Mothers of Angel Babies United - wishing for, some of us pg with and some of us holding our Rainbow babies

[Bluetinkerbell]

Here we go again!
lots of love to all our angel babies! xxx

Miasmum, sorry I haven't spoke to you here yet ( I just notices your posts). It is perfectly normal for your Dh to feel this way.

Fingers crossed that the bfp happens for test of us very soon!

Fan I love your profile pic!
Sorry for any weird typos, I'm on my Phone.

Hope you all have a good day x

fan I added you on FB

august huge congratulations on your BFP, what fabulous news.
fan, blue, jane,miasmum and count I so wish for you all speedy new year BFP.
too, of course I dont mind telling you a bit about my kidney history. Mine is a little different as in I was born with two perfectly well working kidneys. Fast forward to reception year at school where I was too fussy to use the smelly toilets and would hold my wee all day!! The stale urine obviously caused repeated uti's to the point that the walls of my bladder became thickened as a result of all the infections and so i was unable to tell when i needed the toilet. The stale/infected urine back tracked up to my kidneys and caused so much scar tissue to the left one that it gave up!!! Actually had to self catherterise for a while in my teens to retrain my bladder to empty. The good news is I am perfectly fine with the one kidney. It makes no difference to my lifestyle and yes I can drink alcohol . No problems when pregnant either. I can even count on one hand the amount of uti's i have had in the last 5 years. My friends daughter was found to have a large kidney that was not filling/emptying at her 20 week scan. She was monitored throughout and by 34 weeks it had shriveled up and gone.....I kid you not. She is now 6 years old and totally fine.......no follow up or anything. i guess our only issue would be that we have no back up system like the rest of you greedy so and so's with two!!! Do try not to worry, as long as one works life is totally fine

hi all Huge congrats to Augustsuch lovely news to get just before christmas!
i cant imagine the mixture of emotions but im sure your angel jacob would be so happy! enjoy and try try try not to stress!
huge wave to everyone - so busy at work come home shattered and cant keep my eyes open so have not read the passed few pages!
wave to Blue- how are you feeling?

Thanks for all the lovely supportive messages. It's been a hard day today - just lots to do and feeling v stressed out at the same time trying not to! Who was it who had the mantra 'today I am pg'?? razz? Thanks whoever it was! It's helped a bit. I still havent got my head round it though. Made an appt to see the doctor on Monday.
Xxxx

It's my mantra August " for today I am pg!!" xxx

Yes august, angel taught me well and it really has helped, one day at a time xx

He he glad to see I have some wisdom!!! Xx

Well girls, hope everyone is doing ok. We're going to our local Sands Christmas service this afternoon. Never made the lights of love service on Friday as there was a christmas night out. Hope that whoever managed to go had a special evening z

Hi all, hope you've had good weekends.

August, how are you feeling? Has it sunk in yet?

Razz, thank you so much for telling me all that - it does help. I can deal with this, I think. There are a lot worse things that can be wrong with babies! It was weird this morning, though - a friend was talking about next Christmas and how Bean would be nearly walking and how she would have a giant stack of presents but not really be old enough to understand present opening, and part of me wanted to say hang on, we may never get there, don't tempt fate! I didn't, but it is hard for me to think so far ahead. Another friend was talking about her new niece and all the Baby's First Christmas stuff she'd bought her, and I was thinking about Thea and how it should have been her first Christmas too.

Did I tell you guys that I got a phone call out of the blue this week from the hospital, saying that they had finished their investigation into Thea's death and asking for a meeting to discuss it? I agreed to the meeting and it's on the 29th of Dec. Now I really don't want to go, but I don't want DH to go on his own either. I'm sure it's going to boil down to 'just one of those things' and 'nothing anyone could have done differently' and so on. It's 9 months since she died, and now they want to discuss it? And at Christmas, as well.

mel I hope the sands service was peaceful, we didn't make the lights of love service either.

too I really am struggling these past few days thinking about Zoe and how it would be her first christmas too. I really hope the meeting goes as well as it can, hope you are ok?

My ds dropped of a card and little swarovski butterly fro Zoe. The card is gorgeous, it says " remembering your little one at christmas" with a lovely poem. It has really cheered me up th know that she is thinking about us and Zoe this christmas.

dear all, it's been a sad weekend here. Light and love, and many tears. Beautiful poignant moments - a lantern set free for Mia last night, and tonight, I have been receiving photos of the candles lit for our beautiful girl around the world from the CF ceremony.

Too that is weird about the hospital after all this time. But I'm sure you could change the date of the meeting if you wanted - after all, it is to inform you. Definitely don't go alone. And a baby's death is never 'just of those things' and 'nothing could be done differently'... if you aren't happy with the conclusions, then say so.

We are still trying to find out details about Mia, but we have the inquest in Feb, and hopefully things will be clearer then. Lots of hard questions still.

jane what a great DS. We are thinking of buying everyone in the family a beautiful Christmas decoration so Mia can celebrate with us each year.

Sorry all, realise I should maybe post this somewhere else... just bit difficult to look forward tonight. Promise I will be keep quiet until I can say something nice.

No need Mia we ve all been there/ are still there.we know exactly where you re coming from. Again, tonight I was in floods of tears over Georgie as today we walked past the funeral palour where she had been & whilst wrapping presents tonight it just hit me like a sledge hammer again how we lost her & how unfair it all is.
Up to that point had a lovely weekend putting up the Xmas tree , Pheb 's loving the lights. Wrapping presents Pheb's has " bought" her grandparents, uncle, auntie & daddy.
Funny old life? The highs & lows ... The joy & absolute sadness.
Love to all, particularly at this very difficult time. Just think in 2 weeks it ll all ve over & it is , when you break it down, just 1 day but it's a long build up ( I remember only too well last year) xxxxx

Be kind to yourselves xxx

miasmummy we are all here to support each other, we are the some of the few that have been through this. We do not judge on this thread. We all have our days of utter dispare, I am having a similar time at the moment, its not that much to do with christmas but more to do with being by myself alot at the moment as DH is doing a lot of night shifts. I hate sleeping by myself and when I do I start having morbid thoughts of death and then Ophelias face, just lying there not moving. Also moving into our flat and decorating it is bitter sweet, the room that would have been hers is now being turned into a gym.
Sometimes I feel like this year hasnt happened, I was never pg, its all a dream.

Morning ladies,
I'm feeling ok thanks too - it seems a bit odd to be called to the hospital after 9 months... Did you ever find out why Thea died? I hope it's not too traumatic for you, I agree with Miasmum, don't go alone.
I've also had a sad weekend, burst into tears in homebase yesterday - at a little blue stocking saying 'baby's first Christmas'. Must have looked like a looney. Also decorated the tree which was actually really nice, but I feel like I'm leaving my baby behind every time things start to feel good.
Saw the gp this morning, he's going to write to my consultant, and got an appointment to see mw. The receptionist offered me an earlier appt when she read my birth history on the booking form and said "I hope it goes better for you this time" - that was nice, that she acknowledged it and realised I might want to see mw sooner.
I think DH is struggling to get his head round that I'm pg again. I find it hard to relax and was busy all weekend and got a bit stressed out about silly things really, I realise it's prob hormones but I just so wanted him to help me out a bit without me having to 'nag'. I've suggested he come with to the appt, might help him to see its real.
I have to say though, I feel fine. Which is giving me confidence, as I felt totally wiped out and nauseous in the early stages with jacob. Fx.
Hi fan sorry you're feeling down. I hope DH is back on normal hours really soon and your new flat will start to feel like home. X

Hello ladies, sorry to bugger off for ages, Freya's been keeping me busy. We had the first illness poor little mite had d&v which is so scary in a baby. The legacy of loss though - we were terrified and thought we would lose her. She, however, was perfectly happy in between bouts of sick & hideous smelly poos.

August "I feel like I'm leaving my baby behind every time things start to feel good" I know exactly what you mean, thank you for putting it into words. Congratulations on your BFP!!

Welcome miasmummy I hope you find the companionship and support on this thread that you need. So sorry to hear about your poor baby.

too hope you are hanging in there my girl. What an unnerving diagnosis but I hope razz's experience is reassuring. Think of it this way, we all get by with one heart, brain, liver, stomach etc, and don't worry about not having a spare. One kidney should be fine.

Big hugs blue sorry AF got you. I hope you're ok with your sister's news, it can feel like the whole world is pg when it's you that isn't (()) Fingers crossed for Jan/Feb x

angel of course you can say about hurting for Georgie. Grief and loss don't evaporate because another baby arrives. The angels are still missing and that will always be a grief. I hope Phoebe is giving you lots of joy and smiles xx

cheese sorry to miss Scarlett's birthday. I hope this month is treating you gently.

to our other pg ladies razz, ciwi, mel
Hoping for the BFPs soon for blue, jane and fan

I'm off to the docs on Weds to see if they can help my excruciating piles Poor backside was broken by Freya's arrival!

Hey spilt, I had really bad piles just before Ophelia was born and well Im ok now but its still not back to normal suppose it never will be. I think that for me was the worse bit of pregnancy, even worse than the acid reflux and the hospital induced back pain. Im hoping next time it will either be better or I just wont care as much.

Got the day off tomorrow, to watch the guys fit my carpet. I wish I had today off aswell, but I might try to get away early as I was in early. I need to go and paint some more. Im having a busy old week, got alot of moving to do and then when I can the tree has to be put up and the other decs ready for our annual boxing day bash.

Hope everyone is having a good day, how are all the pg ladies? And hows the unpacking going blue?

just a quick one... unpacking going ok! LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE our new house be back later!

Morning everyone,
too if I have helped relax you just a little then I am really pleased.
Im really feeling for all you ladies suffering and having such a hard time of it at the moment, sending you all my thoughts. I hope that cheese is ok as she doesnt seem to have been about, though with other dc if anything like me will be super busy. I do believe the full-on xmas activities with my two really help me cope at this time of year along with the much anticipated home coming of dh
blue glad the house move is going well and fan you seem to be steam rolling on getting so much done so quickly......well done you.
Nice to hear from spilt and good to no you made it through the very first illness.

Hi everyone!

Blue, yay for a lovely new house! Have some to adorn it. And to you too, Fan, in your new house.

Hi Spilt, lovely to hear from you! Glad Freya's doing well after being poorly. Hope the docs can help with the piles (ouch!).

August, this seems to be the final point in a long-running saga! They didn't find any specific reason why Thea died - the post-mortem didn't show anything definite. They queried placental failure or possibly her cord becoming constricted during contractions, and they thought she had been slowly starved of oxygen over a week or so, but they didn't know why. At the post-mortem meeting with the consultant, she said that my care had been 'sub-optimal' and that the MW in Triage should have been checking on me every 15 minutes, not leaving me alone for 3 hours. The MW also wrote in my notes that she had listened to Thea's heartbeat about 20 minutes before her death was diagnosed by the MWs in the labour ward, which was a total lie - she hadn't listened to the heartbeat for 3 hours. So we got very confused and upset and complained and got a second opinion and so on. The second opinion was that the Triage MW had acted within regulations and that no one would have been able to save Thea by that time, so we kind of dropped it at that point, but the complaint itself was still rumbling on. It seems that they have finally got around to finishing their investigation into the MW's conduct and decided to get back to us.

blue and fan yay for the new houses!

For those of you dooing the xmas, I am very, very sorry but I have to pull out. I am really struggling with xmas, I was in Boots buying xmas cards and I just could'nt bring myself to choose any. I am so sorry if I have let you all down, if I could do it I would.

Morning everyone,
too your treatment was awful, i hope that after this meeting it is all over for you.
blue enjoy your new house, how exciting x
spilt nice to hear from you, sorry to hear that freya has not been too well x
fan good luck with the decorating, I am sure your new pad will look lovely for your boxing day celebrations x
august the first christmas without our angels is so hard. ours was last year and it has become a little easier this year, i am actually looking forward to it. We went to the lights of love too, it was a lovely service though I did have a good cry.
Had another doppler scan yesterday, all was fine, thankfully, bean nearly 2pounds! so just booked in for a growth scan in 4 weeks. BP is behaving too but my hands are swollen. does anyone else have this? I know it cant be anything bad because I was only at the hospital yesterday and all is well but I think I am going to have to stop wearing my rings, they are just too tight. Also, I was wondering, the midwife asked me if I wanted to book in to antenatal classes and I dont know what to do. Are they worth it? I am just worried about all the 'is this your first' questions etc. I dont want to tell a room full of pregnant women that I had a stillbirth but I cant say its my first as I cant deny my little boy, dont know what to do.

jane I just want to give you a big hug! You do christmas any way you want to, its just a day in the year. Just think of it as that.

I thought I would be more upset at christmas but Im coping ok, it would have been Ophelias first, but its not so. I dont know im coping my DH loves Christmas gets really excited so Im doing it for him I guess.

ciwi about the antenatel classes, I wouldnt do the NCT ones they are far to long and well they are expensive and also alot of what they tell you is pretty much common sense. Also I think what we are and will all be going through in the rainbow baby pregnancy is so much different to what all the other parents there will be going through. I dont think it has anything to do with not wanting to scare the other parents, its more to do with your fears and what you want out of your pg will be different. Its up to you obviously, I found my pg yoga class far more interesting and informative about labour than the antenatel class. The NHS one at our hospital was a two hour class, so not sure how much you get to interact with the class and tell you story, maybe you should ask the midwife. (this probably didnt help you at all)

too you have a new festive name!! I really hope you get some valid answers from the hospital and they do not try to fob you off!!
jane huge hugs to you hun, so sorry you are finding it all so hard. You will not have let anyone on here down, remember we are all here to help you get by in whatever way you can, none of us judge. You are in my thoughts.
ciwi glad that your beany boy is growing well. My fingers fluctuate daily with regards to size and I do keep thinking I should remove my ring soon or it will have to e cut off!!!
Can I ask you ladies a dumb question??? (hiding within the thread) is it ok to use the veet hair removal cream down below when pregnant??? I am going to have to tackle the now near forest soon before hubby returns as have gone no where near during his stint away. Can just not face a wax!!!!

razz Thank you, I am really worried about letting you all down. I am and will be thinking of you all and your angels over the Christmas period.

I wouldn't use the veet (or do a test patch first). When I was pg with Zoe, I used some on my legs. By the time I had covered one leg and started on the other I was really stinging. I had burn my legs with it, was so painful and I still have a scar on my right leg! I used to use it loads, but my skni must have changed during pregnancy. Lucky thing though, I had bought it to do down below but used it for my legs instead.