Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your leathers, black nail polish, air guitar and jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling. All welcome! (Part 17)

[MarathonMama]

Hello! Just miscarried and ready to start again, come and join us...

pretty sure it's AF as it seems to be getting heavier...as much as I will it to be implantation I know deep down that it's not...so CD32 AF arrives...early enough not to send me totally loopy with looong cycle but late enough to mess up my plans that I might Ov whilst we're on hols in a couple of weeks which is very irritating! Just feeling really fed up, I knew we'd have been incredibly lucky this month if it'd happened as we've only managed weekend SWI due to DH's new shifts but other than holiday time that's just how life is going to be now that his shift pattern has changed so am wondering quite how we're going to managed it at all...sorry...me..me..me post, not sure I'd realised how much I'd got my hopes up that it just might have happened and now just really fed up about it all...and to top it all if we conceive this next cycle then due date heads into June and ever closer to the Olympics when the cost of flights will shoot through the roof for my Mum to fly in from the other side of the equator...and now the stomach cramps are kicking in too...pants...pants...pants...

Sorry all...will be back in a better frame of mind later on I'm sure...

Dagnamit! No crumble left? I love rhubarb crumble. And rhubarb and custard sweeties. And rachel's organic rhubarb yoghurt...

I'm seeing a pattern, if you rhubarb what I mean?

Well, bbq was simply hard work, running after ds2 (and there seemed to be danger everywhere - the actual bbq, the pond, the other kids (all older by at least two years - one of whom ds2 was enthusiatically kissing with an open mouth but turns out they had been puking before even arriving at the bbq and puked twice whilst there So I've been far too anxious these last few days looking for signs of DS2 developing a bug. I have a 'thing' about sick. It just makes me super, super anxious, I don't cope too well. Not sure if its actual phobia territory though)).

marathon You're right about how shockingly naive many women are about their bodies but moreso, how it literally takes a doctor to tell them basic stuff... I can't imagine, in this day of t'internet, women who don't research. I dunno. I can see how it could be pretty easy to exploit such women and make a pretty penny out of it; I'm looking at you, Zita West I'll hold your hand countin down to the scan - I need to focus on positive stuff (which your scan WILL be!) as my due date is rapidly approaching (19 days, not that I'm counting )

Still no sign of O here, at CD18. And, therein lies the importance of researching and taking control, as it were, because the average person might assume they are 4dpo... I'd be testing thinking of metalling instead of being calm in the knowledge that O hasn't even happened.

Gah, I've forgotten who was asking about the beautiful monsoon cardi. I would definitely gift it, and I don't see anything odd about it. There's nothing wrong with wanting another baby to have something lovely - yes it will be bittersweet, but still... I know it's a reminder of what you haven't got but it can also be a reminder of what is in your future.

baby Yay for DH coming around! I know what you mean about the conversations seeming awkward; ours have been somewhat stilted too (although the more of them we have, the easier they become!). I suppose it's just human nature that things seem 'stiff' when addressing something that is often swept under the carpet.

blue you have permission to do any type of metalling you see fit - things are sounding very confusing for you still! Fingers crossed that pain was implantation.

Um... um...

Lots of waves and PMA to everyone else - I'm afraid I'm drawing a blank as to what else I wanted to say, plus DS2 is clambering all over for me which doesn't make for a pleasant typing experience. Back anon.

Pants, pants, pants indeed Blue. So sorry its not worked this month, regardless of how lucky it would have been it's still a shitty dissapointment when you know for sure. Huggs xx

House of activity here so can't stop - just didn't want to read and run. Back when I can (prob tomorrow)

Oh, feck, xposted, blue

I'm so sorry. I really don't have any 'chipper' comments for you, but you're not alone.

x

Right

Oh Blue gutted Don't know what to say, she's such a wench, that unwanted smelly old aunt. Hope it goes quickly so that you can get back to business.

Manda didn't realise you due date was so soon. Will you do anything to mark it? My friend let off a helium balloon and I think I'm going to do the same (although my due date isn't until Nov). DH thinks I'm mad to even think of it but I feel like I lost a baby and I want him/her to know that I think of them. Scan is two weeks today so trying not to think of it, I'm just convinced I'll have that awful moment where you realise from the sonographer's body language that there's something terribly wrong. Must put my head back in the sand as I feel nervous now.

Baby so pleased that DH is coming round. I thought he might, my DH was the same. I think he was reacting to my slightly desperate state following the mmc, once I'd calmed down he was happy to try again.

I was gutted to miss the crumble. I don't think it's fair that Pie got the last piece though. She's PIEmistress NOT Crumblelady. I think I'll have her piece

Where's IQ I wonder

By the way, did anyone watch Horizon on Monday - "the nine months that made me"? Really interesting, it basically said that your health isn't determined by genes or lifestyle as originally thought but by your experience in the womb. Low birth weight babies, regardless of genes, lifestyle or body size, are more likely to get a range of illnesses. They believe it maybe why some people have really unhealthy lifestyles but seem to live forever. It was really interesting. One thing it did say was that they think vitamins and minerals (not fat, protein or calories) during pregnancy can improve birthweight. I'm buggered, I was only 5lb 4oz at birth and I was late.

waves to everyone I've missed.

Good on you Blue, it's all about getting it in (literally!) before ov so SWI everyday or every other day of your hol sounds like a good plan

Just quick one (as work manic just now) haven't had a chance to read far back.
Blue That really sucks. Sending PMA your way and sticking chin up and my 32Ds out as far as they can possibly go in your honour! Next month will be your month
And Manda maybe marking it in some way would be nice. I've heard that people plant plants or trees (although not best time of year I suppose) and the helium balloon idea is a good one too. Oooohh chinese lantern?
I would have been due last year (ectopic) on the same day one of my best frineds was in for her ERCP, so we had resolved to get blazing drunk every 19th November! But, of course, I am planning to be pg by then, so have booked a pamper day this year instead.

Waves to everyone else and expresses huge disappointment about missing the crumble. I LOVE crumble. Who's making some next??
Sorry for not namechecking, but plan to be back later tonight to catch up good and proper.

Blue as Marathon said - gutted for you.

Currently on my work laptop at home trying to draft a couple of documents - got sick of the sight of the four walls of the office and couldn't stick camping out there for the evening. Hopefully I will finish before bedtime!

DH has made me a very nice fish finger sarnie and salad so I am fuelled up . Lost 6 1/2 lbs at my first Weight Watchers weigh in today so very pleased about that.

Big wave to all!

Yeah whatso well done with the weight loss..that's impressive! Another part of my PMA is to try and lose a bit more weight this cycle as seem to have rather moved towards the cake in the last couple of weeks...so...will try and provide more healthy treats for the thread too!

manda sorry to hear your due date is approaching...haven't really thought too much about how that will feel yet but think it will be tough!

missg and whatso hope your work calms down a bit...

Currently curled up on the sofa with my hot water bottle and a take care all...

wow whats that's very impressive! Go Gal!

manda sorry to hear due date is coming up :( :( Mine is 2 days before Christmas and if no bfp by then I am going to need some serious PMA to get me through the festive season (although DS's birthday is xmas day so I be focusing on that).

blue hope the hottie does the trick, sorry to hear about AF

8dpo, did a test why oh why oh! of course bfn I am a POAS ADDICT SAVE ME!! We are on hols on Sat for a week so Af had better STAY AWAY !!!!

Hello all - sorry for not keeping up life in casa iq has been mental....DH has now gone so currently trying to get used to being without him and not having a lot of contact....luckily my sister is here to keep me company so not doing too badly at the moment!! Things here seem to be progressing well but was told by my temporary boss that I should tell my actual line manager about biscuit. The problem I have is that the woman is a blabber mouth and she has no problem discussing anyones private business with the rest of the site....I work for a large organisation which is obviously a hot bed of gossip. The reason I have been avoiding it is that when a good friend had an mmc last year she blabbed "in a well meaning sort of way"........ not really sure telling people about her very private problems and making it out like your concerned is really well meaning!!! I can't tell my temporary boss this because they are really good mates.........so I'm currently between a rock and a place which is going to out me publicly to a couple hundred people!!!!

Anyway I have my first mid wife appointment this afternoon (check off another milestone for me and biscuit) and a lovely weekend with my mates to look forward to although I have to brave the PIL before that so trying to think when the latest I could turn up would be before going off to see my girls!!!

Ok there is so much to catch up on I can't possibly go back the 4 (yes 4) pages that have been created while I was awol so I apologise now but I'm working on pg.22 as my starting point so sorry if I don't name check you in the following....I do still love you all!!!

Shimmery - I say get the coat....yes it will be sad but it will be nice to see someone happy with that item and additionally you can wonder what type of styles will be available when you have a little one (see I say when, not if as I am pma'ing on your behalf)!!!

Blue - sorry the witch got you but glad the future dates work out well for SWI and getting your mum out to pamper you post baby producing....shall keep everything crossed that next month is your month. Xxx

Manda - fully agree on loving rhubarb it reminds me of sunday lunch at my nan's she used to grow it and on a saturday morning I would go to the veg patch with my gramps and 'harvest' the rhubarb for the pudding the next day....everytime I eat it I think of her now which is lovely!!! Hope ds2 hasn't got the puke lergy....sick is something I'm fine with which is great considering my recent "attached to the toilet bowl" antics...sick face. Also sending you hugs for your upcoming due date!!!

Baby - glad your DH has come around....my advise is to go for the full court press and seduce his pants off!!! My DH was reluctant at first but when he realised he could "anything he wanted" if he was willing to "shag on demand"....he seems to come around to my way of thinking....!!!!

Marathon - I shall be keeping my fingers crossed for you and see nothing wrong with your ostrich tactics....self preservation in this situations is sometimes all we have to cling on to. I won't bother you again for updates until the 7th where I shall be like a cat on a hot tin roof from anticipation and my legs and fingers will be so tightly crossed for you that I will have cramp. Xx

Missg - sorry to hear work is still manic....hope your otherwise doing well though.

Whatso - escaping the office sounds like a good plan....did you get everything that you wanted to finished? Fish finger sarnie...mmmmmm and super well done on your weight loss!!

Pie - poas adddict...now that would be quite a fun 'anonymous' group...."Hello my name is piemistress and I'm addicted to POAS - it's been two hours since I last POAS. I wake up and it's the first thing I think about - its been a problem for a while now and I'm constantly running out of plastic cups to collect my urine in".....ahhhh the wonderful world of TTC!!!

So I think I've missed summer, poppy, eve....thinks that's all of you but god knows as its gone 3 in the morning and really I should be asleep and not updating MN but the poor little boy next door is teething so has been up crying for about 45mins....this I will hopefully have to look forward to!!

Right must get back to sleep otherwise I will be useless at work today!!!xxx

God, I love fish finger sarnies (regresses to childhood - or possibly jsut last week).

IQ your boss sounds lovely . She really should learn to keep her mouth shut. I'd only tell her if you feel strong enough for everyone to know, otherwise I'd probably keep schtum for now. It won't kill her to wait a few weeks.

Manda - sending you positive vibes to support you on your due date. I like Marathon's idea about the balloon, or maybe a chinese lantern.

Marathon please feel free to be as ostrich-like as you want. Entirely understandable.

AF still not here. This is now officially doing my head in, as it is starting to make me hopeful that the BFN was just a bit too early and I'm starting to think that maybe my boobs do hurt a bit (though admittedly not like when I was PG) - but hell it could just be cramp? I don't want to be hopeful, I really don't. It's not good for me and I will just end up disappointed.

As purchasing more sticks to test with at the weekend failed to bring on AF, I am tempting her even more today by wearing white undies. Even DH has pointed out that I may not be thinking rationally, and has explained that the first rule of sod's law is that you cannot direct it.

In other news - DH is going to be on Radio 4 at some point soon. The recording was done yesterday .

Damn, I forgot - Blue sorry she got you this time.

Morning all?feeling surprisingly calm this morning, a bit like a pressure cooker that has been depressurised?i.e. crazy PMT hormones subsiding now that AF has arrived so actually making me feel a bit better (despite the heavy bleeding and cramps ? sorry TMI) ?weather is horrible though?surely it?s not still August?!? Think a round of hot needed!

pie hang in there?I was POASing most days but using ICs so wasn?t quite so infuriating getting a bfn and knowing how much £ I?d peed on to be disappointed but definitely sending PMA thoughts for you and your AF-free holiday!!

IQ hello!! Glad all is ok with you though am sure it?s v tough with DH away and sorry to hear you?ve been so sick! Hope things sort themselves out at work?when I got back after MC I found out that all of the directors had been told about it in one of their weekly meetings wasn?t quite prepared for that though I guess they did need to know why I was suddenly off for 3 weeks?How many weeks are you now? Have you been v sick at work as well? Just wondering whether you can hold off for another couple of weeks until you?re closer to 12 weeks before you have to tell all?! What a pain to have to deal with that as well?

shimmery sorry you?re still having to wait?how many DPO are you now? Loving the tempting AF tactics sending lots of PMA for you for good news v soon!!!

Afternoon all

I started reading this at 9 this morning and have just got 5 mins to catch up. Have had busy morning and got no where fast.

Blue - hope you are ok, good to hear you are making SWI plans for next month. What are these mad shifts your DP works that you miss him for days?? I think you can safely say you need to save for those expensive flights :-) it will be sods law. Fingers crossed for next month though.

Whatso - hope you have a nice weekend away. It look like my out laws are not leaving now so my peaceful weekend has gone for a burn. Working from home you have to love it. 6 1/2lb loss well done you. That must be a few of the lb I have put on then :-)

Marathon 7th will soon come round.

shimmary/Pie.... when r u going to test then?? I am holding off right now. Will play chicken with you. In my head I am holding off til mon. No sore boobs so not PG in my opinion so trying really hard not to get my hopes up. Also only have 1 asda test so don't want to waste it. Will buy IC next month so can pos to my hearts content next month :-)

Manda - thinking of you with the date approaching. Mine was Christmas day so not likely to forget it :-(

Think that is everyone Baby, Cuttle etc hope you are all ok?

Only 4 hours left to work this week then it is the weekend. I am off to have my cards read tonight. I take it with a pinch of salt. She has got some stuff Right. Last time she saw I was Pg before I knew and she also saw a sad loss in the summer (MC)???? As I say I don't read to much into it all.

And you can keep your rhubarb crumble I will have the left over custard with the skin on top :-)

Custard skin, eve That'd be a surefire way for me to lose weight... I'd rather starve!

Good to hear from you, IQ Glad you still have your sister around to take care of you and perhaps offer physical violence when needed

Well. Can I get a Woo and, indeed, a Hoo? CD19 and finally have a positive opk! I usually O the day after so it looks like tomorrow will be The Day.

I've been feeling calm and almost happy at times the last couple of days. It's nice. And really underlies how awful things have been. I hope it's the start of the balance tipping back to more happier times.

I may have missed out on the crumble, but DP is on his way with some fantastic pizza bread and a danish from a bakery near where he used to live. Hey, this egg I'm about to hatch needs pizza and danish, okay?! Defensive, me? Somehow, the scales say I lost 1.3kg since YESTERDAY so I have no qualms about satisfying this need. But a fishfinger sandwich sounds awesome, too. With lashings of tomato ketchup. YUM!

That's underlines* how awful things have been...

Omg, and I totally forgot to say am bursting with pride - DD's GSCE results were great - 3A's, 8B's, 3C's and two 'passes'. She's totally over the moon and worked hard (she's not particularly academic - yet one of her A's was for English Lit.)

Afternoon all.. pie where DH works it's shift work but they don't believe in any pattern to the shifts (apparently did some research and showed it's better for your health to do totally irregular shifts ) so some days he'll do 6am-1pm other days 3:45pm-11pm and a graduation of start and finish times in between and some night shifts ...some weeks he'll do mostly earlies so we can see each other in the evening, some weeks he'll do a total mix so could finish at 11pm and be back in at 8am?! some weeks he'll be on majority lates...but the problem is then that he's shattered the whole time and often asleep when I get up (or at work) and then I could be asleep when he gets home. And I've tried the 'waking him up early for some SWI before I go to work' and it really wasn't a good idea at all as he was SO sleepy..well...we managed it but it took ages He's desperately searching for a new job but in this climate it's not so easy...it's actually a very good job that he's got at the moment (Government) but just the shifts which are a real pain and trying to plan life and SWI around them!! Sorry...that was a rather long explanation...

manda here's a large WOO...HOO for you...roll on the Ovulation!!! Enjoy the pizza bread and danish...sounds yummy!

Right...off to a meeting...happy afternoon all...not long til the weekend now!!

Blue I am now 15 days post ovulation (so today is day 30 of what is normally a 26 day cycle). I really thought that AF was coming this lunchtime but, that was over 4 hours ago.

I'm not testing until Monday eve. I suspect it will be game over by then anyway.

Glad you're feeling happier manda and congratulations to your DD.

manda wow, clever DD!! fantastic proud mummy!

I am all doom and gloom, my CD21 progesterone results are 21 which is too low (need to over 30 to show ovulation apparantly) I am so down My chart does show a temp rise though so not sure what that means,MWAHHH

pie

First, did you have the blood draw at CD21, or 7DPO (because those two days are different with your late O)?

THis is what I think - your chart is showing a pretty clear thermal shift, that matches both your cm and your monitor readings - you HAVE O'd. What seems quite apparent is that your progesterone probably is a little on the low side because... you're still recovering from your mc!

However, things are clearly improving - last month you spotted from 8DPO and your LP was only 11 days. THis month you you are 9DPO with no spotting (right? you haven't marked any!) so looking better already...

I had a thought come to me today, and maybe it's me trying to make myself feel better but it seems to make a weird kind of sense. Y'know 'they' say re: baby weight post partum that it takes nine months to go on and so realistically you should give yourself nine months to go back the other way? Well, my weight wasn't an issue post partum, but we didn't use any protection at all after the birth and considered ourselves 'not trying, not preventing' joking, in a scared tone, that I'd fall pregnant if we werent careful. It wasn't until the 8th month PP that I suspected something was up - spotting from 7-10 dpo. A suuuuper faint line on hpts from 10-12dpo, then back to stark white 13 and 14 dpo with af arriving on time 15dpo. I think I had a chemical. It was at that point we realised we actually DID want to be pregnant so started actually trying and I fell pregnant straight away that month. DS2 was 9 months. He was in nine months, and once out for nine months I was 'back to normal'

It's really looking from my chart really 'calming down' and my feelings coming to a more even keel that I may finally be returning to 'normal' following my mc - the 5th cycle after losing a baby at 4 months... it's like I've had a 4 months in, four months PP straightening out.

I could be talking absolute bollocks but it seems to apply to me.

Believe me, I know that impatience of wanting to just get back to normal but we really need to just... give it time. I think, at least the amount of time you were pregnant.

As I say, thing seem to be looking better from your chart this month. And you HAVE O'd. There's lots to feel positive about! Just give your poor little body a chance to heal - be kind to yourself.

thanks so much manda I must admit I've started blubbing now at your kind words!! I feel like i've had a very good hug !!! What you've said makes total sense

I think what has happened for me this month is a combination of things. It's been incredibly stressful at work (breaking down in tears due to workload etc) which happened around when I should have ov'd on CD16/17 and delayed it until CD19. When FF gave me the red lines I then booked the blood test for 7 days after the Ov date. Anyway my GP has booked me in for tomorrow for a repeat test to 'see' (as on my first CD21 test my results were 26 at 3dpo and 41 at 10dpo although that was when I was pregnant (pre m/c).

I am pretty sure I have ovulated but from what Dr Google is leading me to believe the corpus thingy / egg was of poor quality so hence the low progesterone.

However all my other blood tests were fine (thyroid, prolactin and the 7 others!) so will need to book CD3 ones. She did say I wasn't menopausal but I thought that was from your CD3 tests which i've not had yet?

I know what I need to do and that is chill the feck out (it's work but i'm trying so hard not to let it get to me), take more exercise and just relax more. I do think the acupunture is helping though. I haven't spotted yet and made it to 9dpo, it could all start tomorrow but i'll be a day further on than last month!!

We are going on holiday this w/end and unfortunately looks like clashing with AF otherwise would have been a lovely SWI break! But, what's more important right now for me is some holiday time away from the stresses and strains of work with my DP & DS :)

Must apologise for the me,me,me post everyone, am so sorry!! I hope you are well.

I really don't know what I'd do without you all!

Morning metallers

Been to the docs today about my stomach and low mood and have come out with a prescription for each. The doctor was really good and glad I went - I came out as severe on the depression diagnostic thing which was worse than I expected. He told me that he thought it was an internal issue exacerbated by the miscarriage, deaths and work stress rather than caused by them, hence the drugs potentially helping.

From a TTC perspective, he has advised taking 4-6 weeks off. You are only supposed to take SSRIs when trying to conceive if the benefits outweigh the risks (risks being unknown side effects on unborn baby) and they can't tell if there are any benefits to me until I take them. So I will follow that advice and have a month off I think.

I'll probably take a wee leave of absence from here during that time although I'm sure I will lurk as I don't want to miss any good news, especially BFPs

Thanks so much for all your support these last three months, see you in a month or so.