Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

[Little9]

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

Morning ladies,

Fan how are you today? I was thinking of you all night and really hope the spotting has stopped.

Snowdrop well done for surviving yesterday, 3mths is no time at all, yet also feels like a lifetime. Wishing you a very gentle day today and I hope that you don't get too many insensitive comments. It was my birthday just 9 days after F was born and the amount of people that wished me a "wonderful" day and hoped I had "fun" and what was I doing to "celebrate" was astonishing. Just get through the day as best you can, and if you do manage to enjoy some aspects of the day then that will be even better. Lots of birthday hugs from us here xx

Mia sorry to hear that the birth of your niece made you feel sad. It is totally understandable, your little girl should be here with you and it is so unfair that she isn't.

Green I'm glad your mums injury isn't as bad as it could have been. I Must also confess ignorance as to what spinal compression means. I hope she takes it easy and doesn't fly too soon.

Babyh I'm so glad that the headstone is exactly what you wanted, it is so important to get it right isn't it? Its a shame it was raining yesterday but i hope the sun comes out soon (it is chucking it down where i am today). I haven't done anything about choosing a stone for F's "spot" as we like to call it yet. I feel totally unable to make a decision because I so want to be right. DH thinks he knows what he wants and I will probably get there too, but I am much more of a thinker and have to think through every possible option before we make a decision, especially where doing things for F is concerned, getting it right seems like the most important thing I have to do right now.

Kleine sending lots of love to you, hope your weekend is peaceful.

I had a pretty crappy week last week, not entirely sure why, but yesterday I seemed to turn a little bit of a corner, so hopefully the next few days will be a bit brighter for me. Like you Babyh I don't sleep well and the last couple of nights have been particularly bad for me, it tends to come in waves. I'm in the middle of the 2ww but have been having AF type pains for the last couple of days, last month AF was a week early. I just hope that if this isn't our BFP month (which it doesn't feel like it will be) then AF comes on time. I'll never get pg if my cycle is all over the place.....MUST.STOP.THINKING.ABOUT.IT.

A big thank you to everyone for telling me your stories about your wonderful children. It is so sad that we all find ourselves here, but the support and friendship radiating off the computer screen is amazing.

Wishing everyone an easy/gentle/good weekend xxxxxx

Hi all, sorry again to have been awol - am just trying to focus on getting through each day at the moment, so am staying away a bit.

Just wanted to share though, Nancy's headstone has finally gone up - loads later than I had hoped, but we are really pleased with it. Feels like she has finally being honoured properly now.

Will read back now and catch up properly xxx

A very sad welcome littlestar, my DD1 died when she was 2 days old on NYE 2011. I went in with reduced movements at 37 + 4 and they delivered her by EMCS but she was too poorly to survive. They found blood clots in the placenta which they say probably caused the oxygen starvation. I am now 32 + 4 with my rainbow, and utterly terrified. Booked in for an ELCS in 3 1/2 weeks, so we are counting down the days.

baby, I'm so pleased that you have the headstone in place now too - it felt very important to us too that it was 'right' - I suppose it's the final thing we can do for our babies.

fan, I so hope that the spotting has stopped now, and that you aren't having any pain. I had spotting this time too, and EPAU arranged an early scan for me to check, maybe worth a call to set your mind at rest on Monday? I do hope that you are able to take things easy this wknd. Thinking of you and sending very sticky vibes xxx

Thank you for your thoughts, it is so difficult, but hopefully 3 weeks on Wed I will have my baby safely in my arms - your support is so welcome and needed to you all xx

Wow congratulations razz and cheese, such lovely news to come back to!!

kleine, thinking of you as you start your IVF journey - my friend is also on the down regs at the moment, and has said that they are making her feel so so tired too. Fx that it all works very quickly for you xxx

[waves] to everyone else that I haven't namechecked, am thinking of you all xxx

Welcome littlestar, I'm so sorry to hear about your precious little Finn. My Zoe was stillborn at 41 weeks on Feb 2011, I have been ttc since May 20011 with no luck so far.

Kleine, I have everything crossed for you that the IVF works, my sisters sil has just fin her 3rd round and is pg with triplets!

Elly, you are on the final stretch of the marathon, we are here to hold your hand. I,saw Nancy's stone on FB, it is perfect.x

Fan, my lovely, how are you? I have been thinking about you non stop this weekend.

Huge, wow to cheese and razz!

Nothing much to report from me, I'm on my magic time, please, please, please let this be my month.

blizy I'm wishing so hard that you will be getting that BFP soon. Everythings crossed for you.
I'm ok the spotting has stopped and the nausea has racked up a gear.

Hi ladies, its been 2 years today I gave birth to my angel Grace and not one person not even mydh or mum has even mentioned her our even indicated that they even remember what day it is.

Oh shakey, that is shit. I'm so sorry. 2 years is far too long to be without your little G. Happy birthday little one. I hope you are ok. X

Happy birthday little Grace x

SHAKEY... You should bang their bloody heads together, that is truly crap of them. Today I will think about Grace, and you, and her birthday. Two years is nothing, nothing at all. Xxxx

BLIZY... I've been thinking about you lots lately, I hope this is your month so much. There is nothing I can say, but it's not fair or right, and you deserve it so completely.

Fan... I am glad things have settled down again. Would you rather not have early scans? Here, to my surprise, this time when I bled a little they offered me one every two weeks until 12 weeks, which helped me, although I realise this would drive some round the bend!

KLEINE, my lovely friend, just great big hugs. X

ELLY, you are almost there, of course you are in a panic, how could you not? But the time will pass anyway, and soon it'll be worth it...Try and go easy on yourself meanwhile.... Xxx

We have just moved mums flight to next WE. She's a bit better today.

I have the first 'big' scan tomorrow, with my consultant to have a first attempt at spotting any tumour in this baby. It should show up between now and twenty weeks. I don't know what we'd do. Trying not to think about it, but thinking about little else. I have spent the last two hours in bed just to get some brain space. The 'normal' pregnant population actually look forward to scans! I hope this baby is ok. We will probably also find out gender.

shakey love to you on Graces bday, I shallb light a candle for her. I was thinking of you this week, with all our angels reaching their two year birthdays, made me think of how we all met on the beheavement thread and started this group.

green I think I'm just scared, if I get the letter through from my midwife this week I may ring her and see what she says about an early scan. I havnt seen a GP yet as they never seam to help me, except that one who sent me for scans last year. Good luck for tomorrow, I shall be their with you in spirit if that helps.

Elly thank you for the welcome and I wish you the best of luck for getting through the next 3.5 weeks, I can only imagine how scary it is. Hope your doctors and midwives are being understanding.

Shakey thinking of you, that is pretty crap that they haven't mentioned Grace today, I am thinking of you and little Grace.

Blizy I really hope this is your month too, the waiting game and ttc is so stressful (and im sure gets more so the longer it takes) and it feels like the whole world finds it so easy and and just breeze through their pregnancies. Keeping everything crossed for you this month.

Fan I'm glad the spotting has stopped, keeping everything crossed it stays that way, you could do without the added stress I'm sure.

Green so hoping that the scan goes well tomorrow ill be thinking of you.

Shakey, that is truly crap. Happy Birthday, little Grace! Hope today is gentle on your mummy.

Green, thinking of you for tomorrow - hope all goes well.

Fan, glad you feel sick!

Blizy, hoping this is your month more than I can say.

Morning. I was called on Thursday evening by the consultant on call as she looked at my bloods being high and the scan didn't show much so she was worried about ectopic still. I had to go in first thing Friday morning, terrified as I was told not to eat or drink in case I needed treatment...Thankfully it showed a sac in the right place with a yolk, but only the one. She said it could still be two because of my high numbers and I thought I saw another sac myself but there was only one yolk so we'll have to see.

I am pleased that all was well and I'm back in just over a week for another one. I've been worrying all weekend though and stressing over every twinge. Need to calm down!

shakey happy birthday Grace for yesterday, 2 years, we just had Scarlett's 2 year birthday in December and it was difficult. Hugs

Fan hope things are ok, how are you now?

cheese oh how scary for you, but glad all seams well.

green thinking of you hope it all goes well.

I had some more spotting last night, so I've taken the day off work and have a doctors appointment at 3.30pm, I'm hoping they will send me to the EPU, well that's what I'm going to ask.

Morning all.
shakey I am so so sorry that your precious Grace wasn't remembered yesterday as she should have been. That's a very painful thing to have to go through. She was remembered here on this thread though - and, as I am reading this today, she is still being remembered today, too - and every day. I hope you were able to put aside the anger for at least a little while (not sure I would have been able to - but I hope you're better at this than me) to think of your little girl with smiles and tears. xxxx

green and fan with your different but equally important appointments today - I'm thinking of you both. Update us if you have a chance. Lots of love xxx

blizy my love.... wishing and hoping and praying with you...

cheese also glad that all is well - you've obviously had really quite a scary few days - hope that, whether one or two little embies, all goes smoothly this week and the next scan is a very reassuring one.

littlestar I don't know about you, but the 'must stop thinking about it' tactic fails utterly whenever I try it - so I've given up trying! Hoping that you have a much better week xxx

elly lovely to see you on here but understand the need to focus on yourself and little one at the moment. Nancy's headstone is perfect. I'm so glad you have it up now, before her sibling arrives xx

at too and blue and everyone else. I'm still thinking of little and angel a lot.
All still ok here. No longer quite so tired and otherwise no side-effects at the moment, which is great. I have a less frenetic week ahead of me than I did last week, so I might even get some work done !

Good afternoon ladies

Crawls on and takes a mega deep breath because i have a little secret.

Today I am pregnant :)

Sorry to cut and run (gotta go on the school run)

I hope its ok to say and my news doesn't hurt anyone.....especially when theres so many of us still waiting for rainbows.

love to all

Babyh, that's brilliant! Congratulations! Oh hoorah!

Cheese, how scary - hope all is okay. When is your next scan?

Green, how did today go?

BABYH... Congratulations! I'm really thrilled for you! Xxxxx

Well, I've been for scan. It lasted for ages while the consultant checked for everything, very very tense time, but so far all ok. She is fairly certain it's a little boy. I don't know how I feel. Lucky, obviously. Relieved. But also something very complicated about having to get rid of Merryns clothes, and think of a boys name, and not have another daughter.
I know these are selfish thoughts, and I know how lucky I am, but the bit of grief that was linked to 'loosing the hope of mothering a girl' rather than 'mothering Merryn' now has to be worked through, and worked through well enough that it isn't going to impact on this little boy inside me. This isn't as big a deal as it could be, I am mainly thrilled that, for now, things are going well, and the rest won't matter in time, it's just brought up some things and refreshed some grief. In a few weeks I'll be ok with it. I won't say any of this in RL, so it will just be here. I'm really sorry if this has upset anyone, I really hope it hasn't.

babyh congrats, wow this thread is on a roll at the moment.

green we totally understand. I'm glad all is well.

I have a scan booked for tomorrow at 1.30. Fingers crossed all is well.

Fan... I will be thinking about you tomorrow, I'm glad the doc got you a scan quickly. Hopefully it will show everything is going well. I know how scary it is...

KLEINE... I'm glad your feeling a bit better. What is the next part of the cycle for you, if you don't mind me asking?

CHEESE... I hope you find out for sure what's what soon. The waiting can't be easy for you.

Hello again

Got a few more minutes before I pick the kids up from their activities so a bit of time to tell you more about whats been happening.

So exactly 8 months to the day our beautiful boy died I realised I was pregnant. I had low back pain and period type cramps like Af was coming on the Saturday before but after a couple of hours they completely disappeared.

Ironically because I was so upset the month before we decided to lay off TTC. We were both full of flu and only DTD twice. Also with loads of family illnesses etc going on I didn't have time to dwell as much.

I thought I would be over the moon but we are going to Florida and I was worried about early scans etc which the consultant had said she would do if we did conceive. (Ive been a bag of nerves for the last 2 weeks TBH)

An amazing midwife who came to see me after 'A' died promised she would look after me and to ring her (not my GP) if I was lucky enough to get pregnant again.

Anyway, I rang the mobile number she gave me and had a lump in my throat because she had saved my mobile number to her phone and answered by saying is that you 'M'? We had a long talk and she said she had often thought of me (cries because it was such a nice thing to say)

So I have been seen today....I am six weeks so if...... and its a big big if (Im terrified) the pregnancy goes well I think I will BE DUE AROUND THE SAME TIME as FAN. Not really much to see at the mo, She could see the sack and the yolk inside and she said my womb is thickening up nicely.

Sadly, while we were there they were all running about in a panic because a mum to be had just received the same devastating news we all have had :( god my heart was pounding so hard I thought my chest was going to burst ............

more to follow .......................

Fan: I will be thinking of you tommorrow xxx

Green: I totally get it and understand xxx I know everything might seem so final now.......but would this definately be your last baby? About Merryns things, I still have everything upstairs in the nursery......I just couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. I didn't know we were having a boy so I have a wardrobe with 2 rails half pink and half blue! I originally was hoping to use the pink half as I once told you all....................now I want to use the blue one day!!!!! God life is just so complicated isnt it. Sending you massive hugs and glad everything is okay with the gosling xxxxxxxxxx

Cheese: Hope everything is okay you must be really scared, thinking of you xxxx

Elly: Love Nancys stone......the inscription is perfect. I will try and upload pics too soon...........not long to go now love xxxxxxxxxxxx

Late to get the kids and DH is in work so gotta go again!! x

Very quick message but I have to say babyh I'm so DELIGHTED for you my love!!!!! Congratulations! I know it's all so complicated now, and so full of worries, but I am so thrilled for you yay! You will manage, being in the US on hol, you will be fine... strong lady that you are.

Also green I am so so glad that so far all seems to be well with the little one, but I completely understand your concerns/fears/disappointments about the baby being a boy. It's not at all selfish. I think I would feel exactly the same. It's ok to find it hard xx

fan thinking of you for tomorrow xxxxxx

Morning ladies :)

Kliene: Thank you for your kind words.........I'm praying you will get good news too soon.......glad you feel less tired too xxxxxx PS I wish I wasn't going away now.....I know thats a little bit selfish on the kids but I just want to protect this little bean and avoid any unnecessary risks!!!!

Too: Thank you too :) Are you still feeling broody?

Littlestar: How are you? I hope your managing to get some sleep. Once I wake up, I just cant get back to sleep no matter how hard I try! I was thinking of you and some of the other ladies on here and hope my news hasn't made you feel worse. Its so incredibly difficult not to feel the pressure. We were desperately TTC approaching Christmas and my cycle was all over the place just like yours. I know it sounds pathetic but I was feeling like I couldn't carry on trying because it was making me so unhappy. I really hope you are feeling a bit brighter this week and AF stays away xxxxxxx

Blizy: Your also never far from my thoughts. As Fan said yesterday, I hope the thread is on a roll xxxxx

Fan: Good luck with the scan. I know how scared you must be, my heart was pounding so hard. I almost lost it when I saw the scanning machine xxxx

Shakey: Thinking of your darling grace.....2 long years since you held your little girl I hope your managing to get through the week ok xxx

Green: How are you feeling today? We are hear to listen if you want to talk some more after your scan yesterday? Lots of love to you xxxx

Angel: I know its been tough for you since the start of the year. If your reading......I hope you are as well as you can be. Big hugs I am thinking of you xxxx

Little: I am here for you too. How are you doing?

Whatever: Hope you had a wonderful time on Saturday! xxxx