news! Congratulations! Your midwife sounds lovely, I'm so glad you got to speak to her and that she was so nice. Awful news about that poor lady. When I had to be induced with Scarlett another couple came in with a stillbirth just as we were preparing to leave, I felt so sorry for that poor woman having to go through what I just had and then leave without her baby too.

green I don't think you're being selfish at all. It must be really difficult to get used to having a boy after Merryn.

mumalah we've just started looking again for Scarlett's headstone, we know roughly what we want but I know the restrictions are less as it's a cemetary and not a churchyard. We went to look this morning actually but as we pulled in to the stone mason I just couldn't do it. More looking online I think and I'll probably end up emailing instead unless I can bring myself to go in. It's been 2 years for us now and it feels right to do it.

littlestar thanks for thinking of me. I feel the way you do about other pregnant women, I really hate the way some people just assume that everything is going to be ok just because they reach the "magical" 12 weeks. It makes me want to scream at them to stop thinking that they will have a baby at the end of it as there are no guarantees but I keep it insise. I know I have a very difficult view of pregnancy and birth now though and I always will.

Elly I'd convinced myself that it was going to be ectopic at the scan, so was very thankful and relieved when it was in the right place. Hope you're getting on ok

Well everything is fine, got the see a little flicker of a heartbeat, I'm measuring 6w 4days, so closer to seven weeks than eight which could have been because of the flu, we shall see at the 12 week scan I guess.

Oh that is such good news fan! What a relief to see the heartbeat!! I'm so so pleased for you xxx

Have you got a date for 12 week scan / booking in appt?

Fan that's great. I'm so pleased you saw the heartbeat, it must have been a relief xxx

elly I have a booking in appointment on the 2nd april. So two weeks away so should be booked for a 12 week then.

Oh fan, that's fab news! I've been thinking about you all day, really am so pleased for you. X

FAN.. That's lovely news! I don't know about you, but I've found after scans I'm just knackered, I think it's the build up and the stress, then being able to let it go just a little..... We now have a routine where I have a bath and we watch a film later with comfort food on tap, seems to help!

Well... The boy news is sinking in. We told our other two this afternoon, and they were really pleased, especially our five yr old, he's delighted its a boy! (although he then insisted on banging a very big, loud drum next to my belly, so he may be a touch ambivalent)!

green I don't feel exhausted but we are having fish and chips in a moment. I feel a bit let down that I've been put back by a week and a bit, its made the pregnancy seam longer. Also made it feel less safe. But I am glad I saw a really strong heartbeat.
My DH is one of five boys and he says it was great having lots of brothers, they all go out together now.

fan hurrah for a heartbeat! So so pleased xx

I totally get what you mean about the date though, hopefully they'll change the date again at your 12 wk scan. It's such a positive sign that you saw the heartbeat though xx
Enjoy your fish & chips xxx

Fan, congratulations! Don't worry too much about the dates - with M, I was put back a week and a bit at the first scans (the 6+5 and the 10 week ones) both agreed. I was given a new 12 week scan date, too. When I got to the 12 week scan, lo and behold they put me forward to 13+5! So it evened out. I hope the same happens to you.

Squeeee babyh so incredibly pleased for you - holding your hand very tightly xxxx

Fan huge on my face reading your update. So much love to you and baby bean. I was also put back a week with Holly at my early scan and same as Too at my 12 week scan I was 13 weeks again. Because its so small it's hard to be accurate with dating. Hope you enjoyed your fish and chips!

Shakey so sorry no-one remembered Grace with you - that's so sad. Lots of love to you xx

Green totally understand the confusing feelings about gender - that's why we opted to find out with H so we weren't flooded with those feelings at the birth xx

Sorry not to name check all. Very busy with work and stuff but I'm thinking of you all lots xx

Morning

Fan so pleased for you. I should find out dates more next week and at 12 week properly but it sounds as though we're about the same stage

Hello lovely ladies

fan I am so thrilled that all was ok and you got to see the hb. I have religiously added you to my prayers every night and will continue to do so.
Massive congratulations to babyh, wonderful news.
green be kind to yourself, your thoughts and feelings are totally natural.
Glad your news was positive cheese.

Waves to everybody else

I am 11 weeks now and so very sick. Had a nasty urine infection that required antibiotics which has made me whittle. Booking in with the midwife tomorrow, a little late but my own fault as denial was the emotion for quite some time!!

Evening Ladies

Big congrats FAN. I did read the thread to see how you got on but didnt have chance to post........hooray for the heartbeat x

Had some bad news about my grandad yesterday. They have confirmed he has advanced bladder cancer. Everything just seems to happen at once..........me and DH had a long conversation about going away etc last night but my mum said it could still be a while.........feel awful that I wont be around especially because she has spent the last eight months helping me with my grief.

I need to get a grip.....BLIZY we are going Tuesday and I haven't packed a single thing yet.....I really must get focused. Everything seems so magnified at the moment I don't know whether its my hormones!!

Thank you for all your support about my news.....your all such a wonderful support.

I am praying so hard for BFPs for those still waiting xxxxx

Sorry not to name check but I am thinking of you all x

Hello all,

I have been away so long, no way I can name check properly! I am thinking about all of us. SO pleased to see all the BFPs. And all the good news from scans. Wanted to say as well, I can really understand any sad twinges about the sex of babies. If we had found out Noodles was a girl, I would have had some difficult feelings to deal with. Since he is a boy, I feel relief, and guilt at feeling relief. Being pregnant is so full of odd feelings and stress, even without having had a child die.

Also wanted to say hello to people I hadn't met yet. I think there are some newbies, and some graduates to whom I am a newbie! My first son was born premature last year and died aged 12 days. I am now 20 weeks pregnant with a little brother for him.

Our 20 week scan was yesterday, and all looks well. We couldn't get a good view of his face and heart, so we are back in next Friday for a quick look. Also got my appointment through for the pre-natal mental health team so I can discuss my birth phobia.

Thinking about us all, hope no one is snowed in anywhere!

x x x

Hi Rainbox, good to hear from you, and that all is going well!

My mum is (finally) going home today. I didn't think she would, but it appears she is equally keen to have a bit of space!
My five yr old had a fall off the vaulting horse at gym last night, I was watching from the gallery, and when he lifted his head he was covered in blood, all down his arms and top and all over his face. I didn't know I could move so fast. He's fine, just a badly burst lip, but he was very shaken by all the blood. He's still so fragile about any health type things, but then so are we all. He was fine within the hour. (half a box of ice cream later) I hate when anything happens to them, I'm so helpless to stop it....