After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Feeling badly down today. Should be 19 weeks pregnant today, it's my birthday next week and obviously the fabbest present would have been seeing our little Widget on the screen at our 20 week scan. Had a good old cry this afternoon

hee what a lovely positive post :) Glad the couch to 5k is working for you. And yes, am so into thinking that bubs will come along if they are ready, makes the 2ww much easier I think. If they are there, they're there. If not, is not the right time. Am taking this zen-like calm a day at a time though, waiting for 2ww madness to set in at about 8dpo ... Although saying that when I ov I always have strong 'symptoms' i.e. sore nips, achy wombage, hunger and I also pee a lot! And cry at stupid stuff! Every month (post DS)! Is crackers so can't really look for pg symptoms anyway I have realised.

foof how lovely to see you! Am so sorry to hear you are down. I know I sound like a cult convert, but have you thought about counselling? You have had a hell of a journey ttc, and then the freak pg and mc... Could you do with the space to talk and offload? Or was it just today? Hope you ok, sending you big hugs.

Have a lovely birthday if you aren't back by then... Do you have any plans? x

Hi Wilde x

I don't honestly know that I could talk about it all really. there's just far too much to know where to even start. I think I am depressed though so will be making an appointment with GP, I saw him the back end of last year and said how I was quite down as have been off work sick since April last year and of course things have happened since then, and also am trying to get back to work with no success and it's all just taking it's toll. Being in permanent pain or at best uber discomfort (aside freakily from the short time I was pregnant, got to love that Relaxin hormone!) doesn't help matters, neither does insomnia.

OH surprised me today by saying he's taking my birthday off his work to spend quality time with me, I am very happy with that, it means he actually listened to me the other night when i said all I wanted really and truly was to spend time with him and be spoilt with affection for the day :) We've completely lost intimacy these last 3 weeks and I don't know why.

I put off seeing someone I know today as she is due the day before I would have been. It's a permanent reminder of where I should be. i don't have a problem with all pregnant women - another friend is 11 weeks, saw her today just fine. it's just this one is too close to home y'know.

Thanks for listening, this is my counselling x

Foof this is my counselling too. I cancelled my appt last week as I thought I was getting better but I think now it was because I was too scared to talk about it, saying it out loud makes it too real. I'm glad your dp is taking time to spend with you on your birthday, hope you have fun.

I told a friend about the mc today and realised it's the first time since the actual day that I've said it out loud. Other people have said it when they've said how sorry they are, but I've only ever typed it as I told people by email or text.

CD1 - could explain my blip yesterday

Foof, it can be like waiting for a storm, all that pressure building up. Anyway, wanted to say I'm sorry your not 19 weeks pregnant. I'm sorry we're not all whatever weeks pg with lovely healthy ones.

BUT! Before I get all down, I just posted this on the July BFP thread, a thought that came to me this afternoon that I prefer to my normal "I'm no longer pg and it's all shit" thought... these could be the last days of me NOT being pg, the last days of me not being a mother to someone, I don't know how many more of these days there are but today it's a countdown, not a wait.

Hi all, CD10 here, nothing to report. Spent the entire day cleaning the house and tidying up for the plumber coming in on monday to put in a bath. Lots of lovely soothing baths here I come! Also lots of distraction to take my mind off TTC and the waiting.

Jo I also seem to not be going for counselling anymore. GP thought I seemed better and wants me to just wait and see. I felt quite positive when I went to see her but I'm not sure that I've done the right thing.

foof Nice to see you back as as one said, I wish you were 19 weeks pg too. Heres to a new cycle and a positive outcome. Have a lovely birthday too

one that is lovely, I'm going to keep thinking that too.

time!

Hee, laughing at you cleaning all day for the plumber to come tomorrow - I do the same. How long will your bath take to install?

ooh a new bath hee! incidentally although i was all fine and dandy at my gp's the other day she made me promise to still go to counselling. Am glad, I have loads of shit to get off my chest anyway. And jo am bricking it! Is so personal and stuff I just loathe to talk about (which is why is probably all getting too much now!)

hope you ok foof, hope was just PMT. am sorry you aren't 19 weeks pg :( made me realise i have no idea what week pg I would have been... i guess this is a good thing? Am looking forward a lot - am lucky am on the 2ww, I know but your time will come foof!

I totally agree with your thinking one! Today I was thinking about how annoying it is to only be on 2dpo but then thought, well, I might get symptoms if I am pg from 8dpo and stop being 'me' and start being preggo me, if my wishes do come true... so is a countdown, like you said, to being preggo (yay!) and in the meantime, do what you can! So I eat blue cheese and exercise and drink :)

have had a lovely day, DS has been ace at his potty training and DH has not worked once. I can't remember the last time this happened while we were at home. Pottering as a family is a joy and something we rarely do... bloody rat race.

Morning all.

nice to hear about lovely fellas making time for their lovely ladies, well done foof and wilde!!

My little plan was thwarted by a BFN today. Have been worked up all week desperate to be pregnant but am actually only a little bit gutted I'm not. Having said that I can't imagine going through this rollercoaster for more than a couple of months. I know what you mean one about it being a countdown, but at the back of my mind a little voice keeps saying 'what if you never get pg again' and 'what if you mc again'. I know i shouldn't worry about things i can't control but i can't help it, its in my nature to worry!!

Hope your bath is up and running for tomorrow night hee, I love baths!!

Off for a nice fathers day lunch now, with a glass if wine (BFN has its advantages)

Ha well it hasn't happened yet so...!
he went out last night "for a pint" said would only be an hour and a half - rolled in at 3am

Anyway ladies I am hiding this thread for a while, I am back on the pill now and not TTC for the time being, got a few things to sort out first. be well x

aw take care foof xx

NOOOO BFN chuckle. that sucks. But the definitely makes up for it :) I could really do with a big glass of wine! a BIG one. DS was being rough with the kitten while I made the roast dinner and now she has a limp :( Am so so gutted and sad. I don't know that it was because of DS but i have made the association in my head and now DS is some kind of cute, loving pyschopath. The scariest kind. My poor baby cat.

Am having a bit of a shite day! am reet grumpy, almost pmt-like, and so as I am not symptom spotting could not possibly consider it as pg related, especially as am only 3dpo

Only joking, am being very sane really :)

laters yo!

Hello! Hope everyone is well and enjoying some of the sunshine...

So where is my bloody AF? I'm cycle day 31, my cycles are longer than ever before! if there was any chance of being pg I'd be excited but there really is not... however which way I look at my FF graph, there really isn't!! I just want it to hurry up now and get on. Specially as have burst into tears a few times this weekend, not enjoying this emotional rollercoaster. Found out my SIL is preg for 3rd time - due in Jan, so at least not at the same time I was due (nov) but although happy for them did feel pangs of jealousy... sigh.

Really sorry you are feeling down foof, but hopefully it was AF that was bringing you so down (I'm hoping this myself). That's nice that OH is going to spend your birthday with you. Have a nice day & look after yourself. Understand if we won't see you for a while, but we'll be thinking about you.

One yes I keep trying to think positive, that this might be the last fun (in terms of booze etc) for a while... (hopefully!!).

hee hope you enjoy the bath! I love baths, but never seem to get round to having one... hmmm... (thinking of how to sneak a bath now...)

Wild hurrah for potty training! DD2 tried a bit (I know, the worst way to do it but she kept taking off her nappy) whilst on hols but I think she really is too young and I can't face it yet. Great when it's done though! Glad you are having family time. It makes a big difference doesn't it? DH has been the same this weekend, we actually - shock - went out as a family yesterday!

chuckle sorry to hear about BFN but it's not over til AF appears - I twice got BFNs before BFPs (and only one of those was MC). I also know EXACTLY how you feel about not getting pg again - that's what I keep thinking. But, it's pretty likely that you will and we all have to STAY POSITIVE. Enjoy the wine for now!

Glad to hear of all the healthy girls... my regime has gone to pot this weekend with booze, and birthday cake (my DD2 just turned 2) and more booze, and more cake... back on diet tomorrow methinks!

Hope you're ok foof. Take care.

I think I might hide this thread too as we're not ttc. We had sex with condoms for the first time last night and even though I thought I could handle it I burst into tears and sobbed like a baby afterwards. Dp thinks I've gone mental :( And I've given the high chair, baby bath, and maternity clothes away on freecycle. I'm attempting to move on, but doing it very very slowly because I don't really want to move on, I just want a baby :(

Oh Jo how terribly terribly hard for you. Does your DP not understand why you wept? Or is he thinking you are mental for still wanting a baby? That must have been terribly difficult, giving the baby stuff away. I really feel for you. I suppose given the circumstances perhaps you do have to come round to the idea of not having another baby, but you are right to take it very slowly. I really hope that you resolve the situation - either with another happy accident, or manage to come round to the idea of not having another DC. Loads of luck and we'd love to see you back here if you do decide to hide us...

wild we crossed posts... hope you got your wine. Yes I think you have lost it a bit - your description of your DS made me laugh (with smidgen of fear...!).

Foof, Jodidi, I'll miss your input. It sounds tough, I'm sorry.

And didn't want to say this in the same line... CD 9 today... come on!!!

Chuckle, I have the same worries, that I'll never be pg again, that I'll be a serial mc'er, and others, that I've left it too long, (that I'll have an unhealthy baby), that I'll have to come up with some other childless future...

But for now I still have more reason to believe I can have a child than that I can't, so alongside the fears I am adding in the noton of the countdown as a counterbalance. I can't just get rid of thoughts I don't like, but I can add in others that could equally be true.

Must go poas soon, unfortunately I wasted a perfecty good wee as I was in a hurry and forgot!!!

oh jo! oh, oh. we'll miss you. I hope you can talk to dp and sort something out, or make peace with the decision in your own mind. xxxx

no closer to my wine. today is a day I will be happy to see the back of! AND i lost two lovely mn friends! bah.

chuckle and one you will make healthy babies. really, really. I can't bear to think ab out having another mc so don't. This baby will be healthy - it has to be! xx

Oh jo and foof I hope you can work things out and come back to us soon :(

boo Totally understand about your SIL. My cousin has just had a baby and she is 5 years younger than me. Keep seeing pictures on facebook which doesn't help.

wilde I hope you get your wine.

I am almost too tired to type. This weeks new couch to 5k was exhausting!

Work on my bath begins tomorrow, I'm so excited :o We have only had a shower for the last 5 years and have the teeniest tinyest bathroom. I'm so much a bath person and have bought lots of lovely things to put in it.

Hi Ladies, missed you all! Football on ..... Yawn! So going to read through & catch up with you all & your news...

No news here, was 11 weeks on Saturday but still haven't had scan date. Had to chase hospital today which was a pain but didn't get much further!!
They reassured me that I'd be scanned early next week. To be honest I am terrified of a missed miscarriage & there being no heart beat. It happened to a friend of mine 2 weeks ago (She's had previous mc too), it totally shocked her as she was still getting symptoms and no signs of mc unlike last time. I just can't relax or believe it.

I don't know if this is appropriate here anymore but I feel we all bonded over a shared experience & I don't feel I'm fully out of the woods yet. I also don't feel comfortable in the pg section, just in case.

Will sit back & catch up now but hope all ok with you all. Much love xxx

hello cake just a quick one to say congratulations on reaching 11 weeks! Am so happy for you :) Such good luck for the scan, let us know when you know when it is?! (what does that even mean?!)

DON'T GO! you are our thread mascot

take care x

bath hee! awooty!

jo and foof - you know whats best for you and I can understand not wanting to hang round here if youre not ttc.....but , will miss you if you go (or have already gone) I still think (if you are still here) jo that you need to talk to your OH about wanting another baby. If he thinks you are going mad for crying after sex with condom then he mustnt understand how strongly you feel about this. Even if you dont change his mind wouldnt it be better for him to understand where you are.

Hee you inspired me to have a lovely long bath last night (candles and bubbles and everything). Ta very much, I loved it!! Also, I am no longer on facebook as I just cant bear the constant announcemetns and scan pics etc. I know I was one of those people a few years ago so I dont begrudge them, I just cant bear seeing it.

How did you get on with your POAS one? I bought 4 pg tests in ASDA this morning. I have about 40 internet cheapies but I promised DH I wouldnt test till AF is late and he has hidden them away from me (to prevent an obsession). They were only £1 for 2 so I thought they could be my secret stash, I can POAS before I ask him if its time to POAS!! (BTW have had another 3 BFN since sunday so I think I am defo out this month)

Makes me happy to see you here cake - I like pg people who are 'one of us' (if that makes sense). You must let us know when your scan is so we can all keep everything crossed (not that we will need to, but its nice to feel like you are helping!) and then celebrate together when its all hunky dory (which I am sure it will be!)

Off for a and a Come Dine With Me (DD is asleep, have to make the most of it!)

Hello! Bathroom progressing nicely - almost plastered now and a fabulous bath in my spare room waiting to be put in. I'm far too excited :o

cake Nice to see you :) V happy for you too and hoping the scan is wonderful. I agree - stick around and talk to us.

chuckle Love the candles and bubbles idea and will be doing this immediately after all the work is done. In the meantime have to go to MIL for a shower!

I've noticed ewcm this morning and have been poas. I think the line is darkening so will be bugging DH tonight. Managed eod so far which is good.

Anyway, going to make black pepper beef stir fry for my lunch. I'm loving working from home :o

I am going to have a bath tonight too, I am inspired! Dh can look after DS and I shall soak :) Luckily our landlord is very tall so the bath is very long and deep hurrah.

I had a haircut today, it is now nice and short. It was cathartic as last time I went I asked for a style to grow it long as I was pg then - my hair is all lovely and thick when I am pg so I like it longer. Now I am not pg so cut it all off! Feels great :) ALSO my lovely hairdresser is pg and due when I would have been and has a wee bumpy and I was just so happy for her and the mc felt like old news. I am definitely getting stronger.

my boobs are so sore and am crampy, as if AF is due in a few days. Only 5dpo though, not due for over a week, so know it must be because of a hormone imbalance after the mc and not pregnancy.

Yay for POAS - news one? And having a fade-in to a pos opk hee is fabulous and quite rare I think, get thee to the bedroom!

Hey everyone, checking in from my phone so will be brief, cd 11 here, bit of ewcm this morning... Just added "ewcm" to my phone's dictionary!!! Fingers crossed, it's not a simple task here but am, if I have this right, doing the Winkle as I type, boring as hell, might just go to sleep all propped up!