After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Oh Foof sorry to hear you had such a bad time.

I have to say, when I went for my scan after the mc (natural mc on Friday, scan on Tuesday) they kept telling me how pregnant I would have been despite me telling them I was sure I had mc. I didn't want to hear it as I knew I wasn't 8 weeks and 5 days! I had an internal scan too - and at the end the lady told me I was bleeding 'a bit' and I might need a pad (I had obviously gone bleeding, didn't need their pads as I had some of my own!) Derr ....

Take care of yourself x

Hi everyone,just catching up on here.

foof, that sounds like an awful experience. I'm so sorry. I had a not too dissimilar experience. I went to A&E on a friday to say I was bleeding. They booked me in for a scan wednesday and sent me home. I went back to A&E Sunday to say I miscarrying and they didn't have my records from Friday and asked what had been decided Friday, and then said I should keep my scan appt. I came back to the same hospital, a few floors up from A&E for my scan. I told the receptionist my name and that I had an 8:30 appt, she said "is it an early pregnancy scan?" I said "Not Any More, No!". The first clinican I saw then said she heard I'd been having some light bleeding so I confirmed she didn't have my notes and explained to her why I was there. She took a pregnancy test (why they call it that when it's a hormone detector, at that stage of the game, is cruel). She then told me my "pregnancy"test was positive, which is an awful thng to say to someone who's MC'd. I then went for the scan. I was crying, so my abdomen wasn't still and the scanner technician said it was causing her difficulty (seriously?) and then I had to have the internal scan because I was upset and she couldn't get a good reading. I then meet with a 3rd person before being allowed home. The 3rd person was a consultant (as I hadn't passed everything by that stage), and she bascially told me I needed rest (you get paid for that?) and said that I rpobably should have been admitted Sunday night given my then circumstances. Up until that appointment I had just been distrought, but that appointment made me angry and left me raging for days. I can understand you wanting to take a break from this, I just wanted to say you're not alone, but that's not exactly heartwarming when the thing "you're not alone" with is so shitty.

hi girls. I am at work today so kind of distracted from baby related things. Just logging on for a quick hello in my lunch hour.

Foof - sorry you had such an awful scan. I don't know why they aren't more helpful at these things - they must have to deal with MC all the time, and yet they don't seem able to be nice... maybe they are really busy and it's a time thing. Still horrid though. Be nice to yourself. I don't blame you for wanting time out of the thread, take your time.

Chuckle - yes I feel better today, thanks. I am glad your partner's supportive but I can see the downside. I thought maybe mine was bottling up any sadness but when I said are you happy to try again he was up for it. I know he would love a son (he has 3 girls). It kind of annoys me as he is making plans for the future and not including a baby, and when I say 'we might have a baby then you know' he says 'oh yeah I forgot'. FORGOT!!!! give me strength.

Serendipity - I would find EWCM on my pants at the end of the day and stuff like that, so quite a while after we'd DTD. Also in my (limited) experience it looks quite different. My EWCM (too much info alert!) is very much exactly like uncooked egg white, jelly like and clear or slightly cloudy, whereas my DH's, er, ahem, stuff, is not like that at all. Also EWCM does not smell - in my experience. Hope that helps!

I have been doing too much shopping therapy (and have NO money, payday in 4 days and counting). And a lot of easter egg eating therapy. Both of which have to STOP. I was doing really well and being so healthy whilst pg - it's all gone up the spout.

I actually knew loads of people who had miscarried, and I had come accross quite a few in my job so I almost expected something like that to happen, especially after having 2 kids with no problems. I just hope my luck has not run out.

Anyway, hope everyone has a nice day - I'd better get back to work.

When it rains it pours? I was just about to continue responding to other folks on here but thought I'd go down to my kitchen and make a coffee first... the ceiling is bowed... and leaking... Argh!!!! The builder who installed new bathroom (above the kitchen) is coming out Friday, phew! Luckily we have only recently moved in together and partner still has his place so we are decanting. Unluckily he has been working on his place so it's a tip... still, we're fortunate to have someplace to go!

Hello, I am sadly joining you all. Sorry to hear what you have all been through. I have just been diagnosed with a missed miscarriage and have my erpc tomorrow. This is the third miscarriage I have had in 14 months after trying to conceive our first for over 2 years. I feel strangely calm at the moment but from past experience know that I will start to feel very sad and angry as the hormones come crashing down. I like the idea of wine and shagging however we have fertility issues too (unexplained infertility) so I know that we will have to seek medical treatment again in a few months to make it happen again. This last one was conceived using IUI and we got to see a furious little heartbeat at 6 weeks and 7 weeks but it had gone today at 9 weeks. I am finding it harder this time as we were told we had a really good chance this time having seen a little heartbeat. The NHS fertility clinic we are at have been ace and have a plan for extra drugs we can try with our next IUI cycle. We had all the recurrent miscarriage tests last time and thy came back clear.
This miscarriage business is so bloody unfair and shitty, sorry you are all going through it too. I hope we all find strength and support through this thread (I know I did last time on mumsnet when I miscarried).
I lurked a lot on te November thread so recognise a lot of you, I was too scared to post in case I 'jinxed' things.
Jemx

Hi everyone! nice to see a busy thread, though obviously not iykwim! i pop in and read but have been quite gloomy! :( Scan tomorrow to confirm blighted ovum. Symptoms gone today, bad backache, am resigned but looking forward to wine and shagging ;0)

TTC - I loved OPKS, I always get a reliable strong line on my internet cheapies and they helped me know when I could start to look forward to stopping shagging hehe! the months we didn't conceive we were only shagging on opk dictated dates but the month we did we had bd'd every 2/3 days, then i got the pos opk so were all prepared; DH's tubes were all cleaned out, spermies were fresh and ready to go and it worked! Will do the same again for sure. OPKs aren't everyone's cup of tea tho and honestly don't work for everyone - my friend would only ever get a faint line. I also went by EWCM which was er, easy to read! Cycles were up the spout (39 days) cos of BFing DS for two years. What a pain that was! back to wonky, long cycles I guess.

the stories here are so sad :( I look forward to getting to know you all better when my head is out of my arse :) (though by then you'll all be off and pregnant hurrah!) Can't believe the scan stories I am hearing, this is awful! Foo yours is a shocker! i would be so cross if tomorrow I go for my scan and they have no idea what they are looking for and spraff on about my 'pregnancy'. And I wish they would listen to us when we say we know our dates. Other than that though, my experience (apart from the busiest scan room ever) has been ok.

foo sorry it is all too much, I can really imagine you have a lot to sort in your head. I think I want to get preggo asap when this has died down but who knows what I will feel like even tomorrow. yesterday I was eeyore and full of rage, today I am sanguine and almost positive. hmf. hugs foof. And jem I hope you get a strong pregnancy soon :)

Am struggling to get time off work without a drs note. Desperately hope dr gives me two weeks off tomorrow as I have a whole week of work to catch up on and want another week to be able to mc in peace!

My toddler is getting jealous of the laptop. Am off to give him a big kiss.

take care ladies.

Hello ladies!

Well after a cry and a rant have got an appointment for ivf on 23rd so excited to get it all going again I can't believe we got an apt so quick like a week an 2 days away woohoo!

I was preparing myself since I started bleeding for a miscarriage so when they told me today I wasn't that shocked still upset but not shocked... Hubby and I had a good shag after 6 weeks without just in case chat an are now ready for the world again these things happen and I appreciate now that things were never going to be easy for us 4+ years and counting ttc

hello lovey x so shitty that you're here too. funny pointed out to me that all of us who were worrying and not feeling overly confident are the ones it seems to be happening too, co-incidence or instinct?

I wish I had a quarter of your moxy though pinky I'm a wreck!

Didn't get as far as any bag shops but had lovely time at the zoo!! I'm bit the same serendipity, since I hit 40 and after recent sad months I seem to be viewing life a bit differently. Flowery dresses sound fab, I love floaty summer tops n scarves. Trying so hard to chill this month, I get soo disappointed when period comes so I'm focusing on getting more exercise and trying to let my body relax a bit. Trying anyway. (I hope someone gets a positive result this month to cheer us all up.)

Hollar pink! And woohoo for your IVF appt - excellent it is so soon! How exciting :) Soo sorry about losing this one though, that is shite.

Aw the zoo blue! I can't wait to take DS for the first time, he will be so bloody excited. Flowery dresses do sound lovely, want some to glow in around town with my blooming healthy pregnancy to drink wine in.

moxy? wtf am I in 1920s Chicago?

Yea it's shite especially as I work in a children's day nursery and there are plenty of parents with beautiful children that just don't look after them and clearly dont deserve to be parents but fingers crossed it will happen again soon feeling very positive about the fact that you are meant to be more receptive after a miscarriage so fact or fiction that's what I'm sticking with

hehe. I liked it foo but didn't know what it meant :)

yes I read that in the first 6 months you are most unlikely to have a recurrence which pleases me greatly. I am back in the shagging wagon next week I think!

Aw do you work in a nursery pink? That must be tricksy. I nearly cried yesterday (generally very bad day mc wise) at my friend who just laughed at her toddler for crying because he had got himself wet under the outside tap. he was so cold and scared and she just laughed and i nearly had to leave i felt such a strong angry feeling - and she is one of my best mates i love to bits! Strange business.

Feel for you Pinky, when i was ttc for those 5 yrs and diagnosed unexplained secondary infertility I was a childminder and was looking after twins conceived by IVF and a 5mo baby amongst others. Was heartbreaking at times but on the whole a positive experience :)

Did you see my link at the top about continuing taking preggy vits?

foo five years is a bloody long time, that must have been hard for you. Can totally see why getting back on that bandwagon might be quite the headfuck...

I LOVE my son's childminder :) Do you miss it?

wrigle scary about your ceiling!

Yes it's the best job ever! You totally fall in love (ish not a pervy way!) with your charges and I sometimes bump into them and they remember the smallest insignificant things and tell you them 4 years later, it's ace!

I didn't leave it out of choice but because the marriage ended and I had to move out and of course you cannot operate from just anywhere and I couldn't find suitable accommodation, ended up on a friend's sofa so that was that, had to end my registration. Hopefully at some point I will be in a position to do it again as it really is my ideal job.

LOL @ me earlier saying I wasn't going to post again for a while

Sat here watching the undateables that I recorded so interesting

ah wheee, my SIL just had her first baby :) What a happy portent for our thread and the only thing (bar my DS) that will put a true smile on my face today :)

So pleased (and not able to spraff about it anywhere else so you dears will have to share my happiness!)

Congratulations to her fun.

Wow, sorry to hear such sad stories girls :(

Had a 'normal' day today. Everyone just moves on, don't they (no reason for them not to) but I still want to talk about it sometimes.

Tbh, I don't think of much else than wanting to be pregnant. I even look at the maternity ranges in onlone shops ... for when I need it. Fingers crossed for me as I will be devastated if it doesn't happen for me! It's awful isn't it, just that feeling of helplessness ...

Congratulations to your SIL fun that is lovely news. Did she have a tough time getting there? I'm sorry you're going to have a horrible scan appointment tomorrow and hope that you can take lots of time off work to recover.

I can't believe some of your scan stories. It really makes you wonder why someone would choose to work somewhere like an EPU when they are so unaware of other people's feelings in what they must be aware are such awful times in people's lives. I have to say I didn't fare too badly and had nice staff looking after me when I had my scan(s) and ERPC but I had sort of gone in expecting the worst.

Well I took my first step in seeking medical assistance to try and get pregnant again, and went and had some blood tests and a urine test done today. I have decided to opt for a 'fertility MOT' privately, as once I decided I wanted to get some tests done just to see what was what, I couldn't face waiting on the NHS and wanted it all done, like yesterday! As part of the MOT I'm also getting a scan done and various other bits and pieces and I'm really hoping for an identifiable problem to present itself so I can get treated. I suspect I am not always ovulating though which is something of an issue. And my acupuncture isn't helping yet.

Mmmm, first wine of the evening. Lovely

Thanks peeps! well chuffed for her/us, DS's first ever cousin :)

Aw anon, it is just like grief for any one you love isn't it? not just, 'oh I lost my baby, ho-hum' but terrible sadness that you want acknowledged sometimes. I am dreading not feeling pregnant. Even tho I know I am probably not pregnant with anything other than a well-meaning placenta-thing I can't help but feel more pregnant than not. Not to feel that will be lonely, but, here we all are, marching towards the creation of new life. hurrah for that.

IWant cool news about your medicals, is it exciting getting started? WINE nom. Can only watch from afar for a wee while yet though, hmph.

wrigle what bad luck! God it does sometimes all happen at once doesn't it?

Jemima - sorry to hear your news. I posted on your other thread. I am glad you have a good clinic and are being checked out. Good luck tomorrow.

Fun left you a msg on the mc thread, good luck tomorrow too, hope you manage to get the docs note and don't have to worry about that on top of everything else. And congrats on your sil - so are you an auntie?

Pink so sorry to hear your news, but that is great about the 23rd - a lucky day for me as it's my b-day - so I hope it brings you luck too.

foof moxy made me smile too! Glad you popped back - I needed that!

anonymo I sometimes look at maternity clothes etc. Not going to buy any, so I guess it doesn't hurt to look!

Iwanttogo congrats on making a positive step and getting assistance. I actually think positive actions are so empowering, I hope you are getting some satisfaction about that.

I had a more productive day myself today - ie did exercise and ate healthily. I feel that if I can look after myself, getting pg will be more likely, and it's the only thing I feel I can do at the moment to get control.
Hope everyone is having a good evening x

Buggeration - over 5 weeks since my ERPC and I'm still testing positive :(

Now it might be the talking, but I'm reaching the end of my patience with this MC. I've had a scan and everything is seemingly clear. I even had an unexpected bleed (which, according to GP, can't be a period). But even after 5 weeks and an extra special surprise bleed, my blood tests are still technically positive

Please, nobody suggest I'm pregnant. I'm not. We're waiting until I get a BFN.

Anyway, you might think that the above is the reason I'm so pissed off. Well, that and the wine. Well it's not. The reason I'm so annoyed is that my sodding diamond shoes are too tight. Since my last MC, good things have started happening (poor me). I'm self-employed, and more (and better paid) work keeps coming my way, without me trying. A job offer that I am semi-interested in landed on my lap. Yay. Now, without applying, looking, asking, anything really, what would have been my dream job in another life is practically been offered to me on a plate. The pay is way, way above what I would ever have expected, and the perks are amazing. It would also fit completely around DS, and would mean that I could afford to make life better for him.

The timing is wrong. I want another baby, and I would really be screwing people around if I took this job then got pregnant.

I'm pissed off because pretty much everyone who knows, thinks I should bite their hand off, but all I can think is that they know I've had 2 MCs in 4 months. Isn't it bloody obvious that I'm trying very hard to have a baby. I could scream!

Rant over. Sorry ladies - as you were. More ?

Oh no browney hope things perk up soon

Feeling good today feel sick so need to eat breakfast when I tackle my first day back at work today then I'll know I'm fine have a lovely day ladies

Foof, sorry you had such an awful experience yesterday. Not always the 'caring profesion' is it.

fun - will be thinking of you at your scan today.

anon - how stupid do I feel - I have a maternity top in my wardrobe that I fell in love with and bought about 2 weeks before my mmc. At least you are only looking!!! Hopefully I will actually get to wear it......

I had a lovely time with a friend yesterday who has also had 2 mc and was able to chat to her openly knowing she wasnt going to say anything that would piss me off (like one of my friends who said she was 'pleased it wasnt anything serious' when I told her why I had to cancel lunch with her due to being in hospital)

I have been feeling very helpless too - I am used to be able to actually do something when things arent going right. I have been buying OPKs and googling grapefruit juice all all week but reading through this thread this morning has calmed me down a little. I got pregnant twice without doing anything 'special' (just wine and shagging!) so the calm me is saying I should just trust in nature.....maybe a nice health kick to get me back in shape (I have put on a stone whilst pg this year ) will get me pg ready and satsify the obsessive nutter in me..

The sun is shining here so hopefully its going to be a cheery day - have a good one ladies!!!