TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

frannie so sorry about your nephew . Fingers crossed for him. Much love.

Me me me warning. Just got my AMH. It's terrible. Less than 1. He'd expect 6 or 7. So that's that, I guess. I really am praying for a miracle now. An slightly beside myself trying to hold it together in the office. Fuck.

bunny I can imagine it is awful. As I said above, I saw my mum go through it. Your daughter will get over wanting a sibling. What helped me enormously was becoming very close friends with a girl who live a few doors away. She was someone I could see every day so I wasn't lonely (being an only can sometimes be lonely). And bizarrely she had a little sister who looked much more like me than her! The three of us would often play together and having a close friend like that helped. As an older child and adult I loved being part of a tight unit of three.

Oh nelly that must have come as quite a shock! Remember, AMH is only a prediction of the future, not a sign of what is going on now, so I guess it is just an indicator that you need to get on with things asap!

frannie I hope your nephew is ok. I can't believe that code!

Artemis I don't understand the boob thing either. I didn't used to get sore boobs in my 20s. And then in my early 30s they were so painful I would yelp and have tears in my eyes from driving over speedbumps! They have calmed down a bit now.

I'm at work so I can't respond properly but Frannie I'm so sorry to hear your nephew is ill, puts everything into perspective. Do pop back here when you can to let us know hw things are.

Nelly, like euro said its more a predictor int it? Does it have any bearing on ivf? Sorry, I'm a bit clueless about amh. But there seems to be loads of stories of people getting pregnant with low amh. Are you able to speak to the consultant about it?

Frannie ? i am so so sorry to hear about your nephew. It?s these kinds of things in life that put things in perspective. Look after yourself and make sure you let us know when you get your bfp.

Nelly ? i am sorry about your amh level. I couldn?t keep it together when they told me mine was 3 ? it should be more like 19 for my age and i felt very sick. Don?t start googling. Have you got an antral follicle count? A few things that have helped me try and get my head around it are: the ARGC, the best clinic with the best results in the country think amh is bollocks. I have seen people on FF get pregnant (some naturally) with AMH less than 1. This is a new test and so it is difficult to clarify what is normal ? they have no idea what amh results thousands of women in their 40s have when they conceive naturally. As Euro says it is more predictive rather than what is going on in the now. You are on the ivf waiting list now aren?t you so things are moving so you are doing the right thing and not hanging around. Do you know what level your sister had when she conceived naturally?
Also I don?t know whether you have heard of it but DHEA is suppose to be a really good thing at improving egg quality. I am in the process of hunting some down. It is natural i believe.

Artemis ? i am going to ask my gp about level 1s next week. It?s a process of elimination as it may flag something significant which could be sorted out easily.

Bunny ? i have no doubt that if i did have one , i would be straight on to this ttc hellish rollercoaster again pretty quickly...even though i tell myself i would be happy with one. I can imagine it?s just as awful. Stepping back sounds like a good idea ? I wish i could learn to do it but not with treatment beckoning. Look after yourself.

I hope you?re as ok as you can be Care. Thinking of you.

Thank you ladies. I have calmed down a little and you are a big part of that. I think I love you . joy especially thanks for the "it's a pile of shit"! I wish I'd stuck to my guns and not had it tested. My sis never had hers tested at any stage. Her FSH when she started a few years ago was 9 though. But mine was 11, not catastrophic?

It probably doesn't help that today is the exact 2 year anniversary from when we agreed to TTC. And AF due within the next 24 hours. So that's lovely .

Hello heart, so sorry to hear of your troubles.

I will look into DHEA, thank you.

Nelly sending you some wine and good wishes. To test or not to test? It's a fucking impossible one. Sorry about the 'anniversary' too. X

Hello ladies

frannie I am so sorry to hear about your nephew, I can only imagine how horrendus you must be feeling. I will have you both in my thoughts. Please let us know how you and your nephew are getting on won't you. Lots of love.

Bunny I hope that a break from TTC will do you some good. It is so difficult to take a step back isn't it but I do think that it can be of benefit.
I am sorry if the convo about second babies upset you. I can totally understand how TTC#2 can feel totally absorbing especially with a new partner. I guess that when you are in the TTC#1 phase it is easy to think that one baby will be enough!

nelly Oh FFS. I bloody hate the AMH test and the angst it causes. It is the work of the devil. Like others have said I have come across many sites that say it is crap and already outdated. At least your IVF is around the corner I suppose. Great timing too as bloody always!

Hello and welcome heart. I am sorry about your troubles, you have had a horrible time by the sound of it.

Has anybody seen that new advert for Cussons Mum and Me (or something like that) toiletries? For any barren it must be the most sickening montage of pain ever conceived. I was in disbelief when I saw it and just about managed to stop myself sticking pins in my eyes. For those not in the UK it is an advert that covers the whole shebang for motherhood from the peestick, little bump, birth and being handed the bundle of joy, cuddling up, stretch marks.... oh ye Gods.

Nelly ? glad you feel a bit calmer. I know, i wish i hadn?t had it tested as well. Ignorance is bliss. However, I guess we will find out all sorts of things when we hit ivf so i guess we have to face everything.

Welcome Heart. Poor you, it sounds like you have had a hideous time. I don?t quite understand the stages of Endo. What does Endo stage 4 mean? Have you had it zapped? Sorry about your miscarriage as well. Do they think the Endo would have played a part in this or is endo more about conceiving?

Pout ? i haven?t seen this dreadful sounding advert. There are some adverts i cannot watch. I am afraid the romanticised version of how you poas, it?s a bfp, it all goes smoothly, you get a perfect baby is just a shattered memory. I use to think that?s how it happened actually.

Ah pout thanks for that. I'm going to tell myself that Dr Pout has deemed the test as meaningless.

I forget people read this thread who haven't joined yet heart! But glad you felt up to joining in. These ladies continue to be miraculous.

That's a good point joy. I guess I can prepare for the worst now with the IVF, much less shock value still out there for me now. And my sister said that she knows plenty people who had success even with poor response to stimms. So all isn't lost, and who knows maybe this will help me avoid the 2ww mentalling who am I kidding

Well I think the board is in need of some loves and kindness today, life can be rotten sometimes.

frannie I'm sorry to hear your news about your nephew, how devastating. I can understand that you may not be around v much but do keep lurking and hopefully every now and then let us know how things are. Loves to you and your family.

care I was so sad to hear your ivf didn't work this time. How are you doing?

nelly big squeeze. I second Joyce with the big pile of old shit thing. My consultant doesn't believe in amh testing and says he thinks fsh is more reliable. It's still not nice to hear things aren't where you want them to be though. With my fsh I'm convinced mine will be pretty duff so perhaps it is easier not knowing but if I knew it was low, maybe it would force me to confront ivf faster. As I'm paranoid about it, I think I've read every possible amh story on t'internet and it doesn't seem to predict how people respond to ivf and LOADS of people with amh less than one get pregnant, many of them naturally. How's the spotting? I was wondering, do you think the aspirin might make spotting worse? I wonder if ladygee is still reading - if so, was it the frost month you tried aspirin and are you still taking it now?

Artemis I had my hycosy on cd22. It became apparent that, as my clinic only run the sessions fortnightly, it was almost impossible to plan one that wasn't at the tail end of my period or after ov. I had to sign a form to say we used contraception, which we did and have a 7am blood pregnancy test, which was a pain as the hycosy wasn't til 11.30. And we'd used a condom and I was of course unpregnant. All a waste of time anyway, as it happened! It took fecking months to sort out and I feel your pain! I wonder if they are stricter with HSG?

bunny I think that infertility is heartbreaking to whoever it happens to whether first child or fourth - if you want to conceive, you want to conceive and it is a devastating, esteem knocking blow when it doesn't happen. It is a very unique and personal difficulty and I guess we will all inhabit it differently. For me, this is my one go at letting something consume me in this way. I am definite about this and, should I be lucky enough to have a child, thats it, in terms of biological children at least. It feels easier to me to draw that line and know that I won't be back to square one, only older. I guess how people experience secondary infertility differs in the same way it does for primary infertility. After one failed cycle I was convinced there was a problem. My friend on the other hand, happily enjoyed trying for a year before she started to get twitchy. I have another friend who conceived first time with dc no 1. They have now planned no2 to the month, factoring in no real trying time. If things don't go to plan, I imagine that will feel very different to her, than it would to to me second time around, if that makes sense. It's all hard and taxing and complicated and I hope a break makes you feel a bit better.

pout how you feeling?

Right. I'm rolling up sleeves and throwing more money down the drain on supplements that won't help me but might give me spots and side effects. Aspirin and co enzyme q10 muffins anyone?

heart sorry, forgot to say hello. Welcome and sorry your journey has been wretched. Hopefully now the endo has gone things will fall into place.

Hi rabbit - I'm still reading away. I started taking aspirin in April, so it would have been three months by the time we conceived. The first month my spotting pretty much doubled (nine days before AF arrived) but then it went back down to the usual (4/5 days). Still had four days spotting last month and then it disappeared. I'm still taking it but once every couple of days now, just until I see my GP or a midwife who can tell me one way or the other...

care I'm so sorry about the bfn.

frannie hope you're ok and I'm sorry to hear about your nephew. It certainly puts things in perspective.

Waves to everyone - oldies and newbies

Hi all

heart welcome, sounds like you've had a very rough time of things with the endo. I've heard that it is extremely painful, you poor thing. And I'm so sorry to hear about your mc, too. I really hope that things look up for you from here on out. As others have said, these ladies are wonderful, and make the 'shitfest journey' (can't remember who said that but I am stealing it, brilliant phrase) much more bearable.

nelly I'm sorry you've had a horrible morning with the AMH results. I have heard terrible things about that test - both its accuracy (in that plenty of women with super low results go on to have babies) and also its misery-inducing properties. My sister got hers tested a couple of years ago and they were very low - I remember she was in floods of tears about it - so I am refusing to get mine tested, as others have said, I would rather not know. Why do they come up with these horrible tests to torture us with? Especially when they don't seem to 'mean' anything? Argh. And sorry about the TTC 2 year anniversary. That is doubly shit.

lady very interesting about the aspirin. How is it supposed to work? I know my parents take an aspirin a day to prevent stroke, I wonder if I should be taking a leaf out of their book

rabbit thanks for the muffins, and the love and kindness. How are you doing?

artemis l too loved reading your thoughts about childlessness. It's true that I remember wonderful maiden aunts who were super creative and energetic when I was a little one - I think there was a whole generation of women who didn't have husbands as so many men died in the two wars, and they went on to have wonderful lives. And actually, the happiest and most romantic older couple I know are in their fifties with no kids, as they met when they were in their forties. They throw parties, travel lots, and do generally bohemian cool stuff. I do see in some of my friends how the romance is affected by having children, just the general slog of it.

frannie I'm so sorry to hear about your little nephew. Sending positive thoughts and love for his recovery.

joyce glad you have an appointment with the GP and hope they can shed some light.

care I'm thinking of you.

bunny I am sure it is totally awful wanting a sibling for your little one - I saw one of my best pals here go through it and she was unbelievably unhappy, in fact she seemed to suffer even more than me, perhaps because she knew what she was missing (she's since had a second baby at 41). Infertility is shit whether you have none or four. Hope you are ok.

Hello to euro, mrsden, pout, buzzy, teu and akuaba (who I think is the artist formerly known as purple?) I think there were some name changes while I was away... and of course, to everyone I have missed.

stupid me just deleted a massive post

care thinking of you and hope Mr C is looking after you

heart welcome to the group, its a bit like the free masons but no secret signals or funny hand shakes :)

rabbit I've been on the aspirin for over a year now and haven't had any problems, I think the spotting is due to other things

artemis so sorry to hear about your nephew, big hugs

bunny look after yourself, a break is a good idea but agree its hard to, I think at my pre historic age I don't have time to

nelly agree with the others, just ignore it, sorry about the anniversary and AF being due

pout I haven't seen that crap add, my favourite is the aptimal add where the room is spinning from season to seaon and the voice over goes' if you chose to move on from breastfeeding' WTF well she isn't going to carry on till the child is 21 and leaves home !!!! Glad Mr P is going with you to the GP

euro thanks for your insight into only child situation, I only wanted 2 kids well maybe 3 but now I'll happily settle for just one, not sure who said they felt like they couldn't go through all of this again, I find that the longer it takes the shorter the 'age gap' would need to be between the said babies, that i'm at the stage it will have to be twins

So I went to see Mr S today, as I sat in his very busy waiting room I wondered what they were all here for besides the blaringly obvious who is there for fanny cam etc etc, I also wondered how many of them have I spoken to online :)
So we discussed Mr B's lazy swimmers and he said that he didn't think that they would have deteriorated that much since last year and that it could still be possible to fall pregnant naturally like I did last year, but that I would also need to think about IUI or IVF. The whole realisation that I had gone from falling first month of trying to discussing IVF was all too much and so I had a good cry, he was very kind and supportive, he didn't rush me either. We decided after fanny cam showed 4 good follies around 15-16mm that we would have IUI on Saturday. Depending on what the sperm are like after being washed etc will determine if we continue with IUI or go onto ICSI. Mr S said he would wait and see what the lab guy recommends. He also said we could try ICSI next month but I think it would all be a bit of a rush with the drugs and immune testing, I think a break would be good for me too. Mr S also took great delight in telling how ICSI came about due to an accident in a lab
I now feel a bit freaked out and unprepared, I haven't really paid much attention to all the IVF chat as I thought SO would do the trick, well I better get on with dinner,I sent Mr B a text saying Saturday was D Day he sent me a lovely text back and said we need to be as relaxed as possible, sadly that is easier said than done

waves to everyone, hope princess is ok and busy moving/DIYing

x posted with critter glad you had a lovely holiday, at akuaba (who I think is the artist formerly known as purple?) good luck for Friday,
the aspirin is just to thin your blood just like it is for your parents, some believe it helps with implantation but also helps stop blood clots which could block the placenta, my GP recommended it but so does Mr S, its so low it can't do any harm

buzzy sorry you are feeling freaked out - can totally understand that. But 4 good-sized follies is great, and it sounds like you're making progress and Dr S is on top of things, so to speak. I'm really hopeful that this could be it for you. We need some IUI success on this board!

Hi ladies. So sorry to read of lots of sadness, poor test results etc etc. It is indeed a shitfest journey.

buzzy wow, that must have been quite a shock, no wonder you got upset. FX that the iui goes well on Sat. If you wanna ask anything about ivf, please do. I think it's positive that he said you may conceive naturally.

critter your hols sound lovely. Was it the uber fertile Scottish house that you went to?!

Welcome heart Ouch your endo sounds very painful, as must have been the op to zap it.

I think everyone else has given you good advice about amh nellie. Bollocks I say to it! It has no bearing on ivf. How awful to get the result in the office. Big hugs.

rabbit good luck with the suppliments. You sound a little happier?

artemis, euro and bunny you're posts about infertility have been interesting. At the moment, I'd be delighted with one, but I know once I have the one, the mentalling would begin again. In my 20s I never thought I'd be so desperate to have a child and I assume that once/if I have one I'll be equally desperate for another.

pout ffs at that ad. The ones with babies, or showing stages of life - people growing up, getting married, having kids- all piss me right off! When's your drs appointment? Hope it goes well.

frannie so so sorry to hear about your nephew. How awful. Big hugs. Do pop in every now and again and let us know how you are. It was so lovely to meet you in RL at our meet up.

care thinking of you and hope you are ok.

We're meant to be at the clinic on Friday to discuss out next ivf cycle but they've left a message bloody cancelling! Hopefully they can fit us in that day. The plan was to do that and then head off for some posh nosh and 5* accommodation, as a pre birthday treat. I'm still convinced this cycle won't work but starting to feel a bit excited about it. Well, I was until they cancelled our bloody appointment!

Waves and loves to all.

heart - no that doesn't sound lucky but i know what you mean. Did you know you had endo before you started ttc? Sounds thoroughly painful. Oh I am very good at avoiding friends these days. I hope this is just temporary and if I do have a baby, i plan to make up for years of hiding away. But I think one of my fears is that friends won't want anything to do with mrJoy and I if we never have a baby. When my siL first had her baby, the first thing she said was that she felt distanced from old friends without babies and she does just hang about with other mums now.

nelly - heart's point is good. everyone is different. also fsh of 11 is by no means catastrophic. As i keep mentioning a woman in the book i gave to Gin had an fsh of 60. it fluctuates every month anyway - so another month you probablyh would be under 11.

critter - does your sister have a baby?

buzzy - i am glad mrS was nice. He must have a lot of people crying on him. 4 follies are great. One of them has to be the golden one. ##

Gin - sorry to hear your appt has been cancelled. that's very annoying. Hopefully they can reschedule pronto. .

joyce no, my sister hasn't had a baby yet, but she hasn't 'tried' yet - she was just getting the test out of interest (!) She is single - she had her heart broken pretty spectacularly six months ago by a total rat (a human one, not Roland) and is still recovering. She's a couple of years older than me and would love to have children, but she hasn't found Mr Right yet and doesn't want to go down the sperm donor/gay friend route. It certainly puts my infertile woes in perspective, as at least I have found the right bloke, even if I haven't gotten preg. She does get periods, unlike me, so I hope that when she does find her guy, she will have more luck than I've had.

Your true friends will want to see you, baby or no baby (and there WILL be a baby for you, I know it!). I have heard that from some women, about feeling distanced from babyless friends, but I've found that with my real soulmate friends who are mums, they have made a huge effort with me after having their children, and our friendship has remained tight. I think for some people, they just get sucked into the overwhelmingness of the life change and can't think or talk about anything other than their children.

gin it was indeed the uber fertile Scottish house that I was at! I didn't ovulate (was temping just in case) but did have loads of great sex with MrC while we were there, so that was a bonus at least. How annoying about your appointment being cancelled. Grrr. But exciting that your next cycle is coming up so soon! I am really hopeful for you this time round, and will have everything crossed for you and MrGin.