TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

artemis I think cocktails every day are mandatory. However, I can't drink too much when I'm away (more to do with family politics and my crazy outbursts than TTC) so I have to weigh up cocktail v 2 glasses of wine! And what a knob end saying that to Mr A - oh welcome back let me remind you of all the shit stuff going on in your life.

doll that's a really tough one. I would want to give it a go and I may have to if that becomes the only option. I'm of the nothing ventured nothing gained type and although I've failed at lots of things people always tell me I'm a tryer. My friend told me I should have an award for all the effort I've put into trying to be a mum. It's not that great consolation but that would be my own stance. I appreciate that everyone is totally different and that IVF is a big thing (but it would seem only when you face and not to everyone else who seems to think it's a nothing procedure ) I hope you can make some sort of peace with this in your own head as that's what's really important. Sorry if that's poo advice.

In other news the Stork is delighted about my BFP. Sucker!

Thanks Princess (not poo advice). Did the Stork offer any support in reference to your 'condition'??? (btw back on iPad, it's the little things in life....)

She told me to remember that she is always there if I need any support through my "pregnancy". Ha. Don't think so. Last person on earth I'd see if I need any support! Ah it must be great to have your internet back. I felt like my hand had been lopped off when I broke my phone although into the second week it suddenly became quite liberating...

That's just the best princess I thought she might. I was just imagining coming up with some really evil response about her lack of insight and poor judgement on your first interaction.....I know what you mean the whole internet thing is a double edged sword.

Hello and happy birthday to nelly. Just popping in to let you know that I have been swamped with work combined with my still-going strong exercise drive and the olympics I am failing to keep up with the thread. All is well, since I got to stop the injections over the weekend, IUI is done and I am officially waiting now. But we've decided to have a break, so it feels more like being released from TTC shit than 2WWs. Waves and good luck with twats artemis, dilemmas all but doll in particular, shiny cycles, weird symptoms and being your lovely lot!

Hi lemon funny I was thinking of you because you made a comment not long ago that it was cool that I was clear that IVF was not on the cards for me. Ha. We are all in this wind of crazy shit, I guess. Good for you on the IUI, this feeling of release is a good one. Enjoy it. I while back I spoke to someone who did IVF after lots of trying (I mentioned it here, so sorry to repeat) but she said she felt a 'release' just by doing it. Wishing you the best. X

Happy Birthday, Nelly! (I'm guessing that adding my 2pnth at this point is neither here nor there! )

Care I'm pretty amazed that I had what appears to be a normal length period after the downregging (albeit anovulatory). My body really doesn't like being messed with and seems to want to establish normality, asap! How are you finding the 2ww?

doll I'll be interested to hear about your IVF thoughts as they develop. Just because a technology is there, it doesn't mean you are obliged to use it. I now know that full IVF isn't right for me. Mild or natural might be. I didn't enjoy IUI or superovulation, but they didn't have the same mental impact on me that IVF does. Everyone has their own thought process and limits.

Artemis MrA's mate is a tvvat. How insensitive. Some people really have no idea, do they?

I didn't get the feeling of "release" from IVF but maybe that is because I started but didn't finish? I found it an immensely stressful process, not just the effects the drugs had on me but the thought of what it involved - having my eggs sucked out of me, etc.

lemons we can play ttc hooky together. I can tell you, it feel great to leave it all behind for a little while.

I've had a lovely day at the Lympics. I was in the morning session in the main stadium. I saw the Lightening Bolt run in the 200m heats and saw Philips Idohu go out of the triple jump. The Olympic Park is amazing. As are the queues for EVERYTHING.

Yes, I have been thinking about you too euro and your experience is very much in my mind as I think about this. I should let you know, while i get that its so individual, your experience shared here is super helpful. Hopefully the hooky is going great. X

care how far are you in to 2ww? Sorry to ask, im lost due to the Internet craziness here. I'm 9dpo on 'natural' useless cycle, but I'm pretty sure you are less? Curious about your question to me today. Does it mean you think I should stick with non-bio hopes? Anyway, you are in the middle of a crazy thing and I'm thinking of your situation and hoping for you.

Oh and euro on the issue of the feeling of 'release' my guess is I would not get that either. In fact, I know it. Still possible for some. God what a mess. Love to all.

Doll my official test day is next monday, though this saturday will be 14 days since egg collection (which I guess I count as ovulation) so AF is due sat. I only asked that question as that's how I tend to make decisions, as a deduction of what's most important to me - on many an occasion I've made a list of all the different factors involved in something and scored things out of 10 (and added weightings) to see what decision comes out top! Only you can decide what to do - I think its about searching yourself for a decision you feel most comfortable with, and that you look back on as the best decision you could have made at the time.

I'm also curious as you both already have a child, and that child is adopted, so just curious how that affects your decision I suppose. You know that you can adopt again in the future, although there are many unknown factors it seems more something that is controllable. Therefore if that's your preference then is it more about going through the waiting / thinking about the gap between your children etc? However it doesn't answer the bio question. For me personally having children was always about our own bio children and I will find it incredibly difficult to let go of that. It was that, along with knowing DH's feelings on the matter (he would pursue IVF unlimited) that has persauded me to do IVF, though I still feel very uncomfortable with it really. Being told my embryos were less than perfect through a microscope has scared the beezeejus out of me that I'm trying to create something that shouldn't be. But like Joy said, for all I know Einstein himself could have looked less than perfect at that size. Its definitely possible to know too much about your anatomy!

Euro glad you had a good time at the olympics. I'm finding the 2WW tough. I had definite pink spotting on sunday and lots of twinges sunday and monday, which was bang on schedule for implantation. But today I feel nothing really, other than exhausted but more exhausted emotionally really. Same old story I've had lots of times, feelings seem to disappear at about this point. I've been using all the anti immune drugs Mr S recommends, but I'm not feeling very hopeful I have to admit.

Artemis some people really are twats and have no idea the impact they have on other people. I hope Mr A has thought of some suitable put downs he would have used if he was less polite!

Oh and I wouldn't say I found a 'release' with IVF but it is a real change to go from months and months of waiting on your own, to suddenly being scanned and studied by nurses and docs every other day and a kind of feeling of someone else being in charge and taking on a lot of the responsibility. But then they put the embryos back and you're back to waiting again.

Oh, I am keeping everything crossed for you carebear, it would be great if the nearly perfect one(s) were sticking!!

I was thinking of you too euro with the getting off the TTC-train for now. The release I think had a lot to do with finishing menopur, which gave me stress and headaches. I really don't mind the trigger. Anyhow, the plan is exercise, work, fun with DH, counselling, maybe back on the train in September, maybe not. It is entirely upto me, if and when I am ready again. We might meet with the clinic to decide on further cycles, but I know for sure we won't be hurtling towards IVF, because although I think we'll try it, I need to be ready (and a bit more settled workwise, because continuous headaches are just not good).

Doll I was just impressed by knowing some things for "certain". No shame in doubts or confusion, either. I can totally sympathise. I am doubting everything TTC related (except our relationship, which thankfully proved itself again this weekend).

care wow it's close. So much love and and good wishes to you. I guess for me I hope that that adopting for the second time is possible and I can see it might be. Nothing is for sure. But we did it once, so it seems more possible if you know what I mean? I'm so over the age gap and all that. In the big pictue that's not important.

Interesting that your DH is into IVF in the way you describe. Mine is totally stepping off the plate on this. 'I can't encourage you because it's your body, if you think you think you can deal, I'm with you' He was in the front of the adoption, so now I feel this is 'my thing' in some weird way. Thanks again. Yes, you are waiting again. We are with you (at the risk of sounding silly). Many hugs.

X- post lemon yes, let's have thanks for those men in our lives that our trying hard to get this shit together too. even when I want to beat mine over the head with a stick

Morning all, I forgot to mention last night that your interactions with The Stork made me smile princess. Well done on differently coloured pens!

And doll mine is making me in charge of interventions because it happens to my body, too. Sometimes great, sometimes a bit lonely...

V quick to say birthday was ace (lovely dinner, Festival madness in the sun, and a Red Arrows fly past ). Had AMH bloods taken yesterday despite reservations, have baseline appt in 3 weeks, have insisted on agreed short protocol, due to do IVF in Sept. also had blood in my urine sample 5DPO. What does that mean (guess what I thought?).

Anyway will post more later but remind me to mention ultrasound.

Yay for lovely birthday, nelly. Very pleased for you. And well done on being AMH brave. Can't wait for you to return to talk about ultrasounds. Btw fast moving, IVF in september already

princess I bet the stork takes credit for you BFP now.

Artemis what a twat. I wonder if he's just ignorant of how difficult the process is emotionally or if he's being passive aggressive. I've been surprised a few times at how passive aggressive men can be.

I'm not sure how much I can contribute to the IVF/Adoption discussion as I'm not that far into the process yet. You can think about these things all you like but until you're really in the situation you never know how you really feel. I feel like I would like to have my own biological child, I feel like I don't want to have IVF for various reasons (who does) but I don't know how I would feel if faced with it being our only option. I believe that my desire to have a child is so strong that it would override any of the feelings I have against either of those options but I really don't know. I do know that I (we) have the surprising ability to rationalise our actions and to compromise when the need arises.

lemon I assume everything is back to normal after the operation now if you're doing iui? That's great news. I still feel like some things could still be healing from mine as I seem to have more mid cycle spotting than before the op but it might be unrelated. Good luck with your 2ww!

euro I'm so jealous of you at the olympics. We've been glued to the screen for the athletics, it must have been so exciting to be a part of it.

My fingers are crossed for so many of you this week for your 2ww. I'll be away when you get your news but I'm hoping there's lots of good news on here while I'm gone. Best of luck to all of you. Shagweek starts for us tonight but will be less intense and more fun than last time as we'll be on holiday (have I mentioned that?)!

Yes, missM, all healed from the op. It's been 4 weeks now and after two I was pretty much healed and ready to do everything again. I got AF 15days after the op exactly, when I felt fine so I did IUI with SO this cycle. With my shortish cycles it has landed me in 2WWs already. I am struggling with psychological side of stuff a lot at the moment, so I have made an appointment with a counsellor and we are definitely taking the next round off. Oh and hormones are evil, I was on injectibles and they made me very headachy, tired and possibly down (but that might also have been the 2yrs TTC mark, the op, general stress etc).

Have a great holiday, MissM. And I am sorry you still have mid-cycle spotting. I never had that, except bleeding after the op, but that was to be expected (the poor womble had been moved around after all).

Btw pout where are you? Hope the crazy moods have subsided and you've been having quiet fun!

Question for all you lovely ladies. As we'll be in the US where everything is cheaper and can be bought in bulk. We'll be stocking up on vitamins and supplements that cost us a fortune here (a 12 pack of ibuprofen can cost ?8,00 here).

What TTC vitamins and supplements do you recommend we stock up on?

Good afternoon 10 plussers gang.

doll I've been thinking a lot about your posts and the great IVF Dilemma. This might be long...SORRY. But helpful to outpour.

When we started this crapfest journey I thought that I'd jump into ivf after eighteen months, no question. However, that was very naive and my thoughts on the process are quite different now. After all of the medical intervention I've had this year, the thought of ivf (and even IUi or clomid) feel almost like a violation and as yet, I have not been in touch with my clinic to discuss next steps even though I was meant to a month ago. In the great black hole of July 2012 I felt I could never ever do ivf and as such, adoption would be a more logical route, gentler to my body and soul (which is also no doubt incredibly naive). I have not felt physically or mentally robust for such a procedure that is so taxing of body and emotional resources.

However. As I sit here today, I am having a good health day. I've done yoga, I'm not feeling anxious and my stomach feels calm. I'm not exhausted. Today I feel I could do it and probably will do, if my body and head get to the right place and things align to make it feel 'right'. If this never happens, I'm not going to do it - but this raises three main issues for me.

1. it may mean I don't have my own biological child. I think I can be ok with that, the passing on of my genes has never been the forerunner in my desire to have a family. However, I have very very very much wanted to experience pregnancy. But, my recent invasion of lady parts has dulled this desire a bit (can't quite get my head around why - I hated how awful I felt after the op and feel traumatised by the hospital experience so now can't imagine giving birth without being hysterical).

2. I'll be left wondering - if I'd done IVF, might things have worked? but if I choose not to, I can't be sad I tried and failed, if that makes sense. It will be that I chose not to and this seems to have it's mental benefits too.

3. I may get to shed some light on why it hasn't happened. We have eggs of reasonable quality, sperm that should be able to the job and in spite of not being an A+ in either department, there is no key reason it hasn't happened. And I'd like to know. But this is a double edged sword. Will it really help me to know it was my eggs, or fragmenty sperm? Perhaps not.

It is very hard. I'm not sure if my ramblings tap in with any of your thoughts. I think that of you keep soul searching you will follow the way that feels right for you and know that there is so much support here for you.

I'm glad that the cat came home missm and princess I'm in admiration for your bouncebackability with af. And your one in the eye for the appalling acu lady - I was she said that. What a witch. Welcome back Artemis and nelly I'm glad the day was nice. V brave on the amh, I refuse to have mine done at the moment, but no doubt will have to face it soon. I am now on cd26 so what a knobber my cons is for saying my periods would now always be three weeks. The pressure of this tww has felt huge but nothing exciting to report, af due tomorrow or Thursday and I'm stocked up on the Tampax in eager anticipation. Unfortunately, ff told me I had a triphasic chart which did cause excitement for a day or two but pre af feelings are kicking in nicely today, I never learn. Roll on cycle 18...

pout hope you are ok and clomid tww not too hellish.

missm conception well man vits made such a difference to the sperm that the the lab commented on the exceptional improvement! Went from 20% rapid motility to 96% and from 3% to 7% in nine weeks. Also pine bark and high dose vit c.

(morphology)