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Conception

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Mothers of Angel Babies United - wishing for, some of us pg with and some of us holding our Rainbow babies

999 replies

Bluetinkerbell · 18/10/2011 22:53

Here we go again! Grin
lots of love to all our angel babies! xxx

OP posts:
razzdazz · 23/11/2011 13:05

fan you have just described it all so well with your tight rope thought. I also dont feel like I should add Thomas to xmas cards, he lives on in my heart. Infact ds asked me the other day if this would be my last baby and I said, "darling, I always wished for 4 and now I feel there will always be 4 in my heart forever". My nan does not still put my grandads name in a card. I have purchased a xmas tree decoration with Thomas's name on it to hang alongside my other dc. We have also decided to give this baby Thoams as a middle name though some might think it weird. Thought long and hard and decided that my other children have middle names after significant people that are no longer here, in memory. Now I have wrote that down I feel a bit odd about it............oh I dont no, got a while to decide I guess.

Bluetinkerbell · 23/11/2011 13:22

:( he failed :( only one more attempt left for him to continue being a driving instructor... pfff

OP posts:
fanjodisfunction · 23/11/2011 14:17

razz I think giving your next the middle name Thomas is lovely, I have thought about it myself but obviously have to wait till Im pg to discuss with DH. Ophelia had middle names that were significant to me and DH, I think thats what middle names are for. I guess its the thought that if you do people will think that you did it to keep Thomas alive in some way, where as its not its keeping that name in a printed memory, showing that he meant something much more, its hard to discribe, do you know what Im saying?

So girlies who are pg, have the names changed as the time is getting closer? Do you have a list, are you all obsessive like me and constintly write names down you like. (I drove DH mad doing this last time)

blue sorry your dh failed! that sucks, its a hard test though my bff mum did that a few years ago and said it was the hardest thing shes done and she failed on her last attempt. FX he gets it next time.

spilttheteaagain · 23/11/2011 16:16

blue Sad sorry your DH failed, how gutting for him.

I feel a bit of a waffle coming on, so apologies in advance. Firstly I'm sorry for opening the whole xmas can of worms and touching a lot of nerves. It will be a shit time for all of us in one way or another and we all have different ways to deal with it.
fan your comment about being defined struck me. I suppose for me, I do feel defined by losing my baby and I'm ok with that for now. I think it is partly the fact that she is written off as a miscarriage that makes feel this overpowering urge to acknowledge her wherever I can. I hate it that at times I encounter the assumption that there was a bleed, or some op to discreetly remove a "ball of cells". No. I gave birth to a baby, albeit a very tiny one, and I want her remembered as such and to celebrate the fact that we had a daughter who for a short while made us very happy. Maybe that will be less of a need in time to come, I don't know. For now I'm just muddling through and doing the things I need to do.

Just struck by the posts how everyone finds their own ways to keep going, and sorry if I've caused upset xx

too I don't know what answer the JWs would have given. I stalled, trying to think how to say "no thanks" and then Freya started bawling in my arms so they apologised and left. Thank goodness, I couldn't face the discussion.

Love to all today xx

razzdazz · 23/11/2011 17:01

Oh spilt please dont think you have caused upset......if we cant say how we truly feel on here then I for one do not no where I would be. We are all thinking it and feeling it already. We all do find our own way but it is so very good to have each other for support and advice in getting there.
blue sorry for your husband, give him lots of love tonight.
fan Im really pleased that you understand exactly why I would want to use Thomas's name as a middle one for this baby. I haven't change my mind on first name, I think it is kind of stuck now (much as my SIL will not be amused Shock

AngelGeorgie · 23/11/2011 18:06

Razz Samuel is a lovely name. A lady from my other thread has just named her son Samuel. Xx
Blue boo hoo for DH xxx how long before can re take his test?
Spilt not long after Georgie died we walked past some JW on the street & I remember saying to Ant " let them cone up to me & explain what's happened" they would have regretted ever speaking to me , at that time, I would have , verbally, lashed out at them. Thinking about it I would probably still ask them to explain the " reasons" for our loss.
Know what we mean about wanting to include Georgie in remembering stuff but not go over the top. I ve bought a Xmas decoration in the name of Phoebe & did ponder on buying 1 in Georgie's name but then decided against it. Thought I can t always buy 2 of everything it's enough that Georgie is " with" us . However, every one of us is different & handle situations in our own way.
Love to all xxx

CheeseandGherkins · 23/11/2011 19:01

Evening everyone, I still need to catch up with all your posts but I'll do that when I get the dcs into bed! Quick post now and will be back later. The scare I had was on Sunday night I woke around 3am to a largeish patch of fluid in the bed, was about the size of a plate and definitely not wee! So in the morning we were told to go to labour ward (my first time seeing it at this hospital and it was very nice) where I was examined and baby checked and all was fine. Was worried that it may be waters leaking but she couldn't see any pooling with the speculum but couldn't see my cervix. I seem to have been ok since (no leaking) but am taking things easy and seeing what happens basically.

I had some pain and aching in the evening after this which was quite worrying but it did settle after a few hours and I wondered if it was anxiety bringing it on. Either way, it went, so I'm happy with that.

I was sent for a scan yesterday to check fluid levels and all was absolutely fine but baby measurements too, slightly bigger abdominal measurements but still within normal range which is all a relief :) I still have no idea what the fluid was though Confused just hoping it wasn't a small leak and it appears not to be now. I've now arranged to go in to be checked over once a week as well as my normal midwife appointments and consultant appointments on top of that and I'll be scanned again in 2 weeks time. It was my consultant that scanned me again and she'll do them all now too.

We're really close to Scarlett's first anniversary of her death and then her birth a few days later (2nd and 6th Dec) so I'm really aware of everything at the moment.

23+4 today, almost at viability! I shall be back after.

MelMal · 23/11/2011 19:11

Hello ladies, we've bought a decoration with an inscription on it for Ruby. We're going to put it up every year for her but leave it at that. Our local Sands Christmas service has reminded you to take a bauble to hang on the tree for your baby, so we got it for that.
My brains not really switched on tonight so just thought I'd stick a wee post on to say I'm here and thinking of you all and sending everyone lots of love x

CheeseandGherkins · 23/11/2011 20:31

ciwi how are you coping at the moment? You're very close to the time you lost Ciaran now aren't you (hugs). Definitely ask for a scan if you need one, my consultant has been really good about offering what I need emotionally and not just medically.

too I'm not keen on stay positive either but then I also don't like people saying things will be ok as they weren't last time and noone can promise me that they will be this time. One of the midwives at the hospital said to me that she won't promise that things will be ok but she will promise that they will be there for me and do everything possible to get me through this. Almost had me in tears. I'm the sort of person that really hates crying in front of other people, I hold it all in until I'm alone, but I've been close a few times lately around others.

Thea's headstone is beautiful, we've decided to wait until next year until getting Scarlett's now. I just can't being myself to do it now, it doesn't feel right. The photo of you and Thea is also beautiful :)

jane yay you're now married :o

fan I'm not sure I could do all this again. I'm dreading 37 weeks and really hoping I have the baby before then. It feels to me like everything stops at that point. I'm definitely a different person now. I'm so different to what I was like a year ago, I'm a lot more forgiving and less rash, I think a lot more before I do things and I worry a lot more too. I always think of things in the light of there may not be a tomorrow and hate to argue. I do speak my mind though and I'm a lot more harsh in my thoughts of things that others complain about. I don't voice these but I cannot help think them :( It's odd as last Christmas was technically Scarlett's first but it doesn't feel like it, this year feels more like it. It was only a few weeks after she was born that Christmas came around though and we had her funeral on the 29th Dec too so it was all a bit of a numb haze at that point.

razz what you say about a bubble being burst is so true, this never crossed my mind before and now it's always there. Samuel is a lovely name, I really like it. Not your fault you both like the name, did you tell her that you've chosen that name?

mel 10 weeks, must have your scan soon? Are you having a nuchal? Glad your break was good :)

Angel sorry things aren't going good with dh, I did find it hard with the lack of sleep and a newborn with mine. It really does put a kind of film over everything around you. It's amazing how different you can feel after a good sleep. I hope you do sort things out though, you have been through so much together as too said.

blue the month I bought a clearblue monitor I got pregnant! I am glad I did though and I can keep it for next time (if there is one!) I hope things get easier for you soon. Sorry dh failed his test :( Fingers crossed for next time, I hope he passes the next one. I might put Scarlett's name on all our cards that I send out, it feels wrong not to but also people may think it's odd, I don't care though! She existed and still does so deserves to be on them too. I'm really not sure though, have to have a think about it. I didn't send cards last year though at all. Glad you have your moving date now!

August my monitor cost about £50 I think, I'm sure I bought it from amazon and it's cheaper there than elsewhere.

spilt I had a bauble ordered for Scarlett which came a while ago, it's not too unlike the ones you've ordered. Yours are very lovely. Dreams are so real aren't they :( (hugs)

fanjodisfunction · 23/11/2011 20:32

spilt you didnt upset anyone hun, we are here to listen and comment help each other and not to judge.

spilttheteaagain · 23/11/2011 21:01

thanks all xx

cheese so glad the baby is all ok, that sounded very scary. The MW you saw sounds lovely.

Countmyblessings · 23/11/2011 21:58

Hi all -been off for awhile & changed name,thinking right now would be 35 weeks! i know that some have marked the dd with some really nice ways, was hoping would of been pregnant again by now but not as yet!
big wave to - angel, Too, Ciwi,Green(Fanjo)Razz,Split, mel,cheese & all i have not mentioned!
Loving the name choice Razz!
Blue- how you doing loving the way you marked Sterre day!

fanjodisfunction · 24/11/2011 08:04

countmyblessings so who were you first time round you didnt say? Liking your name anyway.

TooImmature2BDumbledore · 24/11/2011 10:05

Fan, I'm 21+6 today. Re names, DH and I had settled on Sienna, and then yesterday DH said he was going off it a bit, and my sister emailed saying did I know that Fabienne means bean? It made me giggle, but DH doesn't like it pronounced Fah-bien, and he says Fay-bien is the masculine pronunciation. So we are a bit stuck again.

Razz, I think it's nice that you're giving the new baby Thomas's name as a middle name. We thought of doing that but weren't quite sure. I really like Samuel!

Blue, so sorry for your DH, how's he taking it?

Spilt, you didn't upset me, you just made me think! On the one hand I'd like to get something for the tree with Thea's name on it, but on the other I'm worried it would get broken and then I would be gutted. Will think about it.

Cheese, how scary! I would have completely panicked. V glad that everything is looking ok and baby is growing well and everything is in normal limits. Nearly at viability, too! I have 24 weeks as a goal in my head, followed by 28 weeks, followed by 37. And every week after 28 will be an achievement. Will be thinking of you on 2nd and 6th Dec.

Ciwi, how are you getting on, sweetheart?

Hi Countmyblessings, who were you before?

Hello to Mel, Angel, August and Jane too!

janedoe25 · 24/11/2011 10:23

Just popping on to say hello to everyone, I will catch up properly soon. Iam enjoying our lady day of mini moon with dh. Hope everyone is well.x

fanjodisfunction · 24/11/2011 10:29

too I love the name Sienna and it was on my list, but DH vetoed it. Fabienne is such a cool name. 21 weeks wow. I guess you have loads of time to come up with a great choice.

We liked Erin and Niamh for ages but couldnt come up with a winner, I had loved Ophelia from when I was about 12 after seeing the painting by Millais, and also it was the name of the lead character in the movie we went to see on our first date, and in the end it was DH who said lets go with Ophelia if its a girl, this was said at 32 weeks. And it felt so right and I was in shock that he had agreed.

Bluetinkerbell · 24/11/2011 14:48

too he's taking it ok, was obviously disappointed. We will concentrate on moving now and settling in the new house. he will take his last attempt in February. If he then doesn't pass, it is back to looking for a job and buying a car for us. :(

cheese you don't want to lend me your cbfm while you don't need it Wink

OP posts:
Countmyblessings · 24/11/2011 19:52

previously known as mama5isalive - lost you all for a while as a new thread was made and i never had a chance to look! have moved house and had no internet for what felt like ages!!!!! had a chance to back read and so much has happened way too much to mention now!
but i noticed name change of green/fanjo,- has all settled now so sorry for the strange way your ermm body is not behaving!!!!!
Blue- im so sorry about your DH and i hope he gets through next time and that you get your BFP that you desire!
Too - names are such a hard choice and when you have to settle on one its really hard, i love biblical nmaes with strong meanings really am feeling issac if i get another chance of having a boy!Grin

CheeseandGherkins · 24/11/2011 20:19

I love Niamh, that was Scarlett's middle name, we couldn't decide which to use so we went with both.

Blue you're welcome to borrow it if you want to :)

ciwi · 24/11/2011 20:34

Hi everyone,
count welcome back, hope things have been going ok for you
blue your poor dh, hope he passes in feb
fan I love Niamh, it was on my girls list. Is it finally your doc appointment tomorrow?
Hi Jane glad you are enjoying your mini moon
too I like Sienna too, 21+6! You are definately getting there. I am doing ok, the big 24 weeks tomorrow so just really hoping that this little man will be nice and active so I can worry less. Just want to get tomorrow over with, it's the date I have had in my head from the beginning.
cheese that must have been really worrying for you, glad that everything is ok though. I am stressing a bit but trying to focus on the fact that this baby is so much bigger and I have no signs of pre eclampsia yet.
Hi to everyone else x

Bluetinkerbell · 24/11/2011 20:47

cheese that would be so generous! I'd love to buy one but average cycle is 41 days and longest so far 44 days so not sure if it would work for me! They should be available to rent really like a tens machine!
I'm really hoping I don't need it and have my bfp this cycle but willing to try everything

OP posts:
Countmyblessings · 24/11/2011 21:05

correction - "names", yes letters now placed in the right place! DOH
ohhhhh Blue- grab the ofer you never know it may just be the thing to swing your BFP!!!! yeh good idea on the whole "hire"one do you think clearblue would be impressed!!!!!! im not sure!
thank Ciwi- i pray all is well, any chance wrong dates or you just have a big baby with no reasons to be concerned!

TooImmature2BDumbledore · 24/11/2011 21:20

Hi Count, glad you got your move over with and finally got internet back!

Ciwi, hope tomorrow goes smoothly with lots of kicking to keep you calm. Do you have a doppler? As you say, this baby is nice and big and so far no problems, so all should be well. Try to keep busy so you have less time to stress, too.

Do the rest of you panic at any random pains that probably have nothing directly to do with the baby? My hip just ached and part of me was wondering if it was a contraction Hmm. I really am cracking up. The random aches will be the result of having an industrious fit this afternoon and hoovering and mopping the kitchen floor. I can only hoover about one room at a time or my SPD kicks in.

Blue, maybe if Cheese posts you the CBFM then your BFP will arrive just to be awkward! Hope so, anyway. FX for your DH's next attempt.

Jane, the mini moon sounds ace! Have a lovely time. Wink

Ow, Bean seems to have just rolled into my bladder. Back in a sec!

CheeseandGherkins · 24/11/2011 21:43

ciwi glad things are looking good. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope baby stays active so as not to worry you.

blue let me have you address and I'll get it posted, think I have some test sticks left too. I need to try and find the instruction booklet but you can probably download it online if I've thrown it by accident. My cycles varied and were fairly long too but it seemed to work for me :)

Too every little pain or twinge I definitely notice! I had a day of cleaning and tidying, felt like early nesting, and I was knackered afterwards!

ciwi · 24/11/2011 21:47

count I lost my little boy to pre eclampsia at 24 weeks but he was measuring a lot smaller than that as he wasn't getting enough nutrients. I am not concerned that this baby is bigger, I am pleased as it means the same thing is not happening again if that makes sense. I am just worrying because I am reaching the 24 week stage again. He is not too big, just measuring right for dates but that still makes him bigger than his brother.
too I do have a Doppler and I may well use it tomorrow but I know really that only movement reassures me properly. He is usually a good boy and moves quite a bit so fx. I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow too so that usually helps to calm me down. Thanks for the hand holding x