TTC after recent mc - Thread 2

[woody17]

Hi everyone - I've started the new thread as our original one is nearly full.

I really hope that this is the one where we all get our BFPs and don't have to experience any more heartache.

Happy birthday mess.
Blunder your bfn seems to be almost around the corner! Far play to you for DTD. I didn't for over a month after mc.
My head is in a mess. I can't get happy as I'm terrified and DH doesn't want to talk about it as he says I got carried away last time and it ended like it did. I woke up twice to check my knickers pee and have been to the toilet 4 times since I woke up.
I am having lower abdominal pain. Not af like cramps but I can feel twinges. And also on the left hand side so am now scared its ectopic .
Sorry girls a bit of a selfish post!

Hey lol, really sorry you're not feeling good. It's really hard not being able to talk to DH about these concerns too.

I don't know if this will be a comfort to you seeing how it turned out, but I had left side twinges and cramping in my early days last time, and as far as I know everything was fine at that stage. Consequently I did a lot of reading about ectopic and from what I understand some cramping is much more likely to be uterine stretching than anything more sinister.

It's totally understandable to be terrified, but for your own sanity and health it would be good if you can find a way of not being so stressed. Easier said than done of course! Can you try and do something to distract yourself even for a short while to give your brain a break?

I really don't mean to sound flippant because I really understand how you feel. Feel free to rant, it will probably help to get the weight off your shoulders a bit!

Happy birthday Messtins Enjoy lots of

BLol Sorry OH is distancing. Did the previous mc hit him quite hard? Maybe he's trying to be protective? Must be very hard though, sorry he's not supporting you as you need him to.

Is there anyone else you could tell so they can a) give you support and b) tell OH to man up a bit? Like his mum for example?

Seems very unfair to leave you so emotionally stranded.

If you're getting twinges, twinges are fine. Twinges are little blastobean getting comfy and nudging bits that don't usually get nudged. Think how you'd feel if you tried to stretch in a big elasticy bubble, you'd hit the edges, right?!

It could also be bowelly stuff... I've been getting weird feelings, not just twingeing but crampy (not in AF way) - and it's been a mixture of constipation, wind and runny pains.

It's so easy to worry, I know, but try and stay positive. We're here.

lol, hugs. Maybe he's trying not to get too excited too and he also knows how much you were hurting last time and is worried about being enthusiastic in case all doesn't go to plan. For me, the hardest thing was telling my dad I'd mc'ed because he was so so happy when I told him I was pg. I still get upset feeling like I let him down. At his birthday meal (mid mc) he was going on about how next year there might be more of us, and it broke my heart. I know my dad would be distraught if he knew how I felt, and he would behave differently next time. Maybe your bloke is doing the same.
Take one day at a time. Breathe. Try to be calm. Relax. That's the best thing you can do at the moment. Think of every twinge as being good - your little bean is growing and you're stretching. Cramps are completely different to twinges. Promise.

Take care of yourself. Lots of love xxx

Oh god you are all so lovely!!! Thank you so much. My SIL has had 3 mc so DH knows the risks. He also knows how hard it was and doesn't want to get too excited which I understand. We are planning to tell his parents at Xmas if all is well.
I spoke to SIL today who reassured me as you guys have.
Blunder you don't sound flippant at all. And I know you know exactly how I feel.
Thanks again girls. I don't know what I would do without you.
No bleeding been to loo another 5 times so need to keep chin up!

Happy Birthday Mess! I'm eating cake on your behalf .

Lol I can sympathise. My DH is very practical and not emotional so I can't really share my fears too much with him either (that's why I'm here!). To reassure you I'm having lots of left hand twinges too. When I had my mc I had right hand stabbing pain so I'm trying to tell myself twinges are normal. Have you been to the docs yet? Also I would definitely recommend reflexology. It has really helped me and is very relaxing. You can find special fertility ones too.

BTW can I order a knicker checking cam??! I seem to permanently have my head between my legs!

Hi old friends < waves>
Name change from kittykatskumkwat
In honour of new bean!
Just wanted to say congrats to those with new bfps particullaly lol and almond as you were stuck on the thread with me, big kisses and don't worry, I think anxiety is the main symptom of early pregnancy!
Not managed to read back but a few pages but as the talk has been around getting pregnant straight away wanted to say that I am, I did it both ways, had a mc waited a cycle as advised then mc again then decided it was fate and went for it and got pregnant again straight away and now 14wks, it's totally personal but I heard both arguments and made my own choice, personally I just think a keeper is a keeper and what will be will be whatever
Good luck to all the other ladies waiting x

Hi kitten
Thanks for lovely message and I'm glad everything is going well. I'm of your 14 weeks. Right now it feels like its forever until I'm there!!!
I'm less panicky than I was earlier but still knicker checking every hour
Thank you for helping me through my paranoia!

Totally normal lol, I even bought a new 5 pack of white knickers especially for spotting not made easier by the fact you do need the toilet all day and night! The first part is hard but I think after about 8/9 weeks you start to realise you have no control over what will happen then It's just getting to that magic first scan ( or like me and you get a private one lol) I did all the cb tests too, infact I think my hpt totalled 9 this time just the one for dd so I can hold my hand up to abit of crazy too

Aw you ladies are so lovely. Just reading all the nice reassuring things you saying to lol makes me happy to be here :)

Well today, I am hoping that 6 +2 after starting to mc and 5 weeks after erpc my af may finally be starting! Showing signs anyway, please all cross fingers for me I just want to get back to normal!!

Nice to see you here too kittens and great news on the 14 weeks. Reassures me that we will all get there one day!

Hi everyone, how long did it take people to get their period after mc. Im waiting, been 5weeks so far n no sign of it. Trying not to get my hopes up bt been feeling queezy all week, dizzy, sore boobs n funny tingling feeling in my uterus. Ng test tho. I realy do feel like I did wen I was pg. hmmmmmmm? Can anyone help.x

hey kittens so glad all is going well for you and your sticky bean :) how much was your scan? gary I think £50 is ace, they were about £80 - £100 when I looked (west midlands).

With regard to the partners of you pg ones! (I will be stereotyping now so bear with me) It's well known that men deal with any kind of issue with trying to find a solution. If you are sad they try and fix it and with mc they are completely powerless (as are we all). So I expect these DHs are being evasive as they know they are unable to do anything at all on a practical level (they can't even knicker check!) so they are feeling a bit useless.
I don't know how to change this really, not even sure how my DH will be yet - I would imagine he will be very matter of fact and try and keep me calm which will probably wind me up.

and blol I was very twingey with my pg that resulted in DD, all sounds good so far :)

almond one knickercam for you (just got to work out some of the finer details!)

ooh thunder look at you dtd already I thought you were waiting for me! I do think it would be very odd to start using condoms though, it just seems unnatural - I sound like a teenage boy now!

Kitty I paid £55, £50 is very cheep and definatly worth it for the peace of mind although I'd wait till atleast 8 weeks or more as I've had one at 61/2 and you really could hardly see a thing, I had it at 9 and it was doing a little wiggle/ started to look baby like

Oh and agree with kitty, dh and I really just ignored my bfp totally the other times we had discussed names etc got excited, this time we didnt discuss it but think we both felt lets just see how it goes, he's just started to rub tummy and nice things since scan a week ago

Clairey the EPU told me 4-6 weeks was normal.

Hey blol hope you are feeling less anxious now.

I know sometimes it feels like we aren't going to get answers forever but I think I'll worry after an early scan and a 12/20 week one too... And then there's the actual birth to worry about and before we know it we've wished away what really is an amazing amazingly terrifying time. I think this pep talk is for myself as much as anything. But should everything go to plan, I want to be able to look back and know this baby was loved from the get-go, rather than being a source of concern (as caring and motherly as that is).

I'll eat my words tomorrow no doubt, and everyone's different. But whatever happens I want the little blighter to feel cared for, even now.

I certainly have times of anguish but am so grateful for my little BFP.

Hi girls
I'm a tad less anxious and with twinges all over rather than just on one side which is helping me relax.
I see what you mean Brie. Of course I am happy but the fear seems a bit overwhelming at times!
Thank you all for your lovely positive messages.
5 weeks tomorrow. Yay!

Thanks andadietcoke, lets hope I get it soonso I can start planning th next pregnancy, or not n il get my bfp. Fingers crossed.x

also blol i guess twinges more on one side would be expected if that's the side of the womb that the egg has implanted on... just thinking aloud again :)

good luck for an answer one way or the other clairey :)

brie i know what you mean - but all the worry is because of love and It's very apparent how happy and thankful you all are for your tiny babies :)

Hello all.

Firstly the important news- have you all seen the Scottish smileys?!
[bsmile] [bwink] [bbiscuit]

Gotta love a biscuit in a hat.

Secondly clairey my epu said 4-6 weeks too, not sure if that is from ERPC date or end of bleeding though. I guess supposedly from ERPC.

kittens, hello lovie! Nice to see you, and what a lovely thought popping back with some reassuring news to your friends. I get the feeling we're all very much trying to see the positives here at the mo.

kitty, sorry I didn't wait! I totally felt the same about using condoms now I just wanted a shag! so it's not exactly ttc at this point.

anda come on af you witch

brie-, I've been thinking a lot about what you're saying. I didn't bond at all with bean last time. I was very much staying philosophical and distant as I knew it might go wrong. Something another MNer said to me, and now this, makes me really wonder whether that was for a reason- not getting attached because something really was wrong. I don't usually believe in too much of that sort of thing but perhaps I was being protected by feeling this way. We'll see I guess if I get pg again, maybe I'll feel different, or maybe I'll just always be a bit distant at that phase. Either way I really understand what you mean about you wanting to love and care for your baby bean and I think it's lovely that you are thinking like that.

Waffle over.

I can see both sides regarding bonding/ not bonding with bump. I do think its a protection thing in case it goes wrong.
Well DH gave me a lovely cuddle this morning and told me not to be scared. That felt lovely.
I feel positive today and even daring be a little happy

Clairey it was 45 days for me from the end of natural mc to AF. Felt a long time but she appeared eventually!

Lol glad your feeling more positive! We're all in this together .

So, can I have some advice? I play for a netball team. I played a match today as I thought I would see how I feel. I felt fine physically but did have a worry in the back of my mind that I might get an elbow in the tummy (didn't). Anyhow we have 1 more training session and 1 more match next Sat before the Crimbo break and thought I would tell the Captain after Christmas (if all went well). But I'm not sure whether to play next week as It's a tough match against a feisty team. Part of me is thinking 'lots of people play sport when in early pregnancy' and the other part is 'what if I inadvertently cause a problem'. What do you guys reckon???

Almond if I were you I'd ask your gp or the actual trainer? I'm very cautious though.
I'm in a similar boat. I do Zumba and ballroom/ Latin dancing 4 times a week in total and I'm scared of getting to tired. I'll aka gp on Monday and see what she says.

I think it's very hard to feel the same unequivocal positivity about a pregnancy after you've suffered a MC. I never really bonded with my second son all the way through the pregnancy after I'd MC - so different to my first pregnancy which was emotionally straightforward. It did then affect how I felt about him when he was born. The bond with him was much more of a slow burn, a car crash birth and a very difficult first 6 months really didn't help. However, I think I coped much much better with 2nd MC for deliberately not having bonded with the baby or thought too far into the future - it was still shit, but I haven't had the emotional fall out to the same extent this time. I think you protect yourself however you can.

Every time someone has told me 'you can try again' I've wanted to add 'but I will never feel that happy about being pregnant, ever again'. I will never plan so far ahead again, I will never 'unknow' all the things that can go wrong, I will never expect that everything will be okay. And I will never do those things because I'm protecting myself, messtins you're so right, and thank you for sharing xx