TTC 10+ months, Part 11

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Oh, I am so sorry mrsd. What crap news. I can hardly imagine the shock and will be thinking of you over Christmas. Listen to sar and madness they've been in a similar place. And vent as much as you need here. It is such a shitty place, this whole trajectory with the stupid and evil curve balls.

Sorry you are feeling so bad as well, madness. One day at a time. And I am sure the down-regging can cause crying over hard-won diffs. And also when I was particularly low post MC I might have cried about on fred diffages, it is fine and nothing to beat yourself up about!

I hope you start feeling better soon sar. Sorry about af as well. Very ready to hand-hold if and when you need it. Thinking of you too cosmos.

What a contrast with you teu. Thank god miracles do still exist. Enjoy every minute of the diffedness. I am delighted for you no lie, feeling so much more at ease now than a month or two ago

Some ginger biscuits for you and arte. Of course there is a new worry behind every successful step. But remember it is a worry so much closer to your baby! Btw not using porn in the masterbatorium SB and I discuss the quality, it varies according to the room used in our clinic. Apparently...

Quickly checking if doll's photo is still visible. Thinking of you all. Waves and tail feathers!

doll what a wonderful picture. Thanks for sharing. You should be so proud of little doll. And you look very young (not just normal, but cute and young!)

Well 12dpo for me and a bfn this morning. Thought I had a bit of spotting 9dpo but guessing it was my mind playing gamea with me. Boobs more painful today and cervix is really high up. Oh well guess af will show soon

I'm in a swanky hotel in londonium drinking mint tea because two and half glasses of wine is like a positive binge these days. Haven't time to post because really I should be doing sme form of pre ov seduction ahem . Will name check properly tomorrow but wanted to say den hang in there. I've spent days in shock and feeling sick, cried til my eyes were dry several times on this journey only for it to amount to - nothing. See what happens. I'm so sorry you've been told this shitty shitty news but it is like only seeing a tiny piece of the story. Hand hold.

doll the picture is beautiful. You are gorgeous and little doll is just how I imagined! But where is his glove?! It is a hopeful picture that made me take stock of just how incredible we all are.

Mrsd - oh no, poor poor you. What a terrible shock and what more bad luck. As if one problem isn't enough to deal with. I am shocked that this has only just been discovered but I guess all eyes were on your dh. Take time to take it in, I know it delays everything. It doesn't rain, it pours -massive hug and hand hold.

Sar - I'm into signs and your op date being brought forward is a great sign. That's a stroke of luck and I feel it bodes well for 2013. I hope everything goes well this w/e. Once it's over to might feel a stress being lifted. I hope so, the last few months have been tough on you.

Doll - a cutey and a beauty! What a gorgeous little boy you have. It brought a smile to my face.

Madness - I am sorry about you are feeling. I cry at pregnancy announcements when I am not on drugs so don't feel bad. How long do you down reg for? Antibiotics can be very harsh on the stomach and I was told to take probiotics several hours after the pills. What a crappy time you are having.

Critter - you have laid an egg, that's great! I really hope this is your body getting back to normal. Interesting about the weight thing. And totally agree about not going through ivf until you see what your body is doing.

Teu - absolutely fantastic news! What a surprise and a great xma present. Look after yourself.

Euro - urrr well I obviously hope af stays away. Are you going to take the antibiotics?

Art - feeling nauseous is good! Oh I think pregnancy is going to be paved with worries but these really are likely to be in one's head and won't amount to anything. Easier said than done not to worry but all is looking great foe you.

Rabbit - I loved the sound of your relaxation day. Very envious.

Nelly - not long, I hope it's all going super smoothly.

I'm sure I have missed tonnea these past few days but can't look bcd on phone. Until tomorrow.

art I understand the worry, I don't think us long termers will ever be able to relax. One step at a time, you'll be able to have the various tests they offer and at least then you can have some reassurance.

madness big hugs for you. Anti bs always make me feel down never mind Down regging drugs.

What date is your lap sar? I'm hoping mine will be early jan. he tried to phone the clinic that will do it yesterday but they'd already closed for Xmas.

rabbit I'm sorry you've also had these terrible lows. I thought we'd had all the shock when dh's sa was so bad. Now its like I've got to go through it all again. I cried myself to sleep, didn't really sleep. I got up at 4am and have been pottering ever since.

The shock is the worst. According to the dr, the tube is very clearly filled with fluid and enlarged. He says it would have been like that for some time. He said previous gynae might have mistaken it for cysts, he doesn't think I have cysts. At least if I have the lap and it will be with another dr then I'll get given a proper answer. He was pretty certain though, and clear that if we want the best chance of ivf working then it will have to go. If it is hydrosalpinx then losing the tube isn't such a big deal because it will be damaged anyway and never work again. He said its not healthy to keep it because of the toxic nature of the fluid, it's like stagnant water. My worry is that my ovaries will be damaged too. It feels like we're not meant to have children, someone somewhere is trying to tell us something. I'd geared myself up for ivf, and now it's been put back I feel a huge disappointment. But we have no choice. I've just gotta get through Xmas oh please let 2013 be better.

Waves to everyone x

Oh bloody hell mrsd, I'm so so sorry. I can't believe they've only just discovered it. I totally understand what you mean about going through the shock all over again and feel so much for you. I remember that awful shocked feeling all too well. You have been so patient waiting for the ivf. The lap will give you some answers. You will get your baby. Big hugs.

joy have you started your monitoring cycle yet? Am struggling to keep up with where everyone is with stuff!

rabbits hope you are having a fab time in londinium! I'm braving central London today and kinda slightly scared by the potential masses of Xmas shoppers!

art hurrah for nausea! I'm pleased you are starting to feel preggers and I think you should continue to eat everything in sight I am and I have no excuse! As buzz said, running about after a small child and breast feeding (if you go down that route) will burn it all off. Try not to think about the tests etc. Oh and you did make me chuckle at the old lady porn scaring dave's swimmers off

sar sorry about the af. Hope your sister is now behaving herself!

critter I need to find the baby photo app! I don't mind the odd one, but at points my newsfeed is literally just gurning babies and boasting parents

madness sorry you've been feeling a bit down. You've been through such a lot and the ga, along with the hormonal changes is bound to have affects. Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

euro sounds like you are in a much better place to try ivf. I find being able to pick my protocol really helps. It gave me a sense of control, plus I know my body and just knew I'd overstim on conventional doses. We'll be back at create in the new year, so may see you and buzz in the waiting room!

Omg teu! That's amazing, congrats! Soooo, give us all the details?! Did you do anything different [desperate face]

Dave has disgraced himself. He came back from his work Xmas do last night and I've never seen him so drunk. He didn't pass out with porn a la mr pout, probably because he spent the next 4 hours vomiting in our ensuite. I wasn't too mad, until he vomed over my tooth brush.... Thank god we're not planning on using his sperms, as I'm pretty sure he's killed off half his body cells!

And yay to new FB friends! I'll pm you my email, so you can find me. And the secret of how we know each will not be revealed. And very true euro it will dilute the baby pics :)

Over your toothbrush? Yuk. Maybe he's got norovirus . Dh had quite a sober Xmas do this year. But last year he spewed too, although kept insisting it was something he ate.

When will you be doing the fet gin?

Mrsd - shock is awful and very hard to deal with, not surprising you didn't sleep. When do they think they will be able to do the lap? It's all so bloody unfair but if you have it out , you will be good to go quite soon afterwards won't you? I'm just so sorry you are having to go through this. You will still have a baby though. 2013 is the year.

Gin - oh mrG! Over your toothbrush is not pleasant! Well done for keeping your cool. And yes am on a monitoring cycle at the moment. Progesterone test tomorrow. Stil waiting for immune results so can't go forward until those come. How are you faring , are you feeling positive?

I'd like to do the FET in feb, but we've not yet had our follow up, so don't know if it'll be possible. I have lots of worries about it - will the embie defrost ok, is the sperm too shit to make an embryo that can develop into a baby etc etc, but we have to give it a go.

I'm feeling surprisingly ok at the moment. It feels like the ivf was ages ago, not just last month. I think the fact there are lots of Xmas distractions have really helped and I've been trying not to think about it all too much. It may all hit me in January.. I think adoption as a back up plan is helping, although I do worry they won't let us! My sister was telling me about some baby smuggling ring in Russia, where you could get a baby for £500. A lot bloody cheaper than ivf!

mrsd I'm pleased it's not just dave who still pukes. This morning he denied it, all 4 hours of it! I've never seen him that drunk and a tiny bit of me worries it's to do with the infertility - he apologised for not giving me a baby at one point, but also said stuff about bags catching me!- but I think it was probably just the lure of free booze!

joy good luck with the progesterone test! Is everything looking normal so far?! Is this the first time you've had your immunes done?

Right, so i now have to work out how to clean my teeth...

Are these the tests from the states joy? I'm hoping the lap will be early jan, he didn't seem to think there'd be a waiting list. He's recommended a private clinic, he said the dr used to be the head consultant at the main hospital but set up this practise so she could specialise in surgery. Its nice in some ways to have choice, but I fi d it easier when you get told where to go. .

How long do you think I'll need off work for lap and tube removal?

joy I'm calling them downregging drugs because they're doing the same thing but rather than inject every day I get an injection once a month. I think the consultant's plan is to keep me on them until we get to the top of the ivf list in 3 or 4 months. It feels like such a long time right now, but I never would have thought that I'd get through 2 1/2 years of this so I'll get through these 4 months as well.

thanks for the reassurance art and lemon. My friend is lovely and although they conceived their first naturally had been trying for number 2 for about 5 years. I think it's the fact that at this point I would be so elated to have just the one..... Have now switched from crying to deciding whether to knit new arrival a blanket or sew another quilt. Decision decisions......

mrsd I know that everything is expensive but it's great that you will hopefully get the lap asap. The waiting for it was worst for me. 2 weeks off work is probably a safe bet if you're just having the tube removed. They also told me not to drive for a week. I'm lucky to have 3 weeks with the school holidays falling nicely but I was having a lot more done what with them trying to unstick all of my reproductive bits and you also won't have the complications of antibs and injections to make you feel worse. I am confident that this is just a blip for you, one more hurdle to jump before you get to the finish line

gin at your toothbrush!!! That is awful. I hope he's feeling suitably hungover this morning .

rabbbit I love the odd escape to londonium. We have filthy rich friends with a penthouse that we occasionally visit. They are really lovely and it's fun to live vicariously through them at times . I hope that you're having a lovely time.

sar any update on your sister??

Finally, I have decided 2013 is definitely the year. Our first date was the 13th and our first flat was number 13. I've always thought it was a lucky number for us. So perhaps my body is just waiting for 2013 to get itself in gear.

Being served breakfast probably almost lunch by this time of the day in bed this morning. Feeling quite lucky today.

Gin ? i have got drunk and started saying sorry to Roy that i can?t give him a baby. it all comes out after a few glasses/bottles. Does Mrg ever talk about it when he?s sober? I always feel guilty but then actually i think it?s not my fault and any other illness you wouldn?t start apologising about. I?m glad you are feel ok. Xmas distractions are good. The new year is always hard but perhaps a good time to see it as a fresh start. In a way the end of the year should be harder as another year has gone by. I also keep thinking about adoption and thinking about the alternatives calms me down a bit. A baby for £500 i hear you say? Presumably these ones have been stolen?? Funnily enough, i have always thought i would want to adopt from Russia. I worry about going through the UK for adoption, it does sound very difficult. Oh and yes this is the first time for immunes. I have had my level 1s done but this is the complex ones. Although i don?t want there to be a problem, if there is something wrong , it would finally explain what is going on. I would be very surprised if I don?t have high nk cells. So far everything has been normal.

Mrsd ? i took 2 days off work but i didn?t have any work done inside and actually i could have done with an extra day off as i didn?t feel good the first day back. They advise a week off and I would adhere to that. I?m glad you don?t have to wait around for it. I really am sorry it is coming to this.

Mrsd - don't listen to my advice about time to take off. Madness knows more.

joy your advice could be spot on. I've only had two laps and both were complicated by infections. I would imagine that a week could be enough if you did it as an outpatient. Probably also depends a lot on what you do. No way could I keep up with the kids just yet but my consultant said "take a week, and then probably another week but we'll see". School holidays are just fortuitous!

Thanks joy and madness. I'll ask the dr when I see her of course. I'm supposed to be starting a new piece of work in jan and I'm wondering if I should mention anything to my boss yet. But I think I'll wait until I've had it confirmed and know a date. A week wouldn't be too bad, I could reschedule things. My work is mainly sat at a desk so not physical work.

I'm glad you're feeling more positive gin. It amazes me how well we can bounce back from these set backs. I do think we should all be very proud of ourselves, we've each been through so much and yet to the outside world we appear normal. Im actually ok today, I've got no tears left. It's frustrating to have to have a lap, and not be able to start ivf yet. And I know losing a tube will be hard. But if it's damaged then there's no choice. I have no idea how it could have happened, and I can't believe we're so unlucky as to have this and crap sperm. Maybe we're not ever going to be parents, but I want to be able to say we tried everything possible.

I hope 2013 is a good one for us all.

Hi ladies, do you have room for one more? I hope you don't mind me barging in, I've been lurking on this thread for a while now and you seem like a nice bunch. Plus, in all the time I've been lurking I've yet to see anyone use the dreaded term 'baby dust' so that pretty much sealed the deal for me!

My husband and I (him:35, me: 33) have been ttc for 13 months now with not even the slightest hint of a bfp. I know that's not as long as some of you lovely ladies but im at the stage where real worry is setting in. I haven't had any tests so far, will be going to the doctors in the new year. My periods are kind of regular but I ovulate quite late in my cycle (day 23 this month) and then have a fairly short ten day LP with a few days of pre-AF spotting every month.

I'm really hoping 2013 is lucky for us all. I know you've all been battered and bruised both physically and emotionally with ttc trials and tribulations but fingers crossed 2013 is our year! And you lucky bfp preggers ladies, I hope you're all doing well. It's to you I look for hope in your success stories.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi to you all. waves

welcome nao

gin glad you are feeling more positive, can you call the clinic to get you appointment?? Did you give Dave the toothbrush and tell him to clean it all up , to be honest our household it is more likely me to get drunk , Barry is very sensible

rabbit hope you enjoyed your day in the big smoke

madness liking your number thinking :) and very about breakfast in bed

on the adoption front I too worry that the UK will say NO to us but its about 6 grand to adopt overseas, I thought about adopting from Russia. Will look into it more in the new year, well its crazy at work so better go, my poor little fur baby has gone in for the snip this morning, she was so well behaved at the vets though she might show us up,

waves to all the future mummies out there :)

Aww buzzy, hope kayla is ok. Make sure they give you a collar thing so she doesn't lick the wound. The vet didn't give us one and within 30 mins of being home shed licked her stitches out and we had to take her straight back and they stapled it gulp. She was fine though, totally milked it for a week or so. Probably less than I will following the lap though.

Welcome nao. You've picked a good thread to join. Quite a few of our thread members got pregnant around the 12 to 16 month mark so fingers crossed you're not here too long (in the nicest possible way).

Just popping in to give a big hug and tail feather fluff to mrsden - what a horrible, horrible shock for you. I am so very sorry, it really is so bloody unfair that you get thrown this massive curveball after everything you've been through already. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, it's just the pits.

Welcome naoko, and sorry you find yourself here. But these ladies have been amazing to me and you are in the right place for support and laughs! I hear Clomid is sometimes prescribed to regulate a short LP - something to ask about maybe at your appointment in the new year? It is the devil's juice, but seems to work for lots of people.

More later - must dash.

mrsd what a shock that must have been! The good news is the short wait where you are. I would expect it to be much longer here.

gin that sounds pretty horrible, but I guess everyone need to let off steam once in a while.

I am currently glued to my office chair in the grips of cramps. Just waiting for the drugs to kick in so I can move again.

Back again!

madness I love your thinking on lucky 2013. Was it gin who said her wedding anniversary was on the 13th? I love the sound of friends with a London penthouse, especially ones who like to entertain there!

art I am sorry that the nausea has begun, but it's for a good reason - still, am sure it isn't much fun. Eating everything in sight sounds like a plan, you can follow buzzy's toddler-chasing work out plan after the little one arrives!

rabbit the swanky hotel sounds fab! I love sleeping in posh hotel rooms, I love the sheets and the squishy pillows and the way that you can make the room pitch black to sleep in.

lemon homemade boozy mince pies sound divine.

gin at the toothbrush, yikes! I bet he is feeling rough today!

joy I too have been thinking more about adoption recently. I chatted for a long time last weekend with the couple I mentioned once here before - they used this agency in Texas and said it was amazing. They also said it was really expensive, although 'less than a year's private school in DC' but apparently the money goes in part to pay for counselling for the often very young birth mothers for the rest of their lives. Their little girl was so unbelievably cute. She is four months and was sleeping soundly in my friend's arms, while wearing a big pink bow headband and tiny frilly socks. Just gorgeous. My friends said they would recommend adoption over their multiple rounds of IVF. I think they did four rounds before deciding to adopt. It is a huge, huge decision though.

sar and euro hoping AF hasn't arrived yet for you both. Paw squeezes if it has.

It's my very boozy office party tonight and in fact I'm leaving work imminently for a smaller work Christmas lunch, hooray. I'll be popping back in tomorrow and then will be here on and off (I hope) over Christmas and New Year. I'm going to be in Scotland with my family and the internet connection can be spotty there. Will be looking forward to returning, 2013 glitter glasses on, tail fanned out in a big carnival style display, in the New Year. This has to be a better year for us all!

oh my poor little girl has had half her belly shaved, she is clearly not very happy with us, mrsd we have the collar Kayla is obsessed with cleaning herself, slightly OCD really :) when we put the collar on I'll have to take a photo

euro sorry about the cramps, hope the drugs have kicked in

critter this couple live in the states right and they still had to pay loads of money to adopt?? Was it an overseas adoption then?? I am very keen on adoption just not the process here or the time you have to wait, one of my colleagues who has 2 adopted daughters told me to get on with soon as it takes so long, she said she had told them she had finished with IVF when she hadn't as she did not want to wait any longer. Enjoy your parrrrrrrrty I'm off to get my shaggy main sorted out :)

oh dear very sad eyes are looking at me................................

Doll - that photo is magical. Little doll is gorgous!

npg1 - oo hang in there honey. The waiting is awful awful I know.

Art - I understand that there will be new things to worry about. But you have already got to 7 weeks which is a fantastic milestone. I think you are doing amazingly well. I say eat and enjoy - the rest will sort itself. xx

Rabbit - I like the sound of wine / tea drinking swanky big smoke breaks. I think your acu lady spoke very wisely about how you haven't had many 'real' cycles to ttc. I bet it's not even been 6 months with one thing and another. And don't forget the CP month. Sperm and egg can and do meet for you. Onwards and upwards to 2013.

Joy - I love thinking about signs and symbols too. I have a good feeling for may of us for 2013 because what is unlucky for everyone else is proabably lucky for us. I agree some stress will lift after the lap. When will your results come in?

Den - my lap is 7th Jan. I'm sorry you had a restless night. There is so much to process. It is great that you will get a lap so quickly and this may help you with coming to terms with it all as there is no waiting around. It sounds like the tube may need to come out - very sorry sweetheart, But like you said, due to the sperm issues, tubes were redundant anyway. I know it's not as easy as all that. My God, I have wrestled with it all and still not arrived in a place of peace with it all but I guess looking at it logically you will still be able to achieve you goal and have the other tube in tact. Hope you are starting to feel a little better. I don't know why some of us have bad tubes when there have been no infections. There is no reason to think your ovaries would be damaged. That isn't something I have heard linked to hydrosalpinx. But now you can put it right. xxx

Gin - vom on your toothbrush. He owes you a massage and breakfast in bed for that.

Madness - I like your attitude towards the number 13. Sis is still stressed but being ok with me and even muttered something about 'sorry for being rude' under her breath the other day. To be honest I am not after apologies, she is my baby sis and I love her and I can tolerate some shitty behaviour leading up to the wedding. I just hate the thought that she thinks I have let her down. But hopefully she doesn't. Madness - it is totaly fine to cry and have mxed feelings about other peoples pregnancies - no one understands that better than us. I have learnt to admit to myself that I do have these feelings rather than pretend I don't out of self disgust. It does help to come to terms with it quicker.

Nao - welcome and delighted to have you on board. It's great that you have the ball rolling with the tests. Your cycles sound slightly out of kilter but it's good that you ovulating. Have you considered some acupuncture or reflexology to see if you can naturally boost things in the right direction?

Buzz - work is crazy at our place too The adoption costs are eye watering. Surley it can't be a case of only the rich are good enough to adopt. Poor old Kayla and her shaved bits.

Critter - have a fab time in Scotland.

Euro - Sorry for the cramps. They are evil. I have had them on and off since 13 dpo.

Nelly - are you now a Mrs???? Thinking of you. xxx

Hello to Pout et al. xx

It's 15 dpo today (I think) and apart from a minute drop of blood last night AF is a no show. Just POAS - artic white /BFN! All a bit odd. I guess AF will come with full force tonight.