The BESHes are now getting cross. Because it's taking ages. Now look, Universe, cut us some feckin slack.

[Ariesgirl]

Now also, in honour of the Rugby World Cup, we can also take our pick of the strapping, fine-thighed walking sperm banks who will be on display in New Zealand soon. I vote myself to be the tournament's physio and also we can judiciously place a few eager volunteers into the Pit for Gloom purposes. They are so incredibly tough that they are not likely to go the way of Daniel, Cap'n Jack and Mitchell.

Roll up, roll up....baggsy the first go on Jonny Wilkinson.

ooo no Jonny Wilkinson doesn't do it for me at all!

On the other hand, I have magic fingers and will happily rub down most ruby players if they ask nicely.

Auntie Doris x

Presumably as this is a rugby-themed thread, there will be a lot of drinking going on, yes?

Yes, we will be making raucous visits to the rugby club where apparently all sorts of drunken rowdiness takes place.

You will also be sat on the bar euro whilst we serenade you with gusty, yet slightly out of tune, foul-worded melodies which you should meet with delighted glee and not contempt. You will be encouraged to shag at least one of us at the end of the evening. Although no spitroasting - that's for footballers. Perhaps a bit of cheeky fingering though.

Do we have to wear pants on our head in aforementioned drinking sessions a la student rugby teams?

Hello Dor nice to see you back [Smile]

That sounds fab, Pony. I can hardly wait.

Indeed Alps. You paint a beautiful picture. But you're casting us as rugby players?

Am guessing that we'll be drinking beer in the most part - no?

1. Gin? Out of a teapot with Earl Grey-infused apple juice. Or straight from the bottle. Depends on the circumstances.

2. Men - gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar? I?ve had both ? am now with one on equal standing

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use?
   Simple. I use weewee for stick-peeing, foofoo for sex, poo(h)poo(h) for drunk sex, and I claim ?praying to the baby Jebus? as my excuse when I lie about selling my soon-to-be-diffed-soul to the devil.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff, do you:a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings?
   Is there another purpose for wee other than stick-wetting?

5. Is R2D2:a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.b) the source of all evil.
   Never trust a droid.

6. what colour are your walls?
   Which house?

7. Number of pets?
   One cat, one dog?the animal equivalent of scoring both a boy and a girl (sad old hag that I am)

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Bob Odenkirk - never underestimate the sexy of a good sense of humor. Plus he looks like the type of man who would happily hold my hair when I?m puking up several teapots worth of gin and juice.

9. Lesbian crush? Anna Chancellor. Scrumptious.

10. What are your views on camping? The last time I slept in a tent I was attacked by a bear. Seriously. Attacked by a fucking BEAR. But now that I?m living in ye jolly olde bear-free England I might be persuaded to try it again?maybe. Many teapots of gin would be required. And two or three really strong pills to zonk my nerves.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    See that man standing over on the corner? The one with the trenchcoat? Yeah, well, he knows this guy who knows a guy ? he?s totally legit: All you can carry boxes of pee-sticks. Cash up front; no names, no discounts. The perfect arrangement for a dirty little junkie whore like myself?

Hello?
Well I am officially 30 now and have been ttc for 20 months now so can I become a BESH?

laurapalmer wins me over because I can pretend she looks like sheryl lee which should keep me in fantasies for months. also, some of the finest people I've met have been chased by grizzlies.

Hello faith, if you're pre-approved by bugger then you too must be a gem, although you'll need to do the survey so we can peer in to your life.

brownie well acting like laydeez doesn't seem to be working for Besh, so let's have more drunken sex with strangers!

Oooo, fresh blood (and not the droid kind). How exciting!

Faith you are required to track down and fill out the BESHionnaire. So we can assess you.

Brownie in my experience, rugby types will drink anything and everything so you are definitely not limited to beer.

I have said questionnaire and as soon as I can lure DH away from the pc football manager obsessive I shall complete it with vigour and see if I pass the test.

laura excellent beshtionnaire! Welcome! Bear attack? Wow. Very scary. An excellent reason to avoid camping.

faith if you are feeling bitter and very hard done by with the ttc lark and you like fantasising over hot men and/or women and engaging in random acts of violence then that is how it works. I am sure you are a genuinely good BESH candidate having come across you elsewhere on conception. Although you may need to change the spelling of your name to baybee...

Here goes nothin'!

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

in my house we go through bottles quite rapidly...and then say "Why has the gin gone?!"

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Cradle snatcher. DH is 3 years and 12 days younger than me, whippersnapper!

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

b is an exit not an entry. At this point in time I'll try anything.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

eurgh, baby dust! My answer tends to "yes".....
"Could I be pregnant?"
Me: "If you have had unprotected sex then yes, you could be pregnant." Idiots!

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

a. But Yoda rules supreme.

6. what colour are your walls?

Magnolia in most rooms. Blue and flowery in the boudoir. Moonbeam in the kitchen (ooh) and lime green in the play room (haven't got round to decorating it yet)

7. Number of pets?

one stupid, terrified hamster who was a the result of me demanding a baybee replacement one day and stropping til DH said yes. She is nothing like a baby!

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

For a while...Niles from Frasier

9. Lesbian crush?

Kate Winslet (she even rescued a granny!)

10. What are your views on camping?

DDad has a campervan. Spent my last holiday sleeping in the awning. I love to camp. I'd just have preferred it if the lilo hadn't deflated by morning.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?

i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
ii) Over 100 quid
iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
ii for sure. at one point I went through 15 in two months! Now I rely on cheapies with a cbd in break glass in case of emergency cupboard only to be opened when all the remaining cheapies say yes.

So, how did I do?!

Niles from Frasier? Niles from Frasier? NIALS FROM FRASIER? That is the weirdest and most inappropriate I have come across. I vote you're in. As long as you don't mind lesboerotiviolence, swearing, bad taste and a healthy aversion to babydust and AF, and are over thirty, then that's ok. It was getting a bit lonely in here. People keep graduating. Which is good obv.

I'm off to shag Sebastien Chabal.

LauraPalmer a bear? You're in. End of. A feckin bear?!

Faith I like Kate. I like gin. You're in.

2 newbs in one day & a new Fred. Think some introductions are in order.

My name is Sunny & I'm a BESH. I'm almost 35 & have been TTC for 2 years. Next stop IVF. I'm in denial & am hoping for a win before the drugs start.

Rie your man Sebastian looks like he's from middle earth! What would you do with all that sweaty hair?

Oh. I just threw him into the mix to provoke a reaction. I know the dearly departed Headbanger is a fan and I hooted with mirth when I found out. It cannot be denied that he is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=sebastien+chabal&hl=en&client=safari&sa=X&rls=en&biw=1024&bih=652&tbm=isch&prmd=ivnso&tbnid=dINMKPP9CtTAgM:&imgrefurl=www.dailymail.co.uk/legacygallery/gallery-10999/Sebastien-Chabal-Gallery.html&docid=UPHMfxSABEaNSM&w=322&h=450&ei=UBJYTsWfIonA8QPD58mjDA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=152&vpy=203&dur=533&hovh=211&hovw=152&tx=88&ty=127&page=1&tbnh=153&tbnw=110&start=0&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">all man however. What I can't believe though is that he is younger than I am

rie no no no no you have put me off my breakfast. he may indeed be all man but I think he is almost as much beard as man.

Yo sunny don't give up the day job! Unless you can find good rhymes with "sex", "droid" "bollocks" in which case we will have a rap themed thread one day

Introductions: I am Kat, I am 33 and I have a non-stick Teflon womble. I have been ttc for nearly a year and a half. After 2 mc I am 7 weeks diffed again now and hoping this one actually follows the instructions and stays in there.

Hooray I'm a BESH! Detail on our background: ttc for 20 months. Came off pill Christmas 2009. Started having investigations at Christmas. Mine are ok (inc. Hsg ouch and fanny cam). DH's first sa showed poor motility/low count. Bloods following that showed high prolactin (which can cause low count). Waiting for specialist appt in November about that. Repeat sa came back, count still low but motility much improved (?because of supplements).
Urgh I'm not keen on hairy men. DH can't grow a beard which upsets him which is a good thing! The hairiest is ve willing to go is Hugh Jackman (very hairy as Wolverine) or Strider from Lotr. Now he is all man!

Ps kat that's great news!

He does look veh manly but I wouldn't like to snog that beardy face. Eugh.

As for introductions, I'm eurochick (even though I am not at all euro these days and am a bit old to be a chick - it's an old name). I am 35 and have been trying properly (i.e. making sure we hit the right days) since the start of this year but before that were taking a fairly casual approach to the rhythm method for a couple of years. As I have irregular cycles, in reality we have been "not preventing" for over 2 yrs!

We've started investigations. My bloods were ok but my progesterone could be higher. His SA was ok but volume was v low (less than a quarter of the lower end of normal - maybe he missed the pot???) and the other measures were all at the low end of normal. I had a dildocamming this very morn* and am having my HSG next week.

I get lots of PG symptoms about 70% of the cycles we have been trying but have never had a BFP.

*Apparently everything looked normal on screen and she couldn't see signs of polycycstic ovaries (I was diagnosed as a teenager). Odd as my bloods didn't show signs of PCOS either but I still have the strange hair and insulin resistance. However, to rub salt in the wound, the radiologist not only looked about 12, she was also pregnant.... Meh.