Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Come on down to the shiny new baby-friendly MOSH PIT.

[MarthasHarbour]

There's cake for scoffing, backs for patting, and screeching death metal for all your METALLING moments. All welcome!

Our last thread reached 1000 posts so i hope you have all found your way here! I have steaming hot chocolate croissants (or as my colleague said 'chocolate pasties'), blueberry muffins, grapefruit segments and hot buttered toast for brekkie!

Settle into the mosh pit, we have special VIP area's for those on the 2WW, the new bumps metalling with segregated areas for the first/second/third trimesters and the club class cocktail bar for those who have just got AF and can get-pissed let loose for the first two weeks!

waves to Marthas - thanks for your greeting!

Just been catching up and feel very relieved at the number of people saying they feel less excited/ more disconnected from your pregnancies since your miscarriage(s). That is excatly how I feel.

As far as I am concerned, I am pregnant but there is no real talk of a baby until the 12 week scan at the very earliest. I have told very few people this time (both sets of parents, best mate at work, my book club as we are all either pg or TTC). I flinch as the "due date" question, as to me, there is no baby until I have any shred of comfort this pregnancy is viable.

We're going to go for an early scan at 8 weeks (£99 place round the corner from where I live if the NHS won't oblige) but even then I don't think I'll feel right until and unless the 12 week scan is OK, given that's where we realised it had all gone wrong last time.

I'm not in the least attached to pregnancies either, and I am worrying myself into a right old state over here. Please excuse my not name checking or helping I just need to get it out.

I'm 9+2. I'm getting more and more stressed the closer I get to double figures and 'the danger zone' I don't know if I can cope with another late loss, I somehow figured in my head I would be okay with an early MC if it happened but I can't cope with another late one, and as it goes on and on all I can see is yet another tiny dead baby. I have no trust at all in my body to keep this going. I really want another scan not for reassurance that everything is okay but so I can find out if it's already passed, as I'd find it so much easier to lose it now than at past 12 weeks.

I've not been well, nothing major just a horrible cold, but I've been running a temperature and having all the aches and pains that go with, and lots of (TMI) clear fluid in my knickers which scares me lots after my waters leaking last time, I just can't deal with it!

It just seems such a long time until I'll feel anything like safe - months and months, I'm so anxious, sleeping a lot just to get time to pass without having to worry

I was wondering about maybe a doppler? I actually really dislike them on principle but anything has to be better for whatever's in there than this.

I keep having dreams about babies and have already set my heart on two names I'm trying not to get attached, I am, but what else can I do, it's my baby, even if it dies tomorrow or in three months.

Metal :(

MissCoffeeNWine Gosh i'm so sorry about your late mc. I had one too, and it was such a shock at 20 weeks as I thought after 12 weeks it was 'safe'. It seems so cruel to me that we can carry a baby all that time and then lose them after all. I find the fear of having to go through that again almost overwhelming sometimes.

I don't know if a doppler is a good or bad thing in this situation, maybe someone else has experience of them and can advise you...

I pray your little one is OK and you are too- the sleeping etc makes it sound as though you might be quite down, do you have help and support in the RW to help you?

Thanks Boris for chatting to me. It is a horrible shock isn't it. I lost my first that way and my third too. I didn't find out I was pregnant with DD until past the 'danger zone' (in my head that's 13-21ish weeks) so I've never known a pregnancy at this stage that I've not gone on to lose, and finding out I'm at higher risk of losing this one too is not sitting well in my brain at the moment, especially as noone can ell me what the risk actually is. Maybe I could cope if I knew I had say a 40% chance of losing it - I could live with a 60% chance of keeping it.

DP is very supportive but no-one can help unless they have a crystal ball, or can somehow speed up time :(

Sorry. I'll be back to the thread later tonight and will try to talk about something other than myself

missC I totally understand the fear sadly I have had a 14 week loss so nowhere near as late as your losses but I can clearly remember waiting for an early scan with DD and shaking and sobbing in the waiting room as I was so convinced all would be pear shaped and doomed there were ALOT of women waiting and staring. I had an actual pear shaped scan for the MC in July 2010 and that was like a sledgehammer hit me as I was so optimistic I'm "lucky"(?) that all my other losses were too early for scanning or I would be a basket case by now it's shit, the shittest of shit!! I'm reasonably confident that we all 'get' it and again that is shit the innocence of pregnancy has been cruelly removed from us all and you have had it extremely, unfairly bad and it is expected that your experience of loss has tainted all future pregnancies including this one. You know the bad side of it all and the good side is so hard to see for the fear. We all have our scary points and you are approaching yours {{hugs}} be easy on yourself and let your DP take care of you. It's going to be a hard, scary time (you know this obv) but keep posting, you will be ok whatever happens and we will be here to hold your hand through it all

Ah, missC I wish there was something I could say that would actually make a difference. Alas, I think you have the self awareness to know it's not really possible.

Something that has been said to me before which has kinda helped me is that worrying about something/dreading something doesn't make it happen, nor will it prevent it if it is going to happen. Like, DUH! right? We know that, but we can't help the way we feel. Sometimes, though, reminding ourselves of that simple truth can slow the manic feelings down enough for you to breath for a while. Then distraction tactics are more likely to work.

Hang in there my lovely. It's not easy but just keep putting one foot in front of the other; you're getting there.

BFPs and beyond...
Poppyjen: EDD 03.09.12 (so coming up for 11 weeks now shock ), 1 DS (almost 2) MC in May '11 at 6/7 weeks, CP1 August '11, CP2 November '11.

TTC
MarthasHarbour: TTC no 2, MC @ 10 weeks on 14 March 2011, CP1 01/08/11, CP2 02/01/12. DS1 age 2yrs+8mo.
JaffaSnaffle TTC no 2, MC1 @ 17 weeks Aug 2011, MC2 @ 7 weeks Jan 2012. DD age 2

Loitering
Boris- - MC @ 20 weeks in Jan, no DC's

Thought I would do the stats before I got over excited, got a little bit of time to myself so thought I would pop on here.

I am in a strange state right now, I have been bleeding since the miscarriage 2 weeks ago. Not very much at all now, and actually very light, just a bit of blood when wiping, but it is still going on. I am not too worried, because it is not heavy, and I had the megadose antibiotics for a week, so should not be in too bad a state, but getting a bit fed up. When I had my last miscarriage, I stopped bleeding for a week, and then AF came. So it could be that.

I have bought 2 pregnancy tests, both of which have not worked - no control line or anything, so I am a pissed off with them, because that would provide a bit more of a clue as to what is going on. I am wondering if the shop is storing them somewhere too cold, (they say store above 4C). I do not want to schlep out again in the cold and rain to get another one, and I am cross that I am spending more money on them when I actually want a negative.

If it carries on much longer though, I will got to GP, and get them to look at my cervix, to see if it is open or closed.

I just really really want to be pregnant again. :( And not like last time, when it seemed doomed from the start. :(

jaffa I bled on/off for 6 weeks after my miscarriage. After the inital week or so of heaviness it was light and I only needed a panty liner but it did drag on and on! I went for a scan 3 weeks after which showed some retained products so was given anti-biotics. I then had another spell of heavier bleeding then another fortnight of scanty bleeding before finally stopping and getting a negative test at 6 weeks and 7 weeks respectively.

xx

Hi ladies. Too lazy to bake, so here is a distinctive paper bag full of McDonalds hot apple pies.

Not sure what is going on with me. CD12, had a very short, light AF 26 days after ERPC, then had some very very light spotting on and off (i.e. normal discharge that was a bit beige). Occasional, mild, dull, dragging ache in tummy since then. No ovulation pains (usually get for about a week before I ovulate, quite severe sometimes requiring painkillers), which would normally have started by now. Neg OPK, low on CBFM, low temps and BFN on PT. Been tired, hungry and occasional waves of nausea. Another WTF cycle? Can't imagine I'm pg as had BFN and AF. I assume AF was light and short because after ERPC and short cycle there just wasn't much to shed.

Oh well. Stats here...

BFPs and beyond...
Poppyjen: EDD 03.09.12 (so coming up for 11 weeks now shock ), 1 DS (almost 2) MC in May '11 at 6/7 weeks, CP1 August '11, CP2 November '11.

TTC
MarthasHarbour: TTC no 2, MC @ 10 weeks on 14 March 2011, CP1 01/08/11, CP2 02/01/12. DS1 age 2yrs+8mo.
JaffaSnaffle TTC no 2, MC1 @ 17 weeks Aug 2011, MC2 @ 7 weeks Jan 2012. DD age 2
bonzo77 TTC no 2. MMC @ 12 weeks 19/12/11. DS age 1yr+11mo.

Loitering
Boris- - MC @ 20 weeks in Jan, no DC's

And I went back, and I have a very faint positive. Only time I don't want one, and it is there. When will this ever end??! :(

I'm sorry jaffa

FWIW, I bled for nearly 3 weeks after my first MC (though I never POAS after it as, well, it was years ago, I didn't know I could/should, and those things cost £££££££s!) We DTD just a couple of days after I stopped bleeding. It hurt so we didn't try that again. The week after, I got AF, and re-started my pill on day one, as we'd decided to wait a year before trying again as we were in pieces.

It was about 5 months later when things still weren't quite right that I found out that one ouchie DTD had conceived DD Who knew? Skipped right past all the metalling as well. Hurray! Not advising it as a tactic of course but I hope things work out similarly for you.

bonzo mmmm hot apple pie - ingredients pastry and molten lava Do you always get O pains? I get them but every so often I have a month without - I have no idea if it's just not painful that month or if it's an anovulatory cycle but the cycle I conceived with this time didn't feature my usual pattern, at all - in fact you can see me WTF-ing and wondering if my cysts were playing up all over the last thread

Wow I'm really coming across as spectacularly unaware of my own body parts here aren't I?

pebs any answers, you okay? Staverton did you manage to see anyone?

marbles thanks for sharing and all the emoticons. I'm sorry for the pity party. I feel vaguely better today but I'm still quite out of it illness wise, can barely stay awake. You're right about the lost innocence we all here feel that, the problem I have outside of this thread is the constant countdown to 12 weeks like some kind of magic talisman. Then here I am pissing on the parade. By the way I've never got the 12 weeks thing, I always thought the end of the first tri was 13 weeks? I know for MC classification purposes 13+6 is a first-tri MC but 14+0 is a second-tri MC, baby-size dating wise. One of the reasons I got more urgent care is I'd had a (good) scan post-14 weeks so they knew DS was alive then so must be a late(r) loss. Rmabling now

manda you all do make a difference, having somewhere to come without people telling you you're being morbid or doom-mongering or just to relax and stop worrying is fricking priceless. I've been told all that and more. My MIL told me not to worry, it's not like they were real babies oh and she knows someone else who had LOADS of miscarriages before she went on to have hers but she managed it in the end. Sweet Jesus. FFS.

I've also it's been told it's for the best as we're too young (reference to previous thread we're 28 and 30 this year) not married (fuck the fuck off) and the classic there must have been something wrong with them. Well there wasn't, Just with me. Feel happier now, you evil witch?

Sorry to serial post but I am going to ask again if anyone knows anything about Dopplers and if you think it will destroy or preserve my sanity....

Oh and what do you think is less bad for embyro take four, running a medium temperature (elevated but not really high - 2 degrees higher than normal, but been going on five days) or taking paracetamol to bring it down? And should I ring the MW and metal at her this week?

Quick reply MissC I would have thought you're better off taking paracetamol as it doesn't cross the placenta so can'tn affect the baby. you might want to read up on it but I would have thought a high temperature poses more risk.

Ditto what mad says about the paracetamol, i'd take it x

missc ring the midwife, she might be able to get you an early scan. it might give some reassurance.

i went to the doctors on friday and they gave me some different antibiotics for the uti and i feel 100% better already. the last antibiotics they gave me weren't the right ones - bloody idiots! i am on cd 29 today and af has not shown up. all the bleeding i had last week seemed to be related to the uti as it only came when i was in the most pain with that and only when i wee'd, not on a pad/liner etc. not really sure whats going on but don't really want to test either. i will see if i come on tomorrow. my cycles so far (since last mc) have been 27,31,29 and 25 days. trying not to get my hopes up but secretly praying i am pg.

apologies to anyone with burns from the hot apple pie. I exercised some self control and ate my big mac meal first, thus allowing pie to cool.

missc I agree with mad and pie. I really think that the fever will do your pregnancy more harm than the paracetamol. One of the things that I metal about is if not controlling my fever properly when I had a bad cold contributed to my mc. Who knows?

As for dopplers, I really don't know. I assume you are talking about the ones that measure blood flow from uterine artery to the uterus, or the ones showing blood flow from placenta to foetus. Would they reassure you? Isn't a bit like with an early scan, they just show a snap shot of the situation while you are in the scan room. Anything could happen after. And what can be done with the information? DS had IUGR. By the time it was diagnosed at 30 weeks I think they said that a doppler would give no further useful information. FWIW DS was induced as he stopped moving, then born by EMCS at 39 weeks. A bit small at 5lb 11 but utterly perfect (well, I think his wonky feet and the weird pit in his ear are perfect). They never established why he was so small (I had reduced fluids too). Though I cannot imagine falling off a cantering horse at 15 weeks helped.

They also call the little hand held foetal heart listening things dopplers. You can buy them to listen in at home. From what I hear it can be really hard to get them in the right place, and then if you don't hear the HB you are worried senseless. I wouldn't bother with one of those, as awareness of foetal movement patterns is more useful (DS obviously had a HB long after he had stopped moving, but MW not happy at all about the lost movement, despite ok HB). Me knowing his movement patterns saved his life. I have no doubt at all about that.

As for being told not to worry, well that's just bollocks. Same with TTC. Worrying or not worrying changes nothing. And you can't help how you feel. Worrying is often useful, it allows us to take charge and very often be proactive. Going back to my last paragraph, what if I hadn't worried about DS not moving? Sometimes I want to say "I'll resist the urge to worry when you resist the urge to tell me not to". But I am clearly quite an angry person!

I told DH about my WTF symptoms, some of which are weirdly like early pg. His first thought was that I must be pg! The metalling is catching. He wants me to POAS.

I've already had one pebs not official though, just a sneak peek when I went for DS's PM results. The total conclusion then was it looks to be in the right place and about 7 weeks... so less than three weeks ago but seems like forever till the next which is scheduled for four weeks and two days time (not that I'm counting) So more than 7 weeks between scans, it's as bad as the BFP to 12 week wait

Can't believe they gave you the wrong anti-bs, what a lot of rot. Glad you're feeing better now though and everything crossed you're having a WTF because you're pg.

Thanks for the paracetamol info. Lots of brains in this mosh pit.

i would go for another early scan. last time i was having them every two weeks. i stopped after the 12 week scan but next time i am going to have them every two weeks from about 7 weeks and all the way through. i am also getting weekly midwife appointments as well. not sure how i am going to clear all this with work but i am doing it!! my consultant has already said i can have this level of care next time. at st marys rmc in london they give scans every week until 12 weeks.

not sure if i am having a wtf but the uti last week messed me up a bit. haven't even swi'd for over a week arrrgghhh!! i was trying those opks this cycle but never managed to find a smiley face. will try them again this month if af shows up. i might even start temping again.

Wow pebs that's a lot of appointments.

I wonder who I'd have to beg and what I'd have to say to persuade them to scan me with no reason other than metalling

missC you are NOT having a pity party (sorry if my post had sounded like i meant that) the gist of my post was to convey that for all the metalling etc we are all here and get it 100% so metal away to your hearts content! lord knows i have had my few weeks of metalling and found this thread a comfort and a help during my WTF hours. on the doppler issue...i would try and avoid the doppler but only as therein madness lies. i was tempted to get one to listen into DD and spoke to my MW who gave me a try of her one and could i fk find the right place! it made me panic a bit too even though the MW had found the HB just minutes earlier! i agree with pebs about the early scan and i would also take the paracetamol too as it cant transfer to the baby and you need to feel better...feeling better physically may help with the emotional side too.

Missc not sure what your history is but when I had my first mc the epu said I could ring them next time I got pg and they would do as many early scans as I wanted. I wasn't sure if they really would but they did. I felt like I could have gone weekly if I wanted. Didn't need to say anything special just that I wanted a scan. After my second late mc the midwife told me I would be able to have my own midwife who I could see weekly and ring when I want. She will also deliver my baby if I get to that stage. I can also have the weekly scans and anything else that's helps. The consultant also said I could have all this treatment

You don't need to lie or anything after having mc you should be able to have at least a reassurance scan at this stage.

I suppose it depends on your pct bloody postcode lottery.

marbles no you didn't, just my mood swings I can see how madness lies there I borrowed one from a friend last time after bleeding began post-14 weeks and I did find it okay to find the HB...I'd always find mine first but I could always find DS's as well - up until 36 hours before he was born. But I didn't try using it until past 14 weeks, and the one time I couldn't find him it actually was because he was dead, so I can see metalling spiralling madly out of control....and of course it doesn't change outcomes.

bonzo I think you need to POAS my friend :)

pebs history is one loss at 14w and one at 17w, and high risk for this one. Can't say I've been offered anything like that though I have found the MW/consultant supportive in the one time I've met both of them. It probably is the postcode lottery, but it can't hurt to ask I suppose. Consultant suggested 16w scan in addition for reassurance, then growth scans at 28w, 34w. If I ever get to 37w with an okay baby then I'd be off cons care and on for home birth, so I wouldn't be delivered by the hospital people. My MW won't be at work until wednesday, I may be tempted to ring her up then and run a few things past her. Other than that I guess I could try my luck at EPU.

God I sound paranoid.

Thank you all so much.

Hi everyone

missc I've also wanted to shout at people that no there was nothing wrong with him, it was my stupid body.

They say paracetamol is safe during pg, some people are advised to take it daily but I think that's when they've had mc because of problems due to blood thickness, ibuprofen shouldn't be taken in the first and last trimester though.

I know if I become pg again I won't start to relax until 24 weeks as at least then if my cervix fails they can do something to help the baby. That's one of the things Im finding the hardest, if it had happened 4 weeks later than it did they could have helped him. I also suffer from unexplained pprom but luckily both times were after 30 weeks so the baby's were prem but ok.

I look back on my pg with ds1 now and think how great it was, apart from the normal worrying you have it was a happy time with none of the anxiety I've had in the other pg, if I'm lucky enough to become pg again it will be my 8th pg.

Can I add my stats

Ttc no4, mc @ 8 weeks 1999, mc2 @ 8 weeks 2002, mc 3@20 weeks 28/09/11. 3ds 17, 9 and 11 months

Ds3 is wide awake, he's having a hard time teething poor little man

cd30 today.....

really don't want to test and get a bfn though. i am supposed to find out if i am pg asap though as i need to start taking my asprin if i am pg. my consultant told me not to hang around. last time i didn't test until cd45!!

what should i do??

i could be pg as i don't feel like i am going to come on, i have been having plenty of swi before i got the uti.

i might not be pg as i had a lot of spotting last week, although that could be linked to the uti.

my longest cycle has been 31 days. i tested on thursday last week and got a bfn - probably way too early to have been testing though.