After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Wrigle have you had a check up yet? I've all but stopped and it's a week today. very very light/watery and just when I wipe now.

30 days wrigle? Are you going to see your GP? I would if I were you.

Hope you ok today foof?

yay for holidays boo! have the best time eva!

Ahhh no I don't do fortune tellers and things. I can't have anyone tell me what they think about my future as i am very easily led and would believe it over my own gut feelings and woould HATE for someone to influence me like that. ome people may know things, some people may think they know things, some people may not know jack shit. All with a pinch of salt! I have feelings about my own life but never anyone elses and if I did I would keep it to myself fo' sho.

Ah I had me cidre last night! Only a bit but still feel a bit fragile though am starving. Dh has gone off with DS to get the paper and some smoked salmon to go with my scrambled eggsies. Am having chicken for dins which will be first time I have eaten it since I got pg :) Am also getting, ahem, a bit interested in the ol' hokey cokey which must be a sign the pg hormones are falling as I am a NUN when I am preggo. All good. I don't mind limbo any more, am quite fascinated by my clever body and love having this time to reflect and grieve and prepare... and hopefully the actual mc will be a full stop to this experience, not the beginning.

LONG post. am orf. Oh BTW re: FB do you know that you don't have to delete your account to avoid smug BFPers but can just hide their status updates so you never hear from them! hehe! I hve done this with some people I love in RL but are really annoying on fb!

foof will you do a pg test soon to see if you are coming up neg? I am not sure if I shoould get some IC in or whether this will just fuel a new POAS addiction (am terrible, I get addicted to anything!)

Well, I've come across other people on MN who've bled for a long time (40 days! ) so I haven't been worried... but I just realised a couple of hours ago that I've had some mild constipation and cramping and the bleeding is like a period rather than just something on the tissue when I wipe (the things we talk about on here!!! ) so I think it might actually be AF. Afterall, it's not called the wtf cycle for nothing. I did think I was ovulating two weeks ago but I wasn't testing then so I don't have proof, although I nearly propositioned many a passer by and my dreams were fantastic! I did get a massive spot a few days ago as well, which is traditionally my face's way of saying "don't try to mate now dear". I'm very hopeful, she will never be more welcome, so, so desperate to get past yet another stage of this whole awful experience.

And it's good advice to go to GP but I loathe loathe loathe going for anything medical so I would literally have to have my womb drop out of me before I would do that. I think I could forsake an arm but I would go for the womb thing..

fun like your paragraph on fortune tellers!

And re poas addictions, I have been stopping myself from buying a container just for the purpose - as I prefer to dip rather than try to aim! Can you imagine, OH looks through the bathroom cupboard, "what's this doing here?", me "oh, that's what I pee in nowadays, it's all the rage."

fun I like your paragraph on fortune tellers too. I have to say that when I had my fortune told I was 18 and didn't believe a word of it, I don't think it has influenced me in any way. I hadn't even thought of it until this past week, it's funny how the strangest memories surface at times like this.

boo have a great holiday. I wish we could get away somewhere but dd1 has to go back to school (and we don't really have the money to spare anyway) I also have work to do :(

cake I wouldn't believe that lady and her dreams. My friends mum thinks she has dreams/feelings like that but she is wrong WAAAY more often than she is right.

wrigle I hope it's af for you. 30 days seems like a very long time, I seem to have stopped now after 6 days. I think I'm going to do a test tomorrow to see if I come up negative, but it might be too early. I do have 2 spares, but I don't want to buy any more for a while now (until I suspect it might be good news)

I have hardly cried at all today, which seems like massive progress. I had a bit of a weep when we planted our 'Remember me' rose, to remember this baby, but I think that might be an acceptable time to cry (not that I think there is anything wrong with crying any other time, I just want to stop doing it ALL the time). Dp has gone out to get and I think we may even have a shag tonight too.

jo i love your remember me rose. I would like to do something like that but I rent. when we move and get our own place I shall plant a fruit tree of some kind :)

please don't feel stressed about crying too much. I cried constantly for a while then just stopped and am mostly ok now. I feel bad I am not crying more actually! hehe. have fun wine and shagging times.

wrigle totally understand your non medical approach, I am glad I am in limbo because it made me wait for a natural mc rather than take the tablet option which I would have done. I hate medical stuff (even had a lovely home birth with DS) too but would ask the gp what they thought anyway. I quite like my GP and actually trsut her - she picked up something was wrong with this pg when I was only 4 weeks along and I thought she was hugely overreacting.

Preg test? don't know, am I supposed to?? is this something else they haven't bloody told me I should be doing?

Foof I don't know if you have to do a preg test. I was told I could either go for the scan I already had booked, or I could wait a 7-10 days and do a preg test to check it was negative. As long as it's negative I don't need to see anyone as it means all is clear (as long as I don't get an infection or something).

Foof, like jodidi and many others on MN, I was told to take a pregnancy test to make sure I completed and that if it wasn't negative in the time frame they assigned I would have to go back for medical intervention. I wonder if you should ask why they didn't tell you that, maybe there's a reason??? I was told to do it because my womb was 16 mm and needed to be 15mm, or some such.

Foof- me too. Was told that I'd miscarry naturally & didn't need a scan / follow up as long as I had a bfn (apparently this means there are no 'retained products') nurse said if I hadn't had bfn 10-14 days after heavy bleeding & the actual mc then to call them & come back. Got a very faint positive 1 week after heavy bleeding and a bfn the nxt time I tested (10 days; 14 from spotting starting).
Apparently bfn also what they want you to wait for before ttc as shows the hormones & that pg out of your system.... Then if you get a bfp you know it's a new pg, no confusion - read that online though on a few sites.

I found my bfn ironic & strangely a relief. To me it signalled the end of the mc, it was 'done', physically at least!

X

Hmmm lots of wine needed tonight I feel dh is being a complete wanker and decided to spray adhesive mount on his motorbike armour on our glass dining table I've just looked and he still hasn't cleaned it from 2 days ago so I ask him to clean it and he sprays f*ing oven cleaner on it a glass table... Twat so now I have spent twice as long both removing the oven cleaner and cleaning the adhesive off when I asked him why he didn't do it outside he just told me to shut up so were officially not speaking... No shagging for me

pink yes lots of for you. Shame on your dh for ruining your table and making you fix it!

I've just had a thought, maybe I shouldn't be shagging tonight as obviously I'm not on any contraception and we have no condoms. I was told I should wait for first af before ttc, but I don't know if it's that important. I should probably wait for bfn though as it would be awful not to know if it's a new pg or this one not ended yet.

Pink - lots of wine, bloody men! Sometimes they just don't get it! They think fairies are going to come & tidy up after them!

Jodidi - it's a very personal choice & there is lots of info online about waiting or ttc straight away. Personally we chose to start after bfn but I think it's important to wait for the bfn to ensure nothing left to mc & to save on any possible confusion or anxiety on new/old pg. From what I read (and I read A LOT!) there is no increased risk of another mc if you decide to start straight away but there is loads online. Have a little look. Very personal choice.
Good luck!

Well we're trying straight away but since I don't make eggs on my own nor ovulate on my own I feel it is pretty pointless just feel so fat anyway I don't even want to shag been looking at weight watchers online may give that a bash I'll try anything at this point

pink I've tried weightwatchers online in the past and didn't do very well with it. I did much better with Slimming World, but I actually went to meetings. I think it was the physical presence that helped me. I lost 4 stone first time, but then gained a lot of it back over the next 6 years. I lost 2 stone just before I fell pregnant with dd2, and I think that helped me a lot with getting pregnant (and staying pregnant). I now have 4 stone to lose in order to be a 'healthy' weight, although it's probably more like 3 stone now with not eating because I was feeling sick, and now not eating because I'm so miserable (this has never happened to me before, I am normally a comfort eater). Slimming World is pregnancy friendly too, so you can continue with it even when you do fall pregnant. I don't think WW is now although it used to be.

Thanks jodidi just checked out the slimming world website but more expensive than weight watchers hmmmm decisions decisions how exactly
Does slimming world work like the weight watchers is points based how about the slimming world??

noooooo foof you don't have to do any pg test! i thought peeps just did it to check their hormones were all gone and so it was over. I don't know if I will bother, will just wait for my next AF.

Just read a mc blog. Am really depressed and scared! Just cramping still but no spotting yet :( i have a really good friend's wedding to go to down south (7 hours drive away) in three weeks. Doesn't look like I'll make it does it? I probably won't miscarry for a while yet, and then will I have lots of bleeding for a week or two to contend with? I can't bear the idea of being around party people so far away from home, staying in a friend's house with loads of other people/in a hotel, while am cramping and passing clots possibly still and wearing a pad while in a dress. Drining probably wouldn't be wise... :( sounds hellish. but if I don't go... I will be the person who can't go because of her miscarriage! Any advices on what you think will happen to me peeps? did you bleed for a while after? would you have wanted to go to an all-day party 1/2 weeks afterwards?

Have fun drinks pink. Sorry your OH peed you off. My DH is fast asleep on the settee bless him.

I am running a 10k I have signed up for on 8 July to lose some weight. If i start training now even I got pg in june/july I should be able to run it gently. I can't diet, I adore eating too much :)

Foof - I'm still waiting for my BFN 6 weeks after my ERPC. I've had a follow-up scan to make sure that nothing has been retained, and it was clear. My levels are just dropping very slowly.

I'm waiting for the BFN before I start TTC though as I don't think I could handle the uncertainty.

Slimming World works with free foods (basically all fruit and veg, most meat as long as there is no visible fat, and most carbs like rice, pasta and potatoes). You can eat as much as you like of all the free foods as long as you don't use fat when cooking. Then there are healthy extras which are your dairy products, cereals, tinned soups, etc. You can have one or two measured portions of these per day (2 slices of a small loaf od wholemeal bread is a portion). Then you have syns which is everything else, so chocolate, cakes, pastries, packet foods, jarred sauces. You are allowed 5 - 15 syns per day, but each item has a syn value, 1 bar of dairy milk is 14 syns for example. I liked it better than WW because when I run out of syns I can still have more to eat as long as it is all free, whereas when I did WW when I ran out of points that was it for the day.

fun why would you read a mc blog? I would be happy enough to go to an all day party next weekend I think, but not this weekend. For me the bleeding wasn't too bad, I had 3 days of spotting, then one afternoon of heavy bleeding and passing massive clots, then back to spotting/light period with very few cramps after Sunday which was the main mc. I have even stopped wearing a pad today, which is less than a week after the mc. So you might be fine to go to the party.

I read everything I can jo and she was very eloquent and in my situation. Yeah, it might be ok :) Thanks for your help. I can't bear letting everyone down all the time and having to say it is because of this. I am off to bed, I am getting too mardy and actually I have had a nice day. laters y'all x

Funny i'm not sure but I would think that a BO mc would be easier/lighter etc than a mmc? I have no evidence to back up my dodgy theory though!

Well I made it through the day without crying. Bittersweet :).

Went out to our local to watch Liverpool get into the FA Cup finals (wee yay but really cba if they did or didn't this year y'know but don't tell anyone!) was pretty much left alone and no awkward questions so that's good. Home for tea which we ate in bed whilst watching Wall E which was really nice and cosy :)
Then me and OH had our thrice weekly words about him going out. He would NOT come out and say he wanted me to go out for 3 hours, so i got into my jammies etc then we rowed etc yadda yadda. i did end up going out as long as I had his promise he was all boyfriendly and paid me attention and not just his mates. Went well till I started feeling very down, wanted to go home, asked him when he planned on leaving, wouldn't answer either way (we only live 10 mins walk away and it's a quiet town but I don't like walking alone past certain time) Next thing he' agreeing with friends to go to a club so I left (in a huff yes not apologising for that!) and he rolled in at almost 4am. Having ignored my texts asking if he was coming back, that I needed him, was upset etc. I still haven't forgiven him for not coming home when i mced. Don't think I ever will.

Feel like I am grieving badly, don't want him to leave my side, I don't want to go out on my own (even to corner shop etc) and he's just using it as an excuse to get blotto, says he doesn't know what to do even though I have told him the above.

We aren't going to get through this I don't think. Issues that were rumbling away in background have been thrown centre stage.

Feeling sadder than a sad thing on a sad stick. TTC is definitely not happening till we get sorted. Either way.

Oh no foof hope things improve soon how rude to not reply to you if be the same in your situation if dh doesn't answer my texts or calls anytime let alone when I'd mc would be very cross x hugs x

Sorry to read that foof :(

Sorry to hear that Foof. How long have you been together? I would feel exactly the same as you if my dp did any of that. But you do need to remember that everyone deals with grief differently, and I think there is a huge difference in the way men and women cope with this. My dp is trying very hard to be supportive, but sometimes I think he just doesn't care as he isn't showing me what he feels. Sometimes I think he is actually relieved as this was what he wanted int he first place (he wanted me to have an abortion when we first got the bfp :() What I'm trying to say is, he may just not know how to deal with his own feelings, and trying to be supportive of you may just be too much for him right now. Do you think you can have a good talk with him today (after he has recovered from the hangover)? If you can both share what you are feeling you might be able to work out a way forward. Were things ok before the pg and mc?

Well I had a couple of pints of cider last night and it went right to my head, I was completely pissed a little bit tipsy. We then went to bed and had a shag. As soon as we were done I burst into tears, that was surprising, I thought I was ready and I really enjoyed it while we were doing it. I felt really bad about it as it's not his fault that it upset me.