TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

nelly happy belated birthday, congrats on becoming an aunt again, yay to IVF in September

artemis I don't really remember the conversation with Mr S about IUI vs IVF. He said to try SO for 6 cycles then IVF, I think it was when Mr B's sample came back that he suggested IUI but only if I have 2 follies but I think I'll want to try full stop, depends on Mr B's results, I don't see the point in try au naturale if his results haven't improved, I'm more than happy to have IUI/IVF, I just want my baby

care I think it was Adele's pregnancy that 'surprised' me the most, she is still quite young and hasn't been in a long relationship. I don't really watch/read much on the so called famous people

mrsd sorry about PIL, that is such a insensitive comment to make . My MIL sent me an email saying how quiet I was when we visited on Sunday I haven't responded as I can't think of anything polite to say to that, think our MIL's could be clones

bunny I most certainly would have said something, its frightening people with that kind of mentality can procreate

Sorry not to do a proper name check just feeling very low,the drugs are making me feel quite fed up and tearful, email from MIL doesn't help, colleague at work astounded me when she asked how I was and did I think it was worth it(drugs etc to get pregnant) as I'm upset and hormonal all the time and did I really need a baby I just burst into tears but felt like saying how the fuck would you feel if you didn't have your kids and grand kids!!!! She then asked me today if I was alright and I just lost it and said 'nothing will be alright until I have my baby' nobody in the room said anything but my poor supervisor came out to comfort me. Then my day got even better when my bitch of an old boss turned up with her baby, she couldn't get away from me fast enough and I didn't make an effort to chase after her. Went up to hopsital to have my x-ray for my hallux valgus and was told they don't do that any more, So I decided just to come home, Told Mr B about my day and he sent me a thoughtful text back, now sitting at home crying and wondering if I should go to Occ Health and get signed off for a bit.

sorry for the me me me post

Oh god rabbit betting on the same lame horse. Arrg, I hate this part. I'm 11dpo with a 12 or 13 day LP. Same exact feelings as all the duff cycles, boobs peaked in soreness and are fine now, oh and I have an arctic OPK to back doom up (as if I need more evidence). I remember pout commenting last cycle on feeling the familiar. But still cannot let go completely.

Lucky me, I have no idea who this witless bint is.

joy I don't know much about UK adoptions but I'm shocked by this more than two bedrooms and a garden. Really? bunny mentioned this too. I find it very hard to believe. Who is the extra bedroom for, the bloody live-in nanny? Once we figured out what how we could go about our adoption it took just over 1 year. It's kind of meaningless though as there are so many factors in play and each adoption is so different. As I have mentioned, ours was international (indeed, expensive) and didn't involved the UK at all.

Still want to respond to the IVF comments.....

X-post buzzy sorry you are feeling low.

Buzzy sorry you are feeling so shite. You've had a tough day and the drugs that you are taking sound horrific. The last thing you need is nosy and inconsiderate colleagues to consolidate the feelings that you are going through. I really hope that tomorrow is a better day. Give yourself a big break tonight and weather the storm. I really feel for you and hope this passes soon. You have put so much into your next pregnancy and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that there will be a baby at the end of all of this. And not any old baby, a perfect and truly loved little buzzy who will make you very proud. I'm sorry though. More hugs.

Care I know that I shouldn't be bothered by her. I think it's the age thing and that she's so close to my age and such an utter bell end. She ruined the Royal Wedding for me, I can't listen to her on Radio 1. I do however like the take off of her by Morgana Robinson. Hence the skillz comment above. I too am bothered by Beyonce. Another one of the same age. I guess I remember kind of growing up in a parallel universe where they have always been there. I shouldn't give a hoot and maybe I don't. I didn't like the lady on the other side of a zebra crossing today because she was all happy and bumpy and wearing a nice maternity dress and looking all fresh faced and happy. Me on the otherhand, in the dregs of the wardrobe waiting with all the exciting holiday clothes packed, little make-up, spot on chin, red and clammy in this damn heat, and not pregnant. Still she must have been feeling pretty clammy herself, it's just that I couldn't see her from across the busy street!

Rabbit that is exciting news! Your cycle has bounced back to absolute normality so quickly! I have FX for a BFP and if it doesn't turn out to be you can be confident to get back on that horse next cycle with the confidence that your body is business as usual after the refurb! Super news!

Artemis you made my evening with your comments about FC only about to get better with a wholewheat noodle treat from Wagamama's and a small glass of vino. Now I'm packed I'm totally in the holiday mood

In other news, I've now successfully sold all the big furniture that we can't take with us. Bed is going tomorrow. And the Greek bought the sofa. Big phew of relief :)

Evening waves and loves and hugs and or to you all xxx

Just a quick hello to proffer , hugs and shoulders as needed, and a massive thanks to Artemis for the FC comments. .

Talking of IL's, mine are here so better be quick. But they were talking about my new nephew, and how the pressure will be on me to have girls now. WTAF? I pointed outside to my girl hobbles and girl cat and told them belt up..

princess I already have a mini-hobble that's probably broad enough to carry two . That said, I'm not sure that I'm broad enough to carry two, but I guess I better take it one step at a time, eh?

Right better go, I probably need a gin to see me through the rest of the evening. Still, they are cooking while I am on MN, so not all bad .

Buzzy - so sorry you feel bad. Others have said it perfectly - you are preparing for a baby and that is all consuming. Sit tight and take time from work if that does relieve some stress. People's comments are unintentionally insensative - only listen to us we know the right things to say.

Artemis - no words of wisdom about getting Mr A to open up. I'm sorry you have been frustrated. But like someone said upthread, that inward optimism that blockes often have is helpful in it's own way. Good luck with pushing for the HSG. Your holiday sounds lovely although I'm sorry for the mountain wobbles.

Care and Lemon - good luck with your 2WW. I am thinking of you both a great deal. Be kind to yourselves and plan plenty of nice things to stay busy.

Rabbit - that is great about the normal length cycle. This will give you a little confidence boost. Your body is getting back to normal and you more than deserve some normality. Things can only keep getting better.

Mrsden - what the hell was your MIL doing - narrow minded twaddle. But I'm sorry you have to hear things like that. I honestly can't belive the utter shite people spout.

Sorry can't name check everyone.

I am going to la belle France tommorow so won't be around to post for a good 10 days or so.

I am planning to be as chilled as I can be and not having the internet will help me do that. I will think of you all - good luck especially to those with tests / 2ww's and general ttc issues.

Very quick post. Good luck to those on the 2ww.
Buzzy do what's right for you, your going through a lot so if time off is needed then take it.
Getting OH to talk, I have the very same problem. He will say in passing little comments but if I want to talk then I am going on about it so I can't offer advice.
You don't need a big house to adopt, just a room for you and one for the child. I already have a DD so need a bigger place as they can't share a room. You also don't need a garden. The most important bit is you. How a child fits in with you, what your support systems are like eg family and friends. They are more concerned with how you can cope with the situation. I think that you have to have a gap between any fertility treatment and applying just so they know you are emotionally ready. I have seen the forms and yes they are huge but mostly done my your social worker and are questions you would expect. Your background, health, lifestyle. Pretty standard stuff. So anyone worried about the process don't be put off until you have looked into it. Yes you won't always get a baby but a young child is a good option. I know people worry about how their previous life will have affected them but they will have been living with a trained foster carer who will have the skills to help them adjust and prepare for the future.

Hey bunny yes that's more what I had heard re adoption. As it turned out we didn't even have a room for ours, but he was only a baby. I was amazed how little you need in terms of space and stuff for a little kid (I just in general and aside from any adoption regulations). Our place was tiny. Anyway I just looked, because I'm curious re kids in the UK, seems many many more in the 1-4 age range than 0-1.

sarlet this post will likely be ancient history by the time you come back from hols, but I totally agree about unique lines in the sand. My instinct for IVF is no, but I'm forcing myself a bit to examine... nelly your post reminded me that if I do ask a bit more of my doctor next month re IVF I should be prepared with the basics. I've always stuck my head in the sand about it a bit so I wonder if someone could point out any overview they may have seen along the way..something to get me familiar with DET, short protocol etc? Another thing I'm interested to know is what has the 10+ ers research, advice, views thrown up about IVF prep? I have read for example not a single glass of wine for 3 months before the start of treatment. I know expressing a concern like that makes me look like a big fat lush but I'm interested to try and build a picture of what this whole thing would look like.

Really my biggest reservation is that I don't have faith it would work. I haven't asked what odds I would be given but I guess around 12% - that seems like nothing to me. rabbit I think you make an important point about trying to decide between which is better for mental health 'tried and failed' or 'I chose not too'. Also the shedding some light on why it hasn't happened...indeed, I want to know but in the long run of what help is that? pout I'm not sure but I think unlike you I perhaps don't need it for closure..

princess this is going back a couple of days but what weirds me out about your weird dreams is how well you remember them. Mine seem to be gone within seconds of waking and can only remember very general things later. Glad to read of the packing for hols

rabbit I feel your pain on the bio oil issue. I feel like I keep them in business with my many scars. The scars look the same. I still buy it.

MissM I'm wondering which nation is not know for its tact (am I missing something important?) mrsden a case of mouth without engaging brain, you should come a hang out in my neck of the woods, I think it's actually a hobby.

Morning Artemis and others not mentioned. buzzy how are you feeling this morning? And fellow 2ww folk care lemon rabbit who else? What's up?

Morning lovely ladies!

This will be a short post as I binged on suger after my early morning swim and now I am crashing quite badly. But I do need to get on to do some useful stuff. I am following the IVF or not discussion with interest. I always was sure we would try IVF, mainly because of pout's reasons, regrets and worries about that if not... But since my less than joyful experiences of hormone injecting this month I am a lot more insecure. Sorry you are struggling too with the hormones buzzy, keeping everything crossed it works. And GRRR and at the stupid colleague!!

Sorry others are feeling meh too. Special hugs to them (and the rest of my cake not yet eaten, I really have had enough).

Shock horror about your MiL mrsd. Wonderfully ill-informed and I am venturing a bet on missM meaning the germans as less than tactful Nelly compared to some of the others, I reckon you're getting of lightly if your ILs are cooking and you're here!

Sorry the scars are still so horrid rabbit. It is not fair. I'll admit to not putting anything on mine, but they are hidden in the bush/belly button

Well done on selling all the big stuff on, princess and HURRAH for holibobs in playsuit! Sarlat have a fantastic time away too!

You are waiting too then doll? My first WW is going fast, but as I had cold feet after the swim, I got paranoid about cold feet=cold uterus bollocks I read online and not I feel worried about my imaginary embryos trying to implant... Oh dear. Head-case. Thank god for counselling during my next AF.

Keeping all sorts of body parts crossed for you care. It is time for a few last minute wins on this fred or to start the next one with a bang.

Thanks for all the good wishes, I think I'll lodge my head back in the sand and attempt to do something useful!!

Ok you've managed to really alarm me this morning. First, I'm not meant to have wine for 3 months before IVF . I'm struggling enough with the concept of giving up whilst pregnant .

And then cold feet. This has always worried me. That's why I'm trying the baby aspirin just now. I'm just not very good at remembering to take it, especially as I have to keep everything hidden.

Anyway general waves to everyone. Hugs to buzzy and rabbit and everyone else so low. And fingers crossed for 2ww. Also thanks to bunny for that very useful post on adoption. It's definitely something I'm prepared to consider but we aren't there yet,

For me IVF was just an accepted treatment option. I guess seeing my IVF nephew makes it real. And it's worked for people I know where everything else has failed. I'm optimistic but realistic. until I get a crappy AMH result.

Oh nelly. I did not mean to panick you. I only wrote about the feet because I think it is stupid to get worked up about these things... Oh and no drinking 3 months pre-IVF, I don't think so. Just moderately healthy behaviour. I was threatening DH with no drinking pre-IVF because his IUI sample was not great last time...

Oh no nelly I'm so sorry. It's not that I know this about wine just the most extreme thing I read. I know what you mean if pg of course I could do it, but I'm not sure it would put me in a good frame of mind re IVF. Sorry again I really didn't mean to worry you I just wondered what those ladies that have been through it were told regarding prep and what they think about it. X

Don't panic nelly, I won't be avoiding wine for 3 months. I have heard that it's best not to have any during the process but I think that I can manage that for a few weeks.

joycep I think the having a big house and a garden is a myth. I have a distant relative that adopted a few years ago, they live in a 2 bedroom flat in London with no garden. They adopted a 2 year old, she is by all accounts wonderful and I think they found the process relatively straight forward. I'm sure it can be difficult, but I think there are a lot of myths that make it sound so much worse than the reality. This site might be useful www.adoption.org.uk/information/could_I_adopt.html

I've thought about adoption, but I'm not at that stage yet. I feel like we have to do everything we can to have a biological child. I think it's because I really want to experience pregnancy and birth which I know is probably stupid but I'm not ready to accept that I can't have that and looking at adoption would meaning closing that chapter.

The ivf discussion is interesting to me. I've really changed in terms of how I feel about it. Years ago I remember watching a documentary about ivf, and it was heartbreaking. It showed one couple who were so desperate and sad and at the end she had to ring the clinic to find out if she was pregnant, and it was a negative. So sad. I often wonder if that couple ever did have a baby. At the time I watched it and was thinking that there was no way I could go through that. I never thought I'd be in that position. A few years ago someone told me about someone they knew who was about to have their 4th ivf attempt and I said to her "have they not thought of adopting?" I feel so to think of that now. They did get lucky on their fourth attempt . Now, I think I want to get on with it. I feel excited in a strange way about starting because all the prodding and poking seems preferable to the waiting around for a miracle. I think it's because I'm the sort of person that like to sort things and find solutions. This is our best chance at having a baby. If I said no to ivf I would be deciding that we wouldn't ever have our own biological child. I know we sometimes hear of stories of people trying for years and then getting pregnant, but I do think that after trying for 2 plus years there has to be some acceptance that it's unlikely to happen naturally.

I do have concerns. I worry about OHSS. I worry about the long term implication of using the stimulation drugs, I worry about having a GA for ec, I worry that any resulting child will have something wrong. Most of all I worry it won't work and then what do I do? I always have the I'll try ivf option but once that's gone? The ethical thing doesn't concern me, so I'm content on that level that it's the right thing to do.

Phew ok feel calmer now

My doc didn't say much about preparing, maybe we will get that at our baseline appointment? But he did berate MrN for smoking and told him it was a no no for IVF. He hasn't stopped yet (it's one a day so not a big habit and in his eyes because his SA was fine he thinks it doesn't matter).i need him to stop now due to the delay in new sperm coming out. Am hoping it's not already too late. I'll actually kill him if this whole thing is due to this . Oh, now I've made myself very cross. Well I am about 8DPO so probably par for the course .

nelly our dr didn't really tell us to do anything to prepare either so I don't think there can be anything that's a real no no. He did check that neither of us smoked though and said that success rates were lower in smokers so I think that must matter. He said that there are some thoughts that smoking can cause damage to the dna of sperm so that wouldn't show up in SA. There is a link between smoking fathers and early miscarriage. But of course, we all know heavy smokers who conceive with no problems so nothing is clear cut.

Thanks for coming back on this nelly cause I was feeling bad for worrying you. Yes, one a day is likely not a big deal but I agree that you don't want to be worrying about it either. I know a lot of people don't drink, IVF or not, and I've worked in places where I couldn't. Doesn't drive me crazy if I can't have a drink for a good reason but I do find it really hard to deny myself in general. We didn't drink for Ramadam last year, just a health kick, we don't need it, kind of thing. I thought I might have some big revelation, jump out of bed in the morning and think it was wonderful. Nope, just dull.

maybe you could show him this nelly? scienceblog.com/community/older/2002/F/20022310.html

It is great this thread is so chatty, its brilliant for keeping yourself distracted!

Mrsden your views sound very similar to mine, and I totally understand that change in opinions that happens over time. Also totally understand that thing of looking back at things you've said in the past. I remember when I was talking to a colleague many years ago, and she said she'd been married 10 years I actually said 'oh you never wanted children then' . So naive. She's got lovely twins now, who I assume were ivf.

Re the wine and ivf, zita west does advocate none at all during the cycle itself and also lead up, but then she also says no tea or coffee at all (not even decaf), no exercise, no housework etc etc. I asked quite a few nurses in the clinics at different points and they all say carry on as normal. I did see some stats somewhere that showed higher success rates for those who abstained from alcohol completely during the cycle itself.

thanks for all your good wishes by the way, so sweet of you all.

Oh God I will be rubbish at keeping up and responding to everybody.

nelly and doll I hadn't even thought about IVF preparations. The hospital have been really blase about the whole thing and said very little except we are on the waiting list, the egg transfer is done off site and we will get a letter. To be fair we haven't asked much either
Nelly I don't reckon that one ciggie a day is going to derail (or even make a dent in) IVF and your consultant's reaction is a bit OTT.
BTW I was sorry to read that you are paying all this money and your consultant is a bit of a twat. I saw mine yesterday (well I think she is a registrar actually) and remarked to MrP how refreshing and nice in this sea of TTC shit to see someone so lovely. She always smiles and remembers my name - mind you she has seen so much of me and my chuff over the last couple of months this isn't a surprise! Anyway to have her spot me in the waiting room and use my name, while it such a small thing it means so much.
I am confused as to the fuck up with dildo cam. In the cycle monitoring I've been having they use it to monitor thickness of the endometrium, number of follies in the ovaries & to see whether they have ruptured as well as general stuff like shape of uterus and looking for any fibroids etc..

£100 for a private scan is breath taking!

mrsd I am flabbergasted by your MIL's comments. What a ridiculous thing to say to somebody in their thirties who hasn't yet had their family. Downs is a major preoccupation for me and I really wouldn't appreciate some stupid ignoramous spouting those kind of half baked theories at me. Good for you at not engaging in the nonsense.

lemons Oh dear if cold feet are a problem then I am sunk!!! What DPO are you? Hurrah for sugar binges. I am fighting the urge to attack the Nutella jar with a spoon. Apparently it's a Clomid hormonal side effect and according to the doctor I should "go with it". Medical green light to piggery

artemis I laughed at the re-emergence of the masturbatorium too! I love that word!!!!!
I am comforted that you too have been eating like a horse. I got a shock when I tried on all my clothes and realised that 90% no longer fit....cripes.

sarlat have a lovely holiday you lucky thing!

buzzy how are you feeling today? I'm so sorry that you are in a drug fog and I can't believe what a crappy day you had. Big hugs

rabbits Boo for scars. How long has it been now....3 months? That isn't very long for a scar to heal really. I would keep plodding on with the bio oil and STOP drawing eyes on it
Oh yes at your keep betting on the same old lame horse. I see the whole TTC thing now as keep feeding money into a slot machine and being too frightened to stop in case somebody comes along straight after and wins the jackpot.

doll any AF movement?

I didn't know that the Cotton was pregnant...God that was fast work. I am loving all the "love" for her on this thread! I agree that she is a bit of a twat. I always think that she looks like she needs a bloody good wash..not sure why.

princess I wanted to mention how awful that stork woman was to you...sorry that she upset you so much. Not nice at all.
at your BFP fib...may it not be a fib at all just a very early announcement!
Ditto on the spot on chin thing.
Good luck with the packing, sounds like you're on it.

x-posted there with mrsd doll and carebear

I didn't realise the link between the father smoking and miscarriage. Wow.

Goodness at Zita's guidelines about no housework....I wonder why when you don't abstain from physical exersion in a normal 2ww....maybe I am being really dumb asking that.

Buzzy special hug, how are you feeling today, things any better having slept on it? If you still feeling really bad then do go to OH and get signed off, or can you take some leave or something? I think sometimes when it all gets too much just having some time out to yourself can do wonders.

Lemon I've read that cold feet / cold uterus stuff. I sometimes think that the worrying about these things is more likely to be unhelpful to conception than the thing

Sarlat hope you have a fab holiday and come back fully rested.

Muddy what's a mini-hobble. i think i must have missed that line of conversation

Rabbit how's things, what's happening with you?

Artemis re the getting DH to talk thing, I find he copes with it best when I talk in terms of practicalities and time frames, and when I give him a little heads up, like 'ok I need to talk to you about such and such for a bit, it'll only take a few minutes...'. Then that's fine. What he can't cope with so well is hearing me moan. I once spent an afternoon going 'this is such a nightmare' (on repeat), and his response was 'well if you keep saying that, then yes it is'. ! I do feel so bad for him though, as literally all his close friends all had kids at the same time and he's ended up pretty isolated from most of them (partly his fault as he refuses to talk to any of them about it, partly for mine for shunning baby related events). He has literally not spoken to a single soul about it all this time. Men are strange!

Joy you're sweet to think of me, and no not creepy. Its funny how much you pick up from other people on MN. Thanks so much for the reassurance. I'm not sure I would feel proud about having had ivf. I think if I did fall pg from ivf I can see myself convincing myself that I had fallen pg naturally and acting accordingly! I think if questioned I'd be like 'me, ivf? oh no, fell first time'! I've got so used to having a poker face when questioned about where my children are I think I'll probably just carry on!

I'm sorry that I brought up the Cotton! I've just seen there is a thread in chat about what a lovely mum she'll make. Bleugh. I wonder if I'll ever start to feel happy for people again? It must be so nice for people who have conceived easily to feel genuine happiness for others. The Adele one got me too, she's hasn't been with her man for long either. And then there is that one that slept with the footballer, she's all over the Daily mail complete with scan photo. At least we can assume that K-Mid won't post scan photos. Now, I've rejoined FB I can tell when people have had an easy time conceiving judging by their status, scan photos etc.

Hi pout the last period of my thirties is due tomorrow or Sunday. The birthday is a big part of the crazy this time around (but I always find an excuse). I know I'm not pg (let me count the ways...), have even deployed the pout inspired OPKs at end cycle. I know a + would not confirm anything, the no line at pretty much does. Meh. I know I'm the absolute last one of us that would make the big announcement. I know it, and it's mostly fine. Kind of.

Doll age is but a number, there are loads of people 40+ on these threads getting pg. What about this fertility surge in the early 40's that i keep hearing about?