Waiting to try to conceive

[Amonstercooper]

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

I'm not in the UK. I have to work 600 hours before qualifying for maternity pay (from the government), so that's about 4.5 months, and it is pretty good here - lasts for 35 weeks or something. So I kind of figure I've got nothing to lose, other than getting on with it, but take your point that maybe because of the first few weeks of starting a new job, I should leave it until June!

I would leave it a month or so to gauge how thing are going with the job. Sounds like a good maternity package. Don't know about there, but here you don't have to tell employer until wk 25ish, so they'd probably feel you'd been there a while by the time they know anyway.

Bloody doc says I have to wait another month to TTC to get drugs out of system, so I'm here until at least May now. I had high hopes for April.

Disco Thank you, it went ok, as we're waiting till september the doctor has started 'weaning' me off my meds, that way we can see how I go without them, good news is if I can'tcope, there are a few other meds I can take that are ok in pregnancy. This is my last month on the pill and I'm now on folic acid as Dr told me to start taking it already! So scary and exciting to actually be doing something, even if its not actually ttc yet! Anyone one else excited to start ttc, but at the same time terrified if they are doing the right thing, how they'll cope etc? Got a wave of feelings atm!

Bugsy I am 22 so no rush from that side of things, currently studying for a healthcare degree, and not many jobs around at the moment. Our plan is to have DC2 and then our family will be complete (until i get broody again in a few yrs time) so I can focus on my career.

mumbaisapphire I would go on your gut feeling really. I think you have to think you're very lucky if get pregnant on first month of trying but still prepare just incase you do. If that's feasible and all would be ok if you did get pregnant straight away then that's brilliant. I wouldn't worry about your new boss being angry you've got to do what's best for you! Would definitely be careful with regards to stress though :) sounds like quite an exciting time for you!

Sorry you have to wait another month disco but is that a definite start date in May?! How exciting!

Sparkly feeling exactly the same so excited to start TTC and my DS having a brother or sister but still terrified about coping, also feeling a bit guilty for feeling so desperate for another baby when I am so lucky having a gorgeous little boy already. Bloody hormones! What am I going to be like when do finally get pg!

Buttons Glad I'm not the only one feeling like that! A couple of times I've lain in bed worrying if its fair on DH and my little girl, and can feel guilty. Broodyness is driving me crazy lol so excited though.

So exciting Disco thats great news you can start ttc in a month x

Ladies, sorry have been hiding out and not been on MN.

Thigns have been so stressful- HUbbies cancer scare was negative so thats a relief but his business is no where near kicking off and earning, so we have had a zillion rows and looks like my baby plans for this Dec are beign moved to 2013/14.

Am so upset but ive sort of processed it in my mind now. So, i applied for a better job too since im going to be working more now than id thought, i should move to something better for my career. Ugh .

still very depressing and things v v tense with me and DH.

Good luck to you all ladies xx

sparkly and buttons I feel the same as you, wavering between broodiness and panic. I have moments where I hope I am somehow pregnant already, and other moments where i am absolutely terrified in case I am. This summer is going to be quite stressful enough with work as it is.

Freckly glad to hear your DH is ok. Sorry to hear your TTC plans are being put on hold though. Looking on the bright side I suppose it does give you time to get a better job, people seem to get stuck in their job while they are pregnant and have small babies, so it would be good to be somewhere you are happy to stay for a while.

I had a meeting with my supervisor at Uni and he said that I should aim to complete my dissertation by December. Once I finish my course I'd really like to change career, to something related to what I'm studying. But I have a nice permanent, family friendly, low paid, dull, job at the moment, and would probably be moving into an area where pretty much everyone works on temporary contracts. I suppose the best thing would be to have a baby, have a year's maternity leave, then start to look around?

Bugsy I sometimes hope I'm pregnant already, even though it'd be awfull timing! Sounds really strange I know but everytime AF comes I feel really sad and disappointed. At the same time I'm petrified if I am!

Sounds like looking around after maternity leave could be a plan, I guess it depends on how long you want off and.how soon you want to be working. I'll only be having 3 months, one I won't get maternity pay, but also it's taken me long enough to get to where I can start on my career, and I really struggled with the first 6 months last time.

freckly that's really good news that your husband is ok. Must be hard to get used to not TTC for a little while.

Thanks for your thoughts. We've decided to delay until June, by that time I'll have been in the job 2 months. All round I think it is better that way, adn if it doesn't happen straight away, then we've only lost 2 months ground - not 6-12 months IYSWIM. I feel more comfortable about it this way - I know I shouldn't care what my employer will think, but I am one of those people who hates letting people down. I'd be worrying about telling them, so I think this way it is better for my health too.

How long have people been with their DP before ttc?

I've been with DP only 5 months, but pretty sure this is It as it were, plus a weekend with his nephew and being auntie Dances has made me extra broody.

I know I want us to be settled down a bit more first, but how soon does the panel think is too soon?

sapphire that sounds like a good plan to me, June's not far off and you could end up with a lovely spring baby which always seems like the ideal time to me.

dances I have been with DP for 12 years. IMHO 5 months is probably too soon. Are you living together yet? In my past relationships there's always come a point in the relationship when we've got past the initial head over heels in love stage, and started to realise each other's faults, and whether or not we can live with each other. For me that's been around a year to 18 months into the relationship, but for you it might be different.

Also don't you think it would be nice for you to have some romantic times together as just a couple, before you have kids?

I guess it depends how old you are too - if you are in your mid thirties or over, maybe throw caution to the wind. If not then I'd give it around a year.

Also what does your DP think (if you've discussed it with him)?

Dances I agree with Bugsy. 5 months to me seems very soon, you'll still be in the blissful, head over heels in love stage, and won't have had time yet to take off the rose tinted glasses! A lot can change after that period, when you learn what its like to live with each other, each other annoyances etc. I have been with my DH for almost 9 years, been married for 3 and have a 14 month old! Things can be challenging at times, but we've had the chance to learn how to live together before the stress of a baby thankfully, as it was hard enough as it was!

I'd wait you've been together a least. I know how hard it is when you are soooo broody. What is your partners thoughts? How old are you, as if the clock is ticking loudly then it may be worth just going for it, but if you are under 35, I'd wait. Have fun together, get to know each other, how to get along not just when things are great, but when you are both at your worst to, as that will be what you need to be able to handle when you have a baby!

Another one agreeing it's probably too soon here. We had out first child after 10 years together, five years with a joint mortgage and three years of marriage. We know each other inside out, and have a strong relationship, but it was still bloody hard becoming parents! It's a huge test of a relationship. And having a family is very restrictive. If you are both really serious about wanting kids, why not spend the next year doing all the things you want to do for yourselves, and then start TTC?

My extra month wait is getting easier to swallow seeing as period still hasn't started at day 37. Maybe it will be the next cycle after all! And no, I'm not already pregnant.

mumbai with the new job to keep you occupied the time will fly by!

sparkly I'm also feeling that mixture of excitement and fear, but like others have said I actually wish I was "accidentally" pg now. I suppose mainly because it would take some of the "but what if...?" out of the equation. It would cost us a bit though if I don't manage to hold out till June for the maternity package. It's easy to think "who cares?" now but I know I'll be kicking myself down the line when I have to go back to work earlier and leave my LO.

Dances I agree with the others. You should leave it just a little bit longer before TTC. It's tough having a new baby in the family and I think it must help if there's a lot of goodwill between you built up over time. DH and I have been together for 8 years. Our relationship is happy and settled but it didn't get that way overnight. Having said that I know people who are very happily married with many happy years under their belts who got pg very early on in their relationships - and it's worked out really well, so you never know.

Freckly I'm very glad to hear your DH got the all clear - what a relief! Too bad the work stuff is still standing in the way of TTC. I know how it feels to have set back after setback so you have my every sympathy. Hopefully these things are meant to be and one day we'll look back on things and we'll have better jobs and more money and be glad things worked out this way.

Disco good news about your cycle - fingers crossed!

Dances I'd say 5 months is a little early, and I say this even as someone who knew within a month that my DP was 'the one'. Fast forward to 3 years on, we are still together, very much in love, but our relationship is not in that first flush of love. It has evolved. I've been broody for about 8 years I think but for me there's a difference - I can honestly say I know that I want DP's babies not just a baby IYSWIM. If time is on your side, then I'd wait until you've been together at least a year. If time is not, then i'd start having a chat with him now!

Dances Id been with DH 9 months when found out I was pregnant with DS and it has been amazing and obviously I wouldnt change it for the world, but if you have the chance why not enjoy each others company for a while before unless as other people have said time is an issue?

bugsy thats my plan re work. I had 7 months off after my DS and was thinking I could start looking for jobs whilst on maternity leave. At least if you stay in your current job you would get maternity pay and not have to delay TTC to wait for it.

i spent the day in delivery suite yesterday for work and have to admit it did make me happy to wait till October until the lovely babies were born and Mum was having cuddles :)

discowomb thank you, I will let you know if I have any questions! Feeling optimistic at the moment, I've been discharged by the specialist now and am hoping it should be over, just hoping pregnancy doesn't trigger it to return in any weird way (it was reactive arthritis but they never found out what the first trigger was).

dances I'm sure it's a bit of a downer to here but I'm another who would wait I'm afraid.

Hi leftwing, thanks so much for starting up this thread, I've been lurking for a while! Sorry to hear you are still waiting though glad there's light at the end of the tunnel now. :)

Hello,

Me again.

Following on from talk of missed pills etc I have been good this month but 'period' started a few days early, I was still taking it, but so far its only brown and very little, controlled by a pantyliner. My boobs are really heavy.

Is this wishful thinking? Has anyone else had periods like this while on the pill still? I thought I had some EWCM earlier in the month as well which is a bit weird.

Any way this is a bit of an aimless post but its weird, maybe its just my body taunting me with the thing I want most. :-(

Also, the NHS say that they will do male fertility tests if the man has a history of operations on reproductive organs and my other half falls into this category. Should we do this before we start or just get on with it?

So many questions?!?!

Questionably I suppose if your OH is up for it, you may as well rule out anything if you can. Would you have to have been trying for a certain amount of time before they would do the tests? It's hard not to symptom spot isn't it!

Hermione I can't take the credit for this thread it has been going for years, I just started this bit of it! Good to hear you've been discharged. When are you TTC?

Questionably I don't know the answer to your question, but I do know that I have a tendency to 'symptom spot' so something that you would have barely noticed before, now becomes a possible pregnancy symptom. I also wonder whether the missed pills themselves could be the cause. Could you do a test to make sure? What day is your period due?

I suppose your OH could book in for tests but that doesn't stop you from trying in the meantime.

Disco any sign of your period yet? If not then does that mean you could be TTC next cycle??

My period is due next week and I am starting to have all of the usual symptoms this weekend. It's for the best tbh. However I've realised that my DP had rather an, erm, optimistic view of how long it would take to TTC. I think he assumed that because we had sex a couple of times without protection then I would pretty much definitely get pregnant. I think that I have had the benefit of conversations with female friends who've had kids, and lurked on this board, so I knew the chances are that it would take a while. Whereas the last thing he heard on the subject was probably that lesson at school where they tell you that if you so much as sneeze on a girl she will probably get pregnant. I wonder if other people's DPs are under the same illusion (if you're TTC #1 that is)? Or is mine just an idiot

leftwing I may be TTC soon I hope. DH and I have an occasion coming up in the next couple weeks that I want to be able to drink (lots of) champagne for, and we've agreed that after that it could be time.

That said, I am a bit worried he may get cold feet when it comes right down to it! In the month or so we've gone from planning to TTC in about September (his idea), to planning to TTC in May (my idea). So... we'll see.

Random question to any / all - what does SWI stand for? I've seen it on the TTC thread where I haven't in any way been lurking. Is there an acronym guide on MN anywhere?

Yes click on "Acronyms" in the talk menu. It means "shagging with intent"!

For the acronym guide you click on Acronyms??? That was clearly far, far too subtle for me :D
thanks!