Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Waiting to try to conceive

839 replies

Amonstercooper · 14/10/2011 08:02

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

OP posts:
LtheBrideofFrankenstein · 15/10/2011 19:19

redrhumba, Zara I figured it wouldn't be too difficult moving with a young baby, and yes, they would be in with us to start with anyway. Maybe I should dig out some stats on the maternity unit where we are hoping to move to show DH that we would be better off not waiting. We're lucky in that my father will be buying our flat to add to his property portfolio so we're as good as chain free. I've waited for almost 4 years for DH to decide it's time to move house (doesn't look good for the TTC wait does it?), maybe having a baby whilst we're still in the flat would give him the kick up the backside he needs to get the ball rolling on everything.

Best I keep my fingers crossed for a happy accident with the persona!

LydiaWickham · 15/10/2011 20:12

SpamMarie - you need a very, very frank conversation with your DH that spells out the timeframe you're prepared to work with - is it move next year then start trying at 27? Later than that? I think you need a very clear plan that you are comfortable with, not just one he is happy with. But you need him on board.

Amonster - if this is your dream job, you should go for it. Firstly because if you're not happy and stressed at work, you're less likely to get pregnant, and secondly because I found going back to work after having DS hard enough, but if you were going to a new job that you had to learn along with the upset of first leaving your DC or going back to a job you hate, it's going to be a million times worse.

ChildOfThe1980s · 15/10/2011 22:00

SpamMarie - I agree that you need to be completely honest. Blokes often haven't got a clue about these things. Also, some people really do take years to concieve, and this can happen when you start in your 20's too. Hopefully you won't though, of course.

I am still waiting for DH to decide that we are rich enough to TTC#2. As the house is falling apart slowly and we're still in debt, this is not likely to happen for a year at least. :-( And I'm 30 soon. :-(

redrhumba · 15/10/2011 22:52

zara i know what you mean about the celebrity thing. holly willoughby had her first dc around the same time as me then when she had her second i was like it's our turn again now!

SpamMarie i would get your feelings out in the open. it's no good bottling up how you feel and you never know he may surprise you x

Buddhagirl · 15/10/2011 23:17

Oo just find the shiney new thread. I shall re-post and edit.

Hello all. Nice to read all your updates. Ive stopped putting my patch on and not told Fiancee. I do need to address this though so im hoping posting here will kick me up the arse.
Firstly, I am getting married in June and I dont want to get pregnant before my wedding!! Secondly i quite like sleeping :/. However it is useful charting my cycle. And deep down i would be thrilled if i did concieve.
I know this sounds utterly, utterly ridiculous but im so convinced im infertile that it doesnt seem to matter if i have my patch on or not :/. Tell me im being ridiculous guys.

Zara1984 · 15/10/2011 23:53

Welcome buddha! So exciting about your wedding next June! Grin

But you must must MUST tell your fiancé about you not being on the patch. Firstly, because despite your brain's protestations your body is quite definitely going to be fertile and willing - and secondly, because that's just not cool to keep DP in the dark like that. Imagine if he went and got a vasectomy without telling you? You could always set the wedding night as the start of TTC, for example! Smile

Thirdly - and this is possibly the most important one - you do not want to be heavily pg at or before your wedding. The couple of months leading up to the wedding are stressful enough as it is without being updiffed!! I lost 6kg in the 5 days before the wedding due to running about everywhere organizing things and general stress.

Welcome welcome one and all!!

Buddhagirl · 16/10/2011 00:14

Its so not cool is it. He would be (quite rightly) furious if he found out. Also a patch is quite noticable and men being men he hasnt noticed for the past 3 weeks, but at some point he will.

I think the logical part of my brain is saying wait a bit longer, get married, have a year of being married then try. That IS really what I want.

However, there is obviously another part of my brain saying whats the point? Give up on trying to have a baby right now. Stop your patch and you will find out that your infertile like you always thought. Go on, do it now and avoid putting off the dissapointment for a few years.

What is wrong with me? :/

Original poster
Amonstercooper · 16/10/2011 08:14

Buddhagirl you are being ridiculous (you did tell is to say that, I would have put it more gently!)

Did you talk to your GP yet about the fear you have? If not, why don't you give it a try as part and parcel of a pre TTC health check? You can explain about your mum's history, and I'm sure your doctor will have seen lots of women conceive easily despite a family history of difficulty, and vice versa.

I think you're being a bit unfair to your DP who said he wanted to get married before TTC - and who to his credit has followed through on that and sorted out the wedding. Have you two talked again since about TTC? You never know, he might be happy to try before the wedding in the knowledge that in seven months time you'll be married and any babies conceived in the meantime will be born after you're married.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amonstercooper · 16/10/2011 08:16

Zara I'm pretty sure your number three reason is not the most important one!

OP posts:
redrhumba · 16/10/2011 08:36

morning ladies

Buddhagirl like amonster says it might be worth speaking to your gp about your concerns re infertility, i used to think this for no other reason than i'd been on the pill years and was always a bit slack with it and never got caught out which is ridculous then i got pregnant with ds 3 month after stopping it.

does your fiance know how you feel? maybe talk to him and suggest staying off your patch but use other methods of contraception until your both ready.

Zara1984 · 16/10/2011 10:03

LOL yes number 3 is clearly NOT the most important reason.... my attempt at humour clearly didn't translate... Grin

Agree with amonster and redrhumba that a visit to your GP is a good idea, Buddha! Information is power and will help settle your worries.

LydiaWickham · 16/10/2011 10:13

Buddha - tell him you don't want to use the patch anymore so have to use other contraceptives! condoms do work you know!! (this allows you to get your body back to fertility without getting upduffed).

Now, practical none emotional advise - your wedding will be the most expensive party you will ever throw - it will be the party that leaves you with the biggest bar bill ever - do you really want to be sober? A honeymoon baby, however, would be lovely!

Basically, if you aren't able to have conversations like this with this man he's not the one you should be marrying.

redrhumba · 16/10/2011 10:21

i drank my own weight in vodka at my wedding but still wasn't drunk!

probably the fact that i also didn't leave the dance floor for most of the night meant i sweat it all off!!

Buddhagirl · 16/10/2011 10:38

Your all fab, thanks everyone. I'm going to tell him today. Im going to say that I'm not happy on the patch and shall we come up with an alternative method of contraception. He will be pissed off im sure, but thats what you get when you go behind peoples backs.
I will also make an appt with my GP to discuss things. Ive been googling depo provera and permanent infertility - bad idea. I was on it for 5 years from 15-20yrs old (Im now 26) and ive never had EWCM since i was 15. So now of course im convinved thats just another reason to add to why im definately infertile sigh

Buddhagirl · 16/10/2011 10:52

Just got off the phone, he is really angry. Which is fair enough. Im so stupid :'( You know when you just beleive something really strongly and you dont take the time to insert the logic?

LydiaWickham · 16/10/2011 11:16

Yes, but when he's calmed down, apologise, and then tell him your infertility fears, it could be that he doesn't understand what's going on with you and how upset you are.

honestly, you need to be a team on this, you're getting married, that's probably all he can deal with right now, but doesn't mean he won't be happy to discuss when you'll have DCs and possibly have any fertility tests to see what the situation is now.

Buddhagirl · 16/10/2011 11:35

Thought you could not have fertility tests until you have been TTC for a year?

Just spoke to him again he is better about it, worried obviously but ok. We had relations last night so im going to take the morning after pill today, shows willing.

Ive spoke to him about fertility fears before but because it is illogical he dismissed it as me being odd. Guess we will talk about it more today.

Hows everyone else?

Original poster
Amonstercooper · 16/10/2011 12:25

I have already accepted the job. It's far and away the best thing that could have happened in so many ways and I can't wait to get started. It does mean we will have to put off TTC a bit, but we were doing that anyway, at least now there's a good logical reason that's not just DH putting it off!

Spammarie it must be very frustrating to experience this at 25. I have to say it never even crossed my mind before the age of 30, you can't even protest that you're running out of time etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amonstercooper · 16/10/2011 12:48

You can pay for some tests, it's probably unnecessary but if it's causing you so much worry it might be worth it to give you a bit of peace of mind. Have you tried charting or using ovulation sticks to get a picture of what's going on yourself? Don't worry too much about EWCM as not everyone gets it in any discernible quantity and you can use preseed as a substitute with just the same effect.

OP posts:
notthehippopotamus · 16/10/2011 14:02

Oo, nice shiny new thread! Thanks Amonster [hsmile]

Well done Buddhagirl - I sympathise with you and SpamMarie on how difficult it is to explain to your DH how you feel. I've found it exactly the same. Mine has always thought it was just about practicalities, and doesn't get the broodiness thing at all. Having said that his number one rule for ages was not till he's 30, and that's next April, so we are beyond that now! And he is finally getting a lot more wavery, rather than dead against it.

I would second Amonster's recommendation to start charting - I've learned a huge amount, and mainly it has been reassuring, although I am not getting completely textbook charts. It definitely makes me feel more in control of what is going on, and more confident that I have a chance of conceiving successfully.

And last but not at all least, big congrats to Amonstercooper on the job. That is fantastic news and you sound a lot more resigned to the waiting with that as a good reason. I really hope it will turn out that all the delaying by your DH was a good thing because it meant you could get this job, settle into it, and then have your dream job and family as well. Grin

Original poster
Amonstercooper · 16/10/2011 16:48

notthehippopotamus it's good to hear from you and thank you for that lovely thought. I really hope you're right. I've been so depressed stuck in a job I don't like and feeling like a failure because I couldn't get another job, no wonder DH hasn't felt able to agree to throw a child into the mix.

Less wavery is definitely a good thing, most peoples partners seem to come round after a bit of time getting used to the idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amonstercooper · 16/10/2011 16:49

I am just on my way back from London after spending the weekend with a friend and her family. Their little baby is just amazing, I was playing with him all morning. He is just learning to stand and

OP posts:
Original poster
Amonstercooper · 16/10/2011 17:05

... pull himself along the furniture. So cute!

OP posts:
Evilwater · 16/10/2011 17:09

Wow this thred went wild when I'm at work!
Cooper- congrats on the new job! [hgrin]

Spam- I'm in the very same pan. It's very very difficult to talk about these feelings, how do you explain to men about broodness? In fact a baby cried at work and I thought it was cute. [hshock]

Lydia- good luck with child [hwink]

Budda- if we can do stem cell transplants, then don't give up hope. [hsmile]

My DP is not ready for me to talk about that yet. I'm deffeoo on the long con. It's a shame I can't show him the benefits of children. [hsad]

Lw

Evilwater · 16/10/2011 17:26

Cooper- aww.

Hope I all you ladies are having a good Sunday.
Lw

Swipe left for the next trending thread