TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

Joy thank you xxx I'll put my hand up to being snappy about stupid things. But I think I've always been like that. It's just now when I get snappy and PMS is here and it reminds me I'm not pregnant it just seems to make it all so much bigger and more uncontrollable. The Sussex Stork was recommended to me by the Brown Goddess and well... I'll let you take a look for yourself. £70 for the first sesh (1.5 to 2 hours) and £50 a sesh thereafter. My reflexologist was better yesterday but that was my last one because of the move. She told me that she has recently started another job so I think she was probably stressed about that last time I saw here. It does make me wonder, if I can sense her stress other people must give me a wide birth with mine!! No news from my friend and I'm not sure I want to hear about the scan. Oh of course I do, just not today! I will be getting my progesterone tested ASAP if I get a BFP...ahem...let me readjust and try to be more positive...when I get my autumn BFP. We'll be changing doctors when we move to our new home (imminently). I don't think this will change my consultant though? Anyway, thanks for your kind words and advice. I too feel like people think we're simply not having enough sex. Even my Nan (she's very fruity!) has commented about how young people just don't have enough sex these days.... I hope you have a nice time with your friends this weekend.

oh, I meant to put in the link to the website: www.unityfertility.co.uk/

Hello

sarlat Oh crap at AF. I am sorry, it must be so horrible when you had such a promising cycle. It is unfair after all your worry, a natural BFP for you would have been just lovely. I so hope that you don't feel too bad.

missm Oh goodness at your cat still being awol. Keeping my FX that she will return home.

lemons I'm so sorry that you are stressed to the eyeballs over the treatment. It is incredibly stressful I think when there is the added pressure of intervention. It seems to raise the stakes somehow and I feel a real pressure and fear of screwing up.
If it helps you to know, I had the trigger shot dilemma today (not sure if it is the same kind of thing as you). I was told if no positive ov piss stick by today to go to the hospital for a trigger shot. Well this morning, not my usual testing time but wanted to double check, I did a stick and got a definitely darker than the last four days stick but not as dark as the control line. The dilemma is that these are new tests and the leaflet said that the line doesn't have to be as dark as the control to be a positive....grrrrrr, what does that mean?...how light can it be????? Helpful, not! So cue me stressing about whether I needed the trigger or whether it was dark enough, was I going to allow my eggs to go stale by not having the trigger, was I going to waste a perfectly good clomid cycle by laziness? I got in a right old state and was trying to describe the colour of the stick to MrP over the phone Anyway in the end I imagined the conversation I would have with the consultant "well it's alot darker than it has been for days" and decided that this was a surge and didn't bother to get the trigger. Looooooonnnnnnnng story, sorry, but just wanted to let you know that I get what you are saying about the stress of it all and it blows my mind too

princess Boo to BFNs and feeling rubbish and BFs scans. Hurrah for Stork lady
You will get there you know. Your baby making bits have been detoxed and primed ready for action unlike mine that have a thin coating of caffeine and cake!

joycep Oh the moodiness is ridiculous in the House of Doom too. Like you I don't want any interraction with anybody in case they mention a BFP or even mention someone else's babies or that their neighbours, cousin's daughter is upduffed! I like my closeted world where I control what is said, what I hear and what I watch. I'm not even keen on leaving the house much these days either in case I see newborns or hear them which really kicks me in the guts for some reason.

I am constantly uptight too and am angry or frustrated all the time over nothing. Poor MrP can do NOTHING right.

mrsd I missed the loving sex = baby shite fred. My mother always said that if two people really love eachother then they will have a beautiful child but this thread really puts the icing on the cake! Actually mid way through TTC it did bother me that the sex was crap and that a baby would be conceived this way...now I don't give a flying and console myself with the thought that it is just science and swinging from the chandeliers and whispering sweet nothings makes absolutely no difference to the outcome. It is just sperm meets egg and hopefully BANG fertilisation, not sperm meets egg, takes her on a date, meets the parents, falls in love blah, blah

rabbit and joy I asked for my AMH test results on Wednesday but she was in rush so said next time. I am similarly shitting it about them and do feel that my body is in the perimenopause...everything I read points to that. Like you say, this is a long process usually which is comforting of sorts. I read too that the body and ovaries have a last, desperate burst of activity. I keep telling myself how that explains my latest set of good results. It is the last hurrah before instant doom!

euro wishing you loads of luck

bunny good luck for the test...rooting for you

nelly good on you for nice text...prays that karma is listening!

buzzy boo at spotting. Spotting truly the bitch at her finest

care happy days about the transfer. Lots of collective rooting for you and praying for a sticky

Sorry it hasn't let me on here all afternoon test was as expected BFN

princess sorry you feel so crap. I'm sure it's just a blip. There is no way you won't get a baby. Hang on in there.

And lemon you too. I feel you on the pressure. One of the things I'm hating about IVF is the pressure related to cost. We have so many big expenses just now, wedding, honeymoon, house stuff. Adding £5k for a round of IVF is just not fair. Especially when there are so poor odds, for me at least. But this is what my friend kicked butt about last week so I'm trying to banish those thoughts!

joy I do get moody, very much so. But I said to MrN the other night that I was filled with a lot of anger just now. He knows all about it but is very understanding really. I think as above it's the cost. I want to be excited about weddings and stuff and instead I'm wondering where all these ££££ are going to appear from .

frannie I forgot to say welcome back!

So sorry your cat hasn't appeared yet missm. We appear to have found one but I think it's unlikely to be yours as pretty sure you arent up north! We are trying to find out if it has a home but we are very rural so limited people to ask.

Today is dragging. I've lost all enthusiasm for work, if I ever had any. Meh.

Thank fook it's the weekend. There will be .

Sorry bunny that is rubbish.

It is so unfair that having a baby has financial implications before a baby is actually even here nelly
What will you do with the cat if you can't find it's home?

I'm utterly stressed now. I did another ovulation pee stick, convinced that it would be darker than this morning's effort, and it is lighter. I've messed up haven't I, and should have hauled my arse to the hospital for the trigger shot? Arse and buggerations

If it helps Pout when I was doing my one every wee, they gradually got darker and darker and then the darkest one was followed by an arctic one. I was slightly alarmed when this happened the first month but when it happened again, I figured it just must be the way it works. Maybe it's something to do with it surge? Like it builds and builds reaches and peak and it's job done? I'd just get doing some of that sex stuff, I hear it's sort of necessary to get a baby? Strange that, I thought they would turn up under a cabbage. Maybe I need to start growing cabbages in my veggie patch and put out treats for the stork I am going un-detoxify my bits anyway. I've had enough of being saintly. I'm having another small booze tonight. I've also been contacted by fraudsters from Nigeria this arvo claiming that they want to buy my sofa for their daughter in Scotland and taht they have 'transferred' an extra £220 to my paypal account so I can pay their courier based in Nigeria........ I've spent half an hour on the phone to Action Fraud this arvo and am a little bit scared they've got my real address - not that this is ridiculous as DH reminded me they will be sat in an internet cafe in Nigeria - and yes I did phone him up shaking a tiny bit Oh and thanks for being so nice xx

Nelly thank you xx I'm sure you will be duffed in your wedding dress. It will be law of sod because you will have to find a new dress. But that will be sooooo exciting. I reckon what with all this nice sexy time and good karma and being so busy that finger will swivel in your direction very, very soon. I can feel it in my waters Oh cripes I'm turning into a strange old nan.

bunny that sucks. So sorry.

pout your eggs will have still released, as long as you have been shagging you should be ok

princess sorry you are feeling so low

euro glad AF has shown up, its a step in the right direction

medusa sorry kitty hasn't shown up yet.

*joy my moods are shocking right now, I think its the constant drugging, the slightest thing and I get so fecking mad/tearful

bunny snap I tested today again too and got a BFN :(

nelly sorry about the preggy announcement

sarlat thanks for the enthusiasm about the spotting but ladyg's was most likely implantation bleeding mine is AF sorry you're on CD1

Well I had a bloody cry last night and now in fact, Mr B is trying to comfort me all I kept saying is I want my baby I can't believe how low I feel, I don't know how much heartache I can take.
I have taken an extra progesterone to delay AF until tomorrow so it will work better for the scan dates, I just feel its never going to happen, it will now be a year since I last fell pregnant, Mr B is going to give his SA next Friday hopefully if I can book it, I'm not expecting good news so I now need to tell him we move onto IUI, although Mr S said only if I have 2 follies and I haven't managed that yet despite all the drugging :(

Arse to the bfns. Sorry buzzy and bunny, it's so unfair. There seem to be a lot of cd1s at mo. Do you think our cycles will all eventually synch, as they say they do with women who live together? We might up with a decent cycle between us? I know with pcos I should be grateful to have a regular cycle...but 35 days seems to take forever.

Pout- your poas lines seem similar to what happened with my first iui. Hopefully that darker one means that the surge is happening and the hormone is now leaving your body. If the next one is much lighter or white then you'll know. If you get another dark one then will you be able to go in tomorrow or will they be closed?

Thanks ladies for your wise words.

frannie the clinic is closed tomorrow so today was my only chance. I feel like such a doofus. I was convinced that this morning was the start of the line going darker and that if I went for a trigger it would be waste of time and not a good idea. I am so bloody angry that I might have wasted this cycle and felt so bloody shit with the side effects for no reason. Thinking of my follies getting massive and stale before being released makes me want to cry with rage!

princess I reckon the sticks are a cause of more stress we don't need! I bought some different ones this month and really wish I had stuck with the original ones. The new type say that even a line that is less dark than the control line can be a positive. That seems like madness and all it has done is confuse me. Also the lines are really peeley wiley, not fat at all.
Why do some dodgy geezers want to buy your couch? Is it on ebay? Hope that nothing dodgy has happened to your ebay account.

at needing to do sex stuff to get a baby.

buzzy Oh lots of love to you. I hope that MrBuzz is understanding and giving you lots of cuddles. How do you feel about IUI only being an option if you get 2 follies? Why is that?

pout you need to get shagging, Mr S said as it is so expensive it would be best to do it with 2 follies, I don't see me producing 2 though, I don't mind IUI other than the cost

My connection will not play nice. I lost a bunch of messages to you. In summary grrr to all the gloom and stress for you lovely ladies. Please accept my general, all round, good feeling and support in place of something more. (please, please send this time) x

I use the cheap tests with the strips but find sometimes I don't get the line as dark or darker than the control so what I have done is bought one of the digital ones with 7 strips in and when I'm unsure about the result on the cheapies I use one strip in the digi. Its saved me loads of money and is much clearer when you get a smiley face. I would highly suggest giving this a go.
Sorry everyones feeling so grumpy I know the feeling. Wish I could hide away from life until I am preggers (not that it will ever happen).

I might buy some cheap OPKs just so I can see a second line on a stick. I have no idea what that will feel like

Oh buzzy I'm so sorry you feel this down. I hope ladygee will keep you inspired. Sometimes it happens despite all the evidence to the contrary. We are all going to get there, we just need to keep playing the long game. Huge hugs to you. There are a few very low moments going on amonst the 10+ers just now. We definitely need a run of BFPs, but failing that maybe it's time to start planning some more meet-ups?

pout would jumping about like a loony shake those eggs loose?? Worth a try . I'm sure it/they will still pop so for god's sake SHAG!! princess is right, needs must. Take one for the team and all that! Re the kitty, we'll probably keep it if our cats accept it - it's very cute, hungry, quite small and timid. One of mine already chased it off once today so we will just keep an eye on it and make sure it's not too thin. But I hate to think it belongs to someone who is missing it. missM I so hope yours comes back soon. I felt for you so much when you said one terrible occurrence was distracting you from another. Sometimes you just want to shake your fist at some unknown universal ruler and demand to be given a break . Pleeeaasseee come home kitty.

So can I bring the tone down somewhat and ask a basic sex question? You know how we've all joked in the past about whether Drs will ask if we are doing it in the right hole etc? (Don't worry, the question isn't THAT bad!). Well, last night as MrN and I were getting jiggy, I felt some leakage from him on my leg. This set me in a bit of a tizz. At this point we were still at the foreplay stage (yes, I know, amazing after all these years!), so my mind whirred back to a thread on MN, maybe even this one, where I think I read that the initial bit of fluid has the most sperm . Now far be it from me to kiss and tell but I will but MrN is a most considerate lover, and tends to my needs quite thoroughly before finding the right hole for himself, so to speak . So have we been doing it wrong all this time, and actually the swimmers I need are languishing on my sheets .

There. I have truly crossed all boundaries. I have no more secrets left.

Lemon - gosh you are really going through the mill. I don't have much knowledge about your treatment but I agree with others that the current drugs will make you feel in-human but the next phase should feel better. It's all so hard isn't it. The anxiety combined with the drugs and the hormones and the pressure. Are you entitiled to any NHS funded IVF treatment should you need it?

That loving sex = baby thread was ghastly. I don't think I would have agreed with that type of thinking even in my early ttc days when I was innocent and hopeful. It is lovely that the O/P is so in love and excited for having a family. But there was something slightly immature about the post. Hope that doens't sound too nasty.

Bunny - I agree about the smiley face ovulation sticks. I too never get equal dark lines on cheapies but do with the smiley face ones and have a good history of regular ovulation so I think many girls must be stressing they aren't ovulating when they are.

Miss M - any sign of Kitty?

Pout - can't offer any words of wisdom but I really don't think you will have missed the 3 poutlets. Good luck and positive thoughts from here on in.

Buzzy - so sorry for the tears. The frustration becomes unbearable doesn't it. I think it is a matter of times for you. You have been pregnant before and I really think you will be again. Keep matching on.

Joy - yes I do think I am getting more moody as time passes by. I have an 'edge' to me all the time. I am not a naturally snappy or moody person so I don't think it manifests iteslf outwardly in this way. But there is a heightened level of anxiety and I find myself trying to avoid things which I would never have done before. Like today meeting a bunch of girls for lunch - all lovely girls and most have babies. I am already thinking about what time I'm leaving. I think there is a an element of learnt behaviour with us all. We protect ourselves by thinking the worst and then this causes permanent adrenaline or flight/flight response etc. I am creeping towards TTC 2 years like which just mkes me feel soooo sick.

Also has anyone else noticed the pity from friends and family? Even people who don't know our troubles can guess something might be wrong due to the time since the MC and how long we have been married. I notice my freinds will compliment each other on there babies / children and general family life business - then when they turn to talk to me I ALWAYS get told "how gorgous I am looking", or "how lovely my new hair colour is" or "wow - I love that top". I realise these people are being nice and I am not critisizing this. But it feels a little humiliating as I know they feel sorry for me. Honestly, I have never had so many compliments about my physical appearance sine TTC crap.

Sorry for all the anxiety and fear on this thread right now. But it's also nice to see a little bit of two fingers up to the universe going on too.

Rabbit - I agree with Joy - knowing your AMH might not help you in the long run. As someone who had had many tests and many bad results, the anxiety from learning about these results has been a bigger barrier for me than the actual threat the result poses - if that makes sense? Would knowing the AMH change your management plan? Probably not, you would probably choose to keep going TTC. The fact that none of the Dr's are pushing to test this is a good sign. I wish I didn't know about my dodgy tubes for the next FET as then I'm sure I would feel I have as much chance as anyone and would march in with a "why not me" attitude. Why not leave the AMH thing for 6-12 months and see is it stops bugging you. If it doesn't by then, get it tested. Keep a track of your ovulation in the mean time to reasure yourself.

I don't know much about the menapause and have also feared myself I am heading down that way but surely it's rare for the menapause to be kicking in at your age and mine and Joy's age? Even if there is some decline there is still loads of hope.

Well I do feel frigging awful today - the doom and gloom is still here. Cried last night (about 2 am when it hits) that "I just want a baby and I've tried for so long and it's all so unbareable". Buzzy - I really feel your pain.

But - I will lift from this and I am going to try putting 2 fingers back at the universe. Why shouldn't I have a baby - why shouldn't we all??? Due to our persisitence, it is very likely that we will all get there, that is not just my wishful thinking either.

PS - NELLY - agree with more meet ups. Notherners can we do September / October? I would also consider a Nothern / Midland meetup if that helps anybody?

Muddy most guys have what they call pre-cum its very normal and not your not doing it wrong its all sperm and he ejaculates a lot more than that tiny bit. Just enjoy the fact you have a great guy that likes to make you happy.
I did have to remind OH when we first trying that it had to be the right place and to totally lower the tone you can't infact get preggers from swallowing teehee.oh god have I gone too far?
Anyway I am off to buy Pine bark after having a good hunt fir information both me and OH are going to take it. Me for the endo and him for sperm quality (lazy swimmers)
Oh still no AF and the pain and feeling crap with pmt is really getting to me

Morning ladies. It seems like many of us are feeling pretty low. I don't have time to reply to everyone - we have the MiL visiting. She has just gone out with Mr euro to the local market. I have opted out. I need a bit of time on the sofa to nurse my period pains. I am feeling pretty low myself. I was side-swiped last night by a facebook scanpic announcement. From a smoking, drinking couple who are both older than us and got married in December. It was just a cruel reminder of how it is supposed to happen. Mr euro said he found out earlier in the day and didn't tell me. So instead I noticed it when I flicked on to facebook while the MiL was in the room and had to bottle my reaction.

Not a good start at all Euro, enjoy your sofa time let's hope it gives you a break and you feel better for it.
CD 31 and AF missing in action. Just gone over last 6 months and I am normally 26 to 28 days with one other being 30 days. What is going on arghh I don't need to get more messed up. I know its coming as I feel like crap

V busy today doing house reno things and would most def be in trouble if caught on mumsnet but want to give collective love to everyone on here. Bums about the preg announcement euro and sorry buzzy and sarlat you are in the black doom tent but it WILL pass. haven't had chance to catch up on yesterday properly so will be back most likely tomorrow. Oh and nelly I think most men are prone to the odd bit of pre jizz? I think we are told that is where sperm live to ward off dipping the end in when are teenagers that said, pre jizz made my nephew. Sigh.

Ugh euro. You poor thing. Gawd that feeling is so awful. Grr to mr euro for not saying and you finding out on fb. I know it must be hard for our partners because they know they have to deal with the fallout. But I do think fb is the absolute worst way. I even get annoyed with people that have 'liked' it- that is how bitter I've become. Hope you can have a couple of massive glasses of vino later.

Nelly I'm about your thoughtful OH. Since I gave mine the green light just to 'get on with it' in a low point of a particularly stressful shag week he has definitely become a bit selfish less focused on my needs. Have been having a little snort over words like pre-cum and jizz. Haven't heard them since I was about 16! I too thought that this was a warning to over- exuberant teenagers but not after reading rabbits post- gah! Maybe stick it in for a wiggle then back out? Am I really writing this on a public forum?!
I also wanted to apologise to rabbit about maybe not so great advice about the amh test. As other people on here have more experience of different tests on here (worries me slightly as I've been trying one of the

(pressed post accidentally!)
longest here). The one person I have spoken to about the amh did say to me to push for it but only because it was key to her getting pregnant. She wasn't in the menopause but did have a very low reserve so they could work out the next steps. But, as others have said, if you don't know exactly what the results mean or the implications are then it might make you more anxious. Sorry if I seemed blasé about having it.
pout hope you managed to get in some stealth shagging to make the most of the triple follie.
Hope everyone else's weekend is bringing some happier times for people having rough rides.

Afternoon all,
This will be short and sweet on phone at renovation site... Deadline means by ban is lifted sigh
nelly I wouldn't worry about the pre-jizz (vinegar strokes as they are referred to in our house) I'm sure all of the juice is peppered with equal sperms, otherwise, it would be very hard to do a spaff test.
euro sorry about pregnancy announcement. And period pain. All unfair.
sarlat hope you had a nice lunch and sorry about the anxiety :-( I'm sure your friends with babies are just jealous that you look gorg and they are now all mumsy, leaking from boobs etc etc

We celebrated the BFN with oysters, pâté and wine last night. We have decided to make this a regular thing as a cheer up consolation. Frenchie food, a ride on Brighton's own mini eye did wonders for the soul. I did have a public cry as we were walking to restaurant about what the acupuncturist saying (that there must be a problem if I have miscarriages at the same time and it's most likely the heart beat not kicking in) DH is really unhappy about how she upset me and the emotive language used given that she is not a doctor. He gave me a big cuddle in the street and told me he was sorry he could not make this better. We had a really lovely time after that and have had a really nice day despite the best friends mother making her huge sappy announcement on FB this morning. Anyway, I'm making a delish prawn curry and drinking a small wine tonight and thinking about colour schemes for the new house. CD27 and feeling so much less weepy which means ERTD is imminent (I reckon Mon) and I can't wait for it to be gone so we can try again next month. Crazy shit this TTC!!

Waves and loves to you all round :) xxx

Princess, I went to see Yvonne at the Unity clinic about 2 years ago - I went twice and the second time I came away feeling incredibly negative about my prospects, and never went back. It also took me a long time after that to try acupuncture again. I didn't want to say anything before you went as I think sometimes its about finding someone you click with - please don't let that experience put you off acupuncture. The lady I've been seeing for the past year is absolutely lovely, and really knows her stuff. She will be very supportive of all your brown diet so far, and will totally come at it from a 'there just needs to be tweaks of things' to get the body into balance to allow a pg to happen naturally, and is very passionate about acupuncture. Obviously I haven't actually fallen pg so I'm maybe not the best advert, but she is really really lovely women (plus does some sessions out of a clinic in the warm feet village). She's called Mo [http://www.actbrighton.org.uk/bios/mo_bio.html]

Well ladies all these sporting achievements has left me feeling quite inspired that our efforts will eventually get us our equivalent of olympic gold medals. Some people find themselves in the high jump and all they have to do is a couple of jumps (am sure its very hard) to get a medal. We unfortunately have ended up in Heptathlon / Katherine Grainger Rowing scenarios where we've having to put in a humungous amount of effort to get our win, and we're still not there yet. The one thing we can say though its we haven't given up yet!!

care hmm that's really interesting. I didn't get a great feel from her. I think let the marketing get the better of me. She made me feel very anxious, dissed my consultant (who apart from being curt was v.good and is very senior) and suggested genetic councelling because i haven't been carrying a baby til full term. It was at this point she talked about the heart beat not kicking in. DH was outraged (doesn't happen v.often) and said loudly, "and what is her proof for this? She doesn't know your medical history, she's not a doctor, it's not her place to comment so that she can make out she's some kind of expert. Her job is to help blood flow and tension not provide medical advice. And embryos are not some tiny Disney creature with a failing heart. They were a ball of cells, not yet a baby with feelings or emotions" As you can tell he was v.angry! Now I've got your feedback I'm going to cancel. Trust the gut waters and all. I prefer the look and tone of your lady. Tough isn't it. Anyway, enough ranting. How are you feeling? Are you away on your break? Hope all is well xxx