Wizard are playing and the tinsel is up. Come into the BESHmas office party for some inappropriate photocopying and brief, regretful relationships!

[AriesWithBellsOn]

Evening BESHes! Don your tinsel and Christmas tree earrings and dance into my office for some rocking around the Christmas Tree. First one to snog Brett from Accounts wins a glass of warm Country Manor and some Christmas snacks. May we getting SWI over the Festive Season and announce our wins in the New Year

In you come! Festive newcomers welcome - just search for and fill in the BESHtionnaire and submit for approval.

Faithy I am also expecting a visitation at Christmas. On my birthday no less. What a great present. "Happy birthday! Another year older.... and and as a gift a reminder that you are not pregnant". Nice.

I am better this morning but have slightly puffy eyes which is an attractive look.

Tsk, what are yous lot like with your lack of Xmas shagging? You won't win a baybee unless you do the sechs. Doing it in your parents bed has never stopped a teenager getting pregnant! Can't you take the dog for a walk in the woods? Romantic stroll? It doesn't need to be the most romantic love making of your life, but ain't none of yous the virgin Mary. Don't choose getting pissed over winning a baybee. :(

cavey I don't know her, my friend has initials SM.

baubles glad to hear things are getting 'normal' again and I hope you get your new bfp very soon! :)

Does anyone want my ration of mincepies? They ming to the highest mong.

I've never seen mbfgw (itv isn't it? Which I don't get), but I rather agree with drom. When I was in a women's aid safehouse there was a traveller girl there. 3 kids aged 21 (2 of whom in care), 2nd time she'd 'left' her husband. Told me she'd no intention of leaving for real, this was just a way to bring him back in to line for a while. I really liked her and had no idea back then about her probable illiteracy, although outside the warm, fuzzy confines of the mn middle-class demographic there are plenty of people who don't own books. We have travellers over here (of course) but they seem to be much better tolerated than in the UK (from what I see!). We were in a pool book once and some teenage ones came in, illiterate perhaps, tri-lingual definitely!

Each to their own I think Alps. We should neither pity or as Drom said point and sneer.

And as for not doing The Sechs I've done it often enough and still haven't won - we could do it every night for a year and it wouldn't help. Bring on the needles & the petri dishes

What's wrong with your mince pies? I bloody love them.

Mince pies are horrible. I ran away from school due to mince pies. :( They're worse than branston pickle, pickled beetroot and flumps.

Needles and petri dishes will indeed work for you (I very much hope!), but for most of us we need to simply "get on with it". You for example, won't be able to say you're TTC if you miss your appointments at the clinic iyswim.

My mince pies are in fact delicious. There are two reasons for this:

1. the high lard content (50% extra fat in my pastry)

2. The delicious orange flavour (orange juice instead of water to mix pastry, a good dash of grand marnier in the mincemeat, orange zest in the pastry

And, for good measure, I add a dollop of cream cheese mixed with caster sugar inside each one.

They are most delicious and it is a good job xmas only happens once a year otherwise i would be making some every week.

Sechsing is obviously the main way of getting pregnant. If only it was enough for everyone though. If you are already at it 3 times a week there isn't much more you can do in that department. Thank goodness there are other solutions when the sechsing fails.

I watched the BFGW programme last night in absolute horror. Not in a "lets make fun of the gypsies" way, but in a sad way, that it was the norm for these girls to get married and pregnant at the age of 17, after little proper education and having so few choices and opportunities in life. I was shocked by the outfits too, I thought holy communion was supposed to be religious rather than a blingfest.

Flumps? I bloody love them too. My lovely Dad always buys me a massive tub for Christmas (still, 30 years on). Although I'm with you on pickled beetroot and branston. Did you go back to the school with the offending pies?

Shagging is a funny thing. Don't get me wrong I love it as much as I love flumps and mince pies. But these days it sometimes can be tinged with bitterness. Although I will certainly be getting down to some in the veh posh hotel this weekend. Not coinciding with any fertile days at all but actually for fun.

x posts Kat. Your mince pies sound amazin'. Pliz to send me some to my work right now?

In the interests of my waistline I don't usually make them until Xmas eve! You are out of luck I'm afraid. Although I do have a lot of time on my hands at the moment so an early batch could be considered.....

In the meantime you will have to make do with standard issue plus a glass of Grand Marnier on the side!

frosty I had the headmistress and my mother come to some form of legally-binding agreement where upon I would return but under the strict understanding that no mince-pies would be forced upon my person.

kat There's a massive difference between doing the sechs 3 x a week and getting a fail and doing the sechs not at all and getting a fail. Your pies sound "OK".

frosty Please to advise, I will be requiring a posh 'otel May-ish in the Loch Lomond/West Highlands area. I do not have a gasquilliionaires budget but would like a couple of nights of "lovely things" as my postponed honeymoon.

I know it might sound whiny & bitchy but I've said it before and I'll say it again. I turn 38 in January, I will probably have only another 50 or so viable cycles in my life, that's only 100 or so possible days that I could conceive naturally. If I really wanted a baybee I'd make damned sure I had the sechs on those days and I wouldn't fanny around because the location/dinner/dress/ambiance wasn't "perfect".

JB's sister got an interview for a really great job which she was a shoe-in for. She didn't go because her "hair wasn't right".

Alps petal - I say this with all the love in the world, but please be careful with the 'have more sex' lectures. The longevity of many of our darling BESH is a pretty fair testimony to the fact that you can be as well-timed and as committed to the sechsing as you like and you still won't win a baybee. And this 'must try harder' attitude can make people v v sad. Hells, it's making me sad and I'm not even back in the game.

If we had wombs that behaved properly, there wouldn't be any need for this thread.

I'm 38 in January, too, Pone...my hair looks right but that doesn't seem to help sway TOM to resume ttc!

Pone as I have said before I have 13 cycles of perfectly-timed fvking behind me with no baybee win to show for it. I agree with Pie it is just no as easy as having more sex for some of us.

Can we collectively file "just have more sex" in the same category as "just relax and it'll happen" please?

Pie = Rie. i must have had mince pies on the brain when posting!

Sorry about the droid rie. That sucksballs.

Just to add my mince pie to the mix, I agree with pone. I tried for 17 cycles to win miniFC. (except for one where one of my mcs fucked up my cycle) Five days a month, every month. Quite a few when the FC had 'man flu'. Another time when he had a 'sprained shoulder'... (can you tell he annoys me when he is ill?!) The sechs was crappy most of the time. But we carried on. Because that was the ONE THING I knew I could control.

And it used to really upset me when people would be distraught about another non win month when just two weeks before they would be telling me how they hadn't done the deed because of illness, or a row, or being hungover.

kitkats, your mince pies sound bloody lush.

euro I know you've been having sex. And I know how fucking hard it is not to get a BFP when you're doing "everything right". I also know that there is more than one ESH bemoaning a lack of BFP but at the same time not actually having sex! That is what I'm trying to get at drom.

I'm sorry if that doesn't sit well with some.

For those of you who genuinely need medical assistance I sincerely hope that you get the very best possible help and will swiftly become parents.

Can I join your BESH fred? I've been lurking for ages a while? I don't get to post very often but will dip in and out. I have found the questionnaire and everyting.

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

No. Tis rank but will drink it with bitter lemon if I have to.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Turning into a gold digger as dh progresses through career. We were both shitey temps when we met.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

I would try any of these now if someone told me they worked!

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

1. 2 makes me boak

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

An evil mofo that is not welcome in my house

6. what colour are your walls?

All sorts of random, I live in a rented house that was the show home for my estate. It's naice, each room is themed (railway, seahore, olive grove).

7. Number of pets?

None

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Richard Hammond

9. Lesbian crush?

Isla Fisher

10. What are your views on camping?

Love it.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?

i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
ii) Over 100 quid
iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Dread to think, I have a stash of cheapies plus ov sticks. I refer to them as my chemistry set.

Hello blacktea and welcome. I am envious of your nice themed rooms. But Richard Hammond? Really??!! Could be worse I suppose, could be Clarkson!

Well done on your beshtionnaire initiative! Can you make up for the gin hating by being a vodka swigger instead? And more importantly, are you 30something and feeling frustrated and bitter as you wonder where your baybee is?

Dammit, I have killed your fred.

I've been to fancy hotel in Twatley for afternoon tea, it was lush. £320 for a room though! Eek.

IC your point in that case, Pone. I hadn't spotted that. Not putting peepee in froufrou at all around egg laying time is likely to lead to a ttc fail, I agree. But the "are you having lots of sechs" comments are generally bloody irritating and make me want to hit my forehead with the palm of my hand theatrically and bellow "I KNEW WE HAD FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, DOH". In the same way that people who suggest relaxing prompt the "quick tell my gynae, he's spent years researching infertility and you have ALL THE ANSWERS" reaction. And breathe.

Ello Blacktea. Richard Hammond, eh? Interesting. And I would love to know what a seahore-themed room looks like... Are you a bitter 30 something with a teflon womb?

Hi Kat and Kit. I can't do much vodka after drinking muchos when I was 15 at a house party and passing out, giving myself a black eye and being taken home by the polis. Classy.

I can drink buckets of red wine and am partial to a whisky.

I am 31 and have been trying for DC2 since feb, had one chemical pregnancy and one mc at 10 weeks. I do feel a bit of a fraud on here as I am lucky to have dd but didn't want to join any of the 'cute' threads on here. This is more my style. Hope I can stay.

Seahore? I too would like to see that. I'm thinking sleazy mermaids.

Disappointingly it's seashore and actually means a border with shells and fish on and a pair of oars, one of which is the curtain pole.