After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

hurray for swi one :) go lady!

I have been reading around and am officially not crackers (well...) and apparently am just sensitive to progesterone which is what makes me have sore boobs, crampiness and other pg symptoms straight after ov :) So I know now they mean nothing but can happen - I thought I was willing it all into existence every month when hoping I was pg which made me feel a bit mad. My boobs are sooooo sore this month!

hope everyone is ok x

Hello everyone, hope you are enjoying your day. Good to see there is some swi going on :)

That is interesting wilde. Since the mc I get more pains in various places.

I think I have ov pains today which is fabulous, hopefully I will ov today or tomorrow and officially be on the 2ww. I am not going to temp though as it drives me mad so I will just have to assume it happened and maybe dtd again just to be safe.

My new bath is in but I can't use it yet. Should be usable by tomorrow I think so I will spend the whole 2ww taking luxurious baths to keep me calm :o

exciting times hee! Will be glad of some company on the 2ww :)

i went back to work today! hurray.

Wild, glad to hear you're not mad! Except for pg and the three months post mc I never get symptoms, and that's how I know my body's back to normal, which is a shame, I liked getting symptoms and having some clue as to what's going on in there! How was work?

Hee, such a big build up to your first bath! Hope you have some nice bubble bath or oils!

work was good thanks one. am back in my study again today. hope to finish the PhD in oct now, am looking forward to that!

Arf well, having 'symptoms' does not help you know what your body is doing, just makes you feel you are mad! I feel reet pg this month but know it is because of high progesterone so am as in the dark as anyone, just have to cope with sore boobs, crampiness, bloating, hunger and tiredness for ten days before i get AF (this cycle started straight after ov, normally kicks in about 7dpo). I hope I get pg next month, am really going to go for it because is not nice really. Am also very irritable :( bladdy hormones.

hee is going to have the best bath in the WORLD.

I am going swimming today in an effort to bring up my energy levels, combat grumpiness and general above pmt symptoms! yeah!

Ooh, have you written previously about your PdH topic? What is it?

I woke up moody after a less than brilliant day yesterday and have been hiding indoors all day. I should be ovulating and I don't seem to be. I had not factored in that possibility. There's still time, and this was only my 2nd period since MC so things might still be a little funny, but my cycles are usually short so I'm feeling not too hopeful. I only ever have one thing on my mind, some version of pg/mc, anyone else like that?

I feel like Eyore, sorry for sounding so mopey.

Hi all, thanks for support. Great to catch up & hear that lots of you are so positive! Long, hot bath sounds lovely, I haven't had one for ages..... It's one of a few things I've been avoiding (totally irrationally) in fear of miscarriage! Madness I know! These first 12 weeks are NOT fun!?! A few people have guessed... Out with girl friends last night & I wasn't drinking and they asked about news? But were very sweet and said no pressure. I said no news this week but maybe next & I think they thought I was poas next week! Were bowled over when I said nearly 12 weeks. I explained about miscarriage & not wanting to get hopes up & they were great. Very supportive.

Finally got scan date through after chasing........... Tuesday morning. Keep everything crossed for us. I will post results ASAP..... Xx

good luck for tuesday cake! glad you have people in RL looking after you and cheering you on :)

one no worries, is what we are here for! How do you know you aren't ov'ing? Not because of opks I hope, they don't always work. naw not written about PhD topic, will out myself am sure! Nearly finished it when had mc though and am now really behind.

grump alert! Am really bloody tired today and DS is being such a contrary, hyper toddler. I honestly am not in the mood! and is tipping down so... I am hiding for five minutes in mumsnet-land with actual grown-ups . taking him swimming in an hour which will be a perfect tonic. good to get out, even if in the rain.

I have a confession to make. i poas this morning and am in a grump that it was negative even though I am only 8dpo. Please, someone, ground me. Am so tired, such sore boobs, nauseous on and off, bit dizzy. I think I might actually have a teeny virus or something making me feel run down? Am on the 2ww so obviously would be superhuman not to wonder if am pg, but am also very aware that I am more likely a bit poorly/hormonal. Oh well, what will be will be :)

Just popping in briefly to give you a slap wild - only just seen your post! Don't po any more s's! If you are pg, you will be after AF is due. Try and forget about it til then. There, I've said it. Now I'm off to bed! Night all!

I want to slap you too wilde but seeing as I took 5 HPT before AF arrived (on Thursday, as expected!) so I feel like it would be hypocritical!!! You shouldnt though!!!

not tested today :) thanks for my slaps! :)

whispers ooooh! Should have been here any time from weds, and almost certainly five days before so... today/yesterday. am most cheery! watching for that is almost like poas I reckon, good placebo anyhow.

My kitten is taking her first tentative steps outside as I type. awww, am such a nervous mummy!

I understand not confessing your PhD topic, I live in fear that I've outed myself on here, I don't know why, anyway good luck with catching up Wild, been there with a PhD and bad timing. (and omg, fx!)

Cakeplease, will look out on here Tuesday for an update, hope it is a reassuring and wonderful experience!

I got out of my pitty me mood. We dtd the deed 3x this week! I didn't show a positive opk at all, I know I'm not supposed to trust them but I tested 3x a freakin' day, I've had super mild overy cramping though since Thursday so I'm still testing and keeping OH nearby for top ups! And by the way, I think I only ever ovulate from my right, and I feel it monthly so I'm not too concerned about it, but any one else seem to be working off a single ovary???!!!

What the hell, I might as well say I'm in the 2ww, it feels so much better than "I think I haven't ovulated", who know what the f**k is going on in there.

AH! A Positive OPK, clear as anything, cancel tonight's plans! What do you mean the sport is on???

(nothing can lift my mood like a stick )

Sounds good one! Now its the excitment of the 2ww!!! I had a few too many last night knowing that I wasnt going to damage any little ones and feel a bit poo today. Still, am already planning which days we need to get jiggy in a couple of weeks time and thinking of seduction plans incase DH isnt in the mood.
I am allways cautious of 'outing' myself. I have a RL colleague who I have spotted on here and recognised quite quickly. I am always paranoid she knows who I am!!

Hi girls sorry been neglectful - had a ridiculously busy ten days or so, felt like I was doing some kind of triathlon with all the running/ cycling around I was doing.

chuckle I had a big night out couple of days ago and felt absolutely terrible the next day. Making the most of being able to booze whilst AF is here. Though had the shortest AF ever so hoping everything is alright.
Good luck tonight One!
Loads of luck for tuesday Cake do let us know, though I feel sure it will be fine.
I won't say it sounds hopeful wild as I don't want to encourage you... but it sounds hopeful !

Yes I haven't been that careful about outing myself on MN which is probably a bit silly. But, I slightly stupidly think that most people I know have already had kids so won't be on these boards... And I don't think I have been too explicit. Anyway, seeing as I live in outer mongolia I don't know that many people... (spot the white lie).

Heard another friend is updiffed. But after a long long time of trying and after IVF so I am genuinely pleased for her. But just want to join in!!!!

yay for the positive opk one! I get very excited when I see one and then fret all day about dtd! and try not to let on to DH that it is the time so he doesn't get 'frightened'!! go, go, go! and ooh have you done a PhD? If so you have to help me finish mine! am bored to death of it now.

can you imagine what it would be like to get a bfp? I really can't. I think I would go crazy with happiness. I am going to be gutted when I get AF on weds. I am glad it is a day when DS is with the childminder then he has a lovely day and i can sort myself out.

I have an afternoon alllll to myself! Dh has taken DS out. I am going to have a bath! and read a magazine! with the door shut!

Woo Hoo one - have a fun night!!!!

wilde - I cant imagine a BFP at all. My head says it will happen in good time (we have only really had 2 proper cycles of trying since mc which I know is nothing really) but my heart just feels like it will never be me

Evening ladies. I have now had a bath in my fabulous new bathroom. It is beautiful and relaxing and I'm now happy I will be able to bath the babies I am definitely going to have :)

Ooh ladies doing and done PhDs I would love to do that. Maybe one day...

wilde I also poas way to early last month as my body now has pg symptoms post ov all the time it seems. I will second the slaps from boo and chuckle though - it can't be good for you :)

one Yay for 2ww. I am also now on 2ww I think as I'm sure I felt ovulation. For me it always seems to be the left, not sure if this means it is definitely ov pain or not.

Hi cake. Looking forward to hearing your good news on Tuesday.

Chuckle, when I read that you'd spotted a colleague on here I freaked! I'm "sure" it isn't me, but why would I be so concerned? It is important to some extent that this isn't RL, that we can confess freely, but all my friends now know we're trying so why would it freak me out? It's good to have a secreat place where I can spill, I guess that's it.

And yes Wild, I did a PhD when (I won't say when in case I out myself!) life happened and got in the way of my submission deadline but it ended well, got an extension which at the time felt awful but I can now see was incredibly lucky that I could complete near time with everything that was going on. And the boredom, christ, in the end I couldn't really give my whole mind over to it, bought lots of new music that I played endlessly on a CD player right next to me (and I need silence to concentrate!) and I shouted out the newly learned lyrics as I typed, I lived off of coffee, potnoodle and G&T, in that order. Then, when it was all over I went for my one and only enema (cause I was still in insane PhD mode) as a form of clearout from endless sitting at the computer with unhealthy intake! Where are you in terms of a submission date? Let us know what happens Wednesday, we're all pulling for you here!!! Hope you've had a nice afternoon to yourself!?

But yes I can imagine a positive test, unfortunately, I'm rediculously hopeful, pathologically positive, and will be utterly devastated if I get a negative. I can't control how I feel. I have calculated that this cycle will either be longer than normal due to late ovulation, or a shorter luteal phase, which I understand has it's downsides, so my nails will take a beating. But I am having a drink as my OH, for all I've ever said against him, it is difficult as hell perfoming on demand and he pulled out all the stops tonight and it was lovely to boot, so I am tipsy and celebrating a "proper" 2ww. As I normally have no premenstrual signs it was clear to me when I was pg last time. I will now be symptom spotting like nobody's business, may I apologise inadvance for any rediculous content over the next 2ww.

Hee, wohoo re your bath!!! Life's little pleasures add up to such a lot, hope it's lovely!

one is good to hear that the PhD drove you a bit mad towards the end (in the nicest possible way :)) as that is how I feel. I was two months away from submission when I had the mc, and have now been given an extension to restart in sept, with a view to finishing toward the end of Oct. I want to hand in on Oct 12th, so not long to go, considering a month will be solely for editing. I love it, I do... but hate the anal retentiveness you have to have, the same sources, the worry... am sick of it. All the interesting chapters are written, is just the lit review, methodology, intro and concl to go... I can't go mad because I have to look after DS and not be so tired and stressed I take it out on him :( I just want to quit. Am lonely too, working on my own and not having any friends where I live :( And DH thinks it is my hobby so doesn't really respect my work times. when it is over and we move away from here life will be sooooo much better :)

I am 10dpo tomorrow and a dark part of me is hoping to get some kind of positive test tomorrow, although I know this is unlikely so early. hmmf!

yay for bath hee, yay indeed :)

sorry to be whiny. Am down because tomorrow I have to work instead of being with my family people and hate the isolation and would rather work now and take DS to soft play tomorrow. mardy!

You're nearly there wild, and life after you hand in will be do much freer, it must be quite a job pulling your mind away from the MC and pg hopes enough to focus on your PhD, it's such exacting, isolating work. What a shame your dh doesn't understand it's more than a hobby yet, maybe he will when he sees it completed? Maybe he's jealous of the time you have to give to it? What does this mean to you?

Is it the dark part of you wanting a positive? I'm so hopeful at 1dpo I should be locked up.

exacting is exactly (!) the word one. I am not a details person tbh DH doesn't see it as important because it isn't earning money and I am quite blase about it at times because I always prefer to put family needs first. He is just grumpy and fed up of it taking up my time and attention when he wants to work! Yeeeess, I had lots of time off over the mc because I couldn't concentrate. getting pg is a distraction but a nice one, gives me something else (something fun!) to think about! I really want to be pg when I finish so I can look forward to my new SAHM status (temporarily!). I don't need the phd for what I want to do in life but am sure it will help. Do you use your PhD?

dark part of me wanted to test at 10dpo, the sunny part of me wanted a positive for sure! I even leaked some colostrum in the bath yesterday (tmi) and stopped BF DS 6 months ago! Dr google says prob sign early pregnany so I was pretty excited. Having vivid dreams, bit sicky etc etc but was BFN and have realised that post mc hormones could so easily have me feeling all pg when am not. was gutted but was only 5.30am so went back to bed and snuggled with DS and all felt better again :)

my baby will come when he/she ready!

sorry for the mammoth me, me, me. hurray for so many of us on the 2ww!

Aww I hope you get a BFP wilde Some of those symptoms sound promising. I have been thinking about how perfect it would be to get a BFP this month too. It would mean I would have had 12 week scan before the due date of the mc, due date would be by the time I actually had the mc and conception would be for a very special anniversary for DH and I. Oh so so perfect...

Mustnotgethopesupmustnotgethopesupmustnotgethopesup

Hopefully your dh will think more positively about it when it no longer affects him!? Mine was crucial to getting me where I wanted to be career wise but also the mini feminist in me hated being miss, Ms, Mrs, and Ilove saying"it's Dr actually" for that reason. I'm sorry about your bfn, is not over till AF shows, are you due?