After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

PS Good Luck for your first day back at work pink!

Can I come and join you ladies? I don't really know if this is the right place for me because I don't know if we're really going to try again just yet. I think I need to get my diet and lifestyle sorted before we try too hard. This last pregnancy wasn't planned and I'm half convinced that it's my fault I mc because I'm fat and don't exercise much. I have pcos too and that makes everything more complicated, especially since I know how to manage it through diet and exercise but wasn't bothering as we weren't trying to get pregnant.

I had my mc on Sunday and seem to have done nothing but cry since then. I was supposed to be at my 12 week scan right now but I cancelled it. I'm glad I did now when I'm reading how awful it was for you Foof and Wrigle. Today is the first day I'm on my own with my 2yo as dp went back to work on Tuesday but my parents have been here Tues and Wed. They offered to come back again today but I need to get back to normal at some point don't I?

booboo I do feel like I'm taking charge to a certain extent, but I'm also sad that it's come to this. Like everyone I'm sure, I just wanted to get pregnant and have a baby, not go down the medicalised route, getting stressed about fitting in DS, my full time job and appointments and waiting waiting waiting. Agggh. Am on CD23 and still no peak on my CBFM so still haven't ovulated. This is what I hate so much about the whole process - why can't I have nice 28 day cycles so I at least get more chances in a year to get pregnant. Agghh.

Sorry, anyway browney sorry you're still getting BFPs (I almost coudn't even write that!), that sucks. And the job issue is a dilemma. I would go for it personally, because then you are bound to get pregnant straight away. And if you don't, it sounds like a great opportunity while you're still waiting - especially if you can get maternity leave after 6 months.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Can't believe it's Thursday already. Hallelujah for bank holidays

jodidi sorry cross posts there. I'm so sorry to hear your news and I too know what it's like to blame yourself. Re weight, I have researched this as unfortunately I too am a little on the 'rubenesque' side and from what I can gather, being overweight is more likely to cause you problems getting pregnant, rather than holding on to the baby once you have. Apparently it can stop you from ovulating (which I think for me seems to be a problem). Please don't blame yourself although I know how angry you probably feel at your body right now.

A diet and lifestyle change is a good thing no matter what your circumstances as being pregnant is much easier if you're fit and in shape, and it will do wonders for your mental state too. Take all the time you need and be good to yourself. I hope your toddler lets you rest a bit today.

Jodidi sorry your having a hard time I have pcos too and am 3 stone overweight but I don't look that big I just feel it works going well just nipped out for some lunch and u can't wait till our appointment on the 23rd

Just checking in to see if any news from funny yet

chuckle - I have a brand new unworn maternity swimsuit which is languishing with all my other old pg clothes. and a couple of tops... I feel like I tempted fate so, no more!

jodidi welcome and sorry about your mc. It is so easy to blame yourself - I keep thinking that too because I had a lot of false negatives before BFP so I had indulged in some wine, I know people say it's unlikely but I can't help feeling that I probably influenced things. Anyway, I am pretty sure in my heart of hearts that this is not relevant, but it's hard to tally heart and head sometimes!

Anyway, hope everyone is having a good day - no word from funny yet then foof?

I had a huge argument with DH yesterday evening which is just totally miserable. He went out and got totally smashed and proceeded to wake me up at 1 in the morning. I was in a really deep sleep, and I have been finding it difficult to sleep recently so I was really pleased I'd managed to get to sleep. But it is basically about him having similar freedom as before we had DC, and me having absolutely none as even when I work I have to get back for the kids. He gets home from work around 9.30 (new job so working hard, but he loves his job) so going out for me is pretty tricky. It sometimes feels we are living different lifestyles. Sorry to moan, generally life is good I think I am having a downer. Maybe first AF since MC is due? (kind of hope so to see everything back to normal).

Hope everyone else having better days...

news! I am not pregnant with a baby, just a bloody placenta... that measures 19mm so they won't let me mc yet! :( Grrrrrr. Have to wait until it is 20mm before they term it non-viable and give me the bloody tablets. Please give me the tablets?! no, fine, home again for 10 days before back for a scan and some HELP. Arses! Am fine, just frustrated. have definitely done all my nasty grieving in the past week, am ok now - knowledge is power.

My plan in the meantime is: exercise, hopefully naturally miscarry before having to have scan (lol who thinks they will ever say 'hopefully miscarry'?! what weird situation is this I am in?!), go to scan anyway to check all has come away as it should, eat well, and then get pregnant again :) Am signed off work till 8 May (dr wanted to give me whatever I wanted!) so can get my head around this limbo shit, get out and be 'normal' again and not stupid pregnant-non-pregnant ghost lady, have some booze and lose some weight for a lovely proper pregnancy. Am so fat but am weeing alot (tmi) so think my water retention is going as the progesterone decreases. Symptoms are going slowly so am just on mc watch. What JOY. This time next month ladies I will be here SWI. Poor DH is very afraid :)

Bloody hell funny - I cant believe they are going to make you wait 10 days - thats hideous. Glad you feel OK though - I guess as you say knowing is the main thing. Have a and start the health kick on Monday! (I might have a cheeky little glass of red now too!)

yeah, that would be 20 whole days since the first scan (10 days ago) with an empty sac instead of a 6+6 baby. All for 1mm! fucking hell.

I can drink wine (yay) but i am still too pregnant to want to! Am reet off booze! Also, have to wait for DH to get his head around it before can crack open the wine without looking a bit too full-on 'over' it (or drinking sorrows away)!

Second opinion funny? That's utter madness!

Oh fun that is a nightmare, you are properly in limbo land.
I had my erpc today and it was really traumatic (I posted in miscarriage thread) whilst still at hospital.
I had it done under local and they couldn't get to my weird backward tilting uterus properly, they had some proper rummaging, it took ages (rather than the 10 minutes it took last time) and I am in massive pain now (in uterus and tail bone). To top it all off they don't think they got it all out so have to go back for a scan in a week. I am on holiday next week (uk thank god) and I am bricking it something is going to go wrong whilst I am away. Last time I had this procedure it was a piece of piss. F'ing tilted uterus and f'ing miscarriages, feel v pissed off.
Hope everyone else is doing ok.

oh god jem that sounds just awful. i can imagine you are v pissed off! I couldn't have an erpc, sounds very traumatic (I have a fear of being put to sleep anyway).

In hindsight foo I should have said is there anything I can sign to waiver the hospital's responsibilities and just get the chuffing tablets. can I have an abortion please?! We all knew nothing was going to happen and the sonographer said to me I wouldn't have another scan, it was over. I was happy with that and thought it would be over, but not. Can't be arsed with second opinions, the hosp is far away, I have DS every day, and DH has the car and is not on a bus/train route. Will just wait it out - I would prefer a natural mc anyway, just not one I have to wait weeks for :( Ho hum, it'll be fine when it's over. Is a bugger though cause we want to see SIL's baby (other side of country) and I really want to see my bestest friends who are hours away by train but have to stay home don't I, till this is over. that is a pain.

Anyway, mustn't complain, I have my health and so do those whom I love so all has to be ok really :)

hi jodidi. I am sorry you are so sad. Do be sad, be kind to yourself, and it will pass. you don't have to get back to normal any more than you can - I am sure your DC will be happy with a few dvd/duvet/choccy days while you recover and can face the world. everything in your own time.

iwant I know what you mean about awkward cycles. Mine before this pg were averaging 38 days. anything from 32 - 49! was a nightmare and sooooo boring bloody waiting for the right time to come around, it was all I could think about. TTC is stressful!

Hey hum a day at work done feeling good as even though it is working with children it is very much a on the go job I didn't really have time to think about things after yesterday whether that's a good thing I don't know I think I am done grieving but maybe I'm not and I'm just pushing it under the carpet but I think I'm fine

Had a lovely chicken curry that I put in the slow cooker this morning and been teaching my staffy x collie fly ball after dh bought it from countrywide se very good at it

Hope everyone's settled for a lovely evening??

fun that is unbelievable. Why does the placenta need to be 20mm before they can give you medication? I don't understand how it can be good for you physically let alone mentally to just make you wait. I am really furious on your behalf.

And jemima I'm so sorry you've had such a traumatic experience. Did you opt for a local or is that just what they do at your PCT? I had a general for mine and wasn't offered a choice, so just wondering. I really hope they are just being pessimistic and they did get it all. How worrying for you and I'm sorry you're in pain.

pink I'm glad your first day back went ok. I must confess I didn't take much time off work after my miscarriage mainly due to work being so incredibly busy at the time. In hindsight though, it was a blessing as I think I would have taken a lot longer to get over the loss than I did if I had time to sit at home and dwell on it. That's just me though and I mean no disrespect to anyone who has or is taking time out.

Well it's a glass of wine and a M&S low GI ready meal for me tonight. I need to cut back on the wine again but it's soooo gooood

fun and jem - jsut wanted to say sorry. What you are going through is horrid (and puts my 1 natural miscarriage into perspective!)

pink glad today went well for you. I have been back at work for a couple of months now (only work a few days a week) but I often feel sad as I was doing the same project work when I was pg and so everything I touch now seems to have memories :(

aw anon that is hard. glad work was ok pink, being busy must feel good, but if you feel you are brishing stuff under the carpet try to take time out to just chill won't you.

maybe once I actually miscarry i will feel more but at the mo I feel ok. iwant and foo I agree now; I am angry at having to wait for the 20 mm thing and think I might see my gp tomorrow to talk it through and see if she can talk to epu for me? And get some proper painkillers for Kick Off. I was going to call them myself but they are so busy and will probably give me the party line again? but seriously, 1mm when i have waited 10 days already?! And it will only keep growing and be bigger to pass? And I can't swim or go away overnight? Not cool. i'll sign anything! just let me move on pleeeease.

I am going back to work on tuesday, tho for me that means completing my studies at home while DS is at the childminder's. My sicknote simply gives me time to not stress about my old (now missed)n deadlines and room to fit both PhD stress and this sadness into my schedule without one compromising the other. I think this will be wise; I could take a day off to mope if i needed to without stressing it will ruin work. I love my work though and submit five years worth of project in a few weeks time. This was to be my finish-uni-and-be-a-SAHM baby :( Poor mite.

Am watching rocky for the first time. I won't be able to sleep tonight and it is perfect silly but good tv. Symptoms clearly getting weaker - I was asleep by 9.30 every night until recently!

night peeps, be well x

So sorry to hear that fun. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I am SURE (surely?!) that the GP will help you.

Very un-mn hugs to you x

fun I really hope your GP can help you. I have never heard about the mm rule before and it seems v pedantic. I don't want to worry you but there is always the risk of infection the longer you are carrying the foetus and they arent taking any action or at least giving you antibiotics. Really hope you get sorted soon.

i want the local anaesthetic and vacuum thingy seems to be the new thing at my EPU. It was v easy last time but am regretting choosing to have it this time round. I am still sore but not as bad as yesterday, it does feel like there is something left though which is a reet old pain in the arse, this is just dragging.

anon all mc's are shite. However there will come happier times when we look back on this time as just a minor blip.

Thanks for your support ladies, it means a lot.

rang EPU this morning to discuss yesterday's decision and nurse lady (very kindly and patiently) reiterated that computer says no and why. I most definitely have to wait until the sac is 20mm before they will help me. She did say that losing symptoms was a good sign and that even though I have no real mc symptoms now I could still mc at any time (reassuring and terrifying in equal measure!). Desperately want to mc now and move on and be me again, you know?!

Really really low about it all today but at least I tried and now know that this is just my fate for now. My next pregnancy I will really, really treasure and appreciate and never whine about! (hehe I say now).

Got to go and blow bubbles for my DS. Lordy but I have no puff!
x

btw just to say shall stop whining about my mc issues on this thread, it is wholly inappropriate, I apologise :) I shall come back when I am shagging and boozing! (SOON!)

Morning All.

So sorry to hear that you are still in limbo funny - I really cant believe that its routine practice to be so cruel, and whine away till your hearts content on here, we've all been there (or at least somewhere similar). I hope things start happening for you soon.

Hope you are feeling better this morning too jem, sounds like a horrible experience.

Reading stories on here really does make me grateful for how my mc's played out - not nice but at least straight forward and with minimal limbo, and I have to say I think I have been really really lucky with the hospital staff / GPs I have dealt with. You have to count your blesings however small!

We had lots of wine last night and have done our first bit of post mc shagging. Feels like a step in the right direction (though my head hurts now, I need to build up my wine resistance). Time for a I think, and maybe a bacon butty to soak up some alcohol!

I'm drinking wine at this time of day and do you know what I really don't care!
Have deactivated my facebook account after the OH's sister got all huffy and said I was being inappropriate talking about the baby on there (I put instead of morning sickness I now have mourning sickness) is that so very fucking bad?? It's not like I went into gory detail like on here or posted my scan pic which is essentially of a dead baby! And what's more, the OH agreed with her and told her that I don't think we are going to get through this together at this rate if he cannot even stand up for me in this matter

So today's plan is drink this bottle of wine then go out and buy another.

oh foo, you ok? that sounds harsh. Your OH's sis can always hide your statuses if she doesn't like them. I am finding fb hard today! Everyone is so sort of, normal ;0) I put on about how i wanted someone to take me out boozin (as in, my best friends in London who are so far away and I miss them) but a couple of randoms put on about how they wish they could meet me but can't because they are . Didn't realise instead of looking plaintive i looked desperate! hehe what an arse.

GOOO chuckle! at least someone is doing the shagging bit of the thread ;0)

managed to take DS to feed the ducks and to the woods and that is me DONE. I feel very spiky twinges in my womb which I hope denotes more activity, and feel VERY unpreggo today. hurray! however, am paranoid I will mc in public and just want to hide in my den, make a nice nest, and wait, like a feral animal.

i hope you ok foo, try not to take stuff too much to heart - patronising I know BUT remember you will be hormonal for a while yet. (easier said that done I know). stay here and chat if you fancy, i will be popping in and out all aft, DS willing. (furtive hugs)