Mothers of Angel Babies United - wishing for, some of us pg with and some of us holding our Rainbow babies

[Bluetinkerbell]

Here we go again!
lots of love to all our angel babies! xxx

Hi all,

I'll catch up a bit
It's just been extremely hectic and stressful the last few weeks, very busy at work doing lots of things and often not taking enough time for myself...
We still don't have a moving date :( there are some problems higher up the chain... hopefully more news today.
We've had some troubles with our letting agent, as he had put our house on the rental market already without us giving him official notice. He sent us a text saying we need to be out by 3rd of Dec as new people will need to move in then. We sent him a text back that if he wants us out, he needs to give us the legal notice required, as in 2 months. No reply... the 'Let by' sign disappeared before the weekend and as I look out the window today new sign up saying 'Let agreed'.
Our new landlord has said that they are still hoping to move out 8th of Dec... so I've started packing already.

My cycle is confusing me, been temping but haven't detected ov yet, my cervical mucus is playing tricks on me, don't think I have had the fertile one yet.
I'm currently on CD29.
I don't know whether I should invest in a Clearblue Fertility Monitor or whether I should just forget about temping and charting and just not think about it too much (which is very difficult)
The longing to be pregnant again is indescribable... but I'm sure you all know that :)

Blue certainly do remember that longing.your landlord sounds a knob.poor u (()) xxx
Jane glad all went well & have a lovely few days away. Xx
Fan hope you get sorted.x
Too & Mel don t worry about your weight. Enjoy it & think about loosing weight later
Hi all hope everyone is ok?
Seen HV today Pheb is now 10lb 9oz all measurements correct. Pheb has a cold so a bit sniffly & again eaten / grazed constantly so I gave in & gave her a bottle this afternoon. Didn t want to as wanted to stick to bottles only at night.
But , hey ho!!!
Love to all xxxx

Blue, hope all the house moving sorts itself out - surely your landlord can't just kick you out without proper notice? FX that you ov soon and that this is your month! How much are the ClearBlue monitors? I would be seriously tempted if I were you - they appeal to me because I like the scientific approach and I would enjoy having something constructive to do. Do you pee on a stick every day with the monitor?

Angel, yay for Phoebe growing! How old is she now? Hope she gets over her cold quickly.

I can feel Bean bouncing on my bladder. Am going to have to get up and pee! Surely a baby that is so active can't have much wrong with her? Have been talking to Dad and it feels like every time he phones I have new bad news for him! I didn't tell him about the kidney thing last week because it was my little brother's birthday and I didn't want to cast a shadow over it.

Too yeh for bean moving
Phoebe is 5 weeks now. Can t believe how quick time has flown by!!!
Morning all. Hope all are well? Xx

Too Im glad Bean is beating you up from the inside, must feel so good.

Angel wow five weeks! Time does fly doesn it? Hows it going Angel?

Two doses of tablets and it already seams to have worked, I feel rubbish though, the doctor on the phone yesterday said some weird things to me, wanted to know about cp in july and when I said it was a cp he said he had never heard that term. Made me feel like a right idiot! Also said to me oh so you fall pregnant really quickly then? Urmmm no it took me 18 months to fall pg with Ophelia, I wonder if he thinks Im pg now? I m not sure we only had sex once this month during a 2 day reprive from spotting. But he put me on different meds than the last doc did, so just have to wait and see what the doc says on friday, the doc yesterday though has put on my notes that he recommends going for a scan to check everything is ok. I was feeling around down there (I do this from time to time as I have a very small fibroid that I can feel at the top of my cervix,) and my cervix feel different, they feel slightly open? And one side feels normal and the other side feels fleshy and well not normal. Something else to tell the doc I guess.

Hope everyone else has a great day.

Hi everyone, checking in. I've been lurking but not posting - always so much to say!
fan noted new name :o) Sorry to hear about your troubles with the doc, hope you get your scan soon. I chickened out of mine as I thought because AF had been and gone everything should be ok but I've been having occasional pains so thinking I should have gone - tbh I couldn't face it, DH was at work and I've been so emotional recently I didn't want to go to the hospital alone, think it would have bought it all back. Still, we've been dtd quite alot and I've been POAOS but no indication of ov. I think I might stop and just go with it. I got ' told off' by the bereavement midwife for obsessing, and my mum! Blue, maybe it's a less stressful approach? I've been secretly checking out the fertility monitor but think it's really expensive at £100, obviously worth it if you conceive, but probably not good if there are other stresses in yr life. I'm making a concerted effort to relax more as I find it difficult and I have to say I had the most amazing Sunday afternoon with my boys watching Harry hill, you've been framed and x factor whilst DH cooked for a change! We laughed so much, it was really special.
too did you get an umbilical cord check? I ask because a single umbilical artery is associated with renal anomalies. Not to worry you, just interested, as sounds like bean is doing really well and fx the kidney problem is nothing to worry about x
Angel that means 5 weeks since we started this thread! Has gone v quickly, prob not so much for those who are pg tho! How's things with you and Ant? Agreeing with others, very typical of a bloke to feel a bit left out when there's a small baby taking up all your time. He might have felt it even more so at yr parents, not that it's an excuse for being an arse. Hope you guys are back on track x
Jane huge congratulations! Hope you had a wonderful day and enjoying your break.
Hi everyone else xx

Morning, people! Am still in bed - just not been feeling great emotionally and have called in sick since Friday. I'm scared of the exhaustion coming back, and DH freaked me out by being so worried. Yesterday he said he would rather I was at home resting because he worries less then. I will have to go back to work eventually, I'm not physically ill.

August, I'm not sure if I got an umbilical cord check - will ask the next time. It doesn't say anything about the cord in my notes that I can see. I know Thea's cord was normal. Interesting, though - will definitely find out! Glad to hear you had a lovely day on Sat - sounds v calm and relaxing. I don't think I could have handled a scan on my own either, although it's a shame you didn't get your mind set at rest. Still, here's hoping it will all turn out to be academic because you'll get your BFP very soon! I think mums and MWs don't really get the urge to be pregnant again. My mum got very freaked out by me using ov sticks - she thought I was just winding myself up. I don't think she had any inkling of how strong my desire to be pg again was - she thought a wait would probably be physically and emotionally beneficial to me, whereas I knew it wouldn't be!

Wow, Angel, 5 weeks already! So sweet.

Fan, so pleased the pills have worked! Don't feel stupid about the doc not knowing the term chemical pregnancy - he's the one who should feel stupid, not you. Not long now til Friday. The cervix stuff sounds weird, so I hope they can tell you that there's nothing to worry about with it. Did you feel your small fibroid while you were down there? Do you know if the cervix feels different while pregnant?

too I think maybe you should have a little trip to the doctors and have a word with them explain everything and see if you could have a few days off a week, or maybe have every wednesday off to rest (i did this in last pg) it helps break up the week and well it really worked wonders for me.
I have been reading up about cervix (I am a google queen ) and I think I have a bit of cervical erosion which I will be asking the doc on friday. Its nothing to worry about and its probably something to do with having a baby. The fibroid I can still feel it, so its not that one that is bleeding, the others are inside the uterus wall, so make the inside of my uterus really bumpy (more bumpy than usual!) Im feeling a bit strange to be honest (wondering if its the drugs) I feel a bit spaced out and have a headache. Feel like I need to just stop what Im doing and do nothing!

Afternoon. Been a long and busy weekend/few days, will catch up and try to post properly later, had a scare but baby is ok. Just exhausted today, I'm still about though, hope you're all ok x

Hi everyone, been a bit busy with work and decorating the spare room the last few days. want to get the dining room, kitchen and our bedroom done before christmas too but think that might be a bit ambitious! We recently ordered a lovely wooden memory box for Ciaran and it came the other day, I love it and cant wait to display it in what would have been his bedroom (the spare room we have just decorated) just need dh to put shelves up.
too look after yourself, go to the docs and get them to sign you off work, pregnancy after stillbirth is very hard and work is not important in the grand scheme of things. I actually resent going in because i know my legs will swell and then i will get anxious. If you are anything like me, your mood will pick up. i have good and bad days but when you are having a bad period it doesnt always help to know that x
fan the doc seems to be quite good, its always worth having a scan just to make sure. glad the bleeding has stopped. do you think you could be pg?
august people dont tend to understand the need to be pg again, not unless you have been through it. I have a cbfm but stopped using it as it just stressed me out if i didnt get high or peak readings when I thought i should. i ended up stopping using it and just used cheap opk's instead. my sister (who had irregular cycles) also used one but found she didn't always get peaks and that stressed her out too which probably didnt help re concieving. she fell pg the month she went on holiday and didnt use it.
angel 5 weeks! wow, how are you adjusting to raising a baby?
blue hope your house gets sorted, he cant make you move without giving you the proper notice, he was probably just trying it on.
I had to meet my boss in work the other day and she wanted to know when I was finishing and for how long. I thought it was too early for all this talk but anyway, i have asked to finish the end of Jan (will only be 34 weeks but want to take it easy. its made it all seem a bit too real and not far off because i only have 4 weeks left till christmas, then 2 weeks off at christmas then 4 weeks back before i finish!
Also, quick question for those who have had spd, does it feel like you have just finished a long bike ride when you walk? thats what i am feeling at the moment and i am just wondering if its spd or just ligaments stretching or something.

Hello ladies! So many pages to read, but I think I'm up to date now.

Angel I will echo the others, wow, 5 weeks! Is she smiling yet? Sorry to hear you and Ant are having such a rough patch, I hope he mans up and you can sort it out x

too, its not just exhaustion though is it? It's stress and anxiety too, and that's really tough. I remember not being able to face work when the pregnancy, the grief and the fear all got too much. I am customer facing, so it can just be overwhelming. Could you talk to your GP about being signed off for a week to give you a rest and a break?

blue landlord sounds awful. Have you spoken to CAB for advice about the eviction date?
As far as the charting etc goes, I wouldn't have been able to not chart. I think I would actually have found "going with the flow" more stressful, as I would be forever wondering where I was in the cycle, when AF was due, how long til I should test, and not knowing would be a frigging nightmare. Consequently I twigged I was pg with Freya at 10dpo (about CD22!) but had been suspicious for a couple of days. The test was barely visible but I was certain from my chart.

fan hope the doc is helpful on Friday. Will they do the scan then?

I've ordered some christmas decs this and this. The one with the angel I got engraved for Bobbie, with her name, DOB and a small quote and the one with the Christmas tree is engraved similarly for Freya. There's a poem I want to put in with each one (a different one for each) and then I will give them to DH. Just don't want to leave Bobbie out. Hopefully they will look nice.

Freya is a ravenous growing baby so I am getting very up to date with all the property porn on tv. My current weakness is the Renovation Game. It's crap but I love it!

Love to all xx

x-posted.

cheese hope you are ok xx

ciwi I agree with you completely about too and pg after a loss. I too resented going into work because of some of my duties. Whilst my risk assessment said I wasn't to do specific physical tasks, sometimes there was no one else and I felt very pressurised. Usually I tried to swan off to a different building for a bit in the hope it would be sorted when I got back, but I always felt guilty and like I wasn't doing my job properly. But I resented being made to feel like that when I was already so scared about doing something wrong and risking the baby. And if it makes you feel better I stopped work at 30 weeks Make the most of your early mat leave. Be as lazy as you wish and rest all you can! And sod the meals, fill your freezer with cake. Choc brownies freeze particularly well

Wow missed a lot today I ll see if I remember it all!!!
Ciwi wow not long to you finish. You have to do what's right for you. I love my work & colleagues and for me work was my saviour as kept me emotionally & mentally stable. Was hard physically , especially, from week 30 onwards.we, too , got a lovely wooden keepsake box for Georgie which is in what will be Phoebes room so their stuff is together.
Too take care & rest up xx
Fan hope u get some answers on Friday x
blue hope you re ok?
Hi August hope you re ok? Can totally understand where you are coming from about wanting to get pg ASAP. Never had a CBFM but I did use the ovulation tests & found them very helpful. X
Cheese hugs xx
Hi Razz hope you re ok?
Hope Jane is having a great honeymoon.
Hi all, hope everyone is well. Had a lovely day in to town did some Xmas shopping before Phoebe started screaming!!! Had to use mother & baby room in Boots . Am discovering which stores have the best facilities.
Then popped in to my work & didn t leave for 2.5 hours. Didn t see Phoebe the whole time !!! She was spoilt rotten!!!
Xxxx

Oh hi Spilt lovely Freya . Phoebe has a feeding frenzy every Tuesday!!! I think it's because she was born on a Tuesday!!! Lovely idea about Xmas stuff. I ve got a bauble in Phoebe's name I pondered on getting 1 for Georgie also but decided not to. I would like to get something in Georgie's name though. Love to u,Freya & Bobbie xxx

Cheese, are you ok? What happened? Sending you lots of love.

Ciwi, take it easy with the decorating! I bet the spare room looks lovely now. I haven't had a formal chat about mat leave yet - there are two managers in my team, and the one who isn't my line manager is a close friend, so I have discussed it with her and she has already started thinking about maternity cover. My line manager, on the other hand, hasn't said a word to me. I was thinking I would work up to 36 weeks because I am convinced I would panic myself at home alone. I may have to rethink that one if I'm getting really tired closer to the time, though. I might opt out of going on-call at weekends through Dec and Jan, though - that might just be a silly idea, even though it is extra pay.

Spilt, that's such a gorgeous idea! So sweet. I wonder if I should get DH a present from Thea? Maybe one from Thea and Bean. Your DH will be so pleased.

Hello to everyone else!

ciwi we have a memory box for Ophelia, its stuck in my bedroom at my parents house that we are using, I have put a cloth over it so it doesnt get dirty. I cant wait to move out and put it in a speacil place not sure where that will be.

cheese I hope everything is ok? You rest up sounds like you might need to.

too I was thinking the other day about what I would do next time round for mat leave and I think I will take it from 28-29 weeks and also add all my leave on the front, I dont think the stress of work would help me at all in the last stages of pg and also I expect lots of hospital appointments so might as well be off.

I was thinking about presents from Ophelia but dont think DH would be happy with that, its hard to think that this would have been her first christmas. This time last year we were planning so much, thinking of the years ahead with our baby and now we are just trying to live threw it and try again. Ive decided I hate the phrase 'try again' its like youve had a mis-hap you must try again! I need to think of a better phrase.

Good to hear from you spilt and angel nice to here how well Freya and Phoebe are doing.

Fan know where you re coming from with Xmas. I barely remember last Xmas , we didn t put up any decorations, didn t buy many presents , didn t have Xmas diner etc... It was horrible. I actually felt such a massive sense of relief when it was boxing day.just do whatever u need to to get through it. If you need to ignore it then do.
Hope all are well? Love to all. Just tidying & chilling now. Xxx was hoping Pheb's would let me have a lie in !!! No chance !!!

Good morning, people!

Fan, the trouble with going on mat leave early is that I would then have to go back early. I can't afford to quit work, and I don't think I'll be able to afford the full year off either. So I am stuck toughing it out for as long as possible (she says, after having called in sick again this morning!) so that most of my leave is when Bean is here.

It's not trying again, it is deciding to have another baby, not a replacement baby! Even 'trying for a second one' isn't as bad.

I asked DH about Christmas presents from Thea and Bean and he looked very startled and then said he thought that would make him sad. So maybe not, then. I bought him a silly present from Thea last Christmas - a new dad tool belt - and I think it would be too painful. Angel, I think I may well wind up in floods of tears on Christmas Day - my birthday was horrible this year, although that was partly because we had just got the Down's risk back and were still waiting for the amnio. DH's birthday is Jan 1, and I think he will find it v depressing to still have no baby.

It seems like ages since we heard from Razz. Hope everything is ok!

Im here too......thanks for wondering about me . Had been really busy, did manage to start reading through the thread last night then my SIL turned up so I never got to post. I dont tell people about our thread on here as the things I share with you all I dont think I would want to share with many people in RL. I agree with others that you should maybe see about having a break from work midweek just to chill out.
angel and spilt I do love hearing about your girlies and how well you and they are doing, hope things are improving with Ant angel.
cheese really hope you are doing ok, come and share when you get the time
august it is much easier for others to tell you that you are obsessing when they can not even begin to imagine how deep rooted the need is.....do what you need to for you
fanIm glad to hear that the pills seem to have stopped the bleeding and really hope that you get some more answers/help on friday. Think we all will have some sadness around xmas this year thinking about what should have been
ciwi I have just had all my house decorated, though I confess I paid rather than do it myself. Hubby is due back from dubai in 30 DAYS, YEAH, and I thought if it was done before his return he couldnt argue with my choices, naughty me!!!!
blue I think if I were you I would treat myself to the cbfm as a xmas pressie so you are not always guessing........
Had a nice time with SIL last night, she is 11 weeks pregnant but wants the same name as me for a boy can you believe!!!!
Gosh this post is long. Has anyone heard from dachs????

Hi ladies,

We have a moving date! Yay yay yay!
I am now burning Sterre's candle and praying for DH that he passes his last test to become an approved driving instructor.
yesterday I had a big blob of egg whity cervical mucus. I thought great, DH is not going to want to swi tonight as he needs to rest for his test. I didn't tell him about the possibility of being fertile (again) as I thought I was last week but no fertile mucus. But we did dtd so hopefully Fx

razz glad to have you back! I'm currently bidding on a cbfm on ebay, it is a used one, but I don't mind as it is cheap. can't afford a new one, specially not with the move and having to put a deposit down and such...

august please come and obsess with me

spilt and angel so glad your 2 girls are doing so well! it is so lovely to hear about them!

Do you want to do a Christmas card exchange? Write each other a Xmas card and we can include all our angels on it? Cause I know I would like to do so on all my Xmas cards, but DH has already said he would rather not put Sterre's name on it. ( I think I will secretly draw a star on all of them though, somewhere in the corner What do you think?

That's a lovely idea blue, know just what you mean about not wanting to leave sterre out of the family roll call.

I dreamt last night that I kept finding Bobbie round the house, under cushions, under my duvet, wrapped in a bag in the kitchen, and that was why she died, because I was careless and she got suffocated under things . Why does my brain do this? It's horrible.

And 2 JWs just came round to ask me why I think God permits wickedness in the world. Search me

Aargh, I started to post and accidentally pulled the cable out of the back of the laptop and it died. Grr! Stupid ancient laptop.

Spilt, did they give you any answer? I can't think of one. That's such a horrible dream . You know perfectly well that you didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't your fault.

Blue, that's a nice idea. I wondered about writing Thea's name on my great granny's 100th birthday card, but refrained on the grounds that she has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me any more, much less my baby. How would it work - would we all write cards to each of us, or would we pick a name like Secret Santa?

Yay for the moving date! When is it? FX and good luck to your DH. I hope he passes. Is it a practical test he has to do? Yay for DTD too - hope this is the one!

Oooh, Razz, what's the boy's name? [nosy emoticon] It must be lovely to have someone close to you pg at the same time. I must start some ante-natal classes and meet RL mothers! Haven't heard from Dachs, no - hope her horrible boss has started to play ball.

blue great news about your moving date and managing to dtd!! The cards are a lovely idea.
spilt Im so sorry for your horrid dream, its so unfair that our minds have to continue to torture us when we are sleeping like it isnt bad enough already at times when we are awake.
too the name is Samuel.....we chose it as it means 'asked of God and God has listened'. I feel mean, but hey, my baby is due first so whats a girl to do!! I have just noticed that dachs has posted on another thread yesterday in pregnancy (not stalking I promise) so hope that means things are going well for her.
It is lovely having someone pregnant with me, my bf is due the same week also and my cousin has just got a bfp. Missed out on all that with my first two dc as I was fairly young starting. Did find myself getting quite excited last night talking about things then almost told myself off for it when I went to bed which is quite sad really though Im sure you all understand what I mean.

spilt ahh jw's I had a good mate at college whose DD1 was stillborn and the jw's were calling round her area two weeks after, she was still in a pretty bad way and well they caught her and she is now a jw. Not that I object, each to there own, what you beleive in is your business. But its funny I had forgotten about her her story untill you said that they had been knocking on your door. I lost contact with her a couple of years after college. Shame we were really good mates, which is strange considering Im an evolutionist and she was a jw. But she could quote monty pythons holy grail with very good accuracy (maybe thats stranger!)

I dont think I could put Ophelia's name on any card doesnt fit well with me, but on Christmas eve I will be lighting a candle for her, also we will be going to her tree and collecting pine cones to put on our tree. I feel very concious that I dont want Ophelias death to define me, but I also dont want people to think I have forgotten her, I feel like Im walking a tight rope sometimes between acknowledging her to much and not enough.

Maybe the card could be on the computer, maybe we could make one of those out of symbols and things on the keyboard?

too how many weeks are you?